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"Art ye gay" screamed Montaran, "Ye spoke at me? GAYLY?" Jesus pulled out a Longbow +3, the most overpowered weapon in all of the Sword Coast, and smote down Montaran, who had approximately 9 hit points and wert instantly killed. Xan screamed in fear and confusion, for he was insane, and the bears were called down upon him as Noober screamed for he knew not what cruelty had occurred before him and it shattered he mind. Jesus looked up and said "Twenty five or six to four."
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May 23, 2021 01:56
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Blurred posted:Jesus was a badass you goddamn nerds Digging into the Infancy gospels and other apocrypha is kind of cheating. Anyway, Hail Satan.
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May 23, 2021 02:00
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Blurred posted:Jesus was a badass you goddamn nerds Pffft that 'Gospel' (the Infancy Gospel of Thomas) was claimed to be bullshit as early as the 2nd century and downright 'heretical' by christians by the late 4th. It's considered fictitious by every branch of Christianity (well I'd wager there's some weird set of eastern gnostics or some evangelicals that are like 'Hell YEA baby jesus!" but whatever). Testing the good people of GBS with your fake tales. Tsk Tsk.
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May 23, 2021 02:02
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I'm reading the book of Enoch, did you know he wore blue jeans?
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May 23, 2021 02:05
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Big Beef City posted:Pffft that 'Gospel' (the Infancy Gospel of Thomas) was claimed to be bullshit as early as the 2nd century and downright 'heretical' by christians by the late 4th. It's considered fictitious by every branch of Christianity (well I'd wager there's some weird set of eastern gnostics or some evangelicals that are like 'Hell YEA baby jesus!" but whatever). Me, a second century marketing director: "Oh, this is beautiful. This is hot. Scorching! The merchandise is just flying off the shelves. The people want more. Can we give them more?" "Well, we did end on a sequel hook. Maybe..." "Gonna stop you there. All that Revelation and Second Coming business? I've read your pitch. Very cool. Visionary. Problem is, we don't have the budget. I'm not thinking sequel, baby. I'm thinking prequel!" "What, like a new Old Testament?" "Not that far back. Let me show you the merchandise numbers. Now, people love the cross. It's iconic, it pops, it's now, it's wow. People love the Twelve Apostles. Collect the whole set. Been thinking of expanding that line. We'll call the new guys 'Saints', we'll repaint some old pagan lines we've got, it'll be great. But can you see what's the next biggest seller?" "... Baby Jesus?" "Baby Jesus."
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May 23, 2021 04:45
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The Jesus from The Last Temptation of Christs is my favorite. Too bad Christians ruin it for me like that one Ghandi quote.
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May 23, 2021 05:17
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Yvershek posted:The Jesus from The Last Temptation of Christs is my favorite. Too bad Christians ruin it for me like that one Ghandi quote. Gandhi.
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May 23, 2021 05:23
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Phone posting. 
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May 23, 2021 05:27
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Yvershek posted:Phone posting. FWIW, it's an incredibly common mistake.
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May 23, 2021 05:30
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idgi, this jesus dude makes a whole big deal about dying for your sins, but then like a few days later he’s no longer dead, he’s like super powers zombie jesus. Anyway, doesn’t seem like much of a sacrifice. Dying for your sins would be impressive if he stayed dead, not if he went back to live with his dad and have eternal life.
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May 23, 2021 09:35
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Blurred posted:Jesus was a badass you goddamn nerds This was an episode of the Twilight Zone
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May 23, 2021 11:47
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The Management posted:idgi, this jesus dude makes a whole big deal about dying for your sins, but then like a few days later he’s no longer dead, he’s like super powers zombie jesus. Anyway, doesn’t seem like much of a sacrifice. Dying for your sins would be impressive if he stayed dead, not if he went back to live with his dad and have eternal life. I mean, it did add some panache to the whole thing that he actually came back from the dead to make sure that a couple of people for sure saw him (but not TOO many) before he was like "Ok cool, I gotta jet, alright?" Like ANYBODY can die, die. This dude didn't even STAY dead. He died and THEN said "This party sucks I'm leaving." And then DID.
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May 23, 2021 12:08
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The Management posted:idgi, this jesus dude makes a whole big deal about dying for your sins, but then like a few days later he’s no longer dead, he’s like super powers zombie jesus. Anyway, doesn’t seem like much of a sacrifice. Dying for your sins would be impressive if he stayed dead, not if he went back to live with his dad and have eternal life. Yet another example of ol’ Walks-on-Water being a real fuckin DWEEB!
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May 23, 2021 12:57
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nobody talks about how the 3 day old risen corpse man was unrecognizably bloated & oozing maggots from all his open wounds but it's pretty metal imo
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May 23, 2021 13:18
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Jesus was lame. one time he was like "if someone hits you on the face, let them hit the other side of your face" It's such a popular religion because it's how the powerful want you to deal with your lot in life. be poor, put up with bullshit, eat poo poo. it's holy. Jesus suffered, you get to suffer too, just like Jesus, how awesome is that
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May 23, 2021 14:53
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Dolphin posted:Jesus was lame. one time he was like "if someone hits you on the face, let them hit the other side of your face" IT STINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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May 23, 2021 14:57
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I'm reading the Gospel according to John, and apparently Joseph of Arimathea walked up to Jesus on the cross and sucked his cock? Why don't they talk about that in Sunday school. Seems important
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May 23, 2021 16:02
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:This is bi erasure. Don't kink shame
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May 23, 2021 17:01
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Jesus once sucked me off for bus fare to Albany
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May 23, 2021 17:52
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Dolphin posted:Jesus was lame. one time he was like "if someone hits you on the face, let them hit the other side of your face" the early Germanic and Scandinavian versions of jesus is pretty metal though. Jesus was thought to be a chieftain and was chill with massacring your enemies because how else are you gonna convince a bunch of warlords that there’s glory in battle with a weak rear end pansy jesus
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May 24, 2021 00:08
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