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credburn posted:A cop once told me, "I've got a gun for every room in my house and that includes the closets. There is a sign on my door to warn firemen to let the house burn, because I got explosives, too." Thin Blue Line Punisher
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Apr 12, 2024 20:07
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kntfkr posted:My most recent experience with pigs was pretty bad. I got dog searched while on my lunch break. Love when pigs ask "Why are you nervous?" Because you're a loving subhuman monster who can murder me with impunity much? I feel like pigs are too nice, and bacon is too delicious, for the police to be referred to in such a manner. Shouldn't they be nicknamed something uglier and/or crueler? Maybe mosquitos. 
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Apr 12, 2024 20:08
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They are subhuman trash unfit to live but that’s too many syllables.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:11
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YeahTubaMike posted:I feel like pigs are too nice, and bacon is too delicious, for the police to be referred to in such a manner. Shouldn't they be nicknamed something uglier and/or crueler? Maybe mosquitos. Mosquitos serve as an important food source at their trophic level. By getting blood from larger creatures and in turn being eating by smaller creatures they are acting to redistribute food energy within the ecosystem
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Apr 12, 2024 20:11
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YeahTubaMike posted:I feel like pigs are too nice, and bacon is too delicious, for the police to be referred to in such a manner. Shouldn't they be nicknamed something uglier and/or crueler? Maybe mosquitos. Pigs are way more important to our ecosystem than police but it's 200 year old slang and I think it genuinely offends them so I gotta keep saying it.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:12
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I set up this giant party in a sand pit that drew kids from three or more towns, it was huge and awesome. We got this giant bonfire going and that was probably a mistake as about 1 am every local town fire and police rolled in and it was a HUGE event. So many cars towed for example. I paid for and had a returnable deposit on both kegs so me and the boys shuffled them off into the woods as the cops and firefighters ruined everything. And so began the hours long adventure of hitchhiking back into town with two mostly empty kegs...
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Apr 12, 2024 20:18
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Bouillon Rube posted:jfc you actually got sent to jail for a pair of knuckle dusters? In like the one US state most strongly associated with open carry/gun culture? Yes with a but When I got pulled over I went to jail for about 12 hours and bailed out. I had court in 2 weeks, went and got probation if I completed my Crime Stoppers course, drug testing and 500 hours of community service. I never went, I never even met my probation officer. I hosed off to another county and hoped for the best. Flash forward 2 years, I'm riding passenger with my GF at the time, she gets pulled over for speeding. Like a dumbass I give the cop my license, he runs it and I get a one way ticket to county. I did meet a guy called "The Dick of Death" who gave a bunch of cougars HIV/AIDS in North Texas, not a cool guy
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Apr 12, 2024 20:35
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I was with a buddy working on an ambulance in small town USA who said, "Let's go visit my cousin, who is a cop." This was in a small town. We meet up with him, and he goes, "Wanna see my trunk? " I say," Sure." He opens the trunk, and there is an SS white flag attached to the underside of the trunk. Then, the trunk is full of machine guns and ammunition. He smiles and says, " For when the race war happens." Anyway, that's probably my worst experience with a cop Hollismason fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Apr 12, 2024 |
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Apr 12, 2024 20:48
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About 12 years ago, shortly after I moved in to my current home I had a friend over, we were collaborating on a project for work in the middle of the day. We were in the back room of the house at our computers and we had loud music playing. I guess I didn’t hear someone knocking on the door but I suddenly heard a booming voice yelling “LAPD!” I go to the front door and there’s a loving LAPD officer standing in my living room with his gun drawn and like four more cops behind him. I froze, he looked me (white guy) up and down, holsters his weapon and was like oh derp wrong house, you’re not Carlos. He didn’t apologize but instead said with all seriousness “you really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked” before leaving to presumably raid the home of Carlos and shove a gun in his face. I’ve kept my door locked ever since.
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Apr 12, 2024 21:49
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I got unjustly thrown in the drunk tank overnight. The cops were actually pretty cool about it all. Then a vagrant who had been living in the jail for a few weeks because he refused to be let back on the street but also refused to go to court showed me the ropes, about using toilet paper rolls as pillows, and other tips and bits of etiquette. Then I had a really bland bologna sandwich, watched Titanic and Pirate of the Caribbean, then got let loose the next morning. A coupla months later, they purged the case because they had quickly realized that though I had some booze in me, I wasn't even close to being drunk. That's about my only big interaction with cops, though, so that's all I got. I'm pretty sure all of this and more were true, but it was like over fifteen years ago, so not 100% sure.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:04
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Ralph Hurley posted:I go to the front door and there’s a loving LAPD officer standing in my living room with his gun drawn and like four more cops behind him. I froze, he looked me (white guy) up and down, holsters his weapon and was like oh derp wrong house, you’re not Carlos. He didn’t apologize but instead said with all seriousness “you really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked” before leaving to presumably raid the home of Carlos and shove a gun in his face. I’ve kept my door locked ever since. They would have kicked it in otherwise so they saved you the cost of a new door/security deposit.
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Apr 12, 2024 23:27
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I was heading home from a dinner/game night at a friend's house at like 12am and my wife wanted to stop somewhere for more food since we hadn't eaten since the dinner at 6pm. So we get some burgers at a fast food joint and start the drive home. I'm eating my burger while driving around a curve, run out of space and let go of the wheel for a sec instead of putting my burger down. My car swerved real bad, and the car in the lane next to us slowed way down and pulled behind me. I said "welp, that's a cop, fair enough" and thinking I'll just make it safer for everyone, I pulled off into a gas station at the next intersection. The car, which was indeed a cop car, goes by without pulling me over. Thinking it was weird and not wanting to get accused of evading, I just sat in the lot of the gas station for a few minutes before going "weird" and pulling back onto the side street. As soon as I turned onto the main road though, I get the lights and sirens and pull over Cop asks me if I know why and I say no and he tells me it was cuz I ran the red light and I'm like  and hand over my license/registration. The cop then asks if I have anything in the car he needs to know about and I said no. He asks again and I'm like "uh the answer is still no" so he squats down and tells me he's only gonna ask one more time so I need to be truthful and I just reply "I have no idea what you want me to say, man, there's nothing in here"He's gone for a while with everything then comes back and demands to know how much I've been drinking. And I told him I hadn't been cuz I'm not telling this dickhead I had a beer 7 hours ago or it's gonna be a nightmare. He then yells "I know you're on something because your eyes are red and bloodshot!" and while I'm totally stunned by this my wife goes "uhhh well it's almost 1am and he's been up since 6am so he probably is just tired." And I said "yeah. Maybe it's allergies?????" and the cop just huffed and gave me my stuff back plus a paper with a warning to not run red lights Cops are idiots lol
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Apr 12, 2024 23:38
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All of my interactions with the police have been extremely positive considering the circumstances, even when I got my dumb rear end arrested. Unsurprisingly I am white, male, middle class and my father was in the military.
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Apr 12, 2024 23:40
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I threw this giant banger of a party at my parent's house 1 week out from graduation, and everyone was there, I think even maybe a teacher but I might be misremembering that. Some adult figure... Anyways, it was huge. Cars lined up long down the street and the music thumping in this suburban neighborhood within walking distance to the school.
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Apr 12, 2024 23:44
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One time I was out late at night and needed a place to piss, like it was an emergency. I came to this perfect spot and for some reason there was a cop there and he was on fire and he was like pee on me put it out aauggh and I said NO!
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Apr 13, 2024 00:45
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my cousin's husband worked undercover and was vital to at least one big bust that made national news, but every family gathering he just goes on his phone and maybe mumbles something every hour, and i'm not sure if that's cause he hates us or if that's his strategy and he was pulling the same poo poo with the hell's angels or whatever
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Apr 13, 2024 02:01
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I am proud to say I have no cops in my family or extended family as far as I can think.
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Apr 13, 2024 02:06
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my cousin's married to a detective and he's the most boring guy ever. tells stories about shopping for the best deal on pool service, or how he was making burgers the other day and the grill had some big flames coming out of it.
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Apr 13, 2024 02:40
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:my cousin's married to a detective and he's the most boring guy ever. tells stories about shopping for the best deal on pool service, or how he was making burgers the other day and the grill had some big flames coming out of it. He's deep under cover
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Apr 13, 2024 02:41
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:my cousin's married to a detective and he's the most boring guy ever. tells stories about shopping for the best deal on pool service, or how he was making burgers the other day and the grill had some big flames coming out of it. Dude owns
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Apr 13, 2024 02:51
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Mulaney Power Move posted:My dad has more interesting cop stories. Both from the 70s in or around Waynesburg PA. It's funny that this reads as pretty reasonable these days.
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Apr 13, 2024 03:26
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redshirt posted:I am proud to say I have no cops in my family or extended family as far as I can think. There are two kinds of Irish families. Mine was the kind where Uncle Tommy did 3 years up at Concord for coke.
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Apr 13, 2024 12:49
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Szyznyk posted:There are two kinds of Irish families. Mine was the kind where Uncle Tommy did 3 years up at Concord for coke. lol we're that kind.
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Apr 13, 2024 12:53
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redm fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Apr 18, 2024 |
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Apr 13, 2024 13:02
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redm posted:flipped off a cop at a BLM protest and got jailed for 3 weeks For real? There must be more to it.
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Apr 13, 2024 13:04
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Getting hospitalized by 4 at occupy and then charged with 4 separate counts of assaulting an officer, each with a max of 10 years. Thankfully, the initial judge did not believe that the cops story and ror’ed me, against the prosecutor’s recommendation of $1,000,000 bail, no bond, and i was able to spend my life savings to get a lawyer and have the charges dropped after a year.
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Apr 13, 2024 13:11
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bruvs be4 luvs
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redm fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Apr 18, 2024 |
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Apr 13, 2024 13:15
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redshirt posted:For real? There must be more to it. Their middle finger is a gun
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Apr 13, 2024 13:45
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redm fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Apr 18, 2024 |
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Apr 13, 2024 14:02
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I got caught with a case of beer when I was maybe 15. The cop took the beer and I had to wash his cop car for a couple weeks. My dad couldn’t stop laughing when the cop brought me home because we were drinking warm Budweiser. He also didn’t tell my mom, which actually turned out to be a big turning point in our relationship. Same cop let my buddy go from a DUI years later when he lost control and drove a good way into a cornfield. The farmer was a little pissed, but not too much. I forget what he had to do, but it was something like cleaning up the park or something. I think small town cops only come in two flavors, power hungry people who want to punish others or laid back people that just wanted a job where they can sleep in their car. I’ve only ever interacted with the laid back ones.
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Apr 13, 2024 14:15
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Police man put a baton in my rear end
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Apr 13, 2024 14:18
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redm posted:wait I almost forgot they also held me without charges and forced me to agree not to sue them when they let me go haha Why haven't you sued? It sounds like your rights were totally abused and violated.
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Apr 13, 2024 14:19
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:my cousin's married to a detective and he's the most boring guy ever. tells stories about shopping for the best deal on pool service, or how he was making burgers the other day and the grill had some big flames coming out of it. This sounds like the best cop ever actually? Just the most boring guy who has as his most crazy moment of the week be the fact he put a bit too much starter fluid on the coals. That guy probably spends all his days just typing reports or something rather than harassing random locals.
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Apr 13, 2024 14:40
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I was walking home with a friend from Blockbuster video after dark in the mid 90s when we got jumped and had the poo poo beaten out of us. We took a shortcut home which was down a dimly lit residential side-street which ran parallel to train tracks. Figures emerged from the tracks and asked for a lighter. As they approached I could see in their eyes poo poo was about to go down so i braced the lighter in my hand and readied myself. I got 2 good shots on the one guy but I wasn't a fighter so we got rolled pretty bad. They took our jackets, wallets and money and left us on the curb. My buddy didn't even know his name as we walked back, he kept asking what happened and why his head hurt. We were covered in blood, our clothes were ripped and dirty, and my friend was walking very strangely like he had no balance (severe concussion). We approached a plaza on the way home and a taxi driver took notice and asked if we needed help and we said to call the cops. Big mistake. The police took us back to the station to get our reports, they sat us in seperate interrogation style rooms and brought us water and a warm cloth to wash off our faces. They then, for the next 3 hours, proceeded to grill us like criminals. They accused us of being in a drug deal gone wrong, they accused us of being gang memebers (We had moderately threatening heavy metal t-shirts on, i guess that means we are bad guys) who lost a fight with other gang members, anything they could to try and get a confession out of us. They even called the Blockbuster to confirm our whereabouts before the incident. They denied us any form of medical attention outside of the warm cloth and at the end I was losing my mind and calling them "loving tyrant cunts" and cursing out the police to their faces, on my feet leaning over the table with eye contact that could burn through steel. They explained that they were following up on reports of some break ins in the area and that we fit the description. I said a lot of things that would be absolutely hilarious in hind-site but I don't remember much else other than putting my friend in a taxi to get to the hospital and me walking 3 blocks home at 2 in the morning; beaten, covered in now-dried blood and a couple of clean streaks down my otherwise pulverized face. Service and Protection is not an accurate depiction of what we experienced that night.. Goddamn Hippy fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Apr 13, 2024 |
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Apr 13, 2024 15:30
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titty_baby_ posted:the abcs backwards I screwed this one up because I was intoxicated, and replied, "Uhh no, I couldn't even do that if I was sober". Brilliant.
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Apr 13, 2024 18:07
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redshirt posted:Why haven't you sued? It sounds like your rights were totally abused and violated. Cant you read? They made him pinky swear.
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Apr 13, 2024 18:22
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The pigs closed down all the roads surrounding the ballot box on the most recent election day for a memorial service (I live in a very blue town). Using the death of your fallen comrades to commit election suppression is pretty loving pathetic, but I know those dead-pig pieces of poo poo would have appreciated it.
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Apr 13, 2024 18:54
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My old polling place was at a fire station and the only parking was the side of the road so the cops just hung out giving everyone tickets for trying to vote.
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Apr 13, 2024 19:04
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My one weird trick when dealing with policemen: Be white, young, female, and have a blind friend with a guide dog in the car. Works best if it’s a German shepherd. I was a terrible driver as a teenager, and it worked multiple times. One I rear ended someone and didn’t even have to show my insurance info. They just told me to pay more attention when driving. Sorry, dude in the blue Passat. I was a dumb kid and just did what the officer told me.
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Apr 13, 2024 19:45
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I've never had any really negative experiences. My wife had one that should have been a Norman Rockwell painting. On our way home from our wedding she was pulled over for expired tags. We had taken separate cars and I saw the lights and did a u-turn to see if she needed help. I asked what was going on and then asked if I should go get a camera and come back. She promised violence if I did. The cop let her go and told her it was his wedding gift, and to get the tags as soon as she could.
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Apr 13, 2024 22:40
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