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(Unrelated: I always liked the Society of Amateur Time Travellers front page articles back when the Front Page actually did stuff instead of serve as a dust covered door to the forums). So I went back and gave the Native Americans some diseases in 1000 BC or so and now high tech Native armies are invading a steampunk Europe in modern times. ...honestly not sure if this would be considered worse. (It's suggested that basically, Europeans lived in 'filth' and kind of generally had hardier immune systems due to it, while Native Americans had cleaner lives and hence their immune systems were weaker, and hence that's why all those drat European diseases just utterly annihilated their populations when Europe came over. Seriously, even in an opposite world where Europeans came in legit peace and wished for worldwide brotherhood, the diseases would have still just ravaged the Natives, all because of that. Or so I read somewhere. The idea being that if you made some of their distant ancestors sick with a continuous disease, the ones that finally encountered the Europeans would have better immune systems. Or something. I think.)
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Apr 27, 2024 18:32
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I farted into the time machine and caused the black plague
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Apr 27, 2024 18:52
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If I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back those words that have hurt you And you'd stay
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Apr 27, 2024 19:02
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Went back in time to kill baby hitler but like I dunno maybe I didn't listen in history class that well or something. Baby hitler was born in the 1700's right? um, poo poo I think I accidentally just killed some random baby with a lovely moustache. Germany's that lovely island off the coast of Europe right? Um, I didn't listen much in the class that taught you about which country's which either. 
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Apr 27, 2024 19:14
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Travelling back in time to be with my highschool sweetheart but get cockblocked by myself and myself and myself and myself who each hosed it up big time in their own separate way and now they want another go at it
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Apr 27, 2024 19:30
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*sets the stone on the altar * sets the stone on the altar * sets the gem on the pedastal.....
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Apr 27, 2024 19:31
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good news, i've explored the future and distant galaxies using space-based quantum bubble technology but a malevolent alien entity that is slowly tracking us backwards though time and will destroy us all might have followed me back
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Apr 27, 2024 19:57
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Mozi posted:good news, i've explored the future and distant galaxies using space-based quantum bubble technology but a malevolent alien entity that is slowly tracking us backwards though time and will destroy us all might have followed me back Hi, I'm right here.
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Apr 27, 2024 19:58
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you have to suck my dick Marty! This is normal in the future Marty, you have to suck my dick!
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Apr 27, 2024 21:19
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I just watched Primer again and it's a movie about some dumbasses fixing the future and getting rich, I don't seem to remember that being the story
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Apr 27, 2024 21:23
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protodependency posted:a man walks into a bar and the bartender tells him "go gently caress yourself", so he does. THe man is also the bartender. this made me laugh harder than I feel like it should have.... have you been messing with my timeline?!?!
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Apr 27, 2024 21:33
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Through the power of time I am now the fastest masturbator in Boston.
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Apr 28, 2024 00:08
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Bob! Did we need the Etruscans for anything?
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Apr 28, 2024 00:09
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Traveling any meaningful distance plops you right into interplanetary space of course, it's a time machine not a place machine
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Apr 28, 2024 00:19
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Karate Bastard posted:Traveling any meaningful distance plops you right into interplanetary space of course, it's a time machine not a place machine Duh, of course. Now do you want to work on the return project?
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Apr 28, 2024 00:24
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stuck in the hitlerhaus forever protecting baby hitler because nerds ruin everything, especially causality alois smells like a drunken horse
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Apr 28, 2024 01:53
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So I went back in time to warn the residents of Pompeii and Herculaneum that Mt. Vesuvius was on the verge of erupting, and now for some reason everyone in the present has tastebuds on their feet???
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Apr 28, 2024 03:09
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Gene, BBC Radio 1
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Apr 28, 2024 03:10
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Cornwind Evil posted:(Unrelated: I always liked the Society of Amateur Time Travellers front page articles back when the Front Page actually did stuff instead of serve as a dust covered door to the forums). Both farming and urban life in Europe back then involved close contact with a lot of poo poo and a lot of infected people/animals, it's not the worst theory. Unfortunately, simply getting the Native Americans generally stronger immune systems wouldn't help a whole lot, it was the novelty of the European pathogens that really waylaid them. Diseases that had evolved in completely separate environmental conditions for millennia, infecting a group of people who had absolutely no generational adaptations to diseases of those types, produced infections that were horrifically debilitating and ran roughshod throughout the body. The only practical way to stop the European pandemic from happening in the 16th-19th centuries is to make it happen at least a few centuries sooner, so the survivors have enough time to pass their resistance on to subsequent generations and rebuild their numbers. Or, you know, introduce vaccination technology, modern germ theory and soap.
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Apr 28, 2024 03:37
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Well, I bulldozed earth's massive plastic waste problem into the time vortex. This won't have any repercussions.
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Apr 28, 2024 03:39
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McSpanky posted:Both farming and urban life in Europe back then involved close contact with a lot of poo poo and a lot of infected people/animals, it's not the worst theory. Unfortunately, simply getting the Native Americans generally stronger immune systems wouldn't help a whole lot, it was the novelty of the European pathogens that really waylaid them. Diseases that had evolved in completely separate environmental conditions for millennia, infecting a group of people who had absolutely no generational adaptations to diseases of those types, produced infections that were horrifically debilitating and ran roughshod throughout the body. The Viking incursion into North America is much wider, longer, sustained. As such many diseases come over around 1000CE and as such when the Spanish arrive in the 1500's the continent is ready for them....
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Apr 28, 2024 03:40
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In this timeline John Titor is Ulilililia
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Apr 28, 2024 04:34
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I made a really bad sandwich. I went back in time, so I don't use the old meat. But then I forgot to put in the tomatoes. I went back in time. Remembered the tomatoes but forgot the lettuce I went back in time Lettuce, but different bread. The bread was bad. I went back in tim Good bread, but used the bad meat again. I went back in ti Lettuce Tomato Good Meat, Good bread, forgot the mayonnaise I went back in t remember the mayonnaise, a fly landed on the sandwich I went back in t Sandwich was made. I dropped the sandwich in sink full of water I went back in t The plane that crashed into my house, burnt my sandwich. I went back in t I decided to toast the bread. I burnt the bread. I went back in For some reason I added pickles. I don't like pickles. I went back i The Blood from my ears ruined my sandwich. I went back Random bird ate my sandwich when I wasn't looking. I went bac The Hot tube water browned the lettuce. I went ba the mayonnaise bottle was unscrewed and covered my sandwich. I went b the ice from the delorean got on the bread I went I spent one hour looking for something to watch on youtube and the sandwich went bad I wen sandwich made. I got soda. One of the four balls knocked the soda onto my sandwich. I we Me from the future ate my sandwich. I w I put in the bad meat again I I made the sandwich perfect, waited for the bird. Killed the bird. Ate the bird with BBQ sauce. mazzi Chart Czar fucked around with this message at 04:53 on Apr 28, 2024 |
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Apr 28, 2024 04:48
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Buttchocks posted:Well, I bulldozed earth's massive plastic waste problem into the time vortex. This won't have any repercussions. Help I'm being crushed by tons of plastic falling on my house from the future!@ And here's anthor condom falling in my coffee, make this stop!
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Apr 28, 2024 05:12
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Half-Life 3 was too good, too addicting. In my universe, humanity stopped progressing and slowly withered and died because we were all too busy playing Half-Life 3. I only pray I've prevented this scourge from infecting this timeline...
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Apr 28, 2024 06:11
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lipid posted:In this timeline John Titor is Ulilililia the timeline master
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Apr 28, 2024 06:23
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whoops I created a paradox but thankfully when I did it killed my original body so to hide the evidence I time traveled the corpse to the Jurassic and dumped it on the ground, but not before pocketing the original's cash and adding a second pair of my favorite pants to my wardrobe 😍💯
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Apr 28, 2024 13:08
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Karate Bastard posted:Traveling any meaningful distance plops you right into interplanetary space of course, it's a time machine not a place machine *Tim Rogers Voice* buddy, why do you think they call it space-time?
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Apr 28, 2024 13:10
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my buddy and I conceived of a time traveling detective who's only ambition is using his time machine to travel forward in time, steal the evidence that led to solving the case, then going back and using it to solve and take credit for solving cases in his original present
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Apr 28, 2024 13:18
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I go back in time to desperately tell myself to never start gooning, which my past self misinterprets as never becomes a Something Awful goon.
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Apr 28, 2024 14:59
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That's due to my efforts to eradicate Gooning from history. You may think that it's not going well but at least I managed to remove the shellfish rubbing from this habit.
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Apr 28, 2024 15:39
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Hear me, and rejoice!
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Apr 28, 2024 15:43
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OK I may have accidentally taught dinosaurs how to make bronze weapons. The good news is they're really bad at it.
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Apr 28, 2024 15:55
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Smugworth posted:I go back in time to desperately tell myself to never start gooning, which my past self misinterprets as never becomes a Something Awful goon. Truly the darkest timeline
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Apr 28, 2024 16:43
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So y'all know the Binding Compact of Salzburg? No? Ok, good, I think. Ok, the Compact was something that happened in 1919, in the original timeline anyway, to help deal with the confusion of things happening in Europe. It happened after the Eradication of Vienna, and- The Eradication of Vienna. When the city blows up? Uh, 1918, it was local idiots that decided to do a Guy Fawkes but really, really big this time, since they had TNT instead of gunpowder. Did you guys have an Eradication happen? It was in Vienna for us, but if you had a whole city basically explode overnight it was that. No? Maybe Paris? Hum. Getting closer I think, but Why? Uh... Mainly, it was a reaction to the increasingly authoritarian nature of Emperor Franz cracking down on dissidents and Communists, especially after most of them fled from the whole Russian descent into anarchy and really ramped things up across the continent. The bolshevists hoped that it would spark a worldwide revolution, the menshevik diaspora didn't really understand how seriously people were taking this because no one took them seriously, the French just wanted to gently caress up a rival, and the non-communist locals just really, really hated the ruling class. There were a couple of "close calls" but no one was actually willing to take me seriously when I tried to warn them, and when I tried direct action it was all just too set in stone to stop by that point and just happened elsewhere. Really? That really didn't happen? Ok, things really changed more than I expected. Why? Well, it was supposed to lead to the Compact. Usually, that's a really good outcome, basically brought a bunch of the aristocracy and ruling class to their senses about the pent up frustrations of their people (minus the Habsbergs in Vienna lol, rest in piss), the high wire act that international relations had increasingly become, and the fact that you could, in fact, now utterly wreck a decent chunk of a city if you really, really wanted to and got enough people upset enough to basically do a suicide pact with literal tons of TNT and Penta. Actually caused a lot of lasting peace in Europe, which is good. Unfortunately, it didn't do anything about their overseas colonial empires, so when the Empire of Nippon was able to bulldoze their way to becoming the greatest power and r- What? What do you mean "who?" Ok, maybe I finally got it this time. Hold up. So, from like 1920 onwards, did Japan just start conquering everything, or did they get penned in an- .. Excuse me what do you mean, the SECOND world war? Ok uh maybe it still happened, where was it? Europe? Seriously? Not Asia? Did African still unify and have their Renaissance? Wow, ok, things seem pretty off this time, I wasn't really expecting that. So, uh, there wasn't a showdown in the 50s over Australia? Ok, well that's good, but weird, ok hmm. Alright, let me think, how did this one happen. I tried keeping Rudolph's mistress from meeting him, but that just made him bitter. I tried giving him the clap (don't ask) so he wouldn't have Leo, but that just made him a drunkard. I tried just killing him, but that just meant Charles became emperor when everything happened, and somehow he was even worse. I saved Franz from that hunting accident but goddamn did he turn it even harder, instead of an Eradication there it just turned into a civil war and then Paris explodes. I figured if maybe Hans was just never born instead of killed at 3 he might not be such a poo poo, but lol nope, somehow still worse. This time? Well, I thought "maybe if we can just kick this off early it fizzles out," and there's no eradication, so no compact, so no massacre of Calcutta and all that. I found some eager dumbasses in Serbia and decided to go all out. I gave them grenades, but turns out I never asked if any of them knew how they worked. First guy chickened out (yeah, there was "a policeman," sure thing buddy I HAVE A TIME MACHINE I CAN ACTUALLY TELL). Second guy hosed up, and the whole motorcade just drove away. This loving guy thought they just blew up when they hit something  .I didn't even bother seeing what happened back in the future, I just went to get a sandwich and coffee or something and think. Ended up getting cornered by yet another dumb gently caress radical that I trusted to get the job done, apparently he heard the explosion and just ASSUMED. He ASSUMED! Anyway, I got to listen to this guy yammer on with his buddies about how great they were, how they were liberating serbia blah blah blah  when who do I see but FRANZ loving FERDINAND, stuck in the middle of the street. At this point, causality is just straight up flipping me the bird. gently caress that, I'm gonna kill that fucker if I have to do it myself, but the idiot actually beat me to the punch! I'll say this at least, he didn't wimp out like that first guy, he just goes up and BAM! BAM! then tries to kill himself but the crowd grabs him and I decide to GTFO before he points at me or something. Anyway, I don't know if maybe it was just meant to be, but at least it worked. So, who ended up Emperor anyway? C'mon, really, it's not like they were a minor power, they're still there tod- Oh. Wait, what do - Oh. Oh no. Who? How many? What?! Holy poo poo  Ok, uh, so what was this second world war about? Wait, so they still How? An "atomic" bomb? The gently caress is- What But then Well what happened after that ... Ok time to hop back in one more time and kill myself I guess Volmarias fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Apr 28, 2024 |
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Apr 28, 2024 19:26
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... gently caress, and now I've even managed to make this thread worse with my posting. 
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Apr 28, 2024 20:17
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"TL,DR!" I shout as the royalist troops drag me away to be harvested by the demon-god Dhcfgh-Cg.
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Apr 28, 2024 20:19
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Volmarias posted:... gently caress, and now I've even managed to make this thread worse with my posting. Now to make it even worse through the power of time travel. E: Actually while we're waiting for them to think of something. What happened at Columbus university today? Some sort of protest? Funky See Funky Do fucked around with this message at 23:07 on Apr 28, 2024 |
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Apr 28, 2024 23:03
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Now to make it even worse through the power of time travel. Be the change you don't want to see in the world?
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Apr 28, 2024 23:14
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So first I go to ancient Egypt and convince them that the sphinx needs a giant gaping rear end in a top hat which will eventually be exposed in more modern times. Then some time around Jesus's time I convince the people in charge that instead if a cross, people need to be crucified by being bent over and placed in something kinda like a pillory and their assholes stretched open and people can try and throw rocks in to the gaping hole. Then sometime about when Pompeii gets crushed by that volcano, I just happen to drop off several stainless steel sculptures of the goat man around town. I might convince Michelangelo to do "kirk" rather than "david". Traveling to central and South America and convincing them to carve goatses in to their tempkes and pyramids might be fun too
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Apr 28, 2024 23:42
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