r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

AITAH for breaking up with my bf after he allegedly helped my drunk friend at the club?

quote:

I�m not a clubbing kind of girl. My bf loves clubbing a lot. I�ve gone to a few clubs with him but I usually let him do his thing because it wasn�t fun at all for me.

My friend Alyssa is also a clubber. She�s usually there like 4-5 times a week, which is crazy to me.

So last weekend I went over to my bf�s apartment and I found Alyssa sleeping in his bed with my bf not in the apartment.

I have a key to his apartment and was supposed to go over there at 11 but I was a bit early.

When I woke her up she told me it wasn�t what it looked like. She said she just got really drunk and may have been drugged and my bf let her crash because the club was close to his apartment.

My bf came back home and he also scrambled to say it wasn�t what it looked like. He said they couldn�t take her to the hospital because she couldn�t afford and she had drugs in her system.

He swore he slept on the couch.

Honestly they were tripping over themselves to explain that it wasn�t what it seemed.

I don�t believe them. So I broke up with my bf.

Now our friends are begging me to give a second chance and saying my bf was a good guy.

AITAH?

# ? Apr 20, 2024 13:54

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 09:15

mystes: May 31, 2006

3D Megadoodoo posted:

Hey fuckos,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuQhkMdYGhw

That appears to be from a couple years after the reddit story

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:24

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

If my friend had an experience like that at the club and was crashing at my place because of it. The first people to find out would be everybody I know who goes clubbing, including my gf!

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:27

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

DoubleNegative posted:

The one that lives rent free in my head is the guy who was adamant that upon being adopted, children will magically get the DNA of their adoptive father.

This is pages and pages ago, and may have been referenced, but I just think about the guy who thinks when a woman is having twins it takes 18 months, one after the other.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:28

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

John Wick of Dogs posted:

People get loving weird about vegan food.

I had an employee who was leaving because he had to move and he was vegan, customarily when someone is leaving on good terms I buy lunch for the entire team. For him I bought lunch from a vegan restaurant. He and 2 other people on the team are Hindu and vegan. Another guy is Muslim and often eats vegan because it is easier to get food that meets halal standards. But I had like three or four people complaining to me that they couldn't eat vegan food. I'm like "Look at the menu! This is French fries! This is green beans! This is a chocolate chip cookie! This is roast cauliflower with seasoning!" Like there was so much stuff on there they literally eat all the time but they refuse because it is labeled vegan.

It's because completely banal things have been politicised into wedge issues, creating political cleavage (i.e. us vs. them) where there was none. They've been propagandised to unwittingly do culture war.

It's like when some years back an Australian dairy company put a small halal label on their milk packaging, and people lost their poo poo lmao. The company was like "our milk has always been halal, you actually have to go out of your way to make milk haram, all we did was change the design of the packaging?"

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:30

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

mystes posted:

That appears to be from a couple years after the reddit story

lmao look at this goober who has never hearda wormholes smhd

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:34

Call Your Grandma: Jan 17, 2010

3D Megadoodoo posted:

Hey fuckos,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuQhkMdYGhw

ahh so definitely nta then

# ? Apr 20, 2024 14:42

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

BrigadierSensible posted:

And the "you have to pay us back for the gift we gave you" cousin is just as bad or worse.

Husbands suggestion of going NC doesn't go far enough. This fuckwit needs to be bear-trapped.

I wish OP had made a concrete block full of nails and glass and cat turds and then gave it to fuckwit and said "your money's inside"

# ? Apr 20, 2024 15:10

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

CannonFodder posted:

This is pages and pages ago, and may have been referenced, but I just think about the guy who thinks when a woman is having twins it takes 18 months, one after the other.

I thought he assumed it would take twice as long because of "limited resources" or something that makes sense on an assembly line but not in biology.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 15:10

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Nocheez posted:

I thought he assumed it would take twice as long because of "limited resources" or something that makes sense on an assembly line but not in biology.

I posted it in the last dozen or so pages (Thread moved fast this week.) But he was claiming it was simple maths and it was up to the poster to show something otherwise, I mean 1 baby = 9 months, 2 baby is 1+1 = 18 months. That's just how math works!

Mordiceius posted:

One time, my wife and I took her mother out to a relatively nice Italian restaurant in the city - since she's from rural Alabama and has hardly tried anything.

MIL (to my wife): What are you getting?
Wife: The gnocchi. It's filled with spinach and ricotta.
MIL: Okay I'll get that too.

Food arrives. Wife and I are enjoying food. MIL makes a dissatisfied face. "There's no meat in this?!"

Some people cannot fathom having a meal without meat.

I like to believe that being from Alabama there was just the assumption that it was cooked in Pork Lard and served with Bacon and so it wasn't worth vocalizing in the explanation.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 16:42

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

https://voca.ro/16NdnZIFs0d4

Someone�s parrot learned a new song

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:00

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Dear Miss Manners: My 29-year-old, fully independent daughter recently told me that she does not wish to hear negative comments from me: �If you can�t say something nice, don�t say anything at all.�

quote:

I am the retired senior director of a large multimillion-dollar firm with two postgraduate degrees. I successfully managed hundreds of employees over the years and undertook extensive, complaint-free personnel management, staff development and mentoring. I have a forthright personality and am used to speaking my mind directly with family, due to years of having to be politically correct in the office. I raised my daughter to be a strong, successful career woman. I am at a loss now that I must be politically correct all the time.

I know you will probably tell me I am in the wrong, but as I am now in my late 60s, I am tired of having to self-censor. I have done it for so many years and in so many professional and social settings. My daughter was one of my only �filter-free� outlets. Do I just suck it up, smile, shut my mouth and stop being me? Or do I need to pay a therapist to listen to my invective?

quote:

Not wanting to be a punching bag for bottled-up negativity, Miss Manners notes, hardly qualifies as censorship. Perhaps your daughter is so successful because she learned from you how to maintain cordial business relationships. Now she is doing you one better by recognizing that family deserves the same respect, if not � brace yourself � even more.

Dear Miss Manners, I have been forced to be polite and accepting all my life, when really I longed to be racist. My daughter doesn't want to listen to my being racist. Tell me I'm being wronged.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:03

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Aw drat, just when I was looking forward to enjoying a long retirement racisming in peace :negative:

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:09

Rescue Toaster: Mar 13, 2003

Man you guys are always so quick to jump to racism.

They could be a massive bigoted piece of poo poo about LGBTQ stuff instead you know.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:13

Qylvaran: Mar 28, 2010

Hughlander posted:

I posted it in the last dozen or so pages (Thread moved fast this week.) But he was claiming it was simple maths and it was up to the poster to show something otherwise, I mean 1 baby = 9 months, 2 baby is 1+1 = 18 months. That's just how math works!

It's just like how 9 women working together can produce a baby in 1 month.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:13

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Everyone is assuming it's racism or bigotry, but what about daughter just doesn't want her mom to criticize and second guess everything the daughter does?

Could also be her being grandkid crazy and won't stop bugging her daughter.

I know "politically correct" makes it sound like it is bigotry but that seems to be a catch all term now for boomers that means "How dare someone tell me I can't talk about something!"

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:23

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

Rescue Toaster posted:

Man you guys are always so quick to jump to racism.

They could be a massive bigoted piece of poo poo about LGBTQ stuff instead you know.

I'm not sure I've yet met a single homophobic person that wasn't racist in some way.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:27

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

limp_cheese posted:

Everyone is assuming it's racism or bigotry, but what about daughter just doesn't want her mom to criticize and second guess everything the daughter does?

Could also be her being grandkid crazy and won't stop bugging her daughter.

I know "politically correct" makes it sound like it is bigotry but that seems to be a catch all term now for boomers that means "How dare someone tell me I can't talk about something!"

Am I missing something? The post doesn�t seem to indicate which parent letter writer is.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:29

mystes: May 31, 2006

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Dear Miss Manners: My 29-year-old, fully independent daughter recently told me that she does not wish to hear negative comments from me: �If you can�t say something nice, don�t say anything at all.�

"My daughter doesn't want to be forced to be my therapist. Do I have to pay for an actual therapist now? Surely that's unfair, right?"

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:30

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

limp_cheese posted:

Everyone is assuming it's racism or bigotry, but what about daughter just doesn't want her mom to criticize and second guess everything the daughter does?

Could also be her being grandkid crazy and won't stop bugging her daughter.

I know "politically correct" makes it sound like it is bigotry but that seems to be a catch all term now for boomers that means "How dare someone tell me I can't talk about something!"

It's just an easy way to make a quick joke, whether or not that's their exact problem. I wouldn't doubt that they're critical of the daughter too, but the comments about having to "self-censor" and such at home made me jump right to them having Opinions they want to express about Other People.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:30

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Moon Slayer posted:

AITAH for breaking up with my bf after he allegedly helped my drunk friend at the club?

This seems like another one of those where if you didn't try to explain it, you'd be fine. Like if Alyssa is just crashed at BF's place when he's not there, wakes up, and says something normal, it reads like she just crashed there from being drunk/tired/drugged. Or if BF texted 'FYI, Alyssa is crashing at my place' instead of keeping it a secret. But when Alyssa gets spotted in his bed, then jumps up in a panic and immediately begins loudly explaining 'this looks like we were sleeping together, but we weren't, let me give an explanation that includes an unprovable assertion (the drugging) that we can say you're victim blaming if you doubt' it makes it pretty clear that it is actually what it looks like.

Also these "Now our friends are begging me to give a second chance and saying my bf was a good guy." are just so weird to me. I can't imagine a whole group of friends insisting that I put my dating life up to their vote, or begging me to be in a particular relationship, or whatever they're doing.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:32

mystes: May 31, 2006

limp_cheese posted:

Everyone is assuming it's racism or bigotry, but what about daughter just doesn't want her mom to criticize and second guess everything the daughter does?

Could also be her being grandkid crazy and won't stop bugging her daughter.

I know "politically correct" makes it sound like it is bigotry but that seems to be a catch all term now for boomers that means "How dare someone tell me I can't talk about something!"

Yeah it's not clear if it's actually bigotry or just constant complaining about everything but either way it sucks for the daughter

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:33

odiv: Jan 12, 2003

DreamingofRoses posted:

Am I missing something? The post doesn’t seem to indicate which parent letter writer is.

Which parent? Uh oh.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:33

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Vegan food is a dumb culture war/identity politics topic and they're mad that if they eat something labeled vegan it's going to make them gay and trans and feminist and communist.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:40

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Vegan is good because it reminds me of Vegeta.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:44

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

DreamingofRoses posted:

Am I missing something? The post doesn�t seem to indicate which parent letter writer is.

You're right. For some reason when they mention their daughter becoming a strong and successful woman I inferred "Like me."

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:47

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

I know we're past classic thread moments, but does anyone have the link to the John the Baptist/Jesus Christ song? That was an all-timer.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:57

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Found it by remembering the iconic line Baptizing with water:

Song I am writing

quote:

Hi I 21(f) am getting into writing biblical songs. I am writing one about John the baptised. Here it is so

John the Baptist, a voice in the wilderness, John the Baptist, oh John the Baptist oooo yeahh Baptizing with water, repentance his call, John the Baptist, oh John the Baptist ooooo yeahhh Pointing to Jesus, the Savior of all.

Jesus the savoir of all John is his mate and all, But Jesus is the only one, Yeah Jesus is the only one who can saveeee Yeah ooo yeahhh Jesus is the only one who can save

If you have any feedback let me know as I want to perform this song at my wedding if it is ready in time. Thank you

ooo yeahhh

# ? Apr 20, 2024 18:03

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

Thanks, remembering that helped me find the rendition.

https://whyp.it/tracks/137259/j-the-b?token=tUPee

Edit: Sorry, credit to Rat Patrol.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 18:07

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Cloacamazing! posted:

Found it by remembering the iconic line Baptizing with water:

Song I am writing

ooo yeahhh

My loving playlist had 3 songs now

# ? Apr 20, 2024 18:12

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

My husbands friends Gf claimed my husband was cheating with her.

quote:

I am 34F married to 38M. We have 2 kids ages 13 and 11. This is going to be a weird one, I'm sorry, but I need some advice.

I met my husband when I was 18. He and I both liked to run and we met at a 5k fundraiser our town put on. They do it every year and have like booths and different things for entertainment and stuff. The entire race we were mostly racing each other and it was a lot of fun. After that we walked around together to see all of the booths. We got something to eat and spent a few hours talking. I don't think we've spent more than a few days apart since then.

We for the most part have a great relationship. I've never suspected him of anything. He has never done anything for me to suspect him of anything. Dude is pretty much an angel. He is the type of guy that doesn't ever lose his temper. He is sweet and kind and loving. He is also a fantastic father.

Anyway he works at a papermill. He's been there for several years. He has a friend there who is dating a lady we will call R (25ish F). R is a little too friendly towards my husband when they come over but my husband brushes her off. He is very oblivious to advances.

I got a txt message from R. She sent me a dick pic and claimed my husband was cheating with her. The problem is my husband has a bit of a crooked dick.... I know his D when I see it, I've been using it for a very long time. She clearly doesn't know that and it wasn't him. I mean you can claim angles change the look or whatever to make someone think it's someone else's d but the curve can't be covered easily. It wasn't even the right size or shade or anything. It was very obvious she's never seen my husband's d.

Obviously I texted my husband and sent him screenshots. I wanted him to know what was going on and I didn't really know how to handle the situation. My husband told his friend and his friend claimed family emergency and left for the day.

Well apparently his friends girlfriend claims I am making it up to break them up and it's a whole thing. His friend was really being an A hole over the phone towards both me and my husband and my husband got into it with him over that. My husband is on my side. He saw the screen shots and has seen the texts himself when he got home. He also knows I wouldn't make up something so weird.

Anyway his friend is wanting to come over and see the texts for himself. However he was being an a hole so I don't want anything else to do with this situation.

Husband thinks I should just show him the texts and then he can do whatever from there. My husband would be there and the guy would behave toward me. Husband also said he could show the guy his D ( in photo) if asked to prove it's not him.

I'm not sure though. This whole thing is super weird and I'm still mad about the way he spoke to me.

Tdlr- my husband's friends Gf texted me claiming to have slept with my husband but the picture isn't him. I texted it to my husband and he told his friend but the friend got mad at me. He wants to see the texts now but he was an A hole and I don't want anything else to do with this situation.

Edit- I'm not super comfortable with having a man who threatened me at my house but my husband and I agree with most of the comments, thanks everyone. He's just going to take my phone to work with him tomorrow and show his friend the messages and leave his phone with me so I will have a way to get in touch with people. I have nudes of him if he needs to prove it's not him in person.

r/relationships: I know his D when I see it, I've been using it for a very long time

# ? Apr 20, 2024 18:35

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

Qylvaran posted:

It's just like how 9 women working together can produce a baby in 1 month.

The fabled spirit womb

# ? Apr 20, 2024 18:55

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

ApplesandOranges posted:

My husbands friends Gf claimed my husband was cheating with her.

r/relationships: I know his D when I see it, I've been using it for a very long time

well it was a good plan otherwise

# ? Apr 20, 2024 19:11

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

ApplesandOranges posted:

My husbands friends Gf claimed my husband was cheating with her.

r/relationships: I know his D when I see it, I've been using it for a very long time

Twist: the husband's obliviousness was a ruse all along, and he's actually masterminded the perfect plan to pull off the affair

# ? Apr 20, 2024 19:15