- Basic Chunnel
- Sep 21, 2010
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Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!
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ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
r/squaredcircle posted:
WWE RAW for week 4 of March 2015 is LIVE from the Pepsi Center in chilly Denver, Colorado.
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DARK: Nev the Knife pins Kalisto with a Red Arrow. Flicked a toothpick at a fan afterward, he's quite rude. D+
DARK: Bayley vs. Minerva (ne Athena) goes down with Athena eating a Belly to Bayley to clinch it. D
DARK: Video in which Ric Flair cuts a promo about the power of jazz over JAZZ CLUB match footage. B
DARK: Emma vs. Jessicka Havok, the Emmalock nets the face a win. D
DARK: Sami Zayn vs. The Miz, Zayn picks up a solid win with a Yakuza Kick. C+
DARK: Stardust demolishes John Morrison with the Dark Matter. B
- - - - -
- It's the last RAW before Wrestlemania 31 and the normally sombre Denver crowd is hot as Cole, Renee Young and JBL briefly highlight all the storylines that are sure to come to a head at the show of shows. Bryan and Lesnar, Ambrose and Rollins Triple H and Angle's proxy war through Orton and Shaw, the IC title struggle between Wyatt and Ziggler, the BRC's defense of the tag straps against JAZZ CLUB, Cesaro and Cena, even Rusev's stranglehold on the US title and Mark Henry's seemingly unstoppable Network title defense streak.
Cole reminds us that although Wrestlemania is less than a week away, a lot can happen in that time, and that we're bound to be surprised tonight. The night's main event is the powder keg match up of Orton and Shaw in singles action, bolstered by a singles match between Nakamoro "Hepcat" Ihara and Hideo Itami, and a much-awaited faceoff between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins. Cole put extra effort into hyping the show but JBL sounded a little lost. B+
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- Our first match of the night pits The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) against Family Law (Don English and Gerald "The Bull" Dempsey APS). There's a good back-and-forth between English and Kofi to start off, with English showing cold sadism working the arm, but Kofi makes the hot tag and English beats a quick retreat to make his own tag. This turns out to be a mistake, as Dempsey clowns himself against the US title contender, falling to the Big Ending in less than a minute. English curses on the outside as the pin is counted and The New Day celebrates in the ring. Big E gestures at his waist in universal "I'm coming for a belt" signage while Xavier Woods does an exaggerated Rusev impression as Kofi mugs and Lana. B+
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- Daniel Bryan shows up on the big screen to a big pop. He's backstage, stretching in the locker room, when Randy Orton enters. Bryan seems focused, not even looking back. "What do you need?" Orton paces at the door, shaking his head. "I came to ask you something." Bryan turns around and Orton continues. "Listen, I don't need to tell you how important next week is, but we've got a problem in common, here. You've got Lesnar to contend with, I recognize that, but the Authority is right behind him. They've got their sights on me now but you'll be next."
Bryan furrows his brow. "And?" Orton sniffs. "Shaw requested this match with me tonight, but old man Kane's gonna to interfere, I can feel it. So I made my own request to Angle: If I can find a partner, tonight's main event goes from a singles match to a tag match. I know you've got nothing to prove - you beat Kane last month already. But if you'd team with me tonight I'd take it as a favor. You and me, versus Shaw and Kane. Help me even the odds." Bryan considers it for a few moments, then just nods. Orton nods back, then walks out. Orton didn't quite sell the urgency of this conversation when going off-script, but it didn't matter much to the crowd. A
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- Back from commercial, Cole says he just received word that Angle's approved a tag match change for the main event, before Sasha Banks makes her entrance to face Evangelise, already in the ring. The in-ring action is solid, with both competitors working a stiff, physical style. But Banks gets the upper hand after a series of neckbreakers and clotheslines, making her opponent easy pickings for the Bank Statement, which looks absolutely brutal. C-
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- There are some crowd shots of various signs (a lonely "Push Locke" sign held by a portly, sad-looking man is a highlight) while the ring is cleared for Ryvaughan vs. El Malo Locals (#s 2 and 3). Though the masked heels aren't exactly tiny, the musclemen still come out like powerhouses, wrenching themselves out of various painful holds their opponents apply and hitting thundering suplexes in response. Ryback works most of the match but tags in Samuel Vaughan for a tandem shoulderblock, followed by a lungblower that wins the match. C+
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- We're in the back again, where the entirety of the BRC - William Regal, Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, Hideo Itami, and Curtis Axel - lurk menacingly around a single hanging lightbulb. Axel speaks first, crossing the light and out of the frame as he finishes his thought. "It hasn't been long since we came together, but the influence of the Brass Ring Club has only grown in the face of so much opposition, so much denial of our greatness." Kidd walks past next, the tag title over his shoulder. "We have been denied the power befitting our prowess. We will seize these symbols of prestige from a company that once kept them from us." Itami follows, with his own belt. "We will no longer be denied. The WWE will pay for its mistakes." Regal is next. "This Sunday marks a momentous day for supporters of passion and mastery of craft, a black day for lovers of empty spectacle and pageantry."
Finally, there is Cesaro, standing straight in the center of the light. "When we came together we promised that we would rise, not with the permission of money-counters or so-called fans, but on our own terms. This Sunday, the BRC will prove unstoppable. We will begin the task of dismantling the WWE - I will strike at its heart, and my brothers will show that it has no future but ours. The WWE's history will end, and ours will begin." B
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- Backstage, Dolph Ziggler wanders the halls, glassy-eyed. He's stopped on his way by WWE Commissioner Kurt Angle. "We need to talk." Ziggler stops. "You haven't been the same these last few weeks, Dolph. It's been... distressing to see. When was the last time you slept?" Ziggler bristles, closes his eyes in clear frustration. "I'm coming up on the biggest match of my life, Kurt. I don't have time for sleep. I don't have time for anything that blocks the path between me and the Intercontinental Title. It's waiting for me. I won't tolerate any distraction."
Angle is flummoxed. "I'm going to be straight with you. I don't know what's going on with you, and normally I'd call it your business, but it's my business to ensure that every superstar who gets in the ring at Wrestlemania is fit to do so." Ziggler jerks as if snapped awake and he looks disoriented for a moment before shaking it off. "No, no I'll be fine, don't worry about me. I've just got to... focus. I need to focus. This is what focusing LOOKS like. I know where I am, I don't know..." Ziggler begins moving his lips as though speaking, but he makes no sound, and he sneers. "I know where I'm going, to Wrestlemania, to the championship. I have to stop Wyatt, I have to have the intercontinental title." Ziggler straightens, energized. "I will have it. Everything is going to be fine, just fine." He walks past a baffled Angle as though he isn't even there. Angle really sold the exchange, he had the crowd rapt. A*
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- Next up, "Hepcat" Ihara makes his entrance, blowing on a stylized sax prop while the rest of JAZZ CLUB flanks him. As soon as he enters the ring, The BRC's music hits and Hideo Itami walks out, followed by Kidd and Axel! Itami gets in the ring as Balor stares down Kidd at ringside before they move to their respective corners.
The match doesn't actually get very far - Itami and Ihara circle one another, looking to tie up, but Itami has set a trap - as Ihara circles around to the BRC's corner, Axel and Kidd bolt into the ring! But Balor is no slouch, and he slides in for a leaping tackle that broadsides Kidd before he can reach Ihara. As a brawl commences, the ref calls for the bell. No contest! C+
- While Balor wails on Kidd, Ihara takes on both Itami and Axel and while he fends them off and gets shots in, they manage to overwhelm him and take him outside. The five wrestlers brawl to the back as we go to commercial. C+
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- We're in the back again at Kurt Angle's office as he stands and reviews some important-looking binders at his desk. Jackson Shaw appears in the doorway, leaning on the frame and chewing gum. Angle gestures him in. Shaw seems relaxed, so does Angle.
"Jackson."
"Kurt."
"One week left."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, in one week, the decisions we made when we got here, they'll set us on paths we can't come back from."
"You think I made the wrong choice?"
"I think you made the easy choice. You and I both have been around a long time. You know as well as I do how far you can sink chasing someone else's promises."
Shaw looks off at nothing in particular and pops his gum. "I know you're lookin' out. Can't say for certain how this whole power struggle's gonna play out - first I thought Orton and I were gonna sort it, but it's on you now. But consider that whatever happens, I'm out for myself here. Triple H," he sniffs "He's a boss like any other, he wants results, which I'm gonna deliver, but he's only as good to me as what he can give me in exchange. Maybe next week I come out on top of my fight but he doesn't."
Shaw shrugs. "If he can't give me what he promised, I've still got the trophy kill, yeah? I'll make my name with or without him. It would be easier with him. But if he can't stand on his own, he ain't leaning on me."
"You're a mercenary, then."
"Precisely."
Angle produces a bottle of clear liquid and some glasses from a desk drawer, pouring them as Shaw looks on. He takes a sip. "So I assume you've come here to offer your services if things don't go his way." Shaw takes a glass and smirks. "I'm not that hasty. But whatever happens, wherever things land, it ain't personal. I wanted to clear the air on that." Angle nods. "I get it. But I'm under no illusion that going freelance would make you a known quantity. You watch yourself out there, Shaw. If you want to make your way, don't expect that I'm gonna roll out the red carpet for you." Shaw smiles as they clink their glasses together, then Shaw downs his in one gulp, gets up, and walks out. B+
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- Back to the arena as Roman Reigns makes his entrance through the crowd, coldly ignoring the jeering fans and psyching himself up while Christian makes his own entrance, accompanied by Edge.
What follows isn't the best match either worker has ever had, but it's not the worst either - Christian's highly technical style doesn't quite gel with Reigns' light brawling, but soon enough he adjusts into a heavier mode of strikes and suplexes. Reigns' relentlesness works to his advantage, then to his disadvantage. He reverses an irish whip and catches Christian for a pretty cool flapjack, then throws him into the corner and signals for a spear... and Christian rolls forward and under as he charges. Reigns rams his shoulder into the turnbuckle and is stunned enough for the veteran to take advantage, hitting the killswitch and getting the pin. B-
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- Christian is celebrating with Edge in the ring, when suddenly Paul Heyman appears on the 'tron! The close shot is a bit shaky - looks like a mobile phone recording. "Gentlemen!" Paul smiles wickedly. "Congratulations on your win. We'd be there to see it ourselves but, well... Kevin Owens and I had more important matters to attend to. Hey Kevin, show em what we've been up to."
The camera turns and there's Kevin Owens, standing in what looks like a shop window or exhibit... and he's surrounded by relics from Edge's WWE run. Owens has apparently somehow gotten into his WWE Hall of Fame space! Owens addresses the camera. "I've decided that, with Wrestlemania coming up and all, that it wouldn't do to simply dismantle ancient history in the figurative sense, in the ring. It would be much more to my taste to demonstrate in a literal sense just how obsolete this old guard really is."
Owens picks up Edge's old bug eye sunglasses, as Christian holds Edge back in the ring. "A legend, that's what they call Edge. A legend. You're not even an old man! You were handed accolades for no other reason than the fact that you couldn't take care of your own body, the WWE didn't want to be done with you when they were done with you. But me, see, I have no room in my very exclusive list of respected colleagues for anybody whose greatest claim to fame was a consolation prize." Owens lets the glasses drop to the ground. "I came to this company because I knew that if I worked for it, there would be a place for me, a prominent place, that would provide for my family. And yet I show up and all I see are decrepit old men still keening for my spotlight. I won't allow it. At Wrestlemania I'll do my part to sweep away the living detritus of this company. But right now I'm doing my part to rid it of what should have been gone long ago." Owens brings his heel down on the glasses and crushes them before the feed cuts out. The announce team denounces and denigrates Owens as Christian tries to calm a clearly enraged Edge as we cut to back. B+
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- In the back we are once again in the Commissioner's office. Dean Ambrose sits in a chair opposite Angle, splayed out and chewing gum like a punk in detention. The battered MITB case lays in his outstretched lap. He sits at attention and turns slightly as Seth Rollins appears in the doorway. Rollins clearly was not expecting Ambrose to be there. "Oh come on!" Ambrose is relaxed. "Don't look at me, I didn't ask for this," he tips his head at Angle. "I mean, we got things to work out, but an intervention isn't what I had in mind."
"Enough." Angle is firm. "I called the both of your here because somehow you had it in your heads that you could set a match for tonight without my say-so." Rollins is about to protest, but Angle holds a hand up. "No way in hell am I going to sanction a match between two competitors on the same terms they'll be meeting under at Wrestlemania a week before the show." Ambrose rolls his eyes openly. "You're worried about this." He shakes the case violently. Angle shakes his head. "The booking of this program is my purview, but the case was retrieved by Seth, not me. I have no control over when or if the Money In the Bank contract will be put into effect and it's not my responsibility to ensure the opportunity for its use. As far as I'm concerned, that's a personal dispute. I'm not getting involved."
Ambrose bristles and scoffs. "If you weren't getting involved then you'd let this match happen, 'cause this thing? It ain't the "personal dispute" I'm interested in settling. I'm trying to prove a point here."
"Forget it." Rollins steps forward.
Ambrose' face turns quizzical as he turns to face Rollins. "Screw the contract. I'm sick of this game. Taking back my case is going to just be icing on the cake when I've put you down for good." Ambrose rises, his eyes trained on Rollins, and he sidles up to his rival, case in hand, so that they're standing eye-to-eye. "You mean that?" Rollins is unflinching. "I don't need to beat you for a case. Been there, done that. You took that from me because you know it's mine, because you know I beat you, and you can't stand it. But you can't turn back the clock, Ambrose. You can take the case but you can't take my victory. And I don't put any value in a point made twice. So put the case up for grabs, give it away, lock it up, I don't care. Any way you go, I'm teaching you the lesson of your life and when I'm sure, when I'm absolutely sure you've gotten the message, then I'll get my case back."
They stand face-to-face, eyeing one another, for a few moments. Without breaking eye contact, Ambrose lifts the case up to chin level. "You can have your toy back." Seth says nothing, only stares back, and takes the case. Ambrose slowly eases back, smirking. He tilts his head slightly, eyes still on Rollins. "Like the man says, Angle, forget the match. Everybody's on the same page." He then moves even closer to Rollins, the tips of their noses almost touching. His face is all business. "See you on Sunday, friend." Ambrose removes his gum and slaps it onto the side of the case, then roughly brushes past Rollins and out the door. Rollins stares stone-faced as the segment ends. B+
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- Back from commercial, we're in the ring where a table has been set. Commissioner Angle (truly everywhere these days) stands beside it, suit neat, mic in hand. "One of my responsibilities as the Commissioner of WWE is to arrange and solidify the schedule for all of our shows, big and small. The greatest event in sports entertainment is bearing down on us, and while much of the Wrestlemania card has been guaranteed, there are some that have yet to be officially confirmed."
"John Cena and Cesaro have gone to battle many times by now, but they have expressed to me and to the WWE universe that they desire a final confrontation on the greatest stage of them all. I made the decision that, given the animosity and instability that have plagued this conflict, the WWE universe is entitled to a show of good faith, a promise from these great performers that they will deliver on the match they claim to want. So with that in mind, I have drafted a binding contract placing a one-on-one contest at Wrestlemania. I will reiterate that all affiliated third parties will be banned from ringside, under penalty of match forfeit. So without further ado, John Cena and Cesaro, please join me and sign on the dotted line."
Cena is the first to come out, making his customary entrance (the serious-about-this version) to a big pop, sliding into the ring and shaking Angle's hand. He signs the contract immediately and drops the pen, taking the mic for a brief statement. "I'm more than fine with any formality that brings me closer to my match, but the WWE Universe knows that the only people bringing this "instability" to the show are Cesaro and his little club. So why don't you all get out of here and let's see if we can't clear the last hurdle without y'all making a fool of yourselves." he tosses the mic on the table, looking intently toward the entrance.
The Brass Ring Club make their entrance in ochre and gold (save for Regal, in his coal suit, red tie and and ruddy red undershirt), moving with purpose down the ramp. Kidd, Itami and Axel stand at attention outside the ring, while Regal and Cesaro enter it. Cena is clearly preparing for a brawl, but Regal moves forward calmly, picks up the pen and extends it to Cesaro, whose eyes are locked intensely on Cena. He looks over to Regal, who nods, and Cesaro takes the pen. But before he can sign, he picks up the mic next to the contract. The crowd is spoiling for something to happen.
But Cesaro just talks. "John, you don't know how long I've waited for this. You can't know what this means. My entire WWE career, I've been putting on the best matches on every show I featured in, and yet I went nowhere. And for all that time, you were there, at the top, fighting champions, holding titles, being sold as the best of the best. But I knew, I knew, that I was better. And when you're better than the best, where does that leave you? In a broken system, unsung, undervalued, demeaned. So I found my brothers, my misfit masters of craft, and together we are going to make some necessary adjustments to the way things are done here."
Over the jeers and cheers of the crowd, Cesaro continues, Cena's stare still steely. "And I'm going to start by beating you, John Cena. I can't deny your talent, I can't deny that you've pushed me to my limits. Not many people can say that. I'm going to beat you, John, not because I'm the better wrestler, but because winning means something to me. To you it's just something you do, something that keeps sales up, opens more doors to more colors on your merchandise. Those are the stakes for you. My stakes are my future, and the future of my friends, who work their asses off and go nowhere in this company. I'm willing to tear this whole company down to see them vindicated. And that's why I'm going to beat you at Wrestlemania - because this isn't just another Wrestlemania match. I'm going to prove that to you on Sunday." Cesaro places the mic on the table, leans down and signs the contract. He and Regal stare at Cena for a few moments more... and then exit the ring.
A
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- A sumptuous Wrestlemania hype package plays, set to some Slayer track or another (not a fan, but I guess they're playing the show?). Paul Heyman's ominous No Way Out promo is laid on top of it all as we get profiles in miniature of the hottest angles going into Wrestlemania - Angle and Orton against HHH and Shaw, Cena and Cesaro, Ambrose and Rollins. Various little bits of promo from each are intercut into Heyman's over footage of big hits and spots -
"I fight for my life in that ring and I sure as hell make the people in it with me fight harder for theirs."
"You don't know what waits for you, Doph. I pray for your sake that your last breath before the plunge is deep enough to see you through what comes."
"This reign of terror, this Angle regime, it's going to come to an end at Wrestlemania."
"If they wanted to put the fear of failure into me, then they just don't know John Cena."
Abruptly, the footage cuts out and we get a slo-mo shot , angled upwards, of Lesnar hoisting the WWE World Heavyweight Championship up to the sky in a massive, dark and domed arena. "2015 will be the year of the beast." Heyman intones. From there, the truck monkeys put their backs into it, showing big Daniel Bryan spots, Knee+ hits in slo-mo, opponent after opponent tapping to the Yes Lock, and finally Bryan pointing at the sign at the conclusion of the Rumble, looking back at Lesnar. "I am still the greatest wrestler in this company, and I'm still the man that the fans want to see on top of this business... Brock Lesnar doesn't have what I want, he has what belongs to me. And I'm reclaiming it."
The poster for Wrestlemania 31 is revealed as the announcers talk up the card and ordering details. Wrestlemania, in Slamadu New Jersey for the first time, only on the WWE network! and participating cable channels
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- We're back from commercial as we prepare for the last RAW main event of this season. Kane come out first, looking grim and stoic, followed by Jackson Shaw, clearly pumped up and focused. Shaw shadowboxes in the ring as Randy Orton makes his entrance, warming up on the stage til Daniel Bryan's music hits to a huge pop. The two shake hands and Daniel YESes down to the ring, Orton following calmly.
The match starts deliberately slow as all involved soak up the heat. Kane and Orton start off, but sizable portions of the crowd call for Bryan. They lock up and Kane throws Orton into a far corner, running immediately for a corner clothesline, which Orton ably ducks, rolling into a schoolboy off Kane's rebound. It gets one, but Orton is fired up already and leaps for a forearm strike on Kane's head as he rises. Kane goes to rise again and again Orton unleashes a forearm. Orton gets Kane's arm twisted and pulls him to the corner where Bryan tags himself in to a crowd eruption - he jumps on the turnbuckle and comes down with a double axe-handle on the immobile arm of Kane.
Bryan lays in with strikes and wears down Kane even further, but he gets his second wind, blocking a punch and throwing one of his own, and another and another before hitting a signature throat thrust. With Bryan seemingly on the ropes, Kane shambles back toward his corner, where Shaw's hand is outstretched. But Bryan shakes it off quickly and hits a big front dropkick on Kane's back - not a tactically sound move, as Kane stumbles forward, allowing Shaw to tag himself in.
Shaw leaps in and we witness a fast-paced trading of strikes, with each blocking or evading most of the other's offense. But inevitably Bryan's stiff striking pries apart an opening and soon Shaw is eating kicks and slaps faster than he can react. Bryan whips Shaw into the corner but he flips backward over it as Bryan runs under him, but Bryan immediately swings backward and hits a nasty chop to the chest of the landing Shaw that staggers him. Shaw turns around... and nails Bryan with the pele kick! Both men are down and the ref starts counting.
Outside, Kane thinks he's slick as he flits around the ring, looking around the ring for an opening to distract or interfere at an opportune moment. But Orton is wise to him, and blindsides him with a clothesline that lays him out, then lays in with punches on the ground. Orton throws Kane into the ring post, the turns his attention to the ring, as he rises to the apron - but so does Shaw, who leaps from kneeling position into a dropkick that sends Orton flying! Too bad for Shaw that Bryan's recovered as well, and his gloating is cut short by a tiger suplex. If that wasn't enough, Bryan's not done as he locks in another, and then another! Bryan's clearly making a point for someone not currently here.
The crowd is loving it as Shaw stumbles over to the corner and Bryan starts hulking up! The YESes start, and just as Bryan starts to run, Kane hauls himself up to the apron and Shaw blind tags, rolling out of the ring... and into a furious assault from Orton. Bryan steps back but Kane charges, going for a haymaker that Bryan ducks. The middle kicks start again in earnest, but suddenly Kane gets his hand wrapped around Bryan's throat... a crucial mistake, as he's out of it enough for Bryan to counter it into the Yes Lock! Shaw scrambles into the ring but Orton is right beside him and continues his assault.
Kane is straining, too far from the rope. But before he can tap, before anyone can think, a looming figure enters the ring and Daniel Bryan is hoisted upward like a toy. Brock Lesnar releases his german suplex and Bryan's laid out! He must have been hiding under the ring? Kane tries to throw a slow, shaky punch and Brock pulls it into fireman's carry position, and hits an F5! Kane's comatose body rolls out of the ring and the bell finally rings for the no contest. B+
- After the bell rings, Orton is still fresh and leaps for an RKO as Brock turns to him... but it doesn't connect! Orton bounces back up only to be scooped into an F5 that plays out as one whirling, fluid motion, and Orton is out of it as well. Shaw rises to his knees from across the ring, takes one look at the hulking Lesnar, and scrambles out of the ring as Lesnar takes a step forward toward him. The momentary distraction, however, gives Daniel Bryan an opening, as the sound of a dropkick to Lesnar's wall-like back rings out. Lesnar snarls and turns around, and the brawling that follows is furious and evenly matched.
Lesnar maneuvers them into a corner just as talent from the back starts piling into the ring, and the swarm of workers slowly manages to separate the two rivals, pulling them into opposite corners. This lasts for about 30 seconds, the ring in total chaos... Before the veritable pile of bodies holding back Lesnar practically explodes as he surges forward with single-minded focus, tearing men away from his path toward the opposite corner. The loosening of the pack allows Bryan a bit of separation and he uses it to leap to the third rope and launch himself over the fray onto waiting Lesnar - who catches him in front slam position! It doesn't last however as a knee to the side of the head causes his grip to slip and Bryan lands on his feet.
Before the fracas can continue, the remaining wrestlers and a new glut of black-clad security personnel charging in from the back press again, and Lesnar is forced back to the ropes. He takes the opportunity to slip out of the ring, to where a frenzied Paul Heyman waits. A sweaty Lesnar grins dementedly at a barely-held-back Bryan who stares back at him from the ring. Bryan shrugs off the interference of security in the ring and seethes. The final shot of RAW is Lesnar hoisting the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt skyward and bellowing, before turning his back to Bryan and walking back. The tron shows WRESTLEMANIA 31: SLAMADU. A
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DARK MAIN: Brock Lesnar comes out again for a short exhibition against Dean Ambrose. Lesnar goes over with an F5 onto a chair. These two happen to have great chemistry.
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A great go-home show, I'm hyped for everything they put in front of me. I give this a solid A
Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Dec 25, 2015
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