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Caroline on her first day in federal prison: (Shouting into the yard) “I have every known type of genital herpes and several unknown ones.”
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Dec 22, 2022 21:24
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kw0134 posted:If he wanted to run, the time to do it was about four weeks ago. It's more probable he'll find some way to give part 34 of his confession to a Bloomberg reporter in the meantime. "Yeah no I mean they did honestly nail me on all of that, but luckily they didn't know about the $15 million I funneled to my Bank of America account from the funds, so that's a relief"
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Dec 22, 2022 21:28
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https://twitter.com/tommyk_eth/status/1605999700980613120
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Dec 22, 2022 21:29
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SBF is grounded.
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Dec 22, 2022 21:44
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El Spamo posted:
The crimes weren't required for that, his parents have a $250 million house, rich kids like that don't have any problem getting mom and dad to pay for a gap year abroad to figure yourself out. I bet you can rent a pretty nice place for you and your closest fuckbuddies for not too much in the grand scheme of things coming from a family of affluent Bay Area professionals
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Dec 22, 2022 21:55
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VitalSigns posted:The crimes weren't required for that, his parents have a $250 million house, rich kids like that don't have any problem getting mom and dad to pay for a gap year abroad to figure yourself out. his parents don't have a $250m house the $250m seems entirely fictional, and is secured "in part" by the house, but he's not actually required to put up the rest. basically if he takes a runner his parents lose the house and that's it
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Dec 22, 2022 21:57
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kw0134 posted:When your interviewer is going through a checklist of the elements of fraud, you absolutely wait for it to finish. I feel like this is one of the big benefits of hiring lawyers, if you want to get your side of the story out to the press, they can draft some kind of statement and help you avoid getting walked down the path of proving the prosecutor's case point-by-point in an interview. But on the other hand, if you're always the smartest person in any room, how could anyone possibly advise you how to do anything better than you're already doing it?
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Dec 22, 2022 22:04
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Seth Pecksniff posted:"Yeah no I mean they did honestly nail me on all of that, but luckily they didn't know about the $15 million I funneled to my Bank of America account from the funds, so that's a relief" the absolute first thing I’d do if I was a billion dollar fraudster and/or con artist jewel theif etc is bury like, several heavy duty ziplocked baggies of several million dollars in multiple backyards to go dig up some day, along with a false identity and an escape plan involving fake mustaches and money laundering business ideas so I could go vanish someplace where it doesn’t snow 10 plus million dollars and you really don’t gotta work no more
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Dec 23, 2022 01:12
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Good work apes, we made bitcoin outperform tesla on ytd roi!!! Hodl strong, we moonin!!!
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Dec 23, 2022 02:41
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which dip to buy, decisions decisions
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Dec 23, 2022 04:26
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Wall Balls posted:which dip to buy, decisions decisions
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Dec 23, 2022 05:02
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naem posted:the absolute first thing I’d do if I was a billion dollar fraudster and/or con artist jewel theif etc is bury like, several heavy duty ziplocked baggies of several million dollars in multiple backyards to go dig up some day, along with a false identity and an escape plan involving fake mustaches and money laundering business ideas so I could go vanish someplace where it doesn’t snow crypto people put a bunch of USBs filled with crypto and then forget the password, keeping their cryptocoins safe forever
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Dec 23, 2022 05:44
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zedprime posted:Salsa, but I've never been partial to cheese and sour cream dips. What about hummus?
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Dec 23, 2022 05:57
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Seth Pecksniff posted:How the hell did SBF manage to post bond for $250 million holy poo poo probably called up some place like Bad Dog Bailbonds and it's got a logo of a pitbull doing this  he just had to put up the 6 figgies he has left in his bank account
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Dec 23, 2022 05:57
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jokes posted:crypto people put a bunch of USBs filled with crypto and then forget the password, keeping their cryptocoins safe forever birdbath.txt
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Dec 23, 2022 05:57
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ah yes the 914 scam notwithoutmyanus posted:I was going to say I know there are expensive houses but I did not expect many over say $100m. yeah uh the only one I can think of that expensive is Notch's candy house in Beverly Hills lol
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Dec 23, 2022 05:58
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BoldFace posted:SBF is grounded. knowing the Stanford educational system, his parents will say he learned his lesson and promises to never do it again if we will just drop all of this. Pretty please this is going to ruin his future Dang It Bhabhi! posted:Caroline on her first day in federal prison: Queen of the yard: "sup"
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Dec 23, 2022 06:04
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Dial A For Awesome posted:Turns out Coindesk is not a reliable source for analysis. I am shocked that it misled me in this way! Also they publish the list of people that give up citizenship every year, so Coinbase could have just, y'know, checked it.
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Dec 23, 2022 06:11
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Bank is going to flee and then get caught ordering Pizzahut or Dominos to his mexican villa.
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Dec 23, 2022 07:20
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Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:What about hummus? Hummus ok, but bean dip just strange, man Just totally a weird idea
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Dec 23, 2022 08:53
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Alan Smithee posted:ah yes the 914 scam
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Dec 23, 2022 09:44
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They are totally going to Epstein him
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Dec 23, 2022 09:51
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istewart posted:Hummus ok, but bean dip just strange, man hummus is literally bean dip
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Dec 23, 2022 10:21
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happyhippy posted:They are totally going to Epstein him Why? he just did fraud. He gave both political parties money, his parents have relationships, There is alot of motive for everyone to show restraint. Least politicain get embarrassed.
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Dec 23, 2022 10:25
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more falafel please posted:hummus is literally bean dip
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Dec 23, 2022 10:50
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Has anyone said Sam Bankster-Fraud yet?
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Dec 23, 2022 15:44
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no
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Dec 23, 2022 15:48
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happyhippy posted:They are totally going to Epstein him
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Dec 23, 2022 16:13
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if he didn't get stabbed by a rusty spoon in the Bahamas he's not getting killed here
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Dec 23, 2022 16:19
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Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:Has anyone said Sam Bankster-Fraud yet? buttcon
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Dec 23, 2022 16:22
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slidebite posted:Who is "they?" The same people who Epsteined Etpstiened
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Dec 23, 2022 16:23
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Ups_rail posted:Why? he just did fraud. Until he starts announcing new crimes!
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Dec 23, 2022 16:23
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Ups_rail posted:The same people who Epsteined Etpstiened Epstein Epsteined himself
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Dec 23, 2022 16:29
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VitalSigns posted:I feel like this is one of the big benefits of hiring lawyers, if you want to get your side of the story out to the press, they can draft some kind of statement and help you avoid getting walked down the path of proving the prosecutor's case point-by-point in an interview. I've known more than one "knows he's smartest kid in the room" type who got into more trouble than they should have because they were just SURE that if they explained themselves well enough to the cops they'd be back at the dorm in no time flat. Usually minor pot poo poo or drunk driving. This is that, but on a massive scale. He's the dumb gently caress, straight-A's, suburban white kid with professionals for parents, college sophomore who's just gotten pulled over with an ounce of weed in the trunk and is loving certain that he can explain this all away to the nice officer. The thing is, usually they're inadvertently right. I've got an in-law who was in the exact situation above (oz of weed in college for his frat house) who, once the arrest happened and his parents got involved, managed to get a potential trafficking charge downgraded to a bunch of community service because "he's a good boy / his future / this was just personal use we'll put in him rehab / etc." Difference here being that upper middle class educated parents and the kind of lawyers they can buy will get a white frat boy out of a pot charge, but Bankman got out far enough ahead of his skis and hosed around with other rich people's money enough that his university prof parents can do precisely gently caress all. Which is goddamned hilarious.
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Dec 23, 2022 16:33
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slidebite posted:Who is "they?" Kramer: They're gonna Epstein him, Jerry! Jerry: Who is "they?" You don't even know what Epsteining is! Kramer: I don't... but they do. And they're the ones who are gonna Epstein him. *makes tying-noose motion on self, stumbles backwards through pile of picture frames* George: My NFTs!!! Elaine: What are you so upset about? They're worthless! George: Correction, they were worthless. 
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Dec 23, 2022 16:37
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Cyrano4747 posted:I've known more than one "knows he's smartest kid in the room" type who got into more trouble than they should have because they were just SURE that if they explained themselves well enough to the cops they'd be back at the dorm in no time flat. Usually minor pot poo poo or drunk driving. Yeah this is why he was like "lawyers are loving stupid" because his entire life I bet he learned that: 1) you don't need protection from the police at all, and 2) lawyers are stupid middlemen who don't understand that if someone just apologizes and make a stupid face they'll let you go Affluenza is real
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Dec 23, 2022 16:41
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jokes posted:2) lawyers are stupid middlemen who don't understand that if someone just apologizes and make a stupid face they'll let you go Checks out, very few people have a worse view of actual lawyers than law professors.
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Dec 23, 2022 16:49
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the best part is this guy didn’t have any kind of plan, or goal people handed this guy billions of dollars and he kinda sorta handed it randomly to his part time girlfriend illegally, without any purpose with a ponzi scheme there is at least a goal to get more investors in constantly, this was just “my mom and dad always give me millions to do whatever so I’ll do the same with billions”
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Dec 23, 2022 16:49
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I hope they can find the companies that got SBF investment. It's probably on a legal pad that he's forgotten about. tangentially related to affluenza, the JCS drop after a year of no videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGuEdN-ju2g "I just kicked down my girlfriend's door and beat her to death. Let me go explain myself in lacrosse bro language. The cops will get me."
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Dec 23, 2022 16:56
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JohnCompany posted:Checks out, very few people have a worse view of actual lawyers than law professors. Every lawyer I know loved watching SBF do all the wrong things because it validates all the things we learned about in law school. Never talk to the police, keep your loving head down, and most importantly never apologize lol The crimes server named "crimes I commit" was even dumber than actually committing the crimes.
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Dec 23, 2022 16:56
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