ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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Dongicus: Jun 12, 2015

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

GRRM already wrote erotica for the rapist fans.

We're trying to scoop up the consensual sex fans that felt left out from having lovely fantasy book sex scenes.

its woke, actually

# ? May 19, 2019 01:12

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 04:47

Dongicus: Jun 12, 2015

was this poo poo actually published anywhere or just passed around seedy IRCs ?

# ? May 19, 2019 01:16

TK-42-1: Oct 30, 2013; looks like we have a bad transmitter

lmao at trying this hard to offend people in tbt. like what kind of sysiphean task is this?

# ? May 19, 2019 01:17

Woodpile: Mar 30, 2013

TK-42-1 posted:

lmao at trying this hard to offend people in tbt. like what kind of sysiphean task is this?

The sexy kind.

# ? May 19, 2019 01:22

TK-42-1: Oct 30, 2013; looks like we have a bad transmitter

Woodpile posted:

The sexy kind.

roll your boulder all over me papi

# ? May 19, 2019 01:33

UnlimitedSpessmans: Jul 31, 2015

Dongicus posted:

was this poo poo actually published anywhere or just passed around seedy IRCs ?

take your meds, OP.

# ? May 19, 2019 01:39

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Imagine getting horny over tbt posts

# ? May 19, 2019 01:45

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Imagine getting horny over tbt posts

GRRM makes me firm.

# ? May 19, 2019 01:51

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Lemoncakes and Rape?

I will defend this with my life.

# ? May 19, 2019 01:53

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

nine-gear crow posted:

GRRM makes me firm.

I'd be firm too if I tried to eat like GRRM. Packed to the gills and bursting with lemoncakes.

# ? May 19, 2019 02:26

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Wrote 5 books and retired at 60 with $100M in his bank.

I'm shooting ropes thinking about being a fraction as successful as the Mountain That Blogs.

# ? May 19, 2019 02:35

Dongicus: Jun 12, 2015

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Lemoncakes and Rape?

I will defend this with my life.

this is what being an asoiaf fan does to your brain

# ? May 19, 2019 02:37

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

I sure hope someone doesn't come into this thread with the hot take that this book series is dumb and bad and written by a creep.

Boy would there be egg on everyone's faces if that happened.

# ? May 19, 2019 02:46

The Little Kielbasa: Mar 29, 2001; and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.

Imagine not getting horny in tbt.

# ? May 19, 2019 02:53

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

The Little Kielbasa posted:

Imagine not getting horny in tbt.

Schrodingrrm's Horniness states that you are neither horny nor unhorny until you crank your hog to overly long descriptions of honey drizzled roast boar with capers and neeps.

And rape.

# ? May 19, 2019 03:04

ArfJason: Sep 5, 2011

Dongicus posted:

21. Sensa[SEX] (Claimed by Undead Unicorn)
Jeffrey storms in and yells at Sensa because Autumnfall is marching south for war and informs her of how the details of how they crossed Lord Wootler Ruckus's bridge. Sensa is clueless and informs Jeffrey she's been locked in the tower for months with only news she is given. She promises her future husband that she is loyal to him and will do anything to prove it. With that, she puts on the makeup and clown nose, but Jeffrey suggests they try something NEW.

22. Ardi (Claimed by Teim)
Ardi practices with her sword and poo poo and sneaks off to visit Genden in the smithy's. She gazes longingly at him but gets smacked on the head with a spoon by a soldier who tells her to get back to work. On her way back she encounters a ninja or some bullshit chained to a wall and feels bad for him. She offers him some soup or whatever. He accepts it and promises to repay her for her kindness. She tells him that the best reward she can think of is if he killed King Jeffrey for getting her into this mess. He easily slips out of his shackles and tells her he promises.

23. Demtitties (Claimed by Blade_of_Tyshalle)
The chieftain (Zorro Zalgo Ducksauce?) bids farewell to Demi as her small band leaves the city and continues West. The dragons burn the city down on accident as they leave. Once again on the high seas it looks like things are finally going their way when ships from the Bronze Islands capture Demi's ship and hold her hostage. The Captain of these Bronze Islanders, Victorious Gayjoy, plays a magic fife and commands the dragons to do his bidding. Demi's ship is burned along with what's left of her army, and her and the dragons are taken captive.

24. Jenn[SEX] (claimed by Sophia)
Vampire sex. Just holy poo poo wanton vampire sex.

25. Thelonius[SEX] (Claimed by Syscall Girl)
The sun is shining and everything is beautiful for Thelonius, as he feels really good about everything. But Yarasha spoils his exquisite grrmy breakfast by telling him she's heard rumors of him violating the laws of the Bronze Islands by taking a woman as his submissive. They argue, and Yarasha goes before the crew and calls out Thelonius for his crimes. At the end, she offers the ultimatum of remaining with her, a true Bronze Islander, or following Thelonius, a fraud, to take Autumnfall. In the end, less than a dozen remain with Thelonius as they watch the sails of their once massive fleet shrink on the horizon. But now, as captain of his own tiny, insignificant ship, he can show his crew that BDSM can go both ways.

26. Tyrone (Claimed by SaviourX)
Tyrone stands on the walls of Emperor's Crossing staring down 30,000 of Autumnfall's soldiers. A battle ensues. He joins the fray. In the end, he gets his wiener cut off.

27. Sensa[SEX] (Claimed by The Mutato)
Sensa stands on the walls of Emperor's Crossing staring down 30,000 of Autumnfall's soldiers. A battle ensues. In the end, The Pound rushes in, exhausted from battle and needing a woman. They gently caress a whole bunch. Like, wow. Jeffrey joins in, fearing the battle will be lost and this is his last time he'll be with her.

28. Thelonius (Claimed by Undead Unicorn)
Thelonius makes landfall on the shore near Autumnfall. Battle battle battle, they seize the castle and Thelonius discovers Brendan Strike in the keep, half mad and clinging to an anime tentacle dick girl pillow. He burns down the castle and leaves Brendan for dead, as he thinks it is a better fate than what has befallen him.

29. Jenn[SEX] (Claimed by A GLISTENING HODOR)
More holy poo poo hot vampire sex because we need to sell this turkey.

30. Brendan (Claimed by Arbite)
He's been crazy this whole time and �Miri� is an anime tentacle dickgirl pillow. Hogor carries Brendan out of the fire and Brendan vaguely remembers being a highborn child of Ned Strike but then he was struck in the head and saw a blinding light. He struggles to remember his strange visions and hear's the Master's voice telling him again that none of this was real. (BOOM, in your face! It was all a dream, up in hurr!)

31. Tyrone (Claimed by Dead Man Posting)
Shawn Bawn visits Tyrone and tells him all about his deeds in the (Battle of Backwash Harbor?). Tyrone is distraught over the loss of his wiener and decides to sail across the Wide Sea, where he's heard rumors of a Dragonkin woman with powerful magic abilities, who is his only hope to regrow his lost dong.

Epilogue[SEX][Sorta] (Claimed by Greatbacon)
The killers of Kate Strike are singing a jaunty tune as they walk through the woods when a strange woman is spotted. She invites them back to her cottage and feeds them. When their bellies are full she offers them other entertainment. She proceeds to have sex with them, but before they finish the cottage is filled with an icy wind and Lady Coldbox pulls back her hood revealing herself as Kate Strike and she freezes their dicks and breaks them off.

--------------------

ALL CHAPTERS CLAIMED, SEE YOU FUCKERS IN 6 MONTHS!

kill every single poster involved in this with desert eagle bullets and shotgun shells as well please
[/quote]

aaahahahahahahaha

# ? May 19, 2019 04:07

ArfJason: Sep 5, 2011

Dongicus posted:

lmao. i imagine its gonna be pretty laborious for you to comb through and edit out 60 pages of your embarrassing post history of creepy poo poo.

what else u got in there mate ;-)

# ? May 19, 2019 04:10

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

lol

# ? May 19, 2019 04:13

reignofevil: Nov 7, 2008

I think that bad thread is just the worst!!!!

# ? May 19, 2019 04:26

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

reignofevil posted:

I think that bad thread is just the worst!!!!

They will come to rue the day they made light of the great authors George R. R. Martin, Stephanie Meyer, and E. L. James.

Mark my words.

# ? May 19, 2019 04:31

TK-42-1: Oct 30, 2013; looks like we have a bad transmitter

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

They will come to rue the day they made light of the great authors George R. R. Martin, Stephanie Meyer, and E. L. James.

Mark my words.

it�s incredible really. and by that i mean tbt legacy. it should outlast grrm.

# ? May 19, 2019 04:33

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Not really that impressive when you consider GRRM's legacy dies in about 23 hours.

# ? May 19, 2019 04:35

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ahem....

What is dead can never die.

# ? May 19, 2019 04:43

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

Seven Hundred Bee posted:

seriously the saddest death is Qyburn

let's review all of his awesome accomplishments:

* helped create a cure for a deadly poison
* invented zombies that aren't controlled by the dipshit night king
* created credible anti-dragon defenses for the first time, ever
* was completely loyal to cersei and died trying to defend her - at the last minute instead of fleeing and saving himself, he stuck with her and tried to get her to safety
* advanced the technology of a stagnant society which is limited by an anti-science maester cult (which has knowledge to cure greyscale but refuses to use it for... reasons? because it's... hard?)

He's the guy who traveled back in time from 2010 to stop Dany - he brought healing miracles, advanced sciences, the political knowledge - but sadly nothing could pierce Jon Snow's plot armor.

Seven Hundred Bee posted:

pycelle: clegane has been poisoned! he cannot be cured! especially not by someone who isn't even a maester!
*qyburn cures him*

which game?

# ? May 19, 2019 05:15

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

Dongicus posted:

kill every single poster involved in this with desert eagle bullets and shotgun shells as well please

thought this was instaban level poo poo on this hard left forum. I don't really care, but just curious for clarification reasons. Speaking of poo poo heads, what ever happened to Lampshade dude. Who is his parachute?

Dongicus posted:

was this poo poo actually published anywhere or just passed around seedy IRCs ?

It was epublished. you should join the facebook page! https://www.facebook.com/gameofbones/

# ? May 19, 2019 05:24

Katt: Nov 14, 2017

I never read Harry Potter or watched the movies because they combine everything I dislike in literature.

Child protagonists
"Chosen one" hero types (I like organic protagonists who have no interest in being the hero but eventually ends up doing the right thing anyway (Rincewind, original Riddick, Jaime when he's not thinking of incest)
The whole thing where the abilities required to save the day is something inherited and not earned while the unlucky ones not born with magic powers are established to be inferior.

Rowling is also kind of a bitch, who uses her fame to signal boost bad faith arguments in service of the cartoonishly evil British right wing Conservatives.

# ? May 19, 2019 05:28

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Potter, from what I'm to understand, also commits the sin of each book opening with "and remember class, never use your Maguffino to perform a Chekovus Gunnus" and loving of course at the end the thing that didn't exist until this book is the extremely relevant thing at the end.

Also they introduce time travel then all get amnesia about it.

Like I would have hated these books as a kid and there are god drat adults obsessed with this poo poo.

# ? May 19, 2019 05:43

pseudanonymous: Aug 30, 2008; When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Potter, from what I'm to understand, also commits the sin of each book opening with "and remember class, never use your Maguffino to perform a Chekovus Gunnus" and loving of course at the end the thing that didn't exist until this book is the extremely relevant thing at the end.

Also they introduce time travel then all get amnesia about it.

Like I would have hated these books as a kid and there are god drat adults obsessed with this poo poo.

If you grow up with crazy stories they get in under your bullshit detector. What else explains religion?

# ? May 19, 2019 05:57

pseudanonymous: Aug 30, 2008; When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

kcroy posted:

thought this was instaban level poo poo on this hard left forum. I don't really care, but just curious for clarification reasons. Speaking of poo poo heads, what ever happened to Lampshade dude. Who is his parachute?

If nobody reports a post then is it even made?

# ? May 19, 2019 05:58

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

I thought Littlefinger got that nickname because Brandon cut of a piece of his finger during their duel. Or did I just imagine that?

Is his nickname ever explained on the show?

# ? May 19, 2019 08:12

Mameluke: Aug 2, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

It's cause his family, while technically noble, only hold land on a portion of the smallest Finger peninsula in the Vale of Arryn

# ? May 19, 2019 08:18

jsoh: Mar 24, 2007; O Muhammad, I seek your intercession with my Lord for the return of my eyesight

also hes really short

# ? May 19, 2019 08:25

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

violent sex idiot posted:

also hes really short

But did he *earn* being short?

# ? May 19, 2019 08:26

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

Mameluke posted:

It's cause his family, while technically noble, only hold land on a portion of the smallest Finger peninsula in the Vale of Arryn

huh. That does make sense

# ? May 19, 2019 08:27

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO3l6qNA2Q4

# ? May 19, 2019 10:26

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Wrote 5 books and retired at 60 with $100M in his bank.

I'm shooting ropes thinking about being a fraction as successful as the Mountain That Blogs.

I would be fine with 1% as successful.

Hell, I'd be fine with 0.1%.

0.01% too.

Okay, any fraction, really, I just want to know what a warm meal tastes like.

# ? May 19, 2019 11:26