this would be a small question thread, but i need quick attention!!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > this would be a small question thread, but i need quick attention!!

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blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

BONER X posted:

you should kill the flag stealers

i'd probably fight them, not sure if I'd kill. Or get my own rear end beat.

Giraffe posted:

This isn�t difficult, OP. Walk over and ring their doorbell. When they answer, introduce yourself as their neighbor, say you heard about the flag vandalism and wanted to offer a replacement as a token of solidarity. Smile, look them in the eyes while you talk and try not to be too weird. Lastly, and this is crucial, have your dick hanging out throughout the entire interaction.

It�s called being neighborly and it�s not rocket science.

What if they're lady gays? That could be offensive. I should just make sure I'm super drunk when I do it, I think.

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

Please don�t do this.

It would be creepy and weird. Especially when the doorbell cam records your dumbass trying to tiptoe quietly across the street at 3am.

i am stealthy and agile, like a street cat. to be fair, I could probably toss it on their porch from my yard. I think if I had more than a robe on right now, I'd just get it done. I would obviously dress like a ninja with a mask, and beanie to cover my glorious mane of hair, and my superior red (Grey) beard. I bet I could even belly crawl over there, it looks like they have soft grass

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

Perform autofellatio in the middle of the street while your mom waves that rainbow flag cheering you on. Deliver the flag to your neighbors upon climax.

I'm not that agile, anymore. I could mime it, maybe but my mom is states away and I don't have any friends that could help in this endeavor.

Revins posted:

prob already has been said but put up a lgbt pride flag of your own in solidarity

This is probably the right answer, but i'm a big f'ing wuss, and don't want to get hate-crimed myself. I don't have any sort of surveillance.

I'm leaning more towards introducing myself, saying I heard what happened, and explaining that I liked seeing the Flag on my way to and from my house. And that I'll understand if they don't want to hang it out front, because it might get got. But at least the gesture can maybe show that not all of this poo poo neighborhood is filled with fuckdicks. There were plenty of youngkin and trump signs that I didn't mess with, even while tempted. There is even a blue line American flag (OUR BOYS IN BLUE) further down the block (it was probably them), but it's like 15 feet off the ground.

I also found some smaller items with the Flag, with words like Love Matters, that I could maybe gift just as a decor item within their house.
this is turning into a whole thing, and I'm here for it, I guess.

there is a chance this thread could continue for days and days. but once I finally do something, I will definitely keep it updated.

blight rhino fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Mar 25, 2022

# ? Mar 25, 2022 01:43

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# ? May 6, 2024 04:32

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

You all are really overthinking this.

Just knock on the door and say "Hi, I'm your neighbor. I heard some assholes tore down your flag so I thought I'd replace it for you out of solidarity."

That's all. It doesn't have to be a big thing.

# ? Mar 25, 2022 01:48

Giraffe: Dec 12, 2005; Soiled Meat

I think that's fine just so long as your dick is hanging out.

# ? Mar 25, 2022 01:52

Vitruvian Manic: Dec 5, 2021; by Fluffdaddy

you should make a bunch of ts for "thank you for being my neighbor" and set them on fire on their lawn. make sure you let them know it was you.

# ? Mar 25, 2022 02:17

Soulkys: Sep 7, 2008; The beast of Tanagra

wrap the flasg around a brick and use it to beat the flag rip downers

# ? Mar 25, 2022 02:29

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Have hot gay sex with them OP

# ? Mar 25, 2022 13:11

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

blight rhino posted:

i'd probably fight them, not sure if I'd kill. Or get my own rear end beat.

What if they're lady gays? That could be offensive. I should just make sure I'm super drunk when I do it, I think.

i am stealthy and agile, like a street cat. to be fair, I could probably toss it on their porch from my yard. I think if I had more than a robe on right now, I'd just get it done. I would obviously dress like a ninja with a mask, and beanie to cover my glorious mane of hair, and my superior red (Grey) beard. I bet I could even belly crawl over there, it looks like they have soft grass

I'm not that agile, anymore. I could mime it, maybe but my mom is states away and I don't have any friends that could help in this endeavor.

This is probably the right answer, but i'm a big f'ing wuss, and don't want to get hate-crimed myself. I don't have any sort of surveillance.

I'm leaning more towards introducing myself, saying I heard what happened, and explaining that I liked seeing the Flag on my way to and from my house. And that I'll understand if they don't want to hang it out front, because it might get got. But at least the gesture can maybe show that not all of this poo poo neighborhood is filled with fuckdicks. There were plenty of youngkin and trump signs that I didn't mess with, even while tempted. There is even a blue line American flag (OUR BOYS IN BLUE) further down the block (it was probably them), but it's like 15 feet off the ground.

I also found some smaller items with the Flag, with words like Love Matters, that I could maybe gift just as a decor item within their house.
this is turning into a whole thing, and I'm here for it, I guess.

there is a chance this thread could continue for days and days. but once I finally do something, I will definitely keep it updated.

give up. you're clearly the ultimate goon and anything you do will just be really weird and awkward. maybe you can return the flag?

# ? Mar 25, 2022 13:55

sharknado slashfic: Jun 24, 2011

jarofpiss posted:

give up. you're clearly the ultimate goon and anything you do will just be really weird and awkward. maybe you can return the flag?

This but otoh I'm curious to see how long this drags out

# ? Mar 25, 2022 15:05

Bloodfart McCoy: Jul 20, 2007; That's a high quality avatar right there.

blight rhino posted:

What if they're lady gays? That could be offensive. I should just make sure I'm super drunk when I do it, I think.

Do you not know what your neighbors across the street even look like?

# ? Mar 25, 2022 15:53

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Soulkys posted:

wrap the flasg around a brick and use it to beat the flag rip downers

would love to.

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

Do you not know what your neighbors across the street even look like?

They're on my side, and we have trees between us.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:23

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

REGARDLESS>>>>>>

UPDATE!!

finally got the gumption to go over. I brushed my hair, and pulled it back, and wore a polo. To look less of how I typically look.

I exit my front door and see that they already have another Flag flying (gently caress)

I still went. I introduced myself. Told them I knew what happened, and it just kind of sucked. Names were exchanged. I told them that I liked seeing their flag when I was coming or going.
Told them I see they already have a replacement, but basically "hey, have another one, just in case"
Tried to explain that I understand this neighborhood isn't the greatest, and that I was sorry that happened. And not that everyone here feels that way.

I'm fairly sure I was awkward, or weird, but they seemed really appreciative. I mentioned that I pretty much keep to myself 100%, but if they ever needed anything from me, please come by. (They're an older couple, older than I thought)

So. I did it. It was pretty awkward, because I am who I am. But, I don't regret it, and as I mentioned they seemed appreciative. Two older gentlemen, and I heard a dog, but didn't see the dog. I hear the dog from my backyard every now and then.

I didn't notice any upgraded surveillance or anything like that, and I wasn't going to mention anything about it. But, I hope this Flag flies high, and for a long time. If not, well, it's obvious they got the will to go ahead and put up another one if some dickhole comes by and commits a hate crime.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging, disparaging, and funny comments.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:31

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

"Hi, how are ya. I'm <bleh> live over there. I saw you had a flag up in your yard and I heard from one of the neighbors that it got taken. Anyway I thought maybe you might want this since I like yours, if you want it, otherwise no problem. Here ya go."
And either hand it to them or set it down.
Smile and wave and start walking away.

If they want to talk and say thanks, they will.
Otherwise they will kill you and eat you while performing the black gay mass that every gay knows and then phone the entire planet while everyone points and laughs at your stupid corpse.

e: Well there you go, and not even a sacrifice yet. Now you can wave at them and see if you can catch them walking that dog and meet that dog and hang out w/dog.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:33

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

MODS. Feel free to keep this open for a few days so people can either comment, make fun of me some more, or share their thoughts.

But the adventure is basically over!!!

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:35

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Oh it's just started.
You've made yourself visible to their collective Eye now.

Soon, more adventures will await you traveler. Will you be prepared? Can you sustain the trial of 'Being smiled at in passing'?! Or the rigorous tail of "Stopping to talk on the sidewalk for minute that one time"? NO MAN DARES

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:37

Giraffe: Dec 12, 2005; Soiled Meat

You didn't even show them your dick? Some neighbor. :rolleyes:

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:37

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

"Hi, how are ya. I'm <bleh> live over there. I saw you had a flag up in your yard and I heard from one of the neighbors that it got taken. Anyway I thought maybe you might want this since I like yours, if you want it, otherwise no problem. Here ya go."
And either hand it to them or set it down.
Smile and wave and start walking away.

If they want to talk and say thanks, they will.
Otherwise they will kill you and eat you while performing the black gay mass that every gay knows and then phone the entire planet while everyone points and laughs at your stupid corpse.

e: Well there you go, and not even a sacrifice yet. Now you can wave at them and see if you can catch them walking that dog and meet that dog and hang out w/dog.

BBC with the real talk. Right on. That's kind of how it happened.

I won't say I jogged away, but I did walk quickly while beating myself up in the head with the usual "i should of said etc, etc"

And now making friends with the possibly gay dog, is priority #1.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:38

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

Oh it's just started.
You've made yourself visible to their collective Eye now.

Soon, more adventures will await you traveler. Will you be prepared? Can you sustain the trial of 'Being smiled at in passing'?! Or the rigorous tail of "Stopping to talk on the sidewalk for minute that one time"? NO MAN DARES

shitshitshitshitshit. i'm never leaving my house again.

Giraffe posted:

You didn't even show them your dick? Some neighbor.

i didn't get their number, but I can print out pictures. but that could open up a whole nother situation that I'm not 60% comfortable with.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:39

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

blight rhino posted:

shitshitshitshitshit. i'm never leaving my house again.

i didn't get their number, but I can print out pictures. but that could open up a whole nother situation that I'm not 60% comfortable with.

Send the pictures of your dick to a flag company and have them print you one, then fly that flag in your own yard in solidarity.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:41

SAY YOHO: Oct 5, 2021

blight rhino posted:

REGARDLESS>>>>>>

UPDATE!!

finally got the gumption to go over.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:43

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

Send the pictures of your dick to a flag company and have them print you one, then fly that flag in your own yard in solidarity.

it'd have to be a post card, if i don't want it to be pixelated.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:44

SAY YOHO: Oct 5, 2021

Big Beef City posted:

Send the pictures of your dick to a flag company and have them print you one, then fly that flag in your own yard in solidarity.

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:45

Soulkys: Sep 7, 2008; The beast of Tanagra

proud of you goon for helping right a wrong and maybe even more importantly being chill neighbor. I'm sure those guys feel a little more welcomed and safe for you reaching out in friendship

# ? Mar 27, 2022 20:59

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Soulkys posted:

proud of you goon for helping right a wrong and maybe even more importantly being chill neighbor. I'm sure those guys feel a little more welcomed and safe for you reaching out in friendship

Thanks! That's nice of you to say. I hope they feel like that, and not "oh lord, who/what is that creature that came to our door"

# ? Mar 27, 2022 21:13

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

Buy one for your neighbor and raise one yourself

# ? Mar 27, 2022 22:36

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

The Queereye of Sauron is upon you now, OP

# ? Mar 27, 2022 22:38

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Buy one for your neighbor and raise one yourself

i'm actually considering it now. I didn't want to before, because I didn't wanna get involved.

but i'm also the weird enough type that I'll set up a blind in my bushes, and just sit and wait. I'm not sure what my next course of action would be if it tried to get got. but i've been thinking.

( i really like the phrase "get got" [phrase? maybe not] )

Colonel Cancer posted:

The Queereye of Sauron is upon you now, OP

I'm praying for a makeover.

# ? Mar 28, 2022 02:07

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Set one up in your yard and then hide a security cam pointed at it.

Since you're an awkward goon I assume you're cloistered in your home 24/7 to watch it from your posting station and so when you see someone approach it, you can spring forth in your battle gear and engage the enemy.
Which in this case will be you crashing through your own front door, tripping over your own bathrobe as it falls off you, skidding down your front steps, and standing up wearing nothing but underpants holding a swifter and valiantly shouting "...AAaUuwb!?" as you look around.

# ? Mar 28, 2022 02:14

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

Set one up in your yard and then hide a security cam pointed at it.

Since you're an awkward goon I assume you're cloistered in your home 24/7 to watch it from your posting station and so when you see someone approach it, you can spring forth in your battle gear and engage the enemy.
Which in this case will be you crashing through your own front door, tripping over your own bathrobe as it falls off you, skidding down your front steps, and standing up wearing nothing but underpants holding a swifter and valiantly shouting "...AAaUuwb!?" as you look around.

well, poo poo.

you have me pegged. GET OUT OF MY HEAD BBC

# ? Mar 29, 2022 01:28