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I am entirely convinced the government is sending in secret agents to break into my house while I'm at work so they can fart into all of my pillows. I don't feel safe anymore, every time I try to sleep I get a big whiff of another fart-filled pillow. And I know it's the government doing this because they specifically hate me. How do I free myself from this living terror?
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Aug 31, 2022 19:29
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 04:36 |
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eat less taco bell
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Aug 31, 2022 19:30
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Wash your freaking hair if your pillows smell that bad.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:32
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technically I'm a contractor
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Aug 31, 2022 19:33
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You get what you deserve pal
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Aug 31, 2022 19:36
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It's definitely not me, these clearly smell like government farts.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:37
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imagine being a mod and coming here expecting help or sympathy
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Aug 31, 2022 19:38
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"help, I, an oppressive authority figure, am being oppressed by other oppressive authority figures!" - a mod with a stank rear end pillow
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Aug 31, 2022 19:40
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You named you rear end "The government"?
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Aug 31, 2022 19:43
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Oh I’m, whoops I mean “the Government”, doing a lot more than farting on them OP.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:45
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GABA ghoul posted:You named you rear end "The government"? ejects nothing but poo poo and gas and occasionally get a head in there fitting
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Aug 31, 2022 19:47
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You can wash pillows, OP. Gentle cycle in both washer and dryer. So why not wash your lovely pillows already. But nothing will get the farts out of your mattress. Also if you have a cat or dog, blame them.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:49
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I’m in ur house, stankin up ur pillowz
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Aug 31, 2022 19:50
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Just wait until the CIA starts re-arranging your shoes while you're out. They send a chilling message.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:51
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I am a fart connoisseur, so maybe I could give your pillows a whiff and at least determine the pedigree of origin op. 
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Aug 31, 2022 19:58
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Sorry OP, I'll stop.
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Aug 31, 2022 19:58
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Maybe if you didn't talk poo poo all the time your pillows wouldn't smell like farts OP?
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Aug 31, 2022 19:59
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fart
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Aug 31, 2022 20:04
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op has an impeccable penchant for self-owns, and hell, they rarely disappoint. nicely done again op
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Aug 31, 2022 20:18
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Aug 31, 2022 20:19
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Clearly the government is trying to assert their dominance on you OP doing this to your pillows. You need to pee on your pillows to establish your territory.
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Aug 31, 2022 20:33
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agents of the National rear end and poo poo Administration are targeting you, op stop denying that the Moon making GBS threads happened and they'll stop
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Aug 31, 2022 20:37
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Of the poophole By the poophole For the poophole
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Aug 31, 2022 20:41
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Memory foam is poo poo. Get you FF6 down pillows.
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Aug 31, 2022 20:43
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weird cos the government keeps putting shits inside me and almost everyday i have to go to the toilet and poop the shits out
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Aug 31, 2022 20:51
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:weird cos the government keeps putting shits inside me and almost everyday i have to go to the toilet and poop the shits out Those are my shits. Give them back
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Aug 31, 2022 21:36
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:weird cos the government keeps putting shits inside me and almost everyday i have to go to the toilet and poop the shits out Seems it's not working. You still seem to be full of poo poo.
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Aug 31, 2022 21:41
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:Seems it's not working. You still seem to be full of poo poo. there's only so much pooing my tender bumhole can take each day it's the governments fault 
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Aug 31, 2022 22:10
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I'm a government employee and I can confirm that this is true. Not just secret agents either. Every single government employee from every department, agency, bureau, elected body, and branch of the armed services from the President on down comes over to fart on your pillows every single day. It's in incredibly massive undertaking that costs trillions of dollars every year. But it's definitely worth it.
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Aug 31, 2022 22:12
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That's part of your covid care package, OP. Most people are stuck at home all day and not breathing in the recommended daily intake of farts. This should help balance you out.
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Aug 31, 2022 22:13
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The gubmint fucks you in the rear end on the daily and then wipes its dick on your pillow
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Aug 31, 2022 22:14
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Cia secrets fart ops F.A.R.T.S Federal Analysts Of Research For Terrorism And fartS
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Aug 31, 2022 22:16
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How are u posted:Just wait until the CIA starts re-arranging your shoes while you're out. They send a chilling message. operation codename: amelie
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Aug 31, 2022 22:17
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Devils Affricate posted:That's part of your covid care package, OP. Most people are stuck at home all day and not breathing in the recommended daily intake of farts. This should help balance you out. yeah only people who spend too much time online like OP get the pckage "smell farts" is becoming the new "touch grass"
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Aug 31, 2022 22:18
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Keep your pillows in a pillow fridge so they're nice and cool at bedtime.
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Aug 31, 2022 22:37
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someone get mike lindell on the phone!
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Aug 31, 2022 22:38
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ttttthhhhhthtbhtbhtbhbttbthbbbt lmao
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Aug 31, 2022 22:38
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which level of government? feds? state? county? municipal? or could it be a foreign op?
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Aug 31, 2022 23:53
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you're gonna get pinkeye from those pillows buddy.
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Aug 31, 2022 23:57
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 04:36 |
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Look all I know is I sold some secrets about the mod forum to the Russian government so I'm confident this is the US government retaliating against me in response.
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Aug 31, 2022 23:58
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