- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITA for telling my in laws that their adopted kid isn't welcome here anymore and that I will kick them out if they go against me?
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Before anyone comes for me, YES, I'm legally allowed to kick them out whenever. They pay zero bills here and don't even get their mail here. 30F. My MIL and FIL moved in to my home 5 months ago to "help" us. This was immediately following me giving birth to my daughter. They occupy the space above my garage. They pay zero bills (despite both working full time) and as I said, don't even have their mail sent here. The whole point of them moving here was to help with the baby, because my husband is deployed and I had no one.
Two weeks after they moved in, their adopted son (21m) came to live with them. They did not ask me. I immediately ran in to issues with this because he blares the horn from the driveway for seemingly no reason (he has severe ADHD and apparently it's a "tick") or revs his truck AND dirt bike up for hours for no loving reason and it was waking up the baby constantly. So I told him directly he either stops or he wasn't welcome here anymore. My in laws stopped coming over after that. I literally did not see them once from November to January because they were pissed at me (because their son said "gently caress this" and moved out and in with his girlfriend and they blamed me for being controlling and causing problems).
Well, 2 weeks ago their son moved back in (I'm assuming, because he's here 24/7). And as of last week, he started taking his dirt bike out again and once again my baby isn't sleeping because he revs the piss out of it right outside our window. Whenever I went out to say anything to him he would take off so I never got the chance. But today he was sitting out in the driveway and started blaring on his truck horn and yelling out the window, telling his mom to "hurry up". Literally blared on that horn for a solid 3 minutes straight. I was pissed because I had JUST got the baby to sleep and she's been difficult lately because she's teething. So I went outside and flipped the gently caress out. I told him to get off my property and that he wasn't welcome back here. My MIL immediately started jumping to her sons defense and said that I couldn't tell her who she could and couldn't have here, so I screamed back "the gently caress I can't! You don't pay any bills here, you don't even get your loving mail here! That kid steps foot on my property one single time again and you'll be out of here!" They leave. Well, my husband called asking what happened because she texted him (he's on base right now) and I told him that their son was at it again with his bullshit and he wasnt welcome here anymore. My husband is on my side but said that threatening to kick his parents out was wrong because they have no where else to go. I told him they can go to a nursing home for all I care. AITA?
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Apr 3, 2024 17:17
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May 21, 2024 07:07
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITAH for telling my husband me and the kids are leaving if he brings home his grandfather's untrained, aggressive dog
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I 32f have been with my husband 37M for 9 years married for 7 and have 2 kids Amy 6F and Luke 2M. Things have been going well all things considered except for one reoccurring issue about dogs. I don't like them, never have. On our very first date I told him I don't like dogs and under no circumstances would I ever get a dog. He was upset about that and said that would be a deal breaker for him. I had no hard feelings as that wasn't the first time it had happed, however a few weeks later he said he wanted to give us a go anyway.
Since then he has repeatedly tried to get me to give in to having a dog, including a plan to surprise me with one as a birthday present, which thankfully I learned about ahead of time and put a stop to. He tries every few years to bring home a dog. We have gone to marriage counseling over this, but stopped because he felt our councilor was ganging up on him. All this to say I am on my very last rope on this subject.
On the subject of his Grandfather 80's M , His grandfather is an alcoholic, a sexist, a racist, a hoarder and a redneck. He is currently in hospital with a failing liver and it doesn't look like he has long. Despite his everything, my husband loves his grandfather. His grandfather wants my husband to take care of his dog, This is very much a "Junkyard Dog" This dog has never been groomed or trained. It's aggressive and honestly pretty disgusting. His grandfather beings this dog everywhere with him and it barks at strangers, chases other dogs down in the middle of the street, has injured several family members, chews furniture, and poops and pees wherever the hell it pleases. My husband is jumping at the chance to bring home this dog and I have made it clear in no uncertain terms that if he brings that dog anywhere near our home me and the kids are gone. Despite this my husband continues to argue that the dog is family and is being entrusted in him by his grandfather. So, AITAH?
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Apr 3, 2024 18:38
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITA for reporting my PhD advisor’s really cruel prank to my university?
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I’m a 25F PhD student in Computer Science. I’ve been in this program for three years, and up until now, my relationship with my PhD advisor had been pretty positive and professional. However, a recent incident has left me completely shaken, and I reported him to the university. Some of my peers think I overreacted, so I’m here to get some unbiased opinions.
My project involves developing complex algorithms for data analysis, which requires substantial computational resources. My advisor has been supportive, providing access to the university's high-performance computing cluster to run my experiments. A couple of weeks ago, he called me into his office for a routine update meeting. During the meeting, he told me that there had been a severe issue with the computing cluster and that my latest set of experiments had caused a significant data breach. He explained that because of the breach, personal data from thousands of university staff and students were compromised.
I was horrified. He went on to detail how my negligence had not only put the university at risk but also mentioned that legal actions might be taken against me. I was in tears, believing that I had unintentionally caused a massive data breach, potentially ruining my career and facing legal consequences.
After about an hour of discussing the ramifications and watching me become increasingly distressed, he finally revealed that it was all a “joke.” He laughed it off, saying he wanted to see how I would handle stress and pressure. I was stunned and couldn't believe that he would find it funny to deceive me about something so serious.
I felt humiliated and betrayed. After taking a day to collect myself, I reported the incident to the university's ethics committee, explaining that his “prank” was not only cruel but also incredibly unprofessional. My advisor has since been reprimanded, and this has created tension between us and even within the department.
Some of my peers believe I overreacted and that I should have just taken it as a harsh joke. They think reporting him has made the department atmosphere awkward and strained. I feel like my trust was broken, and I had to stand up for myself. Was I the rear end in a top hat here for reporting him?
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Apr 17, 2024 16:24
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITA for Exposing My Child's Lie About Groceries?
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So, here's the situation: my child lied to her boyfriend about us not having groceries because she wanted him to order food for us. We had plenty of food at home, but she preferred DoorDash. When her boyfriend sent food, thinking we were struggling, I clarified the misunderstanding. He broke up with her after seeing photos of our well-stocked cabinets. Now, she's blaming me for the breakup, claiming I caused it by telling the truth.
Am I the rear end in a top hat here? I don't think so. I simply exposed her manipulation and refused to let her spread lies. She's refusing counseling, so we've taken steps to address her behavior, including volunteering at a homeless shelter to gain perspective. Thoughts?
Readers, what do you think? Was I too harsh or just standing up against manipulation?
Based on some of the stories my sixteen year old has told me about her friends and other kids she knows, this probably happens a lot.
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Apr 17, 2024 19:28
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITA for abandoning my boyfriend in Disney World after he threw a tantrum about a park map?
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Note: My last post/throwaway account went invisible for some reason, so I deleted it and I’m trying again.
So, some quick background: I’m 19F, and my boyfriend is 27M. We've been together for a bit over a year (we met in college, when I was a freshman and he was a master’s student). My boyfriend has this massive, I mean massive, obsession with theme park maps. He collects them like they’re going out of style—every park you can think of, he’s got maps from the '90s, special edition ones, you name it. They’re all neatly organized in binders and displayed in his apartment. It's honestly pretty impressive.
So, here’s the drama: We planned this trip to Disney’s Hollywood Studios. It was his first time visiting any Disney theme park since COVID hit, and he was especially excited to get the latest map for his collection. We get there, and turns out, Disney has moved to a fully digital format. No physical maps, just an app.
My boyfriend lost it. He was so upset, it was like watching someone tell a kid Santa isn’t real. He stormed over to customer service, demanding a physical map. The poor folks there were trying their best, explaining how they’ve transitioned to digital to reduce waste and make navigation easier. He wasn’t having any of it. He argued that "collectors and traditionalists" are being overlooked and that they should have options for people who prefer physical maps.
It went on for what felt like forever. He started ranting about how "technology is taking over everything" and how "not everyone wants to use their phones at a theme park." I tried to calm him down, suggesting maybe we could find a souvenir version or even print one out when we got home, but he just brushed me off and continued his tirade.
After about 30 minutes of this back-and-forth, with him getting nowhere with the staff—who were incredibly patient, by the way—I was done. I was embarrassed, tired, and honestly, just wanted to enjoy the park. So, I told him I was going back to the hotel and left him there at the customer service desk.
He came back much later, obviously still upset, and now he’s mad at me for not "supporting" him in what he calls a "battle for the soul of theme park visiting." I feel bad for ditching him, but also felt like his reaction was way over the top. AITA for leaving him there and going back to the hotel?
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Apr 18, 2024 15:25
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITA for telling my SIL she's not welcome near my baby at all?
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My SIL cannot physically have children but she did adopt her daughter 11 years ago (her daughter is 12). About 2 years ago she started harping on her husband a lot about wanting to adopt another baby and he was never on board. It wasn't too long after she started expressing her desire to have adopt another baby that I fell pregnant. At first my SIL just didn't say much of anything to me but when I was around 5 months old, she really started loving with me.
She started inviting me over all the time and often put it in my head that I wasn't capable of taking care of a child (because I have a history of depression). She was just constantly saying "I'm worried about you" or "I fear you will have postpartum psychosis" and she said everything in such a way that I actually started believing her. It hosed with my head nearly every night. This continued until I was nearly at my due date but it always amped up a little every time. Like her last couple comments were "I'm not sure if you can handle it and if something goes wrong, I'm going to have to fight my brother for custody of the baby" and "you know I will take custody of the baby if you can't handle it". And it got to my head so much that I stupidly thought she was just showing concern and not being a manipulative oval office.
Anyways, I gave birth in October and my SIL came over to see the baby when she was about 2 weeks old. When she was holding her she started to cry and I went to take her back and she shoo'd me away and said "no, she's fine" and just started bouncing my kid until she eventually fell asleep. Unfortunately I did have PPD and I just.. didn't say anything. I clammed up. And as soon as she left 2 hours later, I lost it. Bawled my eyes out while holding my daughter. And honestly, it made my PPD worse if anything. Because of that interaction, I didn't want anyone near my daughter or to hold her. I ended up checking myself in to therapy. I'm loads better now, but through therapy I have developed a very large, overdue, shiny spine. And through therapy and some realization, I can now see that my SIL was using manipulation tactics to make me feel less than so I would give her custody of my daughter.
Well, she asked me last week if she could come "steal the baby away" for some snuggles. I told her no. She asked why and I was honest and said that I don't trust her because of all of her comments throughout my pregnancy and her refusal to hand my daughter back to me like I requested when she was here so no, she wasn't allowed around my baby at all. She argued that I cant just cut her off with no warning and that this just "proves that she was right" and that I'm "clearly having a manic episode" and told me that I'm simply unable to see that I'm potentially putting my baby in danger and that I should be allowing family (aka her) to take the baby so I can "get my head on right". I blocked her off everything. But she's not getting my MIL involved and causing problems for my husband. AITA?
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Apr 19, 2024 16:05
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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If anything this thread has the opposite problem, assholes showing up with thinner and thinner skin trying to outdo each other in feigning outrage
No one is interested in your whining.
AITAH for being upset over my bf's dad making a joke?
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I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and we've recently been spending more time with his parents, as they've moved to the area.
Last night, we were invited over for dinner. I made a carrot cake to bring for dessert. My boyfriend's dad doesn't really have a filter, so he made a joke about whether or not there were bugs in the cake. This caught me off guard, but he explained himself by saying he and his wife had seen vendors in China selling skewered bugs. I'm Chinese and was pretty taken aback by this. I wasn't really feeling super comfortable after this, so my boyfriend and I left after dinner.
He called to talk today, but it didn't seem like an apology. He just told me that my reaction was hard for him to deal with and that I would drive a wedge between him and his son if I continued to react the way I did to his jokes. He told me that it wasn't personal and that he doesn't want to feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me. He said he's a straightshooter and speaks his mind. I don't know what to think. AITAH?
Admiral Joeslop fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Apr 22, 2024
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Apr 22, 2024 13:44
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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Nah I am with train guy. What if he gets off at the next stop, and then so does she, but they can't find each other in the crowd and they both miss the train? Or she gets off the train to look for him as he's getting on to look for her? It's simpler and therefore better to just proceed to the next prearranged meeting space which was the final destination.
E: of course this presupposes they have never had the completely reasonable conversation of "hey if we ever get separated in a crowd we should [x]."
Twelve years ago I went to Disney World with my girlfriend, her three year old daughter, and another couple who also had a kid. Due to scheduling we didn't have a lot of time at Epcot so we separated for a bit. I went to go look at some things my girlfriend and the kid didn't want to do and they went to something I didn't want to do. Easy; we left the stroller in a stroller parking area and said we would meet here if our phones died or something.
I came back from my ride, they're not there, park closes in thirty minutes. The stroller area was right next to an ice cream place so I went in for a cone while I waited, came back in less than five minutes.
The stroller is gone. I eat my ice cream sitting nearby, ten minutes, no responses on the phone. I finally head towards the area of the ride I went to (they knew the ride) and caught them coming back. They went looking for me and took the stroller because her phone was dead and they didn't see me. I argued that we had said to meet at the stroller and wait for the other, not take the stroller and go looking.
The point is, always make a meet up plan and stick to it. Also don't go to Disney World unless you're rich I guess, it's expensive and stressful.
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Apr 22, 2024 15:28
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITAH for telling my parents to keep all the money they stole from me while I was in university and shove it up their rear end.
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I got a job while I was in high school. It was with a friend of my father. I put away most of it and just bought myself some stuff I wanted but my parents wouldn't buy for me. My parents aren't rich but they do well enough. They wanted me to appreciate that material goods were paid for with my time.
I didn't mind. I bought myself a PS4 and some games. Which they made me share with my younger brother and sister. Once again I didn't mind. I mostly played while they did homework or slept.
When I graduated from high school they said I had to start paying rent. That sucked because I was going to university in the fall and I was hoping to save up over the summer so I could work less during the school year.
So I worked my rear end off in school and at work. I ended up getting a job loading delivery trucks before school. And that sucked because I went to sleep at 7 pm most nights so I could get up early and go to work.
I am about to graduate and I found a job in another province. I have already started doing my onboarding and online training. I will go from graduation to loading my car to leave.
My parents had a graduation party for me where they tried to present me with a cheque for all the rent I paid plus a pittance in interest.
I looked at the cheque for about a minute and I started laughing. All I could think of was the fact that I had no social life during university. Because I was working. I didn't have any money in investments like my friends did. Because they were taking my money.
I asked them how they were doing this for my sister. They said they weren't since she wasn't working while she went to school.
I tore up the cheque and told them to shove it up their asses. I told them that when they compensated me for all the sleep I lost, four years of no social life during university and four summer vacations, I would speak to them again. I told my little brother not to get a job or they would gently caress him over too.
I went to my room, grabbed my computer, some clothes, my PS4, and my toiletries. My brother and sister can play on the PS5 my parents bought the family.
They were yelling at me the whole time. I said if they touched me or tried to stop me I would call the cops. I loaded up my car, that I paid for, I insure, and is registered to me. I drove to my friend's parent's house and had a bit of a breakdown.
They let me stay there since she is away at university in another city. I blocked my parents and my brother and sister.
I had already given notice at my job so I called my boss and told him I was sick and would not be available for my last week. He said he understood and laughed. He said he was surprised I had kept working this close to graduation.
My grandfather called me to talk a couple of days later. We went to Timmies and he let me unload everything I felt. They took money from me that I could have used to make my life better. I didn't even have time for a girlfriend. My entire university romantic life was hooking up with a woman I work with when her ex husband had the kids for the weekend.
He said my parent's hearts were in the right place and that they thought they were helping me. I said they owed me four years of fun. Of parties I was too tired to go to. Of social events and networking I didn't do. All the poo poo they were subsidizing for my sister. And that they would end up subsidizing for my brother.
He said he understood and hugged me. He is old but I couldn't have gotten free of that hug if I tried. He asked me if I needed money to start my new job. I said I did not want anything that came from my parents. He gave me a cashier's cheque for about three times what my parents took from me. He said to use it however I wanted in my new life.
He said it wasn't part of my inheritance or anything. It was a gift from him and somethings my grandma would have wanted me to have.
My friends think I was stupid to tear up the cheque. Most of them agree with me about being pissed at my parents. Some family have called me to say I behaved terribly and that I owe my parents an apology. I thank them for the call or message and block them.
I'm calmer now and I do not think I am in the wrong. But maybe I'm too close to see what I'm missing.
AITAH
Probably just a writing exercise but who cares
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Apr 25, 2024 16:58
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITAH for trying to prevent gatherings in my neighborhood from people who don't live there.
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Context: I live in a HOA regulated neighborhood. Once every 3-5 weeks, one of my neighbors who lives in my neighborhood hosts a "get together" in the island that is in the middle of my neighborhood's cul-de-sac. Originally the get together was a small amount of people (5-10ish). My issue is that it's grown out of proportion. Now they regularly have 30+ people attending their meetup.
Caveat: The neighbor hosting is a firefighter who is hosting adult bible group meetups. The 30+ people that attend bring lawn chairs and grills, and have a whole breakfast out there every 3-5 weeks (roughly once a month). I don't have a problem with the idea of a bible group, and I realize that you could change the circumstances and have it be a party and it wouldn't be any different.
My problem: The size has gone beyond "neighborhood" size. The amount of people who come now have so many cars that the ENTIRE culdesac has cars lined up for parking stretching back towards the entrance of the neighborhood. They host their gathering on the "public island" in the middle of the cul-de-sac. (Not the neighbor's actual property). And thus is becomes a pseudo public event. Again, I don't have a problem with their expression of religion, just that it isn't appropriate to have this many people who don't live in the neighborhood coming here.
My neighborhood has regular homeowner events (chili cook offs, holiday events, etc). This I have no problem with because 1) they are usually infrequent and related to holidays and 2) they are all neighborhood homeowners.
The people coming to the bible group don't even live here, and again not saying the guy hosting can't have friends over, but the size of the group makes me think he needs to change to being a formal group and find a different public location that is not my neighborhood.
I've tried digging into local municipality law to determine if there's a way to get them to move, and they aren't breaking any noise levels so that is out the window. The amount of cars they bring does make navigating the roads in my neighborhood a pain in the rear end, which is the only means I've called and filed a complaint on them before. But the real issue is that because the host is a firefighter, he's got the cops in his back pocket.
AITAH for wanting to find a way to have them relocate to a location that isn't in my neighborhood (effectively right outside my house)? And if not, how in the word do I deal with this situation?
I would not be very happy about 30+ religious weirdos having monthly meetings in front of my house with all their cars blocking everything but "No HoA" was first on our list of things for a house so I'm willing to say everyone sucks here.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:33
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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I feel like the "shaman" title has been greatly devalued over the last few years.
WoW players have always complained about Shaman being bad, this is nothing new.
AITAH for throwing out my SIL and her family.
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My husband has two brothers and one sister. His sister and her husband are not my favorite people in the world.
Recently they have been couch surfing as they lost their home (looong story which could have been avoided if they had adulted like they should have). First they stayed with my in laws but they used the excuse that my FIL has diabetes to get rid of them and their rowdy children.
Next was his older brother and his wife. They had two spare rooms as two of their older children moved out a year ago and they only have the six year old and their 13 year old twins at home. After three weeks they had to move out due to a planned refurbishment. They were happy with them as they were generally tidy and helped out in the home.
The youngest brother was the next to take them in. While my SIL was there she helped out in the home and kept her children on a leash. The youngest brothers wife is very house proud, and she allowed them to stay for a limited time only as they have had a baby recently and her mother will be staying with them to help out for the first six months.
Then they emotionally manipulated my husband to say ok. I agreed to it on the condition that she and her husband as well as their children keep the place clean, because in the past the only place they are messy in is my home. For example, if they are throwing something into the kitchen bin, they will throw it in the general direction of it and not in the actual bin. It's extra gross when it's food stuff that dries up and stinks out the place. Similar things happened in the past where she would leave her sanitary towels on top of the bin lid in the bathroom instead of in the bin. Her oldest daughter started her periods recently and I asked the younger brother's wife how things were for tidiness. She said she had no complaints. They went to bed on time and kept the place clean. However, they were there for only two weeks.
They are always tidy at the other houses, I know this from experience too. During Christmas and summer holidays when we stay over at each others places I have seen the difference in how they are at my place and the other places.
Before they moved in I made the younger brother, and my parents in laws witnesses to them agreeing to keeping my house as clean as it is and to chip in with chores. If they broke the rules they would be out immediately. She fussed and denied past wrongdoings but said as you wish your highness sarcastically.
The first five days were smooth sailing. This morning I found a sanitary towel on top of the bin and not even wrapped properly. That is not all. Her daughter is staying in my daughter's room and she made a mess of the shampoo and conditioner in her bathroom and had left a tampon on the side of the sink forgetting it from last night. Her husband leaves early for work and the kitchen was a mess when I finally got downstairs.
I have a curious toddler and I don't want him to pick up a bloodied sanitary towel. I knocked on the guest room and told her to pack her poo poo and get out. She looked angry and tried to play innocent. She said it was only some blood and to chuck it in the bin if it bothered me so much. I told her no and picked up her suitcase throwing their stuff in it. At first she wouldn't leave the house saying she was going to wait for her brother as she doesn't take orders from me, but I told her this house belongs to me too. I dropped her and her youngest ones off at my in laws.
A few hours ago her husband came back from work and when I wouldn't let him in he made a scene. He went to my in laws, but they don't want them there due to FIL "illness". When my husband returned from work my in laws turned up in our drivewaywith her and her family within twenty minutes. They are still standing outside and squabbeling about being let in. I refuse to open the door and told my husband if he backs down he isn't welcome in our home either.
So, the family thinks AITAH because I have never liked her and am using any excuse to get rid of her.
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Apr 25, 2024 20:16
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- Admiral Joeslop
- Jul 8, 2010
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AITAH for telling my husband I’m not willing to go back to our previous arrangement
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My husband (36 M) is a p*rn addict. He would rather spend hours a day watching women on screen rather than be with me.
He has a certain type he prefers. Short, skinny, with a massive rack. Meanwhile, I’m 5’9” and 145 pounds with a butt I built at the gym.
After years of being s*xually frustrated, we came to an agreement for an open marriage.
I know. Open marriages don’t work, but I’m hopeful that we would be one of the successful ones.
Recently my husband came to me and asked if we can close our marriage.
He said that his friends have been making fun of him and he feels less of a man.
I told him no, I’m not willing to go back to our previous arrangement.
He said he wanted to talk this out. I told him my requirements were: he is not allowed to look at p*rn, watch instagrams or TikToks, or read thirst trap manga.
He said that I was making unreasonable demands.
I told him take it or leave it. Otherwise I'm not willing to think about going back to our previous arrangement.
He said I wasn’t communicating, just making ultimatums to avoid being an adult. AITAH?
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Apr 26, 2024 22:25
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Apr 3, 2024 17:17
