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The draft is upon us! Soon it will be time to leave the 2023 season behind and look ahead in abject terror at the upcoming 2024 NFL season. Hello friends, this is the thread for the best division in football, the NFC East! Lets take a look at our teams! The Dallas Cowboys   2023 record: 12-5 What you lost: A wild card round game to a Packers team that barely snuck into the playoffs. 48-32 makes it seem like it was almost a competitive game but lets face it, it wasn't even close. You also lost Michael Gallup, which probably isn't that big a deal in the long ruin. Holy poo poo, he's a 7-year vet now? I always had it in my head he was a guy who'd only been in the league a couple years and we were all just waiting for him to turn into something. Leighton Vander-Esch has finally retired but has been around so little that it's likely nobody noticed. Big loss in Dan Quinn, who's defenses look great and then just randomly turn to total dog poo poo. Tony Pollard is also gone, but didn't exactly impress as the #1 RB. What you gained: Mike Zimmer mostly. The Cowboys took one look at free agency and said nah, so there aren't any serious players to talk about here. Zimmer was always good at getting the most out of meh/washed DBs, which... okay I guess. I'm not sure that was the problem that needed addressing. Still not a bad hire. gently caress the Cowboys though. What stayed the same: Mike McCarthy is still lingering like a fart in an elevator. Also Dak Prescott, his Walter Payton MotY patch and his fresh new sexual assault allegations. Dak is on the last year of his contract and has four void years after this. His cap hit is $40 million next year regardless. Jerry Jones is lingering like the guy who farted in the elevator. Your draft picks: Round 1: No. 24 Round 2: No. 56 Round 3: No. 87 Round 5: No. 174 Round 6: No. 216 Round 7: No. 233 (via Las Vegas) Round 7: No. 244 Anyway, that's the Dallas Cowboys. gently caress 'em. Personally, I'm a fan of... The Philadelphia Eagles  2023 record: 11-6 What you lost: A wild card game against the Buccaneers in which you looked like a D2 college team and not one of the good ones. Also all self respect at not only hiring Matt Patricia at the start of last year in a bullshit executive role but then actually moving him to DC, a move which actually made possibly the worst defense in the league somehow even worse. Also, a game to the Zach Wilson Jets. The gently caress? DT Fletcher Cox and Center Jason Kelce have finally called it quits after long, successful careers. They will be missed, but lovely people won't stop bitching about Kelce so we'll still get to hear about him sometimes.  What you gained: Saquon Barkley out of nowhere. He's definitely lost a step but Giants fans didn't spend a lot of time complaining about him. They probably will now. Also joining the roster this year is Kenny Pickett, because I guess every team needs a hopelessly trash QB but there's only one Dak Prescott. I've been told by angry Jets fans that newly acquired DE Bryce Huff is really, really good. Vic Fangio is in at DC. Hope he's still got it because whatever his advice was for the 2022 Super Bowl didn't really work out. What stayed the same: Nick Sirianni is back at HC and while I've been slow to come around on it, yeeeaaah, I don't think that was a good idea. Players seemed completely checked out late in the season, especially after Matt Patricia was given the DC role. Jalen Hurts remains QB and while he has talent and is definitely a better QB than he was year 1, it seems teams have figured out a few things about him. Your draft picks Round 1: No. 22 Round 2: No. 50 Round 2: No. 53 Round 4: No. 120 Round 5: No. 161 Round 5: No. 171 Round 5: No. 172 Round 6: No. 210 Well, that's it for teams with winning records last year. But there's also The New York Football Giants  2023 record: 6-11 What you lost: Any faith in Daniel Jones as a starting QB, when some Zach Braff stunt double-looking dude named Tommy Cutlets took over and saw a 3-game win streak that absolutely ruined any chance of the Giants getting one of the top 3 QBs in this draft. Great way to ensure your job security there, Tommy! Defensive coordinator Wink "Stink Fartindale" Martindale is out at DC despite somehow convincing most Giants fans and pundits that the fairly average defense he put out there was actually good. I guess your special teams coordinator is also gone. Was that a problem last year? What you gained: Uh... Jordan Phillips I guess? is he any good? Gunner Olzsewski? Maybe Jalen Mills has something left in the tank? What stayed the same: Brian Daboll is back. I think even if he isn't starting the year on the hot seat, he's gonna finish on it if he can't produce another winning season. the Giants finished 2022 with a (narrowly) winning record and a playoff win. Scraping out only 6 wins again isn't gonna cut it. You've got a lovely QB nobody likes backed up by a lovely QB everyone loves, but the Giants may wanna draft a QB that's a little more balanced. Which QB in the 2024 draft is a the most aggressively mediocre guy nobody will care about? Your draft picks Round 1: No. 6 Round 2: No. 47 (via Seattle) Round 3: No. 70 Round 4: No. 107 Round 5: No. 166 (via Carolina through San Francisco) Round 6: No. 183 Okay, we've reached the bottom floor. Time for... The Washington Commanders Hey, Terry McLaurin, how many wins will your team have this year?  2023 record: 4-13 What you lost: After a 2-0 start that maybe convinced some people that the team could do something that year, they lost a poo poo ton of games. After a win that brought them to 3-3 that maybe made some people think that possibly they could just maybe not be total dogshit last year, they were total dogshit last year. Washington lost head coach Ron Rivera to being not very good. Ron was the kinda guy who could take a good roster or even a mediocre roster to a .500 season or a bad roster to its logical conclusion. What you gained: At HC you now have Dan Quinn, who's defenses look great and then just randomly turn to total dog poo poo. Last year's Eagles OC, Brian Johnson, also joins the offensive staff. That combo is the rest of the NFC East just loving with you. Zach Ertz joins the squad on a 1-year deal. I think he's still got a little left in the tank and that's gonna be a good signing, if short lived. What stayed the same: Washington got really pissy when Detroit Lions OC Ben Johnson declined to interview for their HC position, to the tune of numerous hit pieces. Dan Snyder was king poo poo of the whiny babies club, but apparently that good old Washington Football Culture is still alive and well, even if diminished. Your draft picks Round 1: No. 2 Round 2: No. 36 Round 2: No. 40 (from Chicago) Round 3: No. 67 Round 3: No. 78 (from Seattle) Round 3: No. 100 (from San Francisco) Round 5: No. 139 Round 5: No. 152 (from Seattle) Round 7: No. 222 Get a QB. Sam Howell is flat as a pancake by now. Quiet Feet fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 02:45
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| # ? May 7, 2024 14:22 |
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Add this to the OP gently caress the Cowboys. Hail Clownball.
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Apr 25, 2024 02:54
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gently caress the Cowboys
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Apr 25, 2024 02:56
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nice op. gently caress the cowboys.
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Apr 25, 2024 03:04
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It's not impossible for all 4 to have a new HC next year
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Apr 25, 2024 04:07
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Chris James 2 posted:It's not impossible for all 4 to have a new HC next year 
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Apr 25, 2024 05:55
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Chris James 2 posted:It's not impossible for all 4 to have a new HC next year dan quinn is the best hc in the division. loving daboll is second best.
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Apr 25, 2024 06:10
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Excellent OP, TY
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Apr 25, 2024 13:35
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Dak Prescott IS Top 5 Quarterback In the NFL
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Apr 25, 2024 13:54
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If he gets up early. If he's down early, he's the worst of any QB I've looked at. If only he were as good as Mark Sanchez.
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Apr 25, 2024 13:57
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More than half of Dak's losses come in games where he's down early. It completely breaks his spirit and he fucks up. He doesn't have the iron will needed to be a true champion.
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Apr 25, 2024 13:58
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Mr. Nice! posted:More than half of Dak's losses come in games where he's down early. It completely breaks his spirit and he fucks up. He doesn't have the iron will needed to be a true champion. Oh it looks like you are incorrect, imagine that Whats that? A Passer rating of 117 when the game is within 7 points in the 4th Quarter?? Dang, thats clutch! blarzgh fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 14:04
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Mr. Nice! posted:More than half of Dak's losses come in games where he's down early. It completely breaks his spirit and he fucks up. He doesn't have the iron will needed to be a true champion. Hang on... your theory is that he's not a good quarterback because his team DOESN'T lose games where he gets them a lead early?
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Apr 25, 2024 14:09
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blarzgh posted:Oh it looks like you are incorrect, imagine that When Dak is down by 10 points at any point in the second - ie down early in the game. pre:Wins Loss Record Reg Rec 2 18 0.100 Playoff Rec 0 4 0.000 Career rec 2 22 0.083
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Apr 25, 2024 14:12
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So Dak puts up good garbage time stats against prevent defenses where the Cowboys still lose in the end? Got it. He’s Blake Bortles without the benefit of a funny name/The Good Place jokes.
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Apr 25, 2024 14:14
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Romo's record in the same situation - 0.290. Mark Sanchez (jets) 0.200 (overall) 0.176.
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Apr 25, 2024 14:14
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fartknocker posted:So Dak puts up good garbage time stats against prevent defenses where they still lose in the end? Got it. He’s Blake Bortles without the benefit of a funny name/The Good Place jokes. Nah. The cowboys have a good offense if they get ahead early. They're fantastic at running up the score if they get a lead at the start of the game. If they go down 10+ before half time, you can turn the game off.
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Apr 25, 2024 14:15
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This year is gonna be another clownball shitshow NFC East garbage fest where we all try to lose our way into the one playoff spot.
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Apr 25, 2024 14:36
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Mr. Nice! posted:More than half of Dak's losses come in games where he's down early. It completely breaks his spirit and he fucks up. He doesn't have the iron will needed to be a true champion. most QBs don't, but you can build a team around them that will get them there (06 Colts, 15 Broncos, 21 Rams). even QBs who do don't necessarily win (Marino, Kelly, Tarkenton)
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Apr 25, 2024 15:54
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Saw this in my email just now: Well earned. One of the few Washington jerseys acceptable to wear in public.
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Apr 25, 2024 16:24
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Mr. Nice! posted:When Dak is down by 10 points at any point in the second - ie down early in the game. Yes, Dak's performance in ~2% of his games is statistically significant. The One or two game difference between him and any other quarterback in those situations is definitely a skill thing and not randomness. Also LOL that his defenses have allowed a 10+ point deficit by the second quarter In over half of his playoff games
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Apr 25, 2024 17:47
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Cartoon Man posted:This year is gonna be another clownball shitshow NFC East garbage fest where we all try to lose our way into the one playoff spot.
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Apr 25, 2024 17:58
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blarzgh posted:Yes, Dak's performance in ~2% of his games is statistically significant. yeah
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Apr 25, 2024 18:10
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The amount of buzz the draft gets is really stupid.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:11
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blarzgh posted:Yes, Dak's performance in ~2% of his games is statistically significant. The One or two game difference between him and any other quarterback in those situations is definitely a skill thing and not randomness. Uhh, 24 out of 121 games is 20% not 2%.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:28
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In roughly 1/5th of all of Dak's games he's been down early and in all but two of those games completely collapsed. Mark Sanchez, on the other hand, had much worse teams and was down early in 43% of his games. He still won those 1/5th of the time. Mark Sanchez has grit.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:33
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You can’t focus on regular season games especially for an nfce “qb”
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Apr 25, 2024 18:35
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euphronius posted:You can’t focus on regular season games especially for an nfce “qb” I'm including playoffs in all of my numbers. Dak is 0 and 4 in playoff games where he's down early.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:38
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You don’t need advanced stats to know daq is a dog poo poo qb
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Apr 25, 2024 18:38
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euphronius posted:You don’t need advanced stats to know daq is a dog poo poo qb That's just not true. He's an excellent QB - one of the best in the league - if his team takes the lead or never trails by more than one score in the first half. The moment he's ten points down, it's over. If Dak doesn't end up down 10+ early in the game, he's got a 75% win rate. Shame about what happens when he's down early, though.
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Apr 25, 2024 18:40
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The fact that his team is behind is his fault . Cut him !!
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Apr 25, 2024 18:41
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Ah, the cowboys. gently caress 'em
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Apr 25, 2024 19:27
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dingo with a joint posted:dan quinn is the best hc in the division this division is hosed
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Apr 25, 2024 20:19
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I hope the Cowboys draft some good players but I shan’t be watching
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Apr 25, 2024 20:37
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It’s ok tv if you have a top 10 pick I guess
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Apr 25, 2024 20:38
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Daniel Snyder is gone. Someone other than Daniel Snyder owns the Washington Football Team. When you watch a game and they pan up to the owner's box, you will not see Daniel Snyder's disgusting face. No more Daniel Snyder front office hires. No more Daniel Snyder interference with drafting and free agent decisions. No more Daniel Snyder prostituting out the cheerleaders. No more Daniel Snyder stealing deposits from season ticket holders. No more hearing about Daniel Snyder cutting down trees in a national park to improve the view from his mansion, because he no longer lives there. The miasma that has engulfed this franchise is starting to lift. I have no expectations that it is going to dissipate overnight, but the vile source at the center of the stink is gone. I'm still in celebration mode.
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Apr 25, 2024 23:51
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Rip Vinny Cerrato
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Apr 25, 2024 23:58
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I fell asleep during the last draft night, and I'm pretty tired today. Think I'll watch basketball instead
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Apr 26, 2024 00:01
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I'm gonna watch the first round and then just check my phone every so often for tomorrow and Saturday. I just want the Eagles to draft a cool fun player in the 1st and the Cowboys entire war room to be drowned in a tidal wave of poo poo.
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Apr 26, 2024 00:05
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| # ? May 7, 2024 14:22 |
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Cowboys should draft a qb
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Apr 26, 2024 00:05
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