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Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

I’ve told this story before but I was pulled over in rush-hour the-highway-is-a-parking-lot style traffic just outside of Chicago supposedly for “stopping too close to the vehicle in front of me at an intersection”. Total bullshit, I mean I don’t want to huff anyone’s exhaust fumes and I definitely had more space than some of the cars around me, but whatever. I show the cop my license and insurance card, he says the insurance card is expired, I say “oh I just grabbed the wrong one, just a sec”, he says it’s fine and walks back to his cruiser.

Where he waits. And waits. For over a half a fuckin’ hour. I’m significantly late for work and missing a meeting at this point.

Another cruiser pulls up behind him and I’m wondering what the gently caress is going on. The new arrival on the scene walks up to the cop that pulled me over and hands him what looks like a giant fuckin’ foil-wrapped breakfast burrito through the window, heads back to his car, and pulls off.

Twenty minutes after THAT, when Officer Hungry finally finished his breakfast, I have to assume, he walks back up to my car. I wave my current insurance card and asked if he wanted to see it, he says “nope” and hands me a ticket. For driving without insurance.

I had to go show up in court for that absolute loving bullshit. All cops should gently caress a woodchipper.

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Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

when i got mugged outside my apartment like a decade ago the cops kept pressing me like I knew the attackers or was involved in serious drug poo poo and I’m like “I look like hell because I just got home from roller derby practice not because I’m a junkie”.

the whole time I was strangely worried they’d fine me for the gravid mantis I had in a tank laying an ootheca, it wasn’t strictly legal to have but she’d been rescued from a strip mall parking lot that afternoon and started laying before I had a chance to rehome her in a park

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Jelly posted:

I'm surprised you're not a loving super villain now

i mean what are your qualifications here because i definitely dress flamboyantly to commit crimes under an assumed name

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

a currently unhoused friend got woken up this morning by a cop kicking some of their teeth out

seriously gently caress all cops

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