| the idea of this thread is that God is commanding you to absolutely wreck his balls with a well-placed kick. Do you do it. It might be a trick. | |
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Sep 5, 2018 02:41
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| # ? May 19, 2024 00:27 |
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i know what to do with guys like this. ill convince him that what he really wants is to do it himself, and send me pics |
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Sep 5, 2018 02:49
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What if I asked God to kick me in the nuts as hard as he could?? Would that be a better trick? ---------------- |
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Sep 5, 2018 02:53
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god: abraham . . . aaaabrahaaam . . . abraham: what now god: my nuts, abraham. you've gotta kick them super hard, like the hardest you've ever kicked anything. abraham: I'm still dealing with the whole "kill you son, wait no don't kill him" thing you just pulled. remember that? god (chuckling): oh I remember. you were gonna fucken kill that kid, haha abraham: yeah, haha I guess god: and now you're gonna whack the poo poo out of my bollocks, I bet you can't wait, can you abraham: . . . why no my lord I would never be angry at you for anything god: yeah right. well okay, just know that by not drop kicking my prairie oysters, you're committing major sins and going straight to hell abraham: . . . god: . . . but of course by attempting to harm your god you might also end up being sinful as gently caress . . . abraham: . . . god: haha |
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Sep 5, 2018 03:02
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Manifisto posted:god: abraham . . . aaaabrahaaam . . . |
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Sep 5, 2018 03:08
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p sure that God has no beginning and no ending, so we're all actually kicking his balls every moment of the day, if you think about it. |
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Sep 5, 2018 03:32
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Manifisto posted:god: abraham . . . aaaabrahaaam . . .
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Sep 5, 2018 03:51
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god: luvcow kick my balls, just do it, just absolutely destroy my loving balls! now! *me thinking about all the pain and suffering, my pets and friends and family i've lost, a smile coming across my face as i sprint towards him and kick my foot towards his balls and finally see everything i've ever wanted to do to this absolute loving rear end in a top hat* god: *pulling away his balls like lucy pulls the football away from charlie brown* hahahaha NOPE! *me falling onto the ground and flailing around ineffectually as i sob*
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Sep 5, 2018 03:56
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Luvcow posted:god: luvcow kick my balls, just do it, just absolutely destroy my loving balls! now! |
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Sep 5, 2018 04:10
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"it is better to have your nuts kicked in hell than to kick nuts in heaven" is the first thing I'm saying to nasty St. Pete
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Sep 5, 2018 05:44
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I'd charge him the same rate as the others. The moment you start giving discounts is when it all goes to poo poo. |
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Sep 5, 2018 05:57
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My legs are too short to assault the heavens.
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Sep 5, 2018 06:21
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norm macdonald ponders this and all he says is, he says he can't answer cuz it's a venal sin, and it's hilarious. |
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Sep 5, 2018 08:26
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This is like when Q put himself and Sisko in a ring together. It's not just about whether or not you do it, it's about divining your characteristics from the circumstances. Do you hem and haw? Do you have a chip on your shoulder? I guess what I'm saying is that you say more in micro expressions and unconscious actions and inactions than you realize and any test by such a power would reveal more than you might wish to convey. I would not kick John de Lancie in the nuts, but would kick God in the nuts. Punching Him would be more satisfying though. |
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Sep 5, 2018 09:56
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Stooge posted:My legs are too short to assault the heavens. god's nuts are all around us, my child |
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Sep 5, 2018 10:35
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Manifisto posted:god: abraham . . . aaaabrahaaam . . . Lol |
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Sep 5, 2018 11:08
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The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing you not to kick God in the balls.
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Sep 5, 2018 12:35
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God pleading with me to kick him square in his nuts but he keeps referring to them in funny ways like "holiest of balls", "sacrosanct sack", "the father, the son and the Holy ghost", "sanctified scrote", "theological taint", etc and I can't take Him seriously. |
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Sep 5, 2018 12:36
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Luvcow posted:god: luvcow kick my balls, just do it, just absolutely destroy my loving balls! now! |
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Sep 5, 2018 12:37
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Noah: I’ll be quite honest, I’d rather round up two of every animal on the planet, build a giant fuckall boat, load all the animals up on it and float away while you flood the Earth, and that’s AFTER I tell everyone you’re gonna do all that, which means I’ll be dealing with all their teasing while I build the drat thing! God: So that’s a “no”? https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 5, 2018 17:27
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albany academy posted:God pleading with me to kick him square in his nuts but he keeps referring to them in funny ways like "holiest of balls", "sacrosanct sack", "the father, the son and the Holy ghost", "sanctified scrote", "theological taint", etc and I can't take Him seriously. Splatmaster posted:Noah: I’ll be quite honest, I’d rather round up two of every animal on the planet, build a giant fuckall boat, load all the animals up on it and float away while you flood the Earth, and that’s AFTER I tell everyone you’re gonna do all that, which means I’ll be dealing with all their teasing while I build the drat thing!
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Sep 5, 2018 18:50
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Truly a pendulous dilemma |
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Sep 5, 2018 19:24
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God: wreck my scrote Satan: don't do it Eve: we shouldn't do it |
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Sep 5, 2018 20:30
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all my friends and I stand in a circle around god, making fun of him for his kink. god stares at the ground, his face a beet red
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Sep 5, 2018 22:18
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God, which is what I refer to my friend as due to my repeated listening to the groundbreaking album Enter the Wu Tang (36 Chambers) by the Wu Tang Clan, asked me to kick him in the nuts and I obliged, because word is bond. |
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Sep 5, 2018 22:26
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*kicks god in the nuts* God: *doesn't flinch* OK my turn me: fuhhhhhhh |
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Sep 5, 2018 22:39
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This poor man... |
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Sep 5, 2018 22:41
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Let's see if the Bible can lend any insight.. Wait...quote:“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord." -Deuteronomy 23:1 So... does this mean that if I somehow manage to absolutely pulverize God's meat orbs, I can dethrone the motherfucker on this technicality? |
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Sep 5, 2018 23:01
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Jesus at Gethsemane: "Oh God, why do you force me to be killed? Let this cup be taken from me! Why did you create me just so that you can torture me?" God: "Oh, that. Y'see, I have this kind of a deal for pain, but I lack the physical form necessary to experience it. Hence making you as a part of me." Jesus: "uh..." God: "lol I am so hard thinking about what they're going to do to you tomorrow"
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Sep 6, 2018 01:10
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If God had nuts, how big would they be? And would you kick Him in that place? If you were faced with Him in all His glory What would you say if He had just one question? And yeah, yeah, God is great Yeah, yeah, God is good And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah What if God said "kick My nutz?" Just lay in to both of 'em Like a penalty kick in those nutz Like a soccer ball, but His balls? If God had a scrotum what would it look like? And would you want to see it, if seeing meant That you would have to believe in things like heaven And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets? And yeah, yeah, God is great Yeah, yeah, God is good And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah What if God said "kick me in My nuts?" Right in the sack up in the guts All He's trying to do is get home. Tryin' to make his way home. Just tryin' to make his way home Nobody callin' on the phone 'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome And yeah, yeah, God is great Yeah, yeah, God is good And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah What if God said "kick me in My nuts?" Right in the sack up in the guts All He's trying to do is get home. Tryin' to make his way home. Just tryin' to make his way home Like a holy rolling stone Back up to heaven all alone Just gotta kick Him in the stones Nobody callin' on the phone 'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome Pot Smoke Phoenix fucked around with this message at 01:51 on Sep 6, 2018 https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Sep 6, 2018 01:48
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Splatmaster posted:If God had nuts, how big would they be? 
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Sep 6, 2018 02:03
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Hugh Malone posted:*kicks god in the nuts* ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2018 02:59
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Hugh Malone posted:*kicks god in the nuts* This is pretty much teh plot of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2018 02:59
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Green Knight: Stomp me right in the ol' bob and wheel.* *this is a Literature Joke. ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2018 03:00
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Jesus loves me this I know Squish his testies 'tween my toes |
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Sep 6, 2018 03:35
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Honestly, I think I would do it. As long as neither of us acts weird about it then there's nothing weird about me ruining God's nuts with my Yellow Belt Tae Kwan Do kicks. |
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Sep 6, 2018 04:57
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I'd respectfully decline but OTOH I'd rain devastating blows on the Buddha's taint |
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Sep 6, 2018 05:10
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God doesn't have balls but even if She did She wouldn't ask Her disciples to kick them. Go in peace op |
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Sep 6, 2018 19:24
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SciFiDownBeat posted:God doesn't have balls but even if She did She wouldn't ask Her disciples to kick them. Go in peace op “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? A little too ironic, yeah I really do think.” -God |
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Sep 6, 2018 19:47
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| # ? May 19, 2024 00:27 |
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While explaining to God that the AC/DC song "Big Balls" isn't about him a dang angel came up and punched me right in the rear end. The blow was unexpected and hit my right rear end cheek hard enough that I dropped to a knee. God just thought I was kneeling before him as a sign of reverence. "LOL, my child. Now stand before your lord and kick him in his big balls."
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Sep 6, 2018 20:28
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