- Macnult
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walking the beat, accidentally snapping his police baton strap on a daily basis
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Jan 13, 2020 17:19
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 9, 2024 20:59
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- Macnult
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two detectives on a stakeout. one flailing chopsticks around aimlessly while the other picks apart a ball of rice
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Jan 13, 2020 17:20
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- Death Bot
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Binary killing machines, turning 1 into 0 since 0011000100111001 0011011100110110
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"You got some dame on your mind, Detective? You've been extra.. snippy lately an- ow ow ow gently caress ok dude no more crab jokes gently caress ow"
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Jan 13, 2020 17:21
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- Macnult
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outlining evidence at a crime scene with J.O. and Old Bay seasoning
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Jan 13, 2020 17:25
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- little munchkin
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funny to imagine a crab solving crimes. unfortunately i am not able to think of any good "riffs" on the subject, op
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Jan 13, 2020 17:48
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- Death Bot
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Binary killing machines, turning 1 into 0 since 0011000100111001 0011011100110110
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describing a crab detective as hardboiled, or boiled at all, is quite rude
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Jan 13, 2020 17:50
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- SeaGoatSupreme
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Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")
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He may be hard, but once in a blue moon he has a case that makes him go soft
He's got a good heart, that Detective Crab. He just doesn't play by the rules.
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Jan 13, 2020 17:53
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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Detective Crab is addicted to cocaine, l or heroin, or something like that
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Jan 13, 2020 18:32
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- Finger Prince
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You're on thin ice, Crab! I've got internal affairs all over my rear end as it is, and you go pinch a kid?! One more screw up from you and you'll be back in the tidal pool picking algae off barnacles, you hear me? Don't scuttle away from me Crab!
Finger Prince fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Jan 13, 2020
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Jan 13, 2020 19:07
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- Yinlock
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officer: don't worry, i've called in a specialist
[DETECTIVE CRAB arrives on the murder scene, scuttling awkwardly sideways around furniture and breaking various decorations and family heirlooms]
officer: he's the best
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Jan 13, 2020 19:49
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- Yinlock
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detective crab's trusted assistant, looking on with awe and respect as the giant sentient crab tries and fails to hold a magnifying glass for the 4th time
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Jan 13, 2020 19:53
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- Macnult
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officer: don't worry, i've called in a specialist
[DETECTIVE CRAB arrives on the murder scene, scuttling awkwardly sideways around furniture and breaking various decorations and family heirlooms]
officer: he's the best
lol
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Jan 13, 2020 20:20
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- Macnult
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*detective crab bursting through the door* “chief!! you’re not gonna b-“
chief instinctually raises his claws with detective crab following suit. the two of them circle each other for awhile, pinching at the air in front of them
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Jan 13, 2020 20:25
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- vanisher
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Detective crab scuttles into a small crack. He instinctively picks up loose refuse and throws it outside, making a safe hole. A shell casing emerges. An officer bags the evidence safely. The thumb print matches a known criminal who is swiftly brought in. Detective crab does it again.
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Jan 13, 2020 20:28
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- Yinlock
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*detective crab bursting through the door* “chief!! you’re not gonna b-“
chief instinctually raises his claws with detective crab following suit. the two of them circle each other for awhile, pinching at the air in front of them
Detective crab scuttles into a small crack. He instinctively picks up loose refuse and throws it outside, making a safe hole. A shell casing emerges. An officer bags the evidence safely. The thumb print matches a known criminal who is swiftly brought in. Detective crab does it again.
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Jan 13, 2020 21:24
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- Yinlock
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*detective crab is startled by a marine life calendar showing an octopus and bolts out of the precinct, knocking over everyone in his way*
Veteran: there he goes, hot on the trail of another criminal. burn that image into your eyes rookies, true justice never rests
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Jan 13, 2020 21:28
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- Yinlock
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Mob Boss: Alright you mooks, i've narrowed down the mole to one of three people: Jimmy Three-eyes, Big Tommy, or Crabbo Stabbo
[Various mobsters raise shouts of protest and anger. CRABBO STABBO, who has been trying to pick up a dropped knife for the last half hour, jerks in surprise.]
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Jan 13, 2020 22:17
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- Galaxander
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*Seagull Watson squawking excitedly* Holmes, I've found footprints!
*Crab Holmes shoveling clawfuls of sand from the print into its mouth, sensitive mandibles analyzing organic particles and it drools through the weird crab mouth* Our killer is a red-haired ping pong enthusiast with a penchant for salted meats and expensive cognac. Fly me to the pier, we'll be nipping at his heels in no time.
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Jan 14, 2020 03:03
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- gleebster
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Only a howler
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In an extremely difficult case, Detective Crab consults his even smarter brother at the Hermit Club.
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Jan 15, 2020 00:28
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- Tunicate
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In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important, groups: detective crab, who investigates crime; and Leonard J. Crabs, who prosecutes the offenders. These are their stories.
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Jan 21, 2020 03:11
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 9, 2024 20:59
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- DeathCrabForCutie
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oh fuc-
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Detective Crab goes to the Hermit club looking for clues.
There he is unimpressed by the strippers, with their large mammalian bodies and inability to scuttle.
All of them that is except for one.
She's a sultry hermit crab with a heart of gold and knowing eyes. Coincidentally, she was the last one to see the victim alive on the night of the moider.
*detective crab sits in a dark booth in the back, cigarette smoldering in his claw. He cannot tear his eyes from her as she strips off her shell, and sizes into a bigger one right on stage*
 
sig by Pot Smoke Phoenix!
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Jan 21, 2020 21:58
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Jan 13, 2020 17:19
