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redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.
Meat and bone and water tube

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Gnarly Sheen
Jun 25, 2015

I'm ITT
Denisovan DNA in my Whataburger patty melt

XYZAB
Jun 29, 2003

HNNNNNGG!!
As a mailman, I am always doing my utmost to ensure that I don't leave a negative impression with the people I deliver to. It causes some moderate anxiety to always have to be in 'on' mode, always careful not to draw attention to myself by maybe saying something I shouldn't while trying to be sociable in the 30-45 seconds that I interact with whomsoever I am delivering to at any given moment, or careful not to drop a package in front of someone, or take too long with the signature pad when I've interrupted them at work. I've found that I can sleep easier at night by shifting the focus away from dwelling on how, although I may have done some of those things today, if I let myself imagine a world where those rules that I am betrothed to don't apply, how different my day to day would be. So I end up falling asleep imagining some absurd sort of BeamNG.drive - esque scenario of myself barreling into people, knocking them over, and throwing packages directly at them, and that they love me for it. Where all of the social faux-pas' of my job are nonexistent. It really takes the edge off to just let go. And in having written all of that and read it back to myself, I would be remiss not to agree with the reader here that I may have inadvertently uncovered the true spirit of what it means to "go postal."

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

XYZAB posted:

As a mailman, I am always doing my utmost to ensure that I don't leave a negative impression with the people I deliver to. It causes some moderate anxiety to always have to be in 'on' mode, always careful not to draw attention to myself by maybe saying something I shouldn't while trying to be sociable in the 30-45 seconds that I interact with whomsoever I am delivering to at any given moment, or careful not to drop a package in front of someone, or take too long with the signature pad when I've interrupted them at work. I've found that I can sleep easier at night by shifting the focus away from dwelling on how, although I may have done some of those things today, if I let myself imagine a world where those rules that I am betrothed to don't apply, how different my day to day would be. So I end up falling asleep imagining some absurd sort of BeamNG.drive - esque scenario of myself barreling into people, knocking them over, and throwing packages directly at them, and that they love me for it. Where all of the social faux-pas' of my job are nonexistent. It really takes the edge off to just let go. And in having written all of that and read it back to myself, I would be remiss not to agree with the reader here that I may have inadvertently uncovered the true spirit of what it means to "go postal."

Thank you for your service. Seriously.

Mr.Acula
May 10, 2009

Billions and billions of fat clouds

I have complete faith in the generations proceeding mine

ChthonicMasturbatr
Sep 29, 2021

born on a mountain
live in a cave
hugging and tugging
is all that i crave
Who's at the door?
It's gently caress

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
gently caress who?

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mr.Acula posted:

I have complete faith in the generations proceeding mine

I have lost faith in everyone, everything, stretching over all time.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

I have lost faith in everyone, everything, stretching over all time.

I'm here for you buddy. hit me up when you need help

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

I'm here for you buddy. hit me up when you need help

Mumpy do you think I should have faith in you?

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

Mumpy do you think I should have faith in you?

Absolutely not. I am a terrible person.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

Absolutely not. I am a terrible person.

Same.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

that's why you should tell me your terrible terrible secrets.
You know I won't tell anyone

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

that's why you should tell me your terrible terrible secrets.
You know I won't tell anyone

This is a good place for it. My secret, Mumpy, is I'm already dead. I died a long time ago, and I'm just like living out this ghost existence ever since. It's like going through the motions, but not, if that makes any sense. I think you might actually know what I am talking about, unfortunately for you.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

This is a good place for it. My secret, Mumpy, is I'm already dead. I died a long time ago, and I'm just like living out this ghost existence ever since. It's like going through the motions, but not, if that makes any sense. I think you might actually know what I am talking about, unfortunately for you.

I think I do. You can keep it secret until you want to, or forever

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

I think I do. You can keep it secret until you want to, or forever

You can tell whoever you like, no one will believe you. Or care.

Likewise, if you want to open up, know that I have your back.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

You can tell whoever you like, no one will believe you. Or care.

Likewise, if you want to open up, know that I have your back.

I trust you. Got a problem, let me know. I will do everything in my power to help you. I got your back if you need it

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

I trust you. Got a problem, let me know. I will do everything in my power to help you. I got your back if you need it

Well, Mumpy, I might have one last job for you.....

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

Well, Mumpy, I might have one last job for you.....

sure, what you want?

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

sure, what you want?

Not now, but soon enough.

Shithouse Dave
Aug 5, 2007

each post manufactured to the highest specifications


Big bowl of jibbly chips

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.
My lovely mumps

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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

redshirt posted:

My lovely mumps

I have a tiny rear end and small titties. They are shapely, tho

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