thinking about slamming a toilet seat on my balls

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > thinking about slamming a toilet seat on my balls

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balls
	absolutely
	no because i loving suck
	im gay
	goku

nextlevelstart: Feb 26, 2015

# ? Jan 19, 2018 19:44

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# ? May 26, 2024 07:31

myDad: Jan 20, 2010; ce n'est pas ma m�re; College Slice

nextlevelstart posted:

# ? Jan 19, 2018 19:47

AEMINAL: May 22, 2015; barf barf i am a dog, barf on your carpet, barf

nextlevelstart posted:

holy lmfao

# ? Jan 19, 2018 19:48

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

nextlevelstart posted:

This is art

# ? Jan 19, 2018 19:48

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

nextlevelstart posted:

# ? Jan 19, 2018 19:57

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

nextlevelstart posted:

( this smilie doesn't imply sarcasm I hope, awesome drawing)

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:00

i like that: May 22, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

Spinster posted:

Speaking of popping a testicle:

By best friend ever, Rita the horse freak, was a vet tech in her early twenties. We were occasionally in touch and when she learned I needed to neuter a new cat offered to do it for free. She did it at her work all the time and would just bring the supplies she needed home and save me some money.

I drove to her place with my new kitty and watched apprehensively as she doused his ball area with Betadine in her dirty bathroom sink. She took a little knife and made tiny slits. Then she squeezed really hard with her fingers and swear to god there was a "snap" sound as these little white lima beans popped out of each tiny ballsack.

I can't remember what anesthetic she used but I was concerned because he was still slowly struggling to get away and making weird noises but she assured me he wasn't feeling actual pain.

They really looked just like pale baby lima beans attached to a white string in the sink bowl, and when it was over I picked them up and held them at my ears like dangling earrings and said, "This would give guys nightmares forever."

*cackle*

I didn't know those things popped. Looks like I need to work on my grip strength :newlol:

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:05

nextlevelstart: Feb 26, 2015

I wish i could do that more than once a day!

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:11

Beefeater: May 17, 2003; I'm hungry.; Hair Elf

nextlevelstart posted:

Sweet, now we have an instructional picture on proper form and effect!

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:16

davidofmk771: Dec 27, 2010

guys i know we have fun and get a little wild here, but lets all be serious for a moment here:

dont smash your balls with the toilet seat. its all just a joke, fellas.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:18

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

did you do it yet op

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:20

Treser: Sep 2, 2013; It's not supposed to be safe

nextlevelstart posted:

Self portrait I presume?

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:23

nextlevelstart: Feb 26, 2015

Treser posted:

Self portrait I presume?

Yeah but I got really long beautiful hair and a vagina

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:27

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

nextlevelstart posted:

Yeah but I got really long beautiful hair and a vagina

Where do you keep them

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:32

Fucked-Up Little Dog: Aug 26, 2008; Posting live from the nightmare future of Web 3.0; Scratchmo

nextlevelstart posted:

Elevating a white noise nonsense thread is god's work

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:35

nextlevelstart: Feb 26, 2015

Big Beef City posted:

Where do you keep them

In a little heart shaped box :love:

# ? Jan 19, 2018 20:39

Treser: Sep 2, 2013; It's not supposed to be safe

nextlevelstart posted:

Yeah but I got really long beautiful hair and a vagina

Well you definitely don't have testicles anymore.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 21:21

Gay Weed Dad: Jul 12, 2016; cool dude, flyin' high

Spinster posted:

Speaking of popping a testicle:

By best friend ever, Rita the horse freak, was a vet tech in her early twenties. We were occasionally in touch and when she learned I needed to neuter a new cat offered to do it for free. She did it at her work all the time and would just bring the supplies she needed home and save me some money.

I drove to her place with my new kitty and watched apprehensively as she doused his ball area with Betadine in her dirty bathroom sink. She took a little knife and made tiny slits. Then she squeezed really hard with her fingers and swear to god there was a "snap" sound as these little white lima beans popped out of each tiny ballsack.

I can't remember what anesthetic she used but I was concerned because he was still slowly struggling to get away and making weird noises but she assured me he wasn't feeling actual pain.

They really looked just like pale baby lima beans attached to a white string in the sink bowl, and when it was over I picked them up and held them at my ears like dangling earrings and said, "This would give guys nightmares forever."

*cackle*

This forums post has caused my taint and balls to have phantom pains

# ? Jan 19, 2018 21:54

OB-GYN Kenobi: Dec 4, 2017

I have nephew who did this irl, not intentional though. Slamming your balls in a toilet seat is no joke. At his parents house, they have those fancy toilet seats that have hinges to slowly drop the toilet seat to avoid any slamming. Well they trained him that after he is done he needs to put the toilet seat down. So each time he�d finish he would tap the back of the seat to start it�s decent. I�m guessing they didn�t instruct him to put his dick away first. Well, one day, we had a little family gathering at my parents home built in the 70�s. Obviously no fancy toilet seats in this joint. He goes to the bathroom, no one thinks anything of it, toilet flushes, and without putting his dick away first, leans over the toilet, which must have put his pacakage over the rim. Classic conditioning takes over. Suddenly.....BANG and then the most pitiful screaching moaning sounds you�ve ever heard in your life. We rush in and find him on the floor holding is red af pecker and balls. Poor fella was down for the rest of the night. OP I wish you good luck.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 22:29

Genesplicer: Oct 19, 2002; I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!; Total Clam

Before the Internet, before memes were called memes, there were photocopier jokes. Copied and sent from friend to friend, you usually got a 150th generation image that was hard to read and might have been redrawn multiple times. This is one of the earliest. It is titled "Why E.T. has a long neck".

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Genesplicer fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Jan 19, 2018

# ? Jan 19, 2018 22:57

Commie Lasorda: May 15, 2009; IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

genesplicer posted:

I actually remember seeing a variation of this made with carbon paper back in the day.

Also, lol

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:09

Genesplicer: Oct 19, 2002; I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!; Total Clam

Stupid mistake. Ignore me.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:16

Instruction Manuel: May 15, 2007; Yes, it is what it looks like!

nextlevelstart posted:

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:17

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

Hell Yeah posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND SLAM MY BALLS IN SOMETHING. IT'S A TOILET SEAT AN

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:17

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Kuato posted:

I wish. In adddition to a micro penis I have tiny balls. I�ll just have to live through you vicariously op

Maybe try the tank lid instead of the seat.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:39

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Spinster posted:

( this smilie doesn't imply sarcasm I hope, awesome drawing)

It does. I believe :golfclap:

is generally accepted to be the one to use when you�re being sincere.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:40

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

veiled boner fuel posted:

It does. I believe is generally accepted to be the one to use when you�re being sincere.

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:41

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

Spinster posted:

Speaking of popping a testicle:

By best friend ever, Rita the horse freak, was a vet tech in her early twenties. We were occasionally in touch and when she learned I needed to neuter a new cat offered to do it for free. She did it at her work all the time and would just bring the supplies she needed home and save me some money.

I drove to her place with my new kitty and watched apprehensively as she doused his ball area with Betadine in her dirty bathroom sink. She took a little knife and made tiny slits. Then she squeezed really hard with her fingers and swear to god there was a "snap" sound as these little white lima beans popped out of each tiny ballsack.

I can't remember what anesthetic she used but I was concerned because he was still slowly struggling to get away and making weird noises but she assured me he wasn't feeling actual pain.

They really looked just like pale baby lima beans attached to a white string in the sink bowl, and when it was over I picked them up and held them at my ears like dangling earrings and said, "This would give guys nightmares forever."

*cackle*

Sorry if you've told the story before, but in what sense was Rita a horse freak?

# ? Jan 19, 2018 23:41

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

General Dog posted:

Sorry if you've told the story before, but in what sense was Rita a horse freak?

here's a hint, her last name was "pence"

# ? Jan 20, 2018 00:45

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

General Dog posted:

Sorry if you've told the story before, but in what sense was Rita a horse freak?

Yes she's in my Cocktale Waitress thread, she was one of those girls that goes gaga over horses in adolescence but with her it stuck, she became a part-time farrier and raises horses still.

# ? Jan 20, 2018 04:51

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

veiled boner fuel posted:

It does. I believe is generally accepted to be the one to use when you�re being sincere.

yeah

# ? Jan 20, 2018 05:05

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

mind the walrus posted:

I have never once felt an urge to do this and I am alarmed at the number of men who fantasize about it.

Even while gay, I protect and covet my balls at all times cause I appreciate them and they're my friends. It's a different level of self-loathing than what I normally feel to want them to be hurt or destroyed. It's not your testicles fault you're depressed, why take it out on them and the countless cells that have to repair themselves and are like "WHAT THE gently caress MAN"

# ? Jan 20, 2018 06:36

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# ? May 26, 2024 07:31

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

the poll has 69 total votes lol

# ? Jan 20, 2018 21:38

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > thinking about slamming a toilet seat on my balls

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