byob employee appreciation meeting at my desk

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > byob employee appreciation meeting at my desk

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Lil Cunty

Hello everyone!

We've brought a lot of new team players on in the recent acquisition and I think this is a good opportunity for management to say welcome and thank you!

There's free cake and compliments at my desk all day, so post itt to be paired with an item in my shop and receive your compliment.

Thank you everybody for your dedication and hard work! And remember, you can't spell byob with "yo".

Sincerely,

The Management

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:12

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# ? May 20, 2024 02:14

GoodbyeTurtles

i'd very much like to be paired with something phallic in shape if thats at all possible!!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:14

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

oh man and i wore my lucky socks today too how about that

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:16

tao of lmao

Every time there's a big merger like this everyone's all sunshine and rainbows until upper management whacks half the staff.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:16

FluffieDuckie

hey boss thanks. the last day has been a lot of work but i've been making a lot of progress with the work crew division. they're a hard working crew and are assimilating nicely. i recommend raises across the board to ensure retention.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:17

emmie

are we doing this again make me something bees like

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:17

Yobgoblin: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Hey boss, thanks for the cake. I should have those numbers crunched by the end of my shift. Don't drop the soap.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:18

pig slut lisa: irl is good

posting in yet another thread that perpetuates the myth that WD-40 "works" in a "shop"

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:19

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

since were all gathered here now, i would like to speak on behalf of the union. the increased productivity demands coupled with the recent talks of downsizing the staff is simply unacceptable and all the free cake and compliments in the world is not going to change this. as we speak the union leadership is organizing a strike and we will grind the business to a halt until our demands for basic working conditions are met.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:21

Lil Cunty

GoodbyeTurtles posted:

i'd very much like to be paired with something phallic in shape if thats at all possible!!

thank you for your hard work

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:22

GoodbyeTurtles

WD-40 posted:

thank you for your hard work

how am i supposed to fit th..... THANKS BOSS ILL MAKE YOU SO PROUD

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:23

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

that tape looks like pixels obscuring a dong

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:23

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

i would still like some cake and compliments tho, dont get me wrong

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:27

bird.

Thanks boss!!! I know it sounds cheesy to tell my boss that I love my job here but I do, and getting all this positive feedback motivates me to work even harder!!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:27

cuntman.net

i missed the last one

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:29

alnilam

I'm aiming to get v drunk at this and all office parties

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:30

Salmiakki

i am back and i will probably have taken a form thats not a ruler this time

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:30

Lil Cunty

Bo-Pepper posted:

oh man and i wore my lucky socks today too how about that

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:32

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I want to be a symbol of hope and achievement

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:34

Lil Cunty

wth posted:

Every time there's a big merger like this everyone's all sunshine and rainbows until upper management whacks half the staff.

thank you for keeping the holiday spirit alive here in the office

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:37

tao of lmao

WD-40 posted:

also bo-pep, management and I have been talking, and we've decided it's time to let you go. Now I know you're only a couple years from retirement, but with the new merger we're looking to skew young as it helps with payroll and morale. What morale you ask? Frankly, it's that ghastly abomination your *whispers* rear end has become. We're including some extra cash in your severance because we really want you to see a doctor, man. Have your desk cleared by 4. Good day.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:37

FluffieDuckie

wth posted:

also bo-pep, management and I have been talking, and we've decided it's time to let you go. Now I know you're only a couple years from retirement, but with the new merger we're looking to skew young as it helps with payroll and morale. What morale you ask? Frankly, it's that ghastly abomination your *whispers* rear end has become. We're including some extra cash in your severance because we really want you to see a doctor, man. Have your desk cleared by 4. Good day.

i feel like this post isn't in the spirit of the thread

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:39

google THIS

i am about to leave this lovely job and start telecommuting so i was hoping maybe you have a comfortable bathrobe? :smugmrgw:

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:39

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

wth posted:

also bo-pep, management and I have been talking, and we've decided it's time to let you go. Now I know you're only a couple years from retirement, but with the new merger we're looking to skew young as it helps with payroll and morale. What morale you ask? Frankly, it's that ghastly abomination your *whispers* rear end has become. We're including some extra cash in your severance because we really want you to see a doctor, man. Have your desk cleared by 4. Good day.

what's this i hear about some fella named craig coming to take over my office

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:40

tao of lmao

FluffieDuckie posted:

i feel like this post isn't in the spirit of the thread

wth posted:

Every time there's a big merger like this everyone's all sunshine and rainbows until upper management whacks half the staff.

it's part of my head-canon

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:40

Lil Cunty

FluffieDuckie posted:

hey boss thanks. the last day has been a lot of work but i've been making a lot of progress with the work crew division. they're a hard working crew and are assimilating nicely. i recommend raises across the board to ensure retention.

you are a good vp of hr, keep up the hard work!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:42

treasure bear

am i still the desk?

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:42

tao of lmao

Bo-Pepper posted:

what's this i hear about some fella named craig coming to take over my office

Manager's assistant *yelling*: HE SAID YOU'RE FIRED AND FOR YOU TO PACK UP YOUR poo poo!
Manager *whispering*: i don't think he's deaf i think he's just old and confused
Manager's assistant *yelling*: WE'RE LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE YOUR'E OLD AND STUPID

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:42

FluffieDuckie

wth posted:

Manager's assistant *yelling*: HE SAID YOU'RE FIRED AND FOR YOU TO PACK UP YOUR poo poo!
Manager *whispering*: i don't think he's deaf i think he's just old and confused
Manager's assistant *yelling*: WE'RE LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE YOUR'E OLD AND STUPID

lol

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:44

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

what's that? did the packers hit? moldy cupid? you're not making any sense young fella

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:44

FluffieDuckie

WD-40 posted:

you are a good vp of hr, keep up the hard work!

why thank you! it's an honor to work here with all you beautiful people

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:44

Salmiakki

wth posted:

Manager's assistant *yelling*: HE SAID YOU'RE FIRED AND FOR YOU TO PACK UP YOUR poo poo!
Manager *whispering*: i don't think he's deaf i think he's just old and confused
Manager's assistant *yelling*: WE'RE LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE YOUR'E OLD AND STUPID

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:45

bird.

wth posted:

Manager's assistant *yelling*: HE SAID YOU'RE FIRED AND FOR YOU TO PACK UP YOUR poo poo!
Manager *whispering*: i don't think he's deaf i think he's just old and confused
Manager's assistant *yelling*: WE'RE LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE YOUR'E OLD AND STUPID

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:46

Lil Cunty

emmie posted:

are we doing this again make me something bees like

your work ethic inspires us all

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:47

Lil Cunty

RulerSmack posted:

Hey boss, thanks for the cake. I should have those numbers crunched by the end of my shift. Don't drop the soap.

we get piles of positive feedback

# ? Oct 15, 2014 21:58

Lil Cunty

pig slut lisa posted:

posting in yet another thread that perpetuates the myth that WD-40 "works" in a "shop"

i knew you could do it!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:02

Lil Cunty

Nosfereefer posted:

since were all gathered here now, i would like to speak on behalf of the union. the increased productivity demands coupled with the recent talks of downsizing the staff is simply unacceptable and all the free cake and compliments in the world is not going to change this. as we speak the union leadership is organizing a strike and we will grind the business to a halt until our demands for basic working conditions are met.

ok, i've called in the scabs, but in the meantime, thank you for keeping the lights on

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:11

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

well now that ive been properly incentivized the strike is called off

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:14

Lil Cunty

BrownianMotion posted:

Thanks boss!!! I know it sounds cheesy to tell my boss that I love my job here but I do, and getting all this positive feedback motivates me to work even harder!!

your attention to detail is astounding! keep it up!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:16

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# ? May 20, 2024 02:14

Lil Cunty

Sleepy Owl posted:

i missed the last one

literally millions

expect a good christmas bonus this year

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:21

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > byob employee appreciation meeting at my desk

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