Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Jesus wirt gay

Mozi posted:

no but seriously he definitely came back to life but only for three days and then he left again because he just needed to pop by heaven super super quick and he'll totally be back, like, next week to judge the living and the dead. maybe two weeks at the very latest

Dolphin posted:

Linux Pirate posted:

If jesus isn't real then why does the letter t exist? huh?

Dolphin posted:

i mean is there any religious icon who got owned more than jesus?

he's all "I'm god" and they were all "let's see"

Dolphin posted:

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

wirt jesus gay?

Mooey Cow posted:

Well there was that prophet that got owned so hard by a bunch of kids he got god to send wild bears to maul them. Which is like, yeah sure you did Elisha, and i bet everyone clapped too.

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

wirt jesus gay?

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Lmao Jesus was just some fella what started a cult and it ruined the world for all of humanity LOL suck my loving balls Jesus you loving SUCK poo poo OUTTA MY HAIRY rear end HOLE

Oh Don Piano posted:

I bet Jesus took small shits

Mozi posted:

i dunno man i heard he turned a bunch of fish into some hella big loaves

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Jesus wirt gay

quote:

This little child Jesus when he was five years old was playing at the ford of a brook: and he gathered together the waters that flowed there into pools, and made them straightway clean, and commanded them by his word alone. And having made soft clay, he fashioned thereof twelve sparrows. And it was the Sabbath when he did these things. And there were also many other little children playing with him.

And a certain Jew when he saw what Jesus did, playing upon the Sabbath day, departed straightway and told his father Joseph: Lo, thy child is at the brook, and he hath taken clay and fashioned twelve little birds, and hath polluted the Sabbath day. And Joseph came to the place and saw: and cried out to him, saying: Wherefore doest thou these things on the Sabbath, which it is not lawful to do? But Jesus clapped his hands together and cried out to the sparrows and said to them: Go! and the sparrows took their flight and went away chirping. And when the Jews saw it they were amazed, and departed and told their chief men that which they had seen Jesus do.

But the son of Annas the scribe was standing there with Joseph; and he took a branch of a willow and dispersed the waters which Jesus had gathered together. And when Jesus saw what was done, he was wroth and said unto him: O evil, ungodly, and foolish one, what hurt did the pools and the waters do thee? behold, now also thou shalt be withered like a tree, and shalt not bear leaves, neither root, nor fruit. And straightway that lad withered up wholly, but Jesus departed and went unto Joseph's house. But the parents of him that was withered took him up, bewailing his youth, and brought him to Joseph, and accused him 'for that thou hast such a child which doeth such deeds.'

After that again he went through the village, and a child ran and dashed against his shoulder. And Jesus was provoked and said unto him: Thou shalt not finish thy course. And immediately he fell down and died. But certain when they saw what was done said: Whence was this young child born, for that every word of his is an accomplished work? And the parents of him that was dead came unto Joseph, and blamed him, saying: Thou that hast such a child canst not dwell with us in the village: or do thou teach him to bless and not to curse: for he slayeth our children.

And Joseph called the young child apart and admonished him, saying: Wherefore doest thou such things, that these suffer and hate us and persecute us? But Jesus said: I know that these thy words are not thine: nevertheless for thy sake I will hold my peace: but they shall bear their punishment. And straightway they that accused him were smitten with blindness. And they that saw it were sore afraid and perplexed, and said concerning him that every word which he spake whether it were good or bad, was a deed, and became a marvel. And when they saw that Jesus had so done, Joseph arose and took hold upon his ear and wrung it sore. And the young child was wroth and said unto him: It sufficeth thee to seek and not to find, and verily thou hast done unwisely: knowest thou not that I am thine? Vex me not.

Blurred posted:

Jesus was a badass you goddamn nerds