- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Just wait if sis was cheating on husband when they got pregnant, and all the kids are the ex's!
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Apr 2, 2024 20:48
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 21, 2024 08:03
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Isn’t the cousins one a very clear tag on to a “my friend thinks we’ve been dating for years” relationships post a few weeks ago?
Other way around, the cousins one is from august 2022.
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Apr 2, 2024 23:22
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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New player in speed running to estrangement has entered the field:
AITA for finding it unfair that my dad told me that I had to pay rent or move out at 18 but didn't tell my brothers the same thing at 18?
quote:I (17M) made this account because I think my dad is being unfair despite every one i asked telling me he's not. I talked to my family about it for support and they were unsupportive and actually called me ungrateful.
I turn 18 April 21st and my dad told me that he wants me to start paying rent after I turn 18 or I'll have to move out. This made me upset because both of my brothers weren't forced to move out or had to pay rent when they turned 18.
My oldest brother (25M) only moved out 2 years ago and my other brother (22M) still lives with us. I told him this and he told me that he knows and he made a mistake when raising them and he wasn't gonna make the same one with me.
I asked my dad if he was saying this to my brother (22M) and he told me that he wasn't because he was unemployed and if he were to kick him out he'll be homeless. I asked my dad why he cares about him not being homeless but is ready to make me homeless.
He told me that he'll help me find an apartment and will co sign the lease if I choose to move out. I asked my dad why he wouldn't just do this for my brother instead but he told me that he doesn't trust him which just pissed me off more. I feel like I'm getting punished for being well behaved.
I explained this to my dad and told him that if he would've parented better he wouldn't have to force all his regrets on me. My dad got upset with me and told me that I was being unfair and that I know how hard he tried to raise all of us and I can't fault him for everything when he tried his best.
I tried to call my family to try and have them convince my dad that he was the one being unfair but they told me that I should be grateful my dad cares about me and that they agree with him. They told me his only fault is letting (22M) and (25M) stay as long as they did and they are glad he wasn't gonna enable me?!
I DID NOTHING WRONG. I genuinely feel like I'm getting punished for my brothers actions and I don't find that fair at all.
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Apr 2, 2024 23:29
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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One other thing is, the OP had no issue presumably not being introduced as her boyfriend for six years. But then as soon as she introduced him as he cousin, he was immediately concerned.
So was she introducing him to other people as her "friend" for six years and he thought she just didn't feel like specifying boyfriend because it was none of their business? But now now that she was engaged she felt like it was better to say "cousin" than "friend" in case people might misunderstand and think they were going out?
Well cousin implies they’re not together and she’s trying to cheat on him!
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Apr 3, 2024 02:27
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook. Is there any way back from this?
quote:Hey guys, I’m gonna have to anonymize some details but I’ll try and keep this as close to what did happen as possible. Me (34F) and my husband (30M) have been together for almost a decade (dating 6 years, married 3). We’re both rational, generally risk averse people, and we love(d) each other madly.
I never would have expected there could be anything he would do to make me consider leaving the marriage. Until last week.
One piece of important context — my husband (I’ll call him Jeff) has a lesbian sister (I’ll call her Lisa). Lisa and Jeff are two years apart (Lisa is older) but they’re more like identical twins - super close, and I swear they can read each other’s minds. It’s freaky.
Four years ago, right before me and Jeff got engaged, Lisa and her wife (let’s call her Sara) decided to start their family. They had a ton of problems with sperm banks — too expensive, overly anonymous, and they were freaked out by that doctor who secretly impregnated his own patients. Bad stuff all around. So they ended up using a donor they found on a Facebook group. Jeff and I were fully along for the fertility journey, all the ups and downs, and Lisa and Sara ended up finding a great guy - kind of weird, but it worked for them, and now they have an incredible little goblin starting kindergarten next year.
Fast forward to now. I just found out my husband has been donating sperm on these Facebook groups for the past two years.I was so devastated (and furious) when he finally came clean — I basically felt like he’d been cheating on me, and it was obviously a huge trust violation. Even worse, We’ve been trying to have kids ourselves and so far, nothing has worked. Our own fertility struggles are a huge stress but I felt like we were going through it together. When he finally told me, I packed up my poo poo and left to stay at my mom’s.
A few caveats that make the situation more complicated: he only donates to LGBTQ+ couples. He only does artificial insemination (no sex/physical contact). He doesn’t keep in touch with the couple after and he’s not involved with the kid - it’s fully just the mother’s/couple’s. He asks not to be involved and at least claims that he doesn’t know if any of the donation attempts worked.
He says it’s just genetic material, and that ever since his niece was born he can’t imagine life without her. That’s the only part I can kind of understand... I love our niece too, and she only exists because some guy on Facebook decided to jizz in a cup.
I sympathize with LGBTQ+ people who can’t have kids without donors, but I absolutely can’t see myself being involved with someone who might have kids I don’t know about, even if that means there might be families who don’t conceive. He’s begged me every day to come back but I obviously can’t face him or work through it so soon.
I can accept that it’s not cheating exactly, but I don’t know if I see a way to get through this. The thought of leaving is unfathomable to me, but so is staying after what he did. He says the only reason he didn't tell me is because of my own struggle getting pregnant and he didn't want to add to the stress, but that the important thing is he came clean (I obviously don't see that as justification for lying). I built my life with him and I want to find some way through this. He says he’ll do anything, but what can he possibly do to build back my trust? I’m so lost.
TLDR: My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook groups for the past two years as a way to help LGBTQ+ couples after the birth of our (donor conceived) niece.
Countdown to follow-up, "My husband has been sued for child support by 47 families for his off the book children."
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Apr 3, 2024 03:32
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Surprise, we all banded together to get you a car! It hasn't had any preventive maintenance and it's been in multiple accidents, but we know you're gonna love having it around. Well, have fun!
This was also an old post. Now you need to get a job to pay for gas and insurance and taking all your siblings to school, practice, games, etc…. When you go to college you can’t take it with you. And if you don’t do everything we are taking the car away. Wait what do you mean you are getting a job to buy your own car?
Hughlander fucked around with this message at 20:12 on Apr 3, 2024
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Apr 3, 2024 20:09
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Wasn't there a story in the previous thread where someone actually told someone who was stealing their baby names an awful fake name and it worked?
AITA for tricking my sister into giving her kid a stupid name
quote:My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. We started discussing baby names and I said I would not tell her the one my husband and I chose for our son. My sister is kind of a jerk and always enjoyed taking things that meant a lot to me when we were growing up.
Well she begged and begged and even got our mom involved. I finally told her I was naming my son after my husband's grandfather. Classic old name like Herbert or Ambrose.
Sure enough she has her baby and low and behold his first name is the name I told her.
She said it was always on her list and it wasn't like it belonged to me.
I guess she expected me to blow a gasket or something.
When my son was born I gave him the name my husband and I agreed on. It suits him and he is perfect.
My sister is telling everyone I tricked her into giving her son a goofy name.
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Apr 3, 2024 21:32
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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this dude's dedication to hating the troops is next level, i support it. if we want to help him, i think the first step would be to stop sleeping with his ex fiancé, but she is a baddie and that makes it difficult.
it's incredibly self defeating. it wins you nothing, makes the situation worse for everyone, and literally costs you money.
Well that and he's fully Hobosexual now, if he stops sleeping with the fiancee he'd be homeless.
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Apr 3, 2024 22:19
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA For telling my girlfriend I’m done because she expects me to stay awake 18+ hours a day?
Get a load of this guy, needing (checks notes) 8-9 hours of sleep a night. What an inconsiderate rear end in a top hat!
I mean the easy answer is wake the GF up at 5am so they can spend a quality morning together before he leaves for work!
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Apr 5, 2024 00:36
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITAH for going out with friends for the weekend after my wife locked me out of the bedroom and gave me the silent treatment.
quote:Every once in a while I do something to piss off my wife. Rather than communicate with me about what her issue is she will ignore me for a few days. If she is really pissed she will lock me out of our bedroom. Then when everything is back to normal she will say that what I did wasn't actually my fault or that it wasn't as bad as she thought.
For example one of her coffee mugs got broken. Instead of asking me what happened I got the treatment. Turned out that she had a friend over and the friend's kid broke the mug.
Anyway I'm kind of over it and while I love my wife and I have no intention of leaving her I also see no reason to humor her.
Last Thursday I got home and she had locked me out of the bedroom. She wouldn't answer when I knocked, texted, or called. Like I said I'm over it. I called up a couple of friends and made plans to spend the weekend golfing at a resort. Lots of fresh air, beer, golf, and a comfortable bed.
I ignored her texts and calls all weekend. I did leave her a voicemail letting her know what was up so she wouldn't worry.
I had a great weekend with my boys. When I got home she was out of the bedroom and ready for a fight. So was I. She asked me what the hell I was thinking just leaving town without clearing it with her first. I asked her if she had been planning on ignoring me all weekend and making me sleep on the guest room. She said that it was my "punishment" for forgetting to take the trash out in time and that now the garage would stink for a week because I was thoughtless.
I laughed in her face. I took her over to the calendar and asked her to point to the date that I missed taking out the trash. She looked at the calendar but would not point it out. BECAUSE IT WAS HER TURN.
She said that was no excuse for me to blow a bunch of money on a weekend away. I asked her why I should sleep in the guestroom and not with my wife when the thing that upset her is her own gently caress up. She said that she made a mistake and that I should have pointed that out I stead of leaving.
I was over this conversation. I asked her how the gently caress I was supposed to know why she was upset since she would not communicate with me.
I walked away but I told her that if I ever messed up badly enough that she wanted to sleep alone again she had better be very loving clear about what I did and why it upset her. If she chose not to tell me and just locked me out again then I would just consider the next few days to be free time to spend with my friends.
She called me controlling and said that I was punishing her over a misunderstanding. I agreed. She misunderstood that it was her turn to do that chore. She also misunderstood my commitment to sleeping in a comfortable bed. And she was very much mistaken if she thought I would put up with it ever again.
She is pissed but not enough to lock me out.
I really love how every example isn't even the guys fault. He needs to find his inner Pete.
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Apr 5, 2024 01:09
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Ft. Meyers to Orlando is like an 8-9 hour round trip.
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Apr 5, 2024 03:33
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for returning gifts to my family and asking them to leave after they insulted my daughter's name?
quote:I (26f) gave birth to my first child three weeks ago, my daughter, and my family are not happy with the name I chose. My parents and siblings had wanted me to name my daughter Agatha or Agnes because those are family name and part of a theme my family keeps, where the oldest girl and the youngest girl pass the initials of their name to their children and because my name also begins with an A, they had wanted me to do this, as the youngest. My oldest sister followed the tradition. My mothers oldest and youngest sisters did, my cousins did it. But my husband and I did not want to follow the tradition and we didn't want a classic name for our baby anyway.
We chose the name Indie for our daughter. I had told my family during my pregnancy that I was not using Agatha or Agnes or an A name for my baby. I told them more than once in fact. For some reason they decided Agatha would be the name.
When my daughter was born and my family came to visit us at the hospital (I had a c-section and was in the hospital for a few days afterward) they were shocked by the name we chose. They asked me what I was thinking going for a name like that and then told me I had broken the tradition for some weird name that doesn't make sense. My husband asked them to leave the hospital if they couldn't keep their opinions to themselves.
They apologized which I believed was sincere and they came to our house with gifts. But when I saw the gifts I noticed anything personalized had the name Agatha on it. And when I asked about it they told me Agatha was a much better name and surely I didn't want my daughter to have a dumb modern name like Indie. My mom told me she could not understand me picking such a hideous name and she said my husband and most of my friends had set bad examples with their names but I should stick to classics because they are classic for a reason. She told me they would never be able to accept the name Indie in the family.
I returned all the gifts to their packaging and returned them to my family before asking them to leave. I told them they did not get to insult my daughter's name, again, and push so hard for us to change the name we as her parents had decided on. My recovery from surgery has been slow so my husband was the one to make sure they actually left. But they were upset that I was responding to them like I was. They told me I should have been more honest about the name earlier and I was punishing them for thinking more of my daughter than my husband and I were.
I do feel bad for returning the gifts and kicking them out and the number of texts they have sent since tell me they don't like it either. But AITA?
Indie was the dogs name.
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Apr 5, 2024 20:09
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I love how deliberately obtuse the family is being, especially these 2 particular parts. Really hope OP buys a dog later & names it Agatha just to piss them off.
And introduces it to the other kids like, "Here's your new cousin AGATHA" while glaring at the Aunts.
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Apr 5, 2024 20:19
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for expecting more from my mother?
quote:
Posted on another sub Reddit but it was removed soon after. I am looking for more opinions.
At the time all this happened me and my girlfriend had been together short of a year. She'd met my father and stepmother, brother but had not yet met my mother. She works out of state a lot. She should move out of state but because me and my brother live here, her home base is here. We are adults in our mid to late 20s, not children, so she doesn't need to be here to raise us.
Last year she came home earlier than expected. She usually comes home every couple of months for a couple of weeks. She called me and my brother to tell us she was in town early and wanted to meet for lunch. I was the only one available to meet at that time. I met her at the restaurant, we ordered our food and were catching up. It was all going good. Then we heard a scream. We both looked up to see a deranged woman running across the restaurant at us. It took a moment to register that it was my girlfriend.
She launched herself at my mother who had stood up from the table at that point. It all happened kind of fast, I'm not quite sure of the sequence of events. My girlfriend did end up thrown into the next table, she did attack my mother repeatedly, my mother had gouge marks down her cheek, and she did hit my girlfriend so hard she got a concussion. They were both taken to the hospital to treat their injuries and my girlfriend was later arrested for assault.
I know she went psycho but she didn't know who my mother was. They had never met before. My mother thinks this explanation makes everything worse. After trying to talk her out of pressing charges I went to my father to talk to her. He said no. I tried to get my brother to make our mother see sense. That didn't end well. I went to my mother again, she seemed really hurt I sided with my girlfriend. I don't know why no one understands. In the end she did drop the charges but told me as long as I choose to stick my dick in crazy, then I choose not to be in her life.
It's been about 7 months since I've seen or spoken to her. My relationships with my brother and father have changed and even my stepmother refuses to get involved. My girlfriend is no longer welcome in their home as my brother has made it clear that if she's there, he's not. He also refuses to meet me if she's going to be there.
My girlfriend tried reaching out to my father and brother but they both say she's trying to make amends with the wrong person. She's afraid of my mother. My mother really hurt her both physically and mentally. I’ve tried contacting my mother to see if things can be put to rights but she's not taking my calls. I want to marry my girlfriend and I want my mother there but it doesn't look as though she's wanting to put this whole thing behind us to move on.
AITA for expecting more from my mother?
My GF attacked my mom, but when you think about it, it’s really my mom’s fault for being a woman near me so she should apologize.
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Apr 6, 2024 00:24
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Maybe she attacks any woman she sees if she doesn't know who they are, whether they are with her boyfriend or not
Fight Woman origin story.
She does that, but never wins a fight.
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Apr 6, 2024 02:39
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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They loving like pets. There is a whole industry dedicated to making machines that pet cows. How can you eat a thing that likes pets??????
With a steak knife usually.
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Apr 7, 2024 22:22
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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My brother skipped his own wedding receptionquote:
My brother got married yesterday but him and his wife skipped their own reception. No one even knew they were going to do it except for one of their friends so it was a complete surprise and really embarrassing to be honest. At first no one knew. They decided to get married locally which was nice because I'm sure most of you would agree that having to travel somewhere else for a wedding is a pain.
This is what was supposed to happen: After the wedding my brother and his wife were supposed to be introduced to everyone in the reception hall. The guests would chat and drink for an hour before the food was served. During that time all the photos would be taken. After that hour was up and the photos were done the food would get served and the reception would start.
What actually happened: Their friend who was supposed to introduce them instead told everyone that my brother and his wife had left for their honeymoon and thanked everyone for attending and then the food started getting served right away. The photographer had been sent home, apparently my brother and his wife did their photos before the ceremony. And took some with the few people who did know they were skipping the reception. Some of their friends and his wife's dad and his wife. But no one else including anyone from my family.
Obviously we were embarrassed. My parents were angry and they talked to the friend because my brother and his wife weren't answering. Their honeymoon was supposed to be in a few months. Apparently they cancelled it two weeks ago and switched to a different honeymoon. They were already on their way to Bristol to the airport and had left their mobile phones with their friend, he had them when my parents talked to him.
Apparently the whole reason for this is that my other brother's girlfriend is pregnant and they were going to announce it and that they want to get married at the reception. Only my parents had known. I didn't even know. I don't know how my brother who was getting married found out. Someone (I don't know who) told my aunt and uncle about it and they started spreading it around to the other guests which upset my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. I know my brother and his wife don't want to be parents themselves but this seems extreme, over a pregnancy. Further I don't understand why they would skip something that they paid for like this.
What I want to get off my chest: we are embarrassed especially my parents and lots of people are upset especially my brother and his girlfriend. There was lots of drama for nothing. It's only been 1 day but the fallout is bigger. I don't understand why my brother and his wife would do all this. I honestly don't
That's all. That's what I wanted to say. Thank-you.
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Apr 8, 2024 05:51
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?
Together for 3 years, dumped via text and now needs to meet up. I'm smelling tik-tok backfire. Either way just lol at "We were together 1/6th of my life, she dumped me so I just said ok went to sleep." He'll be fine.
Update: AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?
quote:This happend like exactly a week ago. So I apologize for not updating I genuinely was not thinking about this at the time.
Basically, my ex showed up at my parents house during Easter with my sister. My parents and I weren't even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.
She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest.
I told her that she said I was holding her back and she needed to move on. If anyone told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would've blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn't say that, I still wouldn't have begged her to stay. We kinda talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home.
When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. My parents are mad at my sister tho, because they said it was unnecessary of her to do that at their house because it made the atmosphere awkward for everyone.
Other than that I've really just been chilling. I don't think imma try and date anybody else soon tho, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable with how much she's invested in my life.
Still think the ex was just annoyed that he got in the last word of, "Ok."
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Apr 8, 2024 19:23
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I mean the two possibilities are that or that she didn't really intend to break up and assumed that he would be like "I'll completely change myself for you" and beg, and she would agree to stay together. I actually don't know which is worse.
I've been thinking about it a bit and since it was over text and all I'd love to reply, "Out of curiosity, was your sister home when your gf texted to break up with you?" I can totally see from the text that the sister and GF concocted the whole thing and were together writing the texts.
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Apr 8, 2024 20:01
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for being annoyed that my partner came to the opera in gym attire and ate during the play?
quote:Due to a project we recently did at work, my colleagues told me we can get free opera tickets, with a plus one. I was really excited, since I love opera, and asked my partner to join me. He told me he would join after the gym and we will meet on the spot. So we meet at the location, and he is wearing gym stuff - sports shorts and a sports vest. He joked how it is probably too snobbish of a place for it, and he took a pair of jeans with him and a shirt, but he doesn’t really want to bother.
Now, since I was a small kid and we went to the theatre with my school or parents (where I am from theatre/opera/ballet tickets are super cheap for school kids, and it is a very common school activity to go with your whole class) - I knew that it is basic common sense to look decent at such places. I am no fan of fancy overdressing myself, and my partner knows it, however is it not ok to expect at least plain jeans, and not sweatpants? And not to talk loud, EAT OR DRINK during the life performance on stage?
So seeing all the actually nicely dressed people arriving to the venue, my partner annoyingly said that I would probably want him to wear the jeans, and now we have to find a place for him to go change, even though he is not so keen on it. I was relieved and did not want to argue, so I did not say much about it, and we had to go around the corner for him to change.
The first act was good, and we went to get some snacks in the break, but due to the long queue we did not have the time to eat them. So we come back to our places, my partner sits between me and my colleagues and with my side vision I see him taking the food out. Now as I mentioned we are adults in our late 30s, and as far as I am concerned I do not have to tell a 35+ year old adult basic etiquette, but I had a bad feeling about it so I turned to him and whispered “don’t!!”. He laughed and I was relieved thinking he was just doing a weird joke or whatever. 30 seconds with my side vision I see him EATING the snacks. I was absolutely mortified and speechless, I poked him with my elbow, but he just kinda laughed and ignored me. I was ready to melt though the floor from embarrassment - I can not BELIEVE I am seeing a grown rear end person EATING during an opera, and even worse - that being my partner, right next to my colleagues who invited me here.
A few minutes later my partner leaned to tell me something, but I was still burning from shame and anger and did not reply, so he asked “is it about the food?” and then rolled his eyes, sighed loudly and stopped talking to me. I could not enjoy the rest of the opera at all, and when my colleagues gathered to discuss it afterwards, I was still feeling too embarrassed, excused myself and left asap.
My partner caught up with me outside and was annoyed at me “being so stuck up about such a petty thing”. According to him it was dark, and he wasn’t sitting direct in front of the stage so “who cares, it is ok”. I told him it is about how far he sits, it is common sense to not do such things in a theatre, he rolled his eyes and told me “there is no such rule, it is not written anywhere” and that I am “making up some imaginary rules just to go at him”. I really can not wrap my head around this, so I started questioning my sanity. He also told me that in his opinion it is me, who has a problem, and I should discuss it with my therapist “that I care too much what people think” (I am in therapy for different reasons, he was actually the one who encouraged me to start therapy in the first place). I mean it is not just about “what people think” - as an artist myself I find it insanely rude, uncultured and disrespectful both to actors and people next to you to bring food to the opera and eat it DURING the live performance! We came here specifically for this live event, can you really not wait for like an hour?!
IATA for being angry and disappointed with the whole experience?
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Apr 8, 2024 20:19
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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In New York City you can be fined and even arrested for anything that disrupts a live Broadway performance.
Other than vaping and giving your boyfriend a handy you mean…
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Apr 8, 2024 21:01
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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That was in Colorado but thanks for playing.
You know, I did not know that. Thought it was New York, it being Denver makes it even funnier to me.
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Apr 8, 2024 22:00
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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This is a long one but I couldn't not post it due to the bolded part at the end of the update
Am I wrong for being uncomfortable with my wife being friends with her friend after something she accused me of?
quote:My wife and I have this mutual friend (ex-friend for me - let's call her Kate) who we both knew independently and introduced us. Over the years, Kate and I drifted apart but still talked frequently. She's always been more of my wife's friend than me (best friend from childhood, etc) so it's never really bothered me.
A few years ago, someone tangentially part of our friend group that I only semi-knew confided in Kate that I solicited her for nudes. This person I had only talked to maybe once or twice and it was only ever about her art, although it's worth mentioning she has a good side hustle drawing hentai. All I ever really said was she was talented at it and I liked her art.
I guess one of the pieces I particularly liked was a self portrait (I won't get too into the details, but it looked nothing like her and was an anime girl, so I'm not sure how I would know that). Kate told my wife about this, who spent a week being upset about it before telling me. I showed her the chats we had and that was the end of it. EDIT: I'll add that what I said about the 'self portrait' was something along the lines of "holy poo poo, this one's perfect - the lighting and the figure are really hot, you should be doing this as a day job!"
She apparently only mentioned it in passing to Kate as "interesting" (her words apparently). Kate took it upon herself to tell my wife about it. When my wife confronted the friend, she didn't think I was trying to get nudes or anything but thought I knew it was a self portrait.
A few months later, Kate decided to take it upon herself to then tell my wife I asked to see pictures of her feet. Admittedly, I have a foot fetish (something my wife divulged to her which I'm not particularly cool with but I'm not super ashamed of it or anything, so I don't care all that much).
The conversation Kate (in my opinion) misconstrued was her venting about how frustrating and objectifying it is that she feels like every guy wants to see her naked, and all I did was sympathize with that and said something along the lines of "Yeah, I mean, I'll admit there's a split second intrusive though about that I'll get when I meet people but it's probably some caveman lizard brain poo poo". When my wife brought it up, I again showed her the messages, and she agreed it was a misunderstanding.
Although when she brought it back to Kate - trying to mediate the situation rather than defending it as a misunderstanding - Kate was adamant I was subtly fishing for nudes and feet pics. Wife didn't ask for this, but I let her go through all the messages again and my phone/computer, and she found nothing. Kate decided to cut contact with me and I haven't heard her from her since.
EDIT: I commented this below but here's the exact conversation I had with Kate:
Kate: I'm just so sick of it ugh
Kate: Like the one guy from work I told you about
Kate: The mentor guy
Kate: He offers to take me to a place he knows to find something to wear to the presentation we're giving next week
Kate: So I go with him and we're looking and he keeps 'joking' that we should look at lingerie?
Kate: ??????? Like HUH?????
Kate: What is it with men?
Kate: Like is it all "OH WOMAN. MUST SEE THEIR BOOBS."
Me: What the gently caress lmao
Me: Is that the dude who offered to pay for the extra e-learning poo poo?
Kate: YES!
Kate: I thought he was genuinely being nice but I guess not???
Kate: Yet another in a long line of men who just want to see me naked
Kate: Is it all men? Like I don't get it it's so loving exhausting
Me: I mean I've had the passing "huh she's attractive, I wonder what she looks like underneath her clothes" but they're more intrusive thoughts than anything I'd ever actively pursue because I'm not a monster
Kate: EXACTLY! I have the same thoughts too sometimes but it's like
Kate: I don't go around asking to see every hot guy's dick?
Me: Maybe that's what he's hoping for 😂😂
Kate: HE HAS A WIFE TOO SO IT'S LIKE???????
I'll see Kate from time to time. Wife will have her over or they'll be talking on Discord. I'll be polite and say hello, but she'll turn her back from me or very blatantly ignore me. Which is fine - if that's what she wants to do, then so be it. But there was one time that particularly pissed me off: they were sitting out back, and I had come through to bring in groceries and put some stuff away in our shed. She had sandals on, and when she saw me, she asked my wife if she could borrow a pair of socks, which my wife obliged.
Putting it bluntly, I'm uncomfortable with her being friends with Kate. My wife doesn't have many friends though as she suffers from some pretty bad mental health issues and doesn't get out much, and I don't want to be some controlling rear end in a top hat telling her who she can and can't be friends with. I just hate feeling like I have to be on guard when she's around, and I particularly hate that my wife - who agreed it was a misunderstanding on Kate's part and probably poor wording on mine - didn't defend me.
I haven't told her to stop being friends with Kate, but I have mentioned that maybe she shouldn't invite Kate around if I'm home, or if we're going somewhere and Kate is there, I'll stay home. Wife says I'm just making the situation more awkward and making things uncomfortable for her being that she's her best friend and I'm her husband.
For context: some time before this, I had a friend who expressed concern that my wife might be telling me she didn't want me to go out and see my friends anymore. This was one me, as the relationship was new, I had a new job, and wasn't really fond of going out to bars anymore and never communicated this. He was particularly disrespectful about it and I cut him off without question. I don't expect her to cut her off, but I would at a minimum appreciate her telling Kate off when she does particularly disrespectful things. Am I wrong here?
Update - 6 days later
quote:So I ended up showing my wife the original post because we had another argument about Kate. She read through it and some of the comments. I think she had a bit of a 'coming to Jesus' moment as she came and sat down and agreed that Kate has been acting weird about this whole situation.
We talked it out and I admitted I wasn't comfortable with Kate anymore and wouldn't stand in the way of them being friends but I don't want her coming around the house anymore, so she agreed she would 1) not bring Kate here anymore and 2) have a talk with Kate about what her problem is.
Over the long weekend, we decided to forgo our usual tradition of going to one of our parents' for a big meal and just stayed in and ordered takeout. Wife and Kate made plans to hang out too, which was fine as I had some personal hobby stuff I wanted to log some time on.
Kate apparently did not take being told she can't come over when I'm home very well, because she sent me a long message about how I'm controlling and abusive. Wife snapped and called her. They argued on the phone for a while. I didn't listen or anything but wife told me she set Kate straight and basically told her she needs to cut the poo poo and apologize to me or she'll cut out Kate.
After midnight on Sunday, I got my apology from Kate. It seemed pretty heartfelt and sincere but I just said "thank you for the apology, please understand I'm fine with you and wife being friends, but I would prefer to continue just being pleasant with each other". She didn't respond right away and I went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and saw she had responded. And uh. This is where it got a bit odd.
She sent a photo of her legs with her feet in the frame, in front of the mirror, so I was sure to see all of her feet. It seemed intentional to me honestly. One foot had a heel on the other was bare. She accompanied this with the message "What do you think? Y/N?" I woke up my wife to show her because I didn't want this too to be blown out of context by her.
Wife took a minute to comprehend what was happening and concluded she probably meant to send that to her since they get each other's opinions on outfits and shoes (bit weird to do at 1am imo but made sense). I replied "Uh sorry did you mean to send that to me??" In the morning, she had unsent the photo and message and said nothing else.
Later in the day, she called my wife and said she 'accidentally' sent me a picture of her new shoes and her feet were in them, and wanted my wife to confirm I didn't save it to 'use later'. I think this is where my wife started piecing together what some of the comments were saying about Kate being a poo poo stirrer, put the phone on speaker, and flat out asked if Kate did it on purpose.
Kate got angry and asked how my wife could think that. Wife just said "because you know he has a foot fetish and sent him a foot guy's equivalent of a full body nude". She started demanding she check my phone because she was "having a panic attack over the thought of me jerking off to her feet".
My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
There was a huge, hours-long argument that followed but tl;dr - Kate is no more. Apparently their friend group has wanted to stop dealing with her bullshit for some time and all jumped on this to cut her out. Sayonara Kate, you loving drama queen.
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Apr 8, 2024 22:47
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I meant the bit where she said, "we had to go around the corner to find a place for him to change.". I took that to mean he did actually change, but it is not explained well.
Here is a totally mature, grown-up man:
AITA for grounding my daughter for ruining our vacation
What, you expect the adult to control himself? He can't say "no" to a bet, that'd be a sign of weakness! Instead he will just pout dramatically every time he is bested by a child.
I'm imagining the daughter had a list of more and more elaborate 'bets' that she would win and is really disappointed that she only got through the first page. "Ok stepdad, this is a Carolina Reaper the hottest pepper known to man, if you can eat it and not puke, I'll babysit for a year, but if I can eat it you have to buy me a car. What? How do I know about them, no reason and no I haven't spent the last 4 years being a Jr Competitive Eater lol that's funny you'd even think that. Ok ready?"
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Apr 8, 2024 22:54
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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My roommate ate my beans so I went to his Baldur Gate Three game and threw every item of his inventory down a cliff, and saved over his prior saves?quote:
I (25 M) like to order fancy beans and grains from a place called Rancho Gordo, they are called "heirloom beans". Unlike most beans they are not in a can, they are dry beans that you are meant to soak and cook properly, making very good protein-filled foods. Now, these beans are a little on the pricey side, and the bags they come in aren't large.
On three times in this year I have caught my roommate (25 M) cooking (incorrectly) my beans. He thinks that dried foods should be a "shared resource". What? He never buys beans or any other kind of good dried food, nevermind an expensive kind. I told him stop eating my beans. This week I was looking forward to making a veggie chili with some of my good beans, I got home and seen the bag was empty. Like 2 or 3 beans in there. I became enraged.
My roommate is obsessed with the video game Baldur Gate Three. I seen him play it all the time. So when he was out what I did is I went into his game. You have 4 characters in your "party" basically. So I went to this place where there is a cliff, and I dropped all of their gear, and then picked it up and threw it down the cliff. This took me a long time. Like, hours. And then I went back to his camp and changed the party with other members, and I went back to the cliff and did the same, and I did it until every single member of his party was naked and weaponless, and then I saved the game and then I deleted all of his prior auto saves, so the only save file was the one where his gear was down a cliff.
When my roommate came home he was livid. He actually did a "NOOOOOOOOOOO" like in the movies. He knew it was me and accused me of making him "Waste 100 hours of his life on NOTHING" and that he would have to start the game over again. I said well I hear it's a good game I'm sure you'll have fun. And he was like "WHY did you do this to me" and I said "Maybe this time when you rebuild your inventory you'll find some beans of your own." He was shocked silent and then said he couldn't be believe I "ruined his entire month" just because he wanted to share my beans. "Share".
He said what I did was "beyond the pale" and "not a proportional response" and said that he will "never forgive me".
It is awkward living here, I have to admit now. Some of my friends who play the Baldur Gate Three have said I did overreact and that I sabotaged his entire game, saying a run of a game can take over 130 hours. But he was the one who ate my beans.
I am conflicted though, maybe I did overreact.
Didn’t we learn during the pandemic you should never jeopardize the beans?
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Apr 10, 2024 06:19
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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And then there were the days where you'd walk into a restaurant and they'd ask "smoking or non-smoking?" and the difference was literally one side of the building or the other. The smoke was everywhere regardless.
I recently visited NY for the first time in 25 years with my extended family. We all grew up there and so part of it we went to places we used to go growing up. One of which was a diner on Long Island that when I left in the late '90s had two complete HVAC systems with HEPA filters on one of them, and a separate glass walled 'smoking section' from the outside it looked like frosted glass. But the 'smoking/non' really did work there. Now in the 2020s the glass room is there but it's just a separate dining room.
Moving from smoking NY to non-smoking Colorado in the late 90s was a huge change. My boss in CO explained that it was only a few years ago that they stopped letting you smoke in the office building and many conference rooms still had ash trays.
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Apr 10, 2024 17:59
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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What to say to my (32F) neighbour (32F) who blew up on me 2 years ago and is now apologizing (because she misses my husband)?
quote:Backgound:
My husband and I moved into our house 3 years ago and instantly became very close friends with the neighbours (husband and wife) that we share a backyard fence with.
Long story short, 2 years ago the wife blew up at me, called me a bunch of stuff I can never forgive (including "useless oval office"), and also made it clear she is into my husband (hindsight being 20-20 we both now see signs had been there).
The day after she sent me an "apology" text which was a non-apology basically saying "I meant what i said but I shouldn't have said it." . She asked if we could still be friends, I declined and she blew up on me again.
A few months after our friendship ended, she blew up her own life and left her husband and kids.
I had heard they may be trying to get back together but didn't concern myself with their life. My husband has kept a larger distance but still hangs out with the husband once in a while, a beer here and there, some projects together in the garage (note - the neighbour wife loves garage projects and used to love hanging out during this).
So, this takes us to the issue.
Yesterday, my husband went over there for a beer. I told him to have fun. An hour later I get a text from the wife. It basically says "I know I said rude things to you in the past, I was wondering if I can apologize to you in person. Let me know when you're free to meet."
This isn't rocket science. I knew right away that she needs something. She misses being able to hang with my husband. Maybe she wants her old life back. My husband came back and I said "let me guess, wife is there?" He confirms she was and that they are back together, and that she was apparently pissed off that she couldn't hang in the garage with them. Could she be more obvious?
Anyway, I don't owe her my time, I have zero interest in giving her space in my life, and even if i was interested, I can't trust her.
So I'm not going to reply. However, I do believe she will eventually see my in my yard now that spring is here and try to have this conversation with me in person. She has a history of being polite until she is told no, and she has a victim mentality, so I want to approach this in a very clear way without giving her ammo to sat I wronged her somehow.
Can anyone help me come up with a sort of "script" if/when she tries to say all of this to me in person?
What to say? Maybe try, "gently caress off bitch."
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Apr 10, 2024 18:18
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITAH for opening my marriage to avoid alimony.
One trick divorce lawyers hate!
Yah that's one handed written bait. I expect 5 more stories just like it to be posted in the next 2 months.
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Apr 10, 2024 19:23
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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She landed a guy who wrote her from-the-heart love poetry, and decided to use that to humiliate him to her friends / get clicks on the 'gram.
Eh, it's fine. Dudes who do that are a dime a dozen, she'll have no problem getting someone like that in the future. She's certainly not going to end up dating a succession of dudes who are too busy playing video games or yelling at the Red Sox on the TV to bother with that mushy stuff.
LMAO, well done lady.
When you think about it, having a thoughtful loving partner doesn’t give nearly as much of a dopamine hit as those sweet sweet likes. So she did choose correctly.
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Apr 10, 2024 20:02
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
Wow a day one poster that got probated within 60 seconds of posting. I’m super super interested
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Apr 10, 2024 20:05
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Got it. This is the only GBS thread I follow so didn’t know
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Apr 10, 2024 20:08
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITAH for saying my exMIL is not family?quote:
I (34F) am in the process of divorcing my husband (33M). We're on good terms and still live together in my house (the house is in my name and was bought before marriage, which means my husband is not entitled to it according to my countries law). He hasn't moved out yet because of his financial issues (I'm ok with it). He just started a new job and hopes to move out in a month or 2.
My MIL is a nasty person and we never got along. She never liked me and made sure I didn't feel welcome in the family. Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family (she had recently found out we'd be getting a divorce).
Yesterday she called me (my ex was at work and didn't pick up that's why she called me not him) to inform she'd be coming over for 2 days next week because she will be having a medical procedure done in our city (the capital). She does not drive so she can't go home straight after the procedure, she was planning to spend the night and take a bus the next day. I told her absolutely no, she's no longer family, the house is mine and I don't want random people I don't even like in my house.
Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can't drive her back because of his new work. I won't because she's no longer my problem. My ex is very angry with me and told me I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on his mother. I'm not. I just don't want her here because I don't like her and I don't feel like I have to put up with this anymore. We're no longer a couple. AITAH?
Straight into my veins.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:48
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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She could just ask her daughter if she'd like to go with her aunt, and if the OP is uncomfortable with her daughter going solo she can go with her. This doesn't have to be a big deal.
Or maybe just maybe the mother wants to be with her kids on mother’s day. Why should she have to check with others to see if that’s ok? It’s not let’s do this on some random Sunday. It’s let me take your daughter on Mothers Day
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Apr 13, 2024 17:33
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Meh too early for this.
Hughlander fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Apr 14, 2024
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Apr 14, 2024 18:03
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Also, how in the gently caress are Big Johnson t-shirts still bejng produced?
That’s the best part of edgy teenage boys a new set comes of age every year! - Big Johnson Corporate Salesman
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Apr 14, 2024 23:51
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Content!
AITA for walking out of a dinner after being accused of supporting incest?
The show in question: Loki, with the relationship being between Loki and Sylvie, his female alternate self from another timeline.
previous post:
AITA for walking out of a dinner after being accused of supporting incest?
lots of replies arguing whether the show loki is about incest or not
Update that we haven't seen in thread:
quote:Hi everyone. First, thank you all for your comments and advice on my last post. It's been about 4 weeks since the incident at the dinner, and I just wanted to give you guys an update if you're curious.
First off, I just want to say that I have no hard feelings toward my friends who said that I should've stayed. I get me leaving was probably the best thing to do in that situation, but their intentions were purely good: to make sure that Sarah enjoyed her birthday dinner.
I reached out to Sarah and apologized for what happened, and for me leaving so abruptly. She said that I didn't need to apologize and said that all was good between us. I took her out for drinks. We had a great time.
Now, onto Mary. Since the dinner, I have been texting and calling her, just to talk about what happened. So far, she has either ignored my texts and calls, or given me very short responses, either telling me that she doesn't want to talk to me, or that she's busy. Sarah told me that she also reached out to Mary, and while she was actually willing to talk to Sarah, the conversation pretty much went nowhere. Amy also reached out to her. Like many of you were wondering, she asked her if she was a victim of incest. I mean, It would make sense based on her reaction. However, according to Mary herself, no, she wasn't. As far as I know, she isn't bisexual either, so it just seems she's throwing a tantrum over things that have nothing to do with her. Or it's possible that she's been spending too much time in online fandoms, but who knows.
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Apr 16, 2024 02:47
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 21, 2024 08:03
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for telling my husband his off grid lifestyle is unrealistic and hurting me?
this one has it all, including doing the math
it gets worse in the comments:
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
Wow I dodged a bullet, was going to post that but didn't see the comments about 13, in the text she was 18 when they got together which I thought was a bad enough age gap.
So hey have some content
My [34F] boyfriend [33M] won’t tell his friends to not invite their best friend
quote:I’ll try to not make this confusing, but it might get a bit confusing.
My boyfriend got me to start playing a certain game that he plays with his friends. One of them is married and invites his wife to join the Discord with us despite not playing herself. The problem is their friend. She doesn’t play the game and joins for the social aspect. Unfortunately, the social aspect is basically her talking about sexual acts such as blowing dudes and how she wants this guys she is talking with to leave his girlfriend so she can get with him. My partner asked me to play the game last night and I essentially told him that if she is there then I won’t be and I asked that he no longer have her in the Discord.
We’ve now been fighting about it since last night as he thinks I asked him to not play with his friends if she is present when in reality I asked him to just not have her there. I’m not the only one to have said something about her. Someone else in the group has said she is a bit much and my partner has admitted he has more fun when she’s not present. He has told his friends about me being uncomfortable with something they have said without me asking (which was incredibly embarrassing for me) and now that I am finally asking him to do something about someone I am actually legitimately uncomfortable with because it is consistent behaviour he’s starting a fight claiming I am asking him to not play with his friends when that was never the ask.
Am I overreacting?
Edit: I’ve broken up with him.
Hughlander fucked around with this message at 06:18 on Apr 16, 2024
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Apr 16, 2024 06:15
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Apr 2, 2024 20:48
