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Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
Hey Bene, Moon is stuck in a well! (2)

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bibliosabreur
Oct 21, 2017
Cats mark possessiveness by rubbing their head against something, and the big oaf is definitely ours, so tummy rub it is!

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.
Pillbug
Mark the dog with our cheek glands, for he is one of our subjects.

Willie Tomg
Feb 2, 2006
You give tummytime, you get tummytime, this is the way of the tummy. Nuzzle that belly.

Also if Maddox is an attitude-case, it'll be nice to have a dog on our side.

"Bene offers you her protection"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBlQDcXDSkI

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, so rubbing Bene's belly with our head wins with 9 votes over 2 votes for lying to him and 1 for just acknowledging him.

quote:

Bene has a lovely soft tummy. The hair on it is finer and paler than the rest of his yellower fur. You burrow determinedly into it, bent on showing him you dig him before you turn your attentions to Claire.

He certainly appreciates it. Affection, to a dog, is something like bullshit to a salesman. Without it, they're incapable of functioning. You do receive an unwanted grooming and a jet of rancid breath, but it really is nice to have a friend. As you extricate yourself from more licks, Andre calls out from downstairs.

"Bene! Walk time!"

They are magic, magic words. They have the power to move seventy-pound canines at almost lightning speeds. Alongside the pounding of dog paws down the stairs, you hear Moon's laughter, a father coaxing his daughter into rubber boots, and the stuffing of pockets with plastic bags. When the front door shuts behind them, you finally have Claire to yourself.

The tidiest thing in this room is the mind map Claire's placed near her keyboard. She underlines parts of it methodically, forcing some order from the chaos with a stern look on her face. However rough the day has been so far, her mind is clearly focused on the job.

Irritating music buzzes through the computer speakers. Claire reaches for a small device that's clamped to the top side of her screen: a gripping claw beneath a single vacant eye, like some reductive plastic version of an owl. She moves it a little, then runs her hands quickly through her hair. Keyboard buttons click, and the annoying music ceases. Claire settles back into her seat.

"Baska, Mike, how are you?" she says in a voice you haven't heard her use before this point. It occupies some odd tonal space between librarian and those people who make snooty comments about wine for a living. When the other two answer, they sound much the same.

"Khaled and Magda are online, so they'll be with us in a sec," Claire adds, scribbling something extra on her mind map. "Oh, here they are, great. Everyone, Magda's sitting in because we need her expertise to put this to the press. Small as we are, this country's small as well, so what we say could have a real impact—not to mention be used against us if we misfire."

You stare at Claire's screen and its odd-looking quadrant of faces. The woman with a black bob has painted-on eyebrows that make her look permanently shocked. Magda seems to be the one with the asymmetrical haircut, glasses and substantial gray bags beneath her eyes. The bald, dark-featured man whose name is Khaled seems the friendliest among them, or at least the one most prone to smiling. Mike, in contrast, is completely unremarkable: middle age, medium build, medium height, brown to sandy blond hair, a face that's neither ugly nor good-looking. The eyebrow woman, who must be Baska, waves and gives her greetings to the newcomers with about as much emotion as a tree.

-I'm bored. Walk across Claire's keyboard to show her I matter more than this meeting.
-Remain well behaved and quiet. Choosing my moments carefully is key to getting what I want.
-Jump on Claire's mind map so she can forget her stress and calm herself by stroking me.
-Move stealthily toward Claire's feet, where I can act quickly when it's needed.

Ok, so the phone call is underway. How do we want to handle this?

1. I'm bored. Walk across Claire's keyboard to show her I matter more than this meeting.
2. Remain well behaved and quiet. Choosing my moments carefully is key to getting what I want.
3. Jump on Claire's mind map so she can forget her stress and calm herself by stroking me.
4. Move stealthily toward Claire's feet, where I can act quickly when it's needed.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 36% Affection: 64%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 56% Loyal: 44%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 43% Intuitive: 57%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Cats are very stealthy

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Quiet well-behaved Watcher Cat.

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

We know what librarians and wine snobs sound like? What a life we must have had before joining this family.

Anyway, Claire needs to know that we can be super duper trusted in an official situation, regardless of whether or not that's true. Behave, and wait for the right moment.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Be stealthy

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Timing is everything, Behave for now.

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Wait for right moment, timing is everything.

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
We are the shadows. We are stealth.

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars


We can behave.

SapientCorvid
Jun 16, 2008

reading The Internet
we must be known in a non annoying way: sidle up quietly.

Willie Tomg
Feb 2, 2006
my own cat stealthed up close in just the short time it took to write this, so that's a sign right there.

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
I would like to note that my new avatar is incredibly fitting for this run. Anyways, we have a tie with 5 votes each for stealthing up and behaving. So coin flip time! Heads is behave and tails is stealth...and it's tails! We are stealthy! :ninja:

quote:

One paw pushes forward, pausing for a moment to check it has not been observed. Claire remains still, forehead wrinkled in concentration. She's practically stuck to her screen.

You put one paw down and follow with another. A few more cautious steps, and then you scurry for the lee of Claire's legs. Closer to her feet, you catch that she's wearing furry slippers. You can't help but snuggle up against them.

It's true; my cat loves my slippers. Sometimes more than me.

quote:

"If we're all ready, we can make a start on the Rakenstad project statement. I'm sure you've all got busy schedules, so we don't want this to take all evening." Claire runs a finger over her notes, then looks back up at the screen. "To summarize what's in your folders, the Rakenstad highway project will inflict substantial damage to the country's largest wetland reserve. Even so, most presses are calling it wonderful because it enables more workers to commute from towns with high rates of unemployment."

Waggling a slipper-clad foot under the desktop, Claire asks who'd like to open with suggestions.

Baska folds her arms and leans back in her chair. "Actually, I'd like to say something," she starts.

Claire gives her the nod, and you notice that Magda looks uncomfortable.

"Doesn't everyone already know what our stance is on habitat protection?" Baska says. "I mean, I don't see the need for long discussions unless we're doing a U-turn on our supporters."

It suddenly occurs to you what her eyebrows might be for: a naturally incredulous look that gives her a head start on pooh-poohing other people's ideas. It's certainly made everyone in this conversation uncomfortable.

"Baska," Magda says, not hiding her impatience, "as I'm sure you know, it's about how we frame this. Claire has to get our message across without suggesting we think employment is a less important issue." She takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut.

-These petty human pursuits are unimportant. Hop up on the desk to garner some group attention.
-I'm suspicious of Baska. I might just get rid of her before things get too tricky.
-Affect this system simply by observing it. Cats understand the uncertainty principle too!

Ok, so apparently Claire has a rival. How do we handle this?

1. These petty human pursuits are unimportant. Hop up on the desk to garner some group attention.
2. I'm suspicious of Baska. I might just get rid of her before things get too tricky.
3. Affect this system simply by observing it. Cats understand the uncertainty principle too!

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 36% Affection: 64%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 43% Intuitive: 57%
Claire's Dislike: 32% Claire's Like: 68%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Activate Heisenberg’s 3. Uncertainty Principle! We are the Cat Who Knocks! (This may not mean what I think it means.)

achtungnight fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Apr 12, 2018

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars


3. :catstare:

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
3. We work in mysterious ways.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Every cat knows physics

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Be uncertain.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
3 Cats can walk through walls, Uncertainty is second nature.

AJ_Impy fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Apr 12, 2018

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

You ever notice how humans can't say Baska without hissing a tiny bit? Suspicious indeed. (2)

VivaLa Eeveelution fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Apr 12, 2018

SapientCorvid
Jun 16, 2008

reading The Internet
allow the space bones to roll in their uncertain glory.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN
:catstare: 3 :catstare:

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Get rid of her.

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, I'm making a new rule. In order for a vote to count, the number of the vote must be included! I'm sorry, but some of your responses are so vague I can't figure out which one you're voting for. Just because it seems clever doesn't make it useful for me when I'm tallying up votes. I'm extending votes for another 24 hours so that people can edit their votes.

Ok, so that's 5 votes for staring and only 1 vote for stealth. Let's get staring!

quote:

To be fair, the feline interpretation of Heisenberg is about as accurate as a Wall Street trader's reading of Buddhism. That said, it has workable elements. Claire, for example, can't fail to sense your presence, but only because she actually likes you. The fact of her affection, for you and for animals in general, means their presence makes her calmer by proximity. Like hikers who grow mellower the deeper they go into wilderness, Claire breathes a little easier as she notes your stillness and support.

The ongoing battle to keep Baska on-topic is now super uncomfortable for everyone.

Khaled, by far the most compassionate of all of them, is the only one who still looks calm, possibly because he thinks Baska is suffering from some anxiety-triggered lapse of sanity. While the others grind their teeth, he talks patiently and calmly. "If I can say something, please. I'm sure we all value Baska's comments, and Baska, I can assure you that none of us are going to suggest a pullback on protection for either animals or their habitats. We just need to decide what to put forward as a counteroffer in terms of a plan to decrease unemployment." His brow furrows as he waits for her reaction—which is to twiddle a pen and look incredulous. "If I may, then," he continues, "Mike and I would suggest plans for improving public-transport networks, seeing as that will make for more viable commuting countrywide." He lets out a long breath as he finishes, as if he's reached some sort of milestone.

Baska puts her pen to her lips. "A commendable idea," she says, "but you realize the timescale of the project is around five years longer than the highway. People want faster solutions, and…"

"I actually think that's a workable solution," counters Magda.

The others all nod.

Baska gives an angry smirk. "Look, Claire, if you get out there tomorrow and talk about this instead of something with a proper timescale, they're just going to tear you to shreds. But hey, if that's what you want!" She throws up her hands like she's absolving herself of the decision—which seems pretty far off from the truth.

"If you have any better suggestions, Baska, I'm sure we'd love to hear them," Claire says, her tone stern and even, like a teacher who's reprimanding a student for talking during class.

-The cables I just noticed remind me that ruining things for humans is more entertaining than helping them.
-Now is a convenient time for me to get rewards and attention. I sidle up to Claire to demand strokes.
-Claire and I make a good duo. I won't interfere with what seems to be going fine.
-Break something loudly. Claire is smart enough to call back in five minutes, this time without Baska.

Ok, so that seemed to go well. What do we do next?

1. The cables I just noticed remind me that ruining things for humans is more entertaining than helping them.
2. Now is a convenient time for me to get rewards and attention. I sidle up to Claire to demand strokes.
3. Claire and I make a good duo. I won't interfere with what seems to be going fine.
4. Break something loudly. Claire is smart enough to call back in five minutes, this time without Baska.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 36% Affection: 64%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 43% Intuitive: 57%
Claire's Dislike: 32% Claire's Like: 68%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.

SimplyUnknown1 fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Apr 13, 2018

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

(4) Interrupting Cat is lougently caress OFF, BASKA.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
3. Continue our quiet support!

achtungnight fucked around with this message at 16:40 on Apr 13, 2018

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

3.

Willie Tomg
Feb 2, 2006
2. Yeah! What Mom said!! Nothing like petting a fluffy cat to sell a posture of calculated authority!

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Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
2. Petting time.

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