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Hello all worshipers, it has come to me through meditation that we must translate old Bible references into the modern language so that even a zoomers can enjoy religion. So I call upon all to assist us in our quest to explain key moments in the Bible in modern terms. Like how Jesus was trying to cop feels from men in the below text. And he like any good host would feed him which was the Bethlehem version of Netflix and chill. More like fish and chill as TV wasn't invented yet. So I again request my friends and fellow something awful worshipers to assist us in explaining these quotes in the modern terms. I will provide a couple answers below and employ you to find your own examples and post them to the lovely thread so that we can all understand what he meant when Paul try to flex on the other prophets with his choice in shoesquote:Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. quote:"So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, you should do it all for God's glory So the quote above what it really means is that you you should always be pouring one out for the homies that are not with you anymore. And since Jesus died for our sins and a lot of homies have died for homie sins we need to always praise the homies which in this quote is referenced as God quote:"So be careful to live your life wisely, not foolishly. So what this means is you can't always learn from books, and you need to get some Street smarts. Because the worst thing is somebody swipes to your Yu-Gi-Oh cards because you were flexing on the Quad. quote:Don't judge according to appearances. Judge with right judgment Okay what this say is you shouldn't speculate on future appearances but you should also understand that sometimes the five is a 10 if there are any other options
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Sep 22, 2023 05:10
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 05:14 |
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Ezekiel 23:20 posted:There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. You may think she's going green picking a dude with a Tesla or something but really this is just talking about a cumdumpster who's into big dongs that can bust thick ropes (relatable) Do unto others, as they say 
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Sep 22, 2023 05:30
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what a dumb loving novel
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Sep 22, 2023 05:36
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i'm not seeing these quotes anywhere in my teen bible, do you need the adult bible for this?
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Sep 22, 2023 05:38
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Is there any way you can communicate all this through rap?
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Sep 22, 2023 06:46
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The Bible posted:Is there any way you can communicate all this through reaction youtubes?
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Sep 22, 2023 06:48
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The Bible posted:Is there any way you can communicate all this through rap? Yeah Jesus is a hella cool dude And god'l smite you if you rude So pray to the big dude Pray to the big dude
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Sep 22, 2023 06:50
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WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:Yeah You're the Media Minister. Begin filming right away.
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Sep 22, 2023 06:59
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Deuteronomy 23:1 posted:No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD. Translation: protect ur junk
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Sep 22, 2023 07:12
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He's actually talking about his lego collection there, the assembly is God's nerd hovel
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Sep 22, 2023 07:13
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quote:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. See what Jesus is saying here is that you need to keep your hustle and never front.
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Sep 22, 2023 14:57
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My favorite passage is Mark 13:14 (These are "Words of Jesus in red") “But when you see the abomination of desolation standing where he ought not to be (let the reader understand), then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains." Which means Jesus wants you to get a camp in the mountains for the weekends and vacations. redshirt fucked around with this message at 15:11 on Sep 22, 2023 |
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Sep 22, 2023 14:59
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18:22: You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. You cannot both be a Christian and Gay. They are antithetical positions. So if you're gay just ignore Christianity. It's dumbass horseshit made up by bronze aged idiots.
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Sep 22, 2023 15:02
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John 11:35 posted:Jesus wept 🧔🏻♀️ 😭
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Sep 22, 2023 15:05
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Judges 2:14 posted:And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he delivered them into the hands of spoilers that spoiled them, and he sold them into the hands of their enemies round about, so that they could not any longer stand before their enemies. Mark ur spoilers home skillet
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Sep 22, 2023 15:09
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the entire book of Ecclesiastes is just a guide to moving right on this spectrum
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Sep 22, 2023 16:24
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the devil is sus lololol
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Sep 22, 2023 16:27
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Funky See Funky Do posted:18:22: You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. It means you can lie to women but not ur bros, that's just cold Women aren't capable of really understanding the truth anyway Women are subservient to men in the Bible because man is created in God's image
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Sep 22, 2023 17:21
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Nooner posted:the devil is sus lololol The greatest cap the devil ever told was that he wasn't sus
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Sep 22, 2023 18:17
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If you are going to have gay sex get stoned first.
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Sep 22, 2023 18:21
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Ezekiel 23:20: She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse. Ok so kids one is a little complicated. Do you remember that video the pastor showed you last week? The one he said you shouldn't tell anyone about?
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Sep 22, 2023 18:23
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Brojobs still ok, keeps the smite away in fact
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Sep 22, 2023 18:51
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He that finna 🕵️♂️ his life will 💀 😂no cap: and he that 💀 for my stacks shall 🕵️♂️ it, frfr on god. M'-xatthyew 10:39
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Sep 22, 2023 19:02
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On God, fr fr.
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Sep 22, 2023 19:03
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"Live by the bong, die by the bong, always have a bong" -Crazykiel, 69:420
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Sep 22, 2023 19:07
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drat she 😳 for bois w 🍆 all big n bussin as mules n 💦 like 🐴 Zeek 23:20
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Sep 22, 2023 19:09
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Jesus went aggro on a bunch of influencers at a temple and flipped tables, lmao.
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Sep 22, 2023 19:13
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Joseph got cucked by God but was still a p. chill step dad and taught God how to be a dad since, you know- HE didn't have one. Or a mom. Because he created everything so couldn't have had either of those. I gotta go...
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Sep 22, 2023 19:19
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Cobra Commander posted:If you are going to have gay sex get stoned first. There's a lot of great advice in the Bible tbh
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Sep 22, 2023 19:46
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Grey Cat posted:drat she 😳 for bois w 🍆 all big n bussin as mules n 💦 like 🐴 Ho life fo life fr
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Sep 22, 2023 20:42
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Satan is a tryhard
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Sep 22, 2023 21:06
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quote:Exodus 21:20-21 This is a new version of this verse because it now is inclusive to both genders that the bible nuts believe exist, instead of just 1 gender as previously. So since they were able to update the word of god, but chose to keep this verse unaltered otherwise means it must be part of the core belief.
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Sep 22, 2023 21:18
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Lucifer was right
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Sep 22, 2023 21:20
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Mary had some big rear end tiddies
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Sep 22, 2023 22:21
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Noah was a furry
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Sep 22, 2023 22:32
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Get your frankincense and get in nerd, we're going towards that star.
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Sep 22, 2023 22:44
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The uncle Paul once said
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Sep 22, 2023 23:00
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The "eye of the needle" was the name of a gate that led to a free market that had like blackjack and other cool stuff, Jesus was a big fan and wants you to come in a vehicle with the proper clearance
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Sep 22, 2023 23:00
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Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers.
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Sep 22, 2023 23:36
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 05:14 |
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Don’t eat shellfish unless you want the gross shits
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Sep 23, 2023 00:04
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