|
List of things that make me salty: 1) The way my husband keeps inviting in weirdos off the street 2) The way my husband offers our daughters to people 2) Seeing God destroy my -
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 00:24
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 30, 2024 07:01 |
|
|
song of solomon is horny on main
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 00:40
|
|
|
Don’t be gay, that makes god super angry! Also don’t get tattoos for the same reason, but like, just ignore that if you really want tattoos.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 00:41
|
|
|
If you engage in lots of fun kinky sex you get a free lifetime supply of salt
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 01:21
|
|
|
It's good to be very bad as long as it's to the right people
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 01:30
|
|
|
maybealabia posted:Noah was a furry Not sure anything in the scripture backs up Noah being a furry. Although I'm sure he hosed some animals. Too bad he couldn't make it 40 days and ate the unicorns.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 02:28
|
|
|
Have you read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom. - Rev. Lovejoy
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 02:31
|
|
|
“Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” Don't hit animals or they'll start talking and call you out.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 02:39
|
|
|
•Don’t cut your hair •Don’t be gay •Don’t eat this kind of food •Don’t swear at God •Don’t disagree with your parents Bruh, is this whole book just a giant list of rules?
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 04:07
|
|
|
Patmos has killer shrooms
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 06:17
|
|
|
In the book of Revelations the author gets high af and tells the future. If all he had was natural poo poo, dehydration/starvation etc. we should be able to see the future even better after a fat dab ong
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 06:20
|
|
|
You will die and be sent to external torment beyond all possible comprehension of endless pain and suffering if you ever dare question gods endless forgiveness and love.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 07:06
|
|
|
Cheating on your wife is bad, unless it's with your neighbor.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 08:15
|
|
|
See the Jews want freedom right? So they ask the pharaoh. He agrees and lets them go.. but then god “hardens his heart” and makes him capture them again. This makes god angry because god wanted them free. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff you just need to sorta ignore if this is gonna work for you.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 08:28
|
|
|
“”and the angel said nay, none of those churches are real. Thus the lord commands you to build a temple and take upon you many child brides.” You’re smarter than everyone else, go gently caress a 16 yr old we cool.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 08:59
|
|
|
And God tweeted: “I am the Lord fam, who venmo'd you out of Egypt. “You shall have no other influencers other than me. “You shall not make yourself an influencer. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, your fam your blud, am a jealous one, punishing my haters for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love and sharing Prime drinks to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my tweets liked and shared. “You shall not diss me, or the fam will get you and stick you. “Remember the Sabbath day and keeping it chill. Six days you shall stream and do all your e-begging , but the seventh day to pay up what you owe me. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your step kids, nor your bulldogs, nor any simps in your pay pig side hussle. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, instagram, and a well sick lambo, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you, and that they don't sue you for your rolex and lambo. “You shall not murder as you can not stream in jail. “You shall not commit adultery on camera, unless its with an influencer way out of your league. “You shall not steal from anyone richer or a better influencer than you.. “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor, sue and DCMA them instead. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female side chicks, his rolex or lambo, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Ask your subscribers with a wish list instead.” When the people saw the notifications and heard the dings and saw the phone vibrate, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Yo lol what's up Mo, better not retweet what God said or we will die of cringe.” Moses said to the people, “Ha you scared? God came to me, not you, and told me he's going to to get you if you don't like and subscribe. He knows where you live.” The people remained at a distance on discord, while Moses approached the live stream where God was playing Populous 2.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 09:36
|
|
|
Funky See Funky Do posted:18:22: You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. In ancient Hebrew, there actually wasn't a specific word for "gay". It translates more as general sexual immorality. Modern Christians just really loving hate gays, so that's the translation that stuck. For the literalists, it actually creates a loophole where lesbians are just fine, as the Bible only specifically forbids men from sleeping with other men. This is definitely why even the most hardcore conservative Christian is just fine with lesbians.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 14:01
|
|
|
Luke 2:9-11 “An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.”
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 14:12
|
|
|
That one verse really is talking about huge dicks and massive cums just as it appears to be
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 14:14
|
|
|
Matthew 6:5 God knows if you're just faking it for 'Gram clout. You a fake rear end bitch.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 19:53
|
|
|
Judah was just chasing paper and let the clout get to his head And Satan was the resistance inside of avon barksdales crew.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:09
|
|
|
And it was lit
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:15
|
|
|
Leviticus 20:13 posted:If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. God's a bit insecure and confused about his sexuality and is taking it out on others.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:16
|
|
|
Genesis - 19:32 posted:Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father. 2 hot girls prank their drunk dad [GONE SEXUAL]
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:26
|
|
|
Amen. It means it's over. You can read another book if you like.
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:29
|
|
|
thou shalt not lie about liking big butts
|
|
#
?
Sep 23, 2023 20:45
|
|
|
Okay, so like, the Gospels are like the original star wars trilogy. Lots of good poo poo, classic, everyone loves it. Real feel-good story about a boy and his dad. The Old testament is like the prequels. Lots of embarrassing poo poo that didn't age well, but sets up the rest of the series. The rest of the New testament is like the Sequel trilogy. Basically just a soulless departure from the previous movies on behalf of a massive soulless organization, and the original author had nothing to do with it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 00:31
|
|
|
Deki posted:Okay, so like, the Gospels are like the original star wars trilogy. Lots of good poo poo, classic, everyone loves it. Real feel-good story about a boy and his dad. Where does the Gonk droid fit into this?
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 00:51
|
|
|
redshirt posted:Where does the Gonk droid fit into this? He's the central figure to all of it. You see...
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 08:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 30, 2024 07:01 |
|
|
BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:If you engage in lots of fun kinky sex you get a free lifetime supply of salt Do NOT tell this guy about pepper. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 09:37
|
|
