r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

We are well rid of Big John

# ¿ Apr 2, 2024 16:22

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:09

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Baronjutter posted:

Grace Park always reminds me of my friend's insane mid 2000's korean co-worker who claimed that "the west" only casts ugly korean actors in roles as part of a smearing and degrading campaign against the korean people. There were a few other american/canadian born actors and celebrities of korean background that he'd also rage about being so vile and ugly. How clearly "they" hand picked the most grotesque examples of korean women to present to the world. And in every case they were perfectly normal or in fact quite good looking people who just were not plastic surgeried up to to the exact and insane local korean beauty standards.

He was also a borderline incel but blamed it all on being asian, specially korean, and how he was a victim of the international smear campaign against korean people.

He was right. The finns play the long game.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2024 19:21

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

haveblue posted:

by moving the skull you have broken your grandfather's wards

OP should prepare for beastmen raids.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2024 16:30

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Open bar but all there is is mdma and weed. Only cool people at THIS harry potter wedding

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 01:43

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I asked a witch doctor for relationship advice and all I got was this loving song stuck in my head.

You motherfucker

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 09:42

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

It's funny when alcoholics are like "yeah honestly 12 drinks during dinner isn't that bad, I do that and no one could tell/I was barely buzzed" you morons, EVERYONE can tell, every time.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 18:20

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

mailorder bees posted:

snowboard kids 2 IS the dark souls of video games

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 18:57

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

I was playing hollow knight on Switch recently and it's the first time I've gotten so mad I wanted to throw a game so I kept a pillow next to me and would lightly toss the switch onto it sometimes

Lmao my 10 year old son has the same problem, and came up with the same solution

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 20:25

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

it works

Oh yeah, definitely. No shade from me, I just thought it was funny

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 20:34

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Work is a prison and I trust my fellow inmates only a little more than I do the wardens, which is not at all.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 00:20

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Hughlander posted:

AITA for expecting more from my mother?

My GF attacked my mom, but when you think about it, it’s really my mom’s fault for being a woman near me so she should apologize.

This one is impressive because he's somehow managed to write this in a way where the tone of the post tries to imply that the mother is the crazy one, but never once writing a single word actually describing his mom behaving badly. I'm tired and sick and I had to read it twice because my brain went "yeah the mother sucks... wait, what??"

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 00:49

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Odd posted:

You can take my glass of milk with meals from me when i'm dead thank you very much

I will.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 11:51

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Milk exists to make my tummy hurt :saddowns:

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 12:18

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Legitmately shook I ended up sort of on the side of a hentai-and-feet guy

# ¿ Apr 9, 2024 00:16

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Me: That's a nice dress
MIL:

Me: For a clown to wear
Me: at a wedding
MIL: Nooo

# ¿ Apr 9, 2024 13:32

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

redshirt posted:

That would never work, on multiple levels.

Maybe if the store is all on one floor

# ¿ Apr 10, 2024 18:07

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

wheatpuppy posted:

Ex-Philes - only attracted to the one(s) that got away.

lol drat

# ¿ Apr 11, 2024 11:48

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Just popping in to say LMAO if you didn't dress your kids like little fashion disasters when they were young

# ¿ Apr 12, 2024 14:27

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Kurieg posted:

Found an update to an ancient post with an absolute brain genius of a man.
9 months ago
AITAH for rejecting my boyfriends proposal even though I've been dropping hints that i want to married.

Yesterday
UPDATE: AITAH for rejecting my boyfriends proposals even though I was dropping hints that I wanted to get married?

Op clarifies in the comments that her BF's plan was he knew she'd reject him, so he could act like he was the wounded party and break up with her and prove to his new fling that he was now available.

Brain genius is right, holy poo poo. And then he's asking OP for presumably money now?? Lmao

# ¿ Apr 12, 2024 17:26

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Cloacamazing! posted:

How do you not know how to be a vegetarian? Vegan I could understand, there's a lot of animal ingredients that aren't really obviously non-vegan (did you know SUGAR can be non-vegan?), but the only products I've encountered so far where it wasn't immediately obvious if they were vegetarian or not was stuff with gelatin.

Grimes is very, very dumb.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2024 09:02

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

idiotsavant posted:

She’s not looking to spoil a beloved niece, she’s looking for a replacement kid so she can pretend to be a normal mom. Again, it isn’t a kid’s job to be therapy for someone’s messed up life. And when the kid’s actual mom is like “yeah no I’m not letting that family member near my kid unsupervised” maybe that’s not a person you want to go have Mother’s Day tea with anyways

But she feels bad, and kids aren't really real people anyway

# ¿ Apr 13, 2024 15:15

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Monopoly (derogatory) (the game) should be made illegal.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 00:09

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Knormal posted:

r/relationships: celery up rear end, etc

99% sure we've already had this as a title. But it's real good.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 11:34

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

That's why it's known as the Conquering Worm

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 12:08

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Neito posted:

Oh, for sure. I'm 38 and never got my license; I've tried a few times (and am in the middle of an attempt now, if "getting your permit" counts as an attempt), but between dyspraxia and the attendant poor proprioception, I have a ton of anxiety about it.

But I'm also a WFH computer toucher in an area good enough to have at least *some* public transit, and I've had to turn down jobs because getting to them would be impossible or a nightmare. I'm at least sympathetic to the idea of "No, America's actually a literal nightmare if you can't drive".

Never in my life heard about dyspraxia so I googled it and my whole world just came tumbling down around me, what the gently caress. How have I never heard of this? I was even sent to a special class for idiot children who struggled with walking and crawling before I could start school! Which did wonders for my self esteem I might add :psyduck:

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 15:15

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Neito posted:

It's one of those things that nobody knows about, but once one dyspraxic person mentions it a whole bunch of people feel like their whole lives suddenly make sense.

Like when people who know they have astigmatisms mention that you're not supposed to see the streaks on taillights at night.

Stop, I don't think I can handle a third revelation :negative:

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 15:58

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Neito posted:

Next you're gonna tell me you don't have a poopknife.

Woah, woah. I may have Bad Brain, but I'm not that hosed up.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 16:07

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

DeeplyConcerned posted:

The waffle House guys are obviously in love and speaking in Code. Ordering runny eggs is his way of saying look, I'm still gonna marry this woman, but I want to have sex with you on the side.

Serving the dude eggs every way but runny is basically the cook telling him I'm not gonna settle for second fiddle either leave your fiancé and run off with me and we get married or go gently caress yourself.

I'm with the cook on this one. This guy has to make a decision. Either he gets married and rides off into the sun or fights this waffle House cook every night for the rest of his life.

Thank you for saying what we're all thinking.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 04:35

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

Doesn't everyone have a Waffle House cook that they go to for fistfights on the regular? What are you even doing with your life if you don't?

There are zero Waffle Houses in my country. My life is a living hell.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 04:46

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

8one6 posted:

Just divorce the nerd. If they have engineer brain and have it in their head that 2 showers a week is the limit then they're already too far gone.

Yup. It's sad when it's terminal but this is the only way.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 19:26

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Moon Slayer posted:

I intend to go to my grave having never learned what worm music is.

Ironic, it's my life's work to make you listen to it.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2024 08:58

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Vegan is good because it reminds me of Vegeta.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2024 17:44

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

hawowanlawow posted:

well it was a good plan otherwise

You miss 100% of the shots not taken.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2024 20:05

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

FMguru posted:

A power move that backfires spectacularly.

AITAH for breaking up with my fiancee after she told me she can give me the best sex of my life but does not want to?

I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but also I am intentionally giving you the absolute bare minimum in terms of physical intimacy. Wait, where are you going?

What the gently caress

# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 16:59

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

compshateme85 posted:

I think waving something in someone else's face that they really want and can't have is pretty inconsiderate, regardless of weight.

That said, I just don't get having a total breakdown over a food craving. I've been pregnant and wanted to eat half a chocolate cake that was leftover from a party, or demolish an entire jar of pickles. And I knew it would be bad later so I just...didn't? Because I'm in charge of me? The guy sounds like a total rear end in a top hat and I'm confused as to why she decided to have a kid with someone who has probably been that selfish the entire time, but nuking a relationship you supposedly want to be in over temporary food cravings seems shortsighted.

My ex had a little meltdown while pregnant, and craving god drat Burger King cheese dip, ice cubes and strawberries. Ice and strawberries I could get but the only burger king nearby was closed, and the nearest one was like an hour away, it was late and neither of us drive. She kind of lost it a little, not in a shouty mean way, but the worse way where she just cried silently and looked like she wanted me to kill her. So I called and woke her dad up, and then we drove for an hour each way to load up on cheese dip. It's funny, when I called and he picked up he was understandably a little annoyed but after I explained the cheese dip situation he was like "I'm on my way" instantly and he pulled up 10 minutes later, still in his pj's. Good man.
Anyway I think I would have tried to rob a bank if she had asked me to at that point, due to Biology I guess? I'm just happy all that was asked of me was cheese dip.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 19:33

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Snow Cone Capone posted:

oompa loompa doopa dee darraige
You have no chance of saving your marriage

lmfao

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 20:20

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Cythereal posted:

And she wears a dress at one point. Which is how she's depicted in 99% of Disney merch (I live not far from Orlando in Florida, that poo poo is everywhere).

Three guesses whether the sister would let her wear anything but the fancy Chinese dress.

Leia is a Disney princess now, AND her Disney princess outfit is a white dress for maximum impact.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 13:33

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Extra Large Marge posted:

There is this radio show on NPR on the weekends called "Zorba Paster On Your Health" where listeners call in and ask health related questions to the host, Dr Zorba Paster.

I remember there was one caller who's husband was complaining about stomach pains. The caller lived out in the country and would go into town with her husband every few weeks to get groceries at Farm and Fleet. As you may know, half of Farm and Fleet is dedicated to the sale of bulk candy (circus peanuts, gum drops, and the like). The caller's husband would buy several gigantic bags of black liquorice, then eat one of the gigantic bags on the drive home. By the time they got home, he would be doubled over on the ground with extreme stomach pains.

Apparently, he would go to the doctor with concerns about his stomach episodes, but would never mention the black liquorice. The cause of the problem was so obvious that his wife had to call freaking NPR to confirm that yes in fact eating an entire 1 lbs bag of black liquorice will probably cause stomach problems and you shouldn't do that.

Skill issue.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 16:49

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

My mom started charging me rent when I was 13, and not as a lesson or anything, she just needed drinking money. I feel pretty strongly about this, and I would go without food if it came down to it rather than charge my own child rent to live at home. Insane behavior. MAYBE it's okay if the kid is like, 24, and everyone is open and fair about the arrangement, and what rights and responsibilities everyone has. But doing it purely as a lesson, or character building, or for fuckin pocket money, is supremely hosed up.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 19:49

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:09

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Brawnfire posted:

Am I the bleached rear end in a top hat?

If you even have to ask...

# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 15:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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