i don't take myself seriously

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google THIS

Me: (talking to myself in the mirror) You are GOING to get this promotion today. You DESERVE this.

My reflection: (filing his nails) Yeah, mm-hmm. Well, you see, I'm not sure management would be a good fit for you, plus you're so good at what you're doing now it'd almost be a shame to move you elsewhere. You should take it as a compliment, really.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:22

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# ? May 6, 2024 21:23

Dads Dip Cup

Dispatcher : "we have reports of a man acting recklessly after losing his wife and his house, suspected to be a potential danger to himself"

Cop : "I'm on it" *turning on siren*

...

Cop : "sir please come down from there, let's talk this out, don't do anything rash"

Me : *standing atop a child's stepladder holding a can of silly string to his own head* "stay back or I'll do it, I swear to god I'll do it!"

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:46

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Me, to myself: "I'm hungry."
An hour later, me, to myself: "Still hungry." "Oh I thought you were joking before."

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:53

Plebian Parasite

"Looks like I'll never be the head of a maj-" I am interrupted by the guillotine

# ? Apr 27, 2017 16:49

Twenty Four

Dads Dip Cup posted:

Dispatcher : "we have reports of a man acting recklessly after losing his wife and his house, suspected to be a potential danger to himself"

Cop : "I'm on it" *turning on siren*

...

Cop : "sir please come down from there, let's talk this out, don't do anything rash"

Me : *standing atop a child's stepladder holding a can of silly string to his own head* "stay back or I'll do it, I swear to god I'll do it!"

lol!

Me, the Cop: *Handcuffs you, puts you in the back of the squad car*

DIspatcher: "Bring em on down to the station, they need serious help!"

Me: "Hah, whatever" *Drives you down to the amusement park, takes off the cuffs, buys you a fat roll of ride and game tickets*

# ? Apr 27, 2017 23:29

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

My gravestone: "Here lies Matt B... buried alive" haha I creased myself laughing when I picked that bad boy up from the funeral home, I think they thought I was kinda weird on account of all the laughing I was doing, 20 minutes solid, easy. I've got that sucker tucked away in the attic for when I kick the bucket. Could be any time I guess I'm not complaining I've had a good life take me any old time buddy I won't grumble just reap me with that big old scythe whenever you fancy... now would be alright... great in fact why not take me now... please?

# ? Apr 27, 2017 23:30

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Just cause I announce a new direction for my life every time another's opinion is given on me, just cause I try to appease everybody, and just cause I also want them all dead, doesn't mean I'm inconsiderate

# ? Apr 28, 2017 00:26

Impkins Patootie

i am very fond of saying "Seriously??" irl like a valley girl but im not vy serious about it

# ? Apr 28, 2017 00:30

cda: by Hand Knit

roomforthetuna posted:

Me, to myself: "I'm hungry."
An hour later, me, to myself: "Still hungry." "Oh I thought you were joking before."

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 01:01

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

> take self I don't know how to do that. Seriously.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 03:12

alnilam

roomforthetuna posted:

> take self I don't know how to do that. Seriously.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 03:45

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

dr bannon in being asked how he controls the Hulk: "I don't take myself seriously."

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Apr 28, 2017 03:52

cda: by Hand Knit

I don't take myself seriously but I demand that you do

# ? Apr 28, 2017 03:54

cda: by Hand Knit

If you so much as look at me funny I'll stab you because I figure, life is short, why not have a little fun?

# ? Apr 28, 2017 03:57

Robot Made of Meat

cda posted:

I don't take myself seriously but I demand that you do

qft

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 04:32

precision: by VideoGames

roomforthetuna posted:

> take self I don't know how to do that. Seriously.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 07:28

Matoi Ryuko

I don't take myself seriously, I take myself shopping

# ? Apr 28, 2017 18:08

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

I don't take myself either, flippant Lee.
...maybe we should take each other.

# ? Apr 29, 2017 05:24

Macnult

little munchkin posted:

Judge is reading off a list of all the crimes I've been accused of and the courtroom gets more and more silent as each one is read off, all of them more violent and heinous than the last. She's trying to stay stern and professional but her voice noticeably shakes as the list goes on.

me: "life is kind of funny in a way"

# ? Apr 29, 2017 05:29

Impkins Patootie

Matoi Ryuko posted:

I don't take myself seriously, I take myself shopping

that's the way to do it

# ? Apr 29, 2017 07:11

google THIS

"Seriously, you can't be sure!"

"I am sure, and stop calling me Seriously."

# ? May 1, 2017 16:01

Meeksha: i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust

just when i think i have a handle on life, i tell myself nah bruh don't worry about it. living under an overpass is chilllll

-----

come on and slam and welcome to the jam

Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!

# ? May 3, 2017 22:10

joke_explainer

I might say something, and people will disagree with it and argue and call me names, and it doesn't even bother me, I'm just too chill for that. I'll happily inform them I was joking the entire time, and you know, they look really silly, how easy it was to work everyone into a big fuss over it when I totally was just pushing their buttons because, it's just so simple when they're taking everything so seriously. I might just spend days insisting that was what I was doing. People will point out other stuff I said along the same lines, but ha ha, jokes on them. Saying stuff and actually meaning it? What tryhards lmao, they got to learn how to chill.

# ? May 4, 2017 05:49

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.