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titty_baby_
Nov 11, 2015

i smoked cannabis and drove straight into a dui checkpoint and the cops pulled me over and searched my car and made me to the sobriety test thing like the abcs backwards and walking in a straight line. i was high as gently caress but lied and said my car smelled because I smoked before a movie. I passed the tests and since I didn't have any weed left they didn't give me a ticket and told me to go home

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Henry Lee Mucus
Dec 11, 2003

I was going through a bad breakup and after a month or so of trying to drink the pain away I got very tired of that not working and figured I should go over to my ex’s place and not leave until she took me back. Problem was, I was so out of it I forgot she had moved like a month before and ended up breaking down some random family’s front door.

The pigs naturally came and got me, which I definitely deserved, but then they took me to an ATM and told me if I paid my bail they’d let me go. I took out a grand and gave it to them and they pocketed it and took me to lockup anyway. Did 30 days, which I 1000% deserved, but still. ACAB

dorkthrone
Nov 11, 2019

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

N. Senada posted:

Still don’t know if I did the right thing but at least a lot of women in my life told me I did the right thing. Maybe they just said that to make me feel better.

There should be absolutely no remorse for a woman beater. You most likely saved her life by calling the cops.

You did the right thing.

Bouillon Rube
Aug 6, 2009


In college, our apartment was broken into when I was in college and the superintendent went ahead and let the cops in since I and my roommates were in class.

We had probably half a pound of weed, a big water pipe and a few Lorcin .25 pistols sitting on the kitchen table in plain sight. Naturally I was loving terrified when my roommate called and let me know that there were three cops in our apartment casually browsing through our poo poo.

They dusted the place for fingerprints, asked if anything was missing (only a nearly worthless camera lens) and went on their way.

The fingerprinting stuff did permanently stain my white MacBook; still pretty salty about that.

Black Sunshine
Apr 4, 2004

LEFT 4 DEAD IS A LOT LIKE FOOTBALL - I JERK OFF TO BOTH
A couple carloads of us were hanging out at a quarry waiting for another carload of friends to come so we can combine all our drugs and get hosed up when 2 cruisers pull up asking questions and being dicks. They tossed our cars and harassed us and at one point we saw our late friends driving past us slowly like "lol lucky we didn't come by earlier!".

In the end they found some coke on one of us at which point they wrote him a court summons and took his drugs promising to prosecute him which they never did because they obviously chose to snort it themselves.

After they left, we retrieved the rest of the coke they somehow didn't find, hooked up with our friends elsewhere and got loving lit.

I guess it could've gone worse but the cops stole some of our drugs like a bunch of dickheads.

Edit: it didn't help that one of my friends was wearing one of those ridiculously tall "cat in the hat" hats which surely made the pigs curious about what the hell we were doing.

Black Sunshine fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Apr 12, 2024

NC Wyeth Death Cult
Dec 30, 2005

He lost his life in Chadds Ford, he was dancing with a train.
Boomer dad who worked as the head of narcotics for the town we lived in- every single cliche about living under a cop you can think of from the violent temper, to treating us like suspects on to keeping track of us and our friends. There are a lot of cops in my family so get-togethers are filled with them one-upping each other on atrocities- dad as the old school one always tops the others for cruelty.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
Age 16, was test driving a 1979 Honda Express on my way back to school after lunch. I had been working out some carb issues on it. Bought it for like $300 with my Sears checks.

I lived in suburban Wisconsin with 25mph side streets and 30mph avenues. These Honda Expresses were lucky to push 35mph when they were new I think, this one was dogging down around 28.

I rode the bad one and my buddy rode another I had gotten into better shape. We just had one 3/4 mile stretch on a 30mph four-lane avenue where we were gonna barely be at speed limit, and we planned on getting onto the first side street we could after that.

A big dumb SUV motherfucker had the horrible inconvenience of being behind us for 90 seconds at speed limit and I remember THEM getting fairly close, and then my buddy jokingly half-doing one of those "traffic break" things that cops to do signify they need this lane, a little controlled swerve of sorts. For all intents and purposes we weren't doing anything dangerous or unbecoming of a motorist. We had licenses, the bikes were registered. Rest of the ride goes fine.

When we get to the high school, a motherfuckin' plain clothes cop flies up to us in his squad, getting out aggressive and yelling that he had calls about KIDS WEAVING IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC on "CROTCH ROCKETS." We're not even getting words in he's just loving spitting ooga booga caveman bullshit. He makes us walk them to my house four blocks away and then we miss class and all of this god drat bullshit. My mom called me in the rest of the day because I just went unhinged angry teenager just pacing around talking about how I wanted cops everywhere loving shot in the face, lol.

I grew up with dad and uncles working on vintage cars and having bad test drives, it was like completely out of this world I had been harassed doing gearhead poo poo.

So my worst experience is more of a sad story about growing up in the midwest. I had had a couple bad interactions with drivers before that and this pushed me over. After this incident I sold the loving things, really was a symbolic story of what a bummer it could be growing up among all hog people. Just get harassed for having this dumb little vintage moped.

20 Blunts fucked around with this message at 02:27 on Apr 12, 2024

Vile_Nihlist666
Jan 15, 2009

I'm a special kind of asshole!

EL BROMANCE posted:

“No, I do not give you permission to search my person or my vehicle”. They might make you wait while they get a K-9 unit to find some probable cause, but it’s likely they’ll just give up unless they genuinely had suspicions above ‘let’s see what bullshit I can pin on this person’.


Tried this once, and I assure you that while it SHOULD work that way, it only does so if you have a cop that gives a poo poo about proper procedure. Which is preciscely 1% of the cops I've ever met.

XYZAB
Jun 29, 2003

HNNNNNGG!!
Went to courthouse to fight a speeding ticket. Got in the wrong line (apparently it was for jury duty or some poo poo) which ended up taking FOREVER, and it wasn't until I got to the front of the line that I both found out I was in the wrong room, and that by waiting in line and being in the wrong room I had basically screwed my chances for fighting the speeding ticket because now I was late to my ACTUAL appointment which was in the same room number but in another wing of the court house??? Some stupid bullshit trickery to confuse anyone who isn't a cop or something??

Anyway I ran breathlessly up the stairs to the correct corridor and basically stood around looking like an idiot for a few minutes trying to figure out where the hell I was ACTUALLY supposed to go, when a cop opened a random unnumbered side door and peaked out and asked what I was standing there for. I told him who I was and what I was there for and he basically told me that I was supposed to have been meeting with him about 15 minutes ago, and where the hell was I? I explained that I got shuffled into the line for jury duty and he sort of rolled his eyes like he had heard that one before, and then told me he had no reason to keep his meeting with me, but he did anyway and brought me in.

I knew all along that I was speeding. I just wanted to see what kind of video evidence they had on me and how good their video resolution was. I just wanted the inside-baseball perspective, because I was a delivery driver and wanted them to show me what they had on me in case they caught me doing it again.

Long story short, I walked out of there guilty as hell and had to pay a hefty fine, but now I knew how their dashcam-based evidence system worked and wasted a bunch of their time forcing them to spill those beans to me.

So, on a scale of 1-10, this was about a 1 on the police brutality scale. Possibly even a 0. Apologies to anyone who decided reading this post was worth even a moment of their god-given time on this Earth. :madmax:

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

lol I got jumped by a guy with a sledgehammer and we fought and I took the sledgehammer from him, and one of his eyes, but he was able to escape in an accomplice's vehicle.

I called the Boston PD and the cop shows up and is like a "Sigh" personified. I tell him all the details but he's just yah yah yahing me.

I give him the sledgehammer used to attack me, thinking he'll need it to dust for prints. He just sighs and shrugs and throws it in his trunk.

A day or two later I was in the Boston Detective HQ, expecting a lineup or some such but LOL to that. Honestly peering into the heart of their detective department made me want to become a Batman villain.

Hotel Kpro
Feb 24, 2011

owls don't go to school
Dinosaur Gum
Third day at my new duty station, fresh out of tech school I get pulled over doing 25 in a 15 coming up to the front gate. Guy gives me poo poo for not knowing my squadron name. It was day three dude piss off. Anyway had to go meet the first sergeant because of it, not a good way to start out on base.

All my other experiences with cops have been boring, even when someone called the cops on me when I was walking back from dropping off mail at the post office because someone thought I stole mail from a USPS dropbox

Bouillon Rube
Aug 6, 2009


redshirt posted:

lol I got jumped by a guy with a sledgehammer and we fought and I took the sledgehammer from him, and one of his eyes, but he was able to escape in an accomplice's vehicle.

I called the Boston PD and the cop shows up and is like a "Sigh" personified. I tell him all the details but he's just yah yah yahing me.

I give him the sledgehammer used to attack me, thinking he'll need it to dust for prints. He just sighs and shrugs and throws it in his trunk.

A day or two later I was in the Boston Detective HQ, expecting a lineup or some such but LOL to that. Honestly peering into the heart of their detective department made me want to become a Batman villain.

Did you give them the eye too?

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Bouillon Rube posted:

Did you give them the eye too?

lol it broke upon contact

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

A more wtf than bad moment with a cop was the day after my brother died in my bathroom. He had received a 2 disc DVD set of some movie via USPS that had 3 balloons of heroin hidden in the case and OD'd. The detective was in the house for probably a couple hours after going through everything, waiting on the coroner, etc. However, he forgot to take the heroin with him. I called him and asked him what to do with it and he said, "Just bring it with you when you come to the station to give your statement". I did, but lol.

Also, if you want to blow a small town detective's mind, time travel back to 2009 and try to explain to them purchasing drugs on the internet but you can't pay with cards on the drug website. You have to go to some sketchy website and convert your money into gold bullion and pay with that. I might as well have been explaining underground lizard people to him.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Kirk Vikernes posted:

A more wtf than bad moment with a cop was the day after my brother died in my bathroom. He had received a 2 disc DVD set of some movie via USPS that had 3 balloons of heroin hidden in the case and OD'd. The detective was in the house for probably a couple hours after going through everything, waiting on the coroner, etc. However, he forgot to take the heroin with him. I called him and asked him what to do with it and he said, "Just bring it with you when you come to the station to give your statement". I did, but lol.

Also, if you want to blow a small town detective's mind, time travel back to 2009 and try to explain to them purchasing drugs on the internet but you can't pay with cards on the drug website. You have to go to some sketchy website and convert your money into gold bullion and pay with that. I might as well have been explaining underground lizard people to him.

Sorry about your brother.

Waste of Breath
Dec 30, 2021

I only know🧠 one1️⃣ thing🪨: I😡 want😤 to 🔪kill☠️… 😈Chaos😱… I need🥵 to. [TIME⏰ TO DIE☠️]
:same:
My only two experiences with cops were in college.

Once I was pulled over for a taillight being out while on the way back from a grocery run. This, of course, warranted 3 squad cars and all 3 of us being pulled out of the car, patted down, and the car searched on the main road through town. They claimed that having party poppers (the little pull-string things that pop confetti) were "fireworks out of season" because I had long hair and we were a bunch of nerds with nothing illegal on them. Thank god I wasn't presenting as more femme yet because I'm positive they would have hassled me even more.

The second time, we were wandering campus with energy drinks (I had a bottle of bawls if anyone remembers that). Tried to claim we had open containers before they left telling us we shouldn't be wandering around looking like trouble. gently caress small town cops.

My dad, now a hardcore republican, once ran from the cops (they hadn't done anything wrong before evading the cops) while him and his buddies threw fried chicken at them and I've never been prouder to relate to the man. ACAB indeed.

frumpykvetchbot
Feb 20, 2004

PROGRESSIVE SCAN
Upset Trowel
ACAB but is this thread a safe space for posting best cop experience also or do we need a separate one?

I was going about 90 in empty right lane on I-10 west of Phoenix AZ at about 7am on a sunday morning with no traffic. Suddenly out of nowhere a single short blast of siren, like a "whoop" sound. COP CRUISER in rear view mirror right on my bumper and I know I'm dead. Cop turns on his PA and just says SLOW DOWN A BIT OKAY. Then as I bring down my speed to posted limit cop pulls ahead and vanishes into the horizon.

The end. That's my almost very nearly moving violation cop interaction story.

credburn
Jun 22, 2016
A tangled skein of bad opinions, the hottest takes, and the the world's most misinformed nonsense. Do not engage with me, it's useless, and better yet, put me on ignore.

frumpykvetchbot posted:

ACAB but is this thread a safe space for posting best cop experience also or do we need a separate one?

I was going about 90 in empty right lane on I-10 west of Phoenix AZ at about 7am on a sunday morning with no traffic. Suddenly out of nowhere a single short blast of siren, like a "whoop" sound. COP CRUISER in rear view mirror right on my bumper and I know I'm dead. Cop turns on his PA and just says SLOW DOWN A BIT OKAY. Then as I bring down my speed to posted limit cop pulls ahead and vanishes into the horizon.

The end. That's my almost very nearly moving violation cop interaction story.

They came by to remind you that your entire future is theirs to determine, that you are beholden to their authority. To cause you fear and make you think you drove away with a "positive" experience.

Like when a gangster puts a gun to your head, then laughs and says Ah I'm just breakin your balls!

Whorelord
May 1, 2013

Jump into the well...

Dunno if this counts but the other night I was getting a cab home from a mate's place and as I left his house I see my cab driver getting pulled over by the police who start to question me about a loving caravan theft that had just happened. They somehow suspected that I'd nicked the thing, fled on foot for 6 miles (?) and then called a cab to use as a getaway driver???

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

N. Senada posted:

Still don’t know if I did the right thing

Lol wut

Joey_Redd
Jun 12, 2008
I once got pulled over and searched 3 times within 20 minutes. It was annoying but they did not find my hash in all 3 searches. I think it happened because the first time the pulled me over I had some trim piece that was hanging off my truck and the cop told me I needed to fix that, unfortunately me ripping it off and throwing it in the bed of my truck made him angry. In short gently caress the danish police. Other than that I have only had to deal with dick head cops at airports, NYPD were port authority when I came through JFK once and they did the good cop bad cop thing when they were pulling me aside to rip through my luggage. The Cop from Belize who was there training was nice, the native New Yorker Italian cop was an rear end in a top hat and seemed bitter to be working port authority

Joey_Redd fucked around with this message at 11:43 on Apr 12, 2024

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .
Doctor Rope

EL BROMANCE posted:

“No, I do not give you permission to search my person or my vehicle”. They might make you wait while they get a K-9 unit to find some probable cause, but it’s likely they’ll just give up unless they genuinely had suspicions above ‘let’s see what bullshit I can pin on this person’.

I'm pretty sure that if I said this, I would get dragged out of my car and shot at least a dozen times

frumpykvetchbot posted:

ACAB but is this thread a safe space for posting best cop experience also or do we need a separate one?

The literal first word of the thread title is "worst", I'd assume any standalone neutral or positive experiences would/should be in their own thread but I'm not the forums police

titty_baby_
Nov 11, 2015

I once broke into a cops house

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

kntfkr posted:

I.....I don't want to talk about it OP

I assume it starts something like this:

"So there I was, covered in feathers..."

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

My dad has more interesting cop stories. Both from the 70s in or around Waynesburg PA.

The first was at a concert. I think it was Fleetwood Mac? He was in line to get in and someone opened a beer and it splashed on a cop. They passed the beer back in the line and he ended up with it. The cops confronted him and he told them to gently caress off, and he says the next thing he knew five cops tackled him and one started choking him with a baton and asked if he wanted to see the concert but he was being choked so couldn't really talk. They ended up not doing anything and letting him in.

The second time he got arrested for a DUI and I guess he mouthed off again and said they wouldn't be so tough without their guns, so the cop takes off his gun and acts like they were gonna go at it one on one, and he said the next thing he knew ten cops were stomping the poo poo out of him and then they threw him in jail.

Lazyfire
Feb 4, 2006

God saves. Satan Invests

It's 5:30 AM and I'm mostly done with my morning run. The important detail is that the route goes by a state DOT lot, part of which is closed off with a ten foot fence that has barbed wire at the top all around. I'm at mile five and I need to tie my shoes about two minutes since I last passed that fence, and while I'm kneeling down I hear a car roll up and someone say "Hey, what do you think you're doing out here." I don't look up, I just say I'm running. "Oh, yeah, is that so?" Only then do I see it's a guy in an unmarked state trooper car, one I had passed on each loop parked near the fence. I hadn't realized someone was inside at the time. "Stand up, let me see who you are." Once I stand up I can see inside the car is all the normal cop stuff and he has a badge on and everything, very unlikely he's anything but a state trooper as they use that lot for breaks fairly frequently. He shines a flashlight directly into my face and tells me I need to give him my name and address. I ask why he even stopped to talk to me. I had thought he was just going to tell me I can't use that route because of the state property or something, but instead he got pretty hostile at my questionMiralus Healthcare
Miralus Healthcare. "I need you to show me your ID." Buddy, it's 5:30, I'm running in sight of where I live. I'm not carrying my ID. "I need your name and address, then, I need to run you through the check." He's saying everything through gritted teeth, like me not giving him what he wanted immediately was the most frustrating moment of his life. This is not making me want to work with the guy on anything so I hit him with "Why do you want to run me through a check? Do you think I did something wrong?" He ignores that and demands I call someone who can bring him my ID if I won't do it. I lie and tell him my wife's on a business trip. "Why don't you want me to know who YOU ARE!?" He's fully pissed off at me now, which wasn't necessarily what I wanted to do because angry cops are never a good thing and now I'm a little concerned. "I just want to know why you think you need to run me through a system. If you don't have a reason I want to finish my run." I'm thinking this is a reasonable thing to want to know. Surprisingly, he actually gave me an answer. He "saw" me climb the fence in the state vehicle lot and he wanted to know who I was and why I was in the locked and fenced off area.

I tell him that I wasn't in there, I've been running for half an hour, he should have seen me five times this morning doing exactly that if he was in the lot. Of course, he never saw me until I hopped the 10 foot fence. I tried to reason with him. The fence has barbed wire on the top all around, did I look like I had just gone over barbed wire? He got mad again because I'm sure he didn't know about the barbed wire. He asks me if I'm calling him a liar. I was, but I hedged and said maybe he saw like a racoon or something come through a gap or something. So this didn't placate him and he said he'll call in backup for me resisting arrest unless he gets my name and address. I ask him if I'll be free to go if I give him that, he says "we'll see." gently caress. I give him my name and address and the check takes forever. My record comes back clean, as I knew it would. "Get in the car, I'm taking you to the house so you can show me your ID." This now feels like a kidnapping attempt more than anything. I tell him I'm absolutely not getting in the car, and unless he's going to charge me with something he can't hold me. "Who's holding you, we're just talking." I realized this was going to keep circling unless I could prove I wasn't in the fenced area. I realize that my Fitbit GPS would show exactly where I was and when, he would see I was never closer than ten feet to that fence.

So I ask him if I can take my phone out because I can prove him I'm not lying. He allows it and I open up the Fitbit app and pull up the run I was on and zoom in on the fenced area. I show it to him and he says he can't see the details from where I was. I take a step closer and he swipes for the phone. I shout "WHAT THE gently caress!" as I pulled the phone back and stepped away from the car. I lied and told him I had started recording, and I was going to send the video to "everyone" unless he let me go. He screams "YOU ARE SUCH A loving human being!" at me which was weird because I told him I was married to a woman, but he peeled off and did a U turn at the end of the road and went back from where he came.

I decided to finish my run anyway, and on my next pass by the fence he's there with his spotlight thing slowly cruising around the fence looking for something. I wave, he floors it again and drives off into the night.

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


When I was 18 I got pulled over for absolutely no reason and this cop kept insisting I give up whatever drugs he randomly decided I had in my car. When I truthfully told him I had no drugs he made me and my friend lay on the street face down with our hands behind our heads and people drove by and honked and laughed at us. After tearing my car apart and finding nothing he brought in a K9 unit and found nothing. We were laying on the street for over an hour. He was also screaming at us the whole time. When he could find absolutely nothing he let us go and said "i'm letting you off this time but you need to go home right now and consider yourselves lucky"

A few years later someone did a driveby shooting on me and some friends while we were sitting on the porch and when I called the cops they just didn't bother to show up. When I called them back to see if they were actually coming, the operator said that the officer couldn't find the house and just gave up (I 100% gave them the right address which was very easy to find, and they had my cell number but never even tried to contact me) when I said I still wanted a cop to come she acted like I was being a giant pain in the rear end who was wasting their time.Then a cop actually showed up an hour later. Two hours after the shooting. he was some lazy fat slob that moseyed around four about 3 minutes and had me show him the bullet holes in my house. Then he was just like "yup, im gonna be straight with ya we never find these guys" and then he just left without doing literally anything lol.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Any fans of the Silmarillion will know the story of how Sauron was defeated and taken prisoner, but in his imprisonment he corrupted his jailers, such that eventually they all came to worship him. And Eru laid a heavy punishment on the land.....

This was me in my local town. I threw HUGE parties, all over, all the time. The cops knew. Workmanlike relationship.

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

One of the themes coming out of this thread so far is that cops waste a lot of time and resources when there is no actual crime and are completely lazy and do nothing when an actual crime has occurred.

Tristesse
Feb 23, 2006

Chasing the dream.
Back in the stone ages my first job was workin at a Blockbuster video in a kind of lovely part of town. Over the years I was there I had a bunch of experiences with the cops that made me say "gently caress it" and not even call them when I got held up at gunpoint.

The time I really remember is when we were being robbed (thankfully without weapons just the old stuff everything into a garbage bag in front of everyone trick) and there were 2 city patrol cars parked across the street at the Dunkin Donuts. So I call and say to myself "no loving way they're going to be a stereotype and not bother showing up for this one, we're right across the street they can walk and make it in time."

They didn't show up for 3 hours. When the cops finally did come by they lectured me about being the only employee in the store after dark and that I needed to carry a gun to protect myself. At that point I just wanted the drat report so corporate wouldn't accuse me of stealing.

DamnitGannet
Apr 8, 2007

We saw a dude wipe out and crash into a fence and we stopped to see if he was okay and when the cop showed up the both of them decided that we actually hit him and caused him to spin out and here’s your ticket and I’m going to throw you in the back of my car if you talk back to me about how bullshit this is. I was 9 and I remember the cop threatening to hand cuff me because I said “that’s not what happened.”

Beer_Suitcase
May 3, 2005

Verily, the whip is ghost riding.



I was in county jail in Texas in 2006. I'd gotten pulled over with no valid stickers on my car and expired license and they found the brass knuckles I had lost.

Anywho, I'd been in county for about 3 weeks and got made trustee so we had to move from the pod to main jail to go cook. We were waiting for the van to come get us and there is a big NO WEAPONS sign in the hallway. The CO watching us was making conversation and he says something along the lines of
:cop: I hope y'all didn't sneak any knives in lol, hey Beer_Suitcae got any weapons?
:v: Only my rapier wit
:cop: What?
:v: oh I guess you didn't bring yours
He makes a grumpy face then points to me
:cop: strip search this one

And I had to get all the way nekked in a hallway n squat n cough for the sake of my dumb joke

gently caress the police and correction officers as well

Lazyfire
Feb 4, 2006

God saves. Satan Invests

Mulaney Power Move posted:

One of the themes coming out of this thread so far is that cops waste a lot of time and resources when there is no actual crime and are completely lazy and do nothing when an actual crime has occurred.

Yeah, pretty much. The cops in my city run red lights and drive with their headlights off all the time to the point where I refuse to use a crosswalk if I have a all clear if I see a cop coming down. You would think that this means crimes are responded to much faster as they don't wait for lights to change. Then it took them two hours to respond to someone throwing a brick through my living room window. At that point the witnesses (who ran over to us to let us know what they saw) had left and the description they gave us was apparently too vague to do anything about. We still had the brick, we offered it to the cop as he ground broken glass into our hardwood floor with his jackboots and his response was "eh, this isn't really worth our time." Dude, you have a giant loving tank you bring out for parades and nothing else. You have time to at least look into this. I didn't even want someone arrested, I just wanted them to pay for the window to be replaced because it was under my insurance deductible.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Beer_Suitcase posted:

I was in county jail in Texas in 2006. I'd gotten pulled over with no valid stickers on my car and expired license and they found the brass knuckles I had lost.

Anywho, I'd been in county for about 3 weeks and got made trustee so we had to move from the pod to main jail to go cook. We were waiting for the van to come get us and there is a big NO WEAPONS sign in the hallway. The CO watching us was making conversation and he says something along the lines of
:cop: I hope y'all didn't sneak any knives in lol, hey Beer_Suitcae got any weapons?
:v: Only my rapier wit
:cop: What?
:v: oh I guess you didn't bring yours
He makes a grumpy face then points to me
:cop: strip search this one

And I had to get all the way nekked in a hallway n squat n cough for the sake of my dumb joke

gently caress the police and correction officers as well

Life lesson: Say nothing

Ceciltron
Jan 11, 2007

Text BEEP to 43527 for the dancing robot!
Pillbug
Got a speeding ticket for going 69km in a 50 zone and the guy didn't even say "nice".

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER
My great grandfather was murdered by NYP(ig)D after my great grandmother emigrated here in the (19)20s so then she had to move back to Ireland to get help from siblings with her two young daughters.

What's really cool is that my grandmother was born here so I can't get Irish citizenship and have to live here with the chance of my children being murdered in school because the 2nd amendment is great and important!! :)


My most recent experience with pigs was pretty bad. I got dog searched while on my lunch break. Love when pigs ask "Why are you nervous?" Because you're a loving subhuman monster who can murder me with impunity much?

credburn
Jun 22, 2016
A tangled skein of bad opinions, the hottest takes, and the the world's most misinformed nonsense. Do not engage with me, it's useless, and better yet, put me on ignore.
A cop once told me, "I've got a gun for every room in my house and that includes the closets. There is a sign on my door to warn firemen to let the house burn, because I got explosives, too."

Man just give me my loving ticket so I can go about my day.

Bouillon Rube
Aug 6, 2009


Beer_Suitcase posted:

I was in county jail in Texas in 2006. I'd gotten pulled over with no valid stickers on my car and expired license and they found the brass knuckles I had lost.

Anywho, I'd been in county for about 3 weeks and got made trustee so we had to move from the pod to main jail to go cook. We were waiting for the van to come get us and there is a big NO WEAPONS sign in the hallway. The CO watching us was making conversation and he says something along the lines of
:cop: I hope y'all didn't sneak any knives in lol, hey Beer_Suitcae got any weapons?
:v: Only my rapier wit
:cop: What?
:v: oh I guess you didn't bring yours
He makes a grumpy face then points to me
:cop: strip search this one

And I had to get all the way nekked in a hallway n squat n cough for the sake of my dumb joke

gently caress the police and correction officers as well

jfc you actually got sent to jail for a pair of knuckle dusters? In like the one US state most strongly associated with open carry/gun culture?

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Entorwellian
Jun 30, 2006

Northern Flicker
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.



Being handcuffed and thrown to the ground for wearing black socks.

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