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Comstar
Apr 20, 2007

Are you happy now?
Gentlemen, I present The Future of all movie scripts

quote:

Any scene, directed by Michael Bay
Do you feel like most movies have a serious lack of explosions? A troubling shortage of Blackhawk helicopters? Who among us hasn't watched Titanic and thought, "What this movie really needs is a mechanical shark with a machine gun on it"?

Don't worry, we got you. Just enter your favorite movie scene and our team of tiny transformers will re-direct it like Michael Bay. The way it should be.


For the benefit of keeping the thread not getting unwatchable, I ask that you please only post one script at a time.


a mod from the something awful forum saves the world

FADE IN:

EXT. SOMETHING AWFUL FORUM - DAY

The sun blazes down on a server farm in the middle of the desert. The heat haze makes the rows of servers seem to shimmer. A single, lone MODERATOR, typing furiously on a laptop, is standing amidst this technological wilderness. He is bathed in the green glow of the servers.

Suddenly, a group of TROLLS burst out of the horizon in a convoy of monster trucks, raising clouds of dust as they approach. The pounding beat of METALLICA's "Enter Sandman" echoes across the desert.

The Moderator's fingers dance across the keyboard, ready for the attack. He clicks "BAN" just as the first troll's truck hits an unseen ramp and flies towards him in slow motion.

The truck explodes mid-air, raining debris on the Moderator who stands unflinchingly, still typing.

MODERATOR
(over the explosion)
You're banned!

Smiling, he hits enter on his keyboard, sending a ripple of energy that transforms the remaining monster trucks into harmless scooters. The Trolls, shocked, tumble onto the sand.

Suddenly, a massive shadow looms over the Moderator. He turns to see a gargantuan ROBOTIC TROLL, a grotesquely twisted version of a forum troll, towering over him.

ROBOTIC TROLL
I am...The Ban Evader!

The two lock eyes, the tension palpable. The ROBOTIC TROLL lunges, but the Moderator's fingers are already flying over the keyboard.

MODERATOR
(over the sound of clashing metal and explosions)
Not on my watch!

A massive "BAN HAMMER" manifests from the computer code and slams into the robotic troll, sending it rocketing back. It crashes into the server farm, causing a massive explosion, and turning the robot into pixels.

The shockwave from the blast sends the Moderator's hat spinning into the air. He catches it, puts it back on, and turns back to his laptop, typing away amidst the flaming wreckage.

As the camera pulls back, the final server winks out, creating a small electronic "pop."

CUT TO BLACK:

FADE IN:

Title: "SOMETHING AWFUL: THE BAN HAMMER"

ROLL CREDITS.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comstar fucked around with this message at 09:54 on Nov 7, 2023

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Minotaurus Rex
Feb 25, 2007

if this accounts a rockin'
don't come a knockin'
I’d watch it

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.



Buglord
I ain't reading that put it in video form.

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

didn't read but I'nm srue it's epiuc poo poo op

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

its all nice on rice posted:

I ain't reading that put it in video form.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

I hope one day I walk away from an explosion in slow motion, and don't look back.

hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

bradzilla posted:

didn't read but I'nm srue it's epiuc poo poo op

another freaking ftw ai thread. goons cant get enough

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

FADE IN:

DINGY BASEMENT

CORNstar sits in front of his heavily encrusted keyboard and monitor, typing.

CORNstar:
Hahahahahahahaha! All the Something Awful dot com goons will be sooooooo impressed by my BASED new thread!

CORNstar waits a little, then reads some replies to himself, his lips moving. He bursts into tears. :qq: :qq: :qq: :qq: :qq: :qq: then implodes, disappearing up his own CORNhole.

SFX: Extreme sucking noise.

ROLL CREDITS

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007

welcome to dead gay dog house
LOWTAX (whispered)
Showtime...

He takes a breath, raises the gun to his temple, and pulls the trigger. But instead of a bullet, a small, sleek DRONE flies out of the barrel, soaring into the sky, CAMERA LENS sparkling under the moonlight.

maybeadracula
Sep 9, 2022

by sebmojo
Imagine I asked AI to make an ASCII goatse and posted it

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

another freaking ftw ai thread. goons cant get enough

Read this and thought, “what do cars have to do with this?”

Then it hit me. I’m dumb.

The Modern Leper
Dec 25, 2008

You must be a masochist

its all nice on rice posted:

I ain't reading that put it in video form.

Mod challenge!

EDIT: gently caress, should have let this dead thread die.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Dinosaur Gum

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 14 hours!
it's not 2009 op

Mr.Acula
May 10, 2009

Billions and billions of fat clouds

INT. MATRIX HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

We see NEO (30s, black sunglasses, leather coat), MORPHEUS (50s, bald, reflective sunglasses) and TRINITY (30s, short hair, tough demeanor) standing in front of a massive computer screen.

MORPHEUS
Neo, this is your last chance. Once you're in, there's no going back.

Neo nods, pulling out a RED PILL. He swallows it. Suddenly...

CHYRON: SPERM BANK HEIST

EXT. SPERM BANK - NIGHT

A fleet of BLACK SPORTS CARS transform into ROBOTIC WARRIORS.

TRANSFORMER 1
We must secure the seed!

PAN to an enormous TANKER TRUCK, filled with liquid nitrogen and donor sperm.

INT. MATRIX HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity watch as the Transformers battle the bank security. Morpheus turns to Neo.

MORPHEUS
You must understand, Neo, that in a world of artificial insemination, Matrix controls the seed.

Suddenly, Neo's hand TRANSFORMS INTO A GIGANTIC SPERM-SHOOTING CANNON.

NEO
Whoa.

INT. SPERM BANK - NIGHT

Transformer 1 lunges for the tanker, but it EXPLODES, sending a RAIN OF FROZEN SPERM across the city.

EXT. CITY SKYLINE - NIGHT

A slow-motion DOLLY ZOOM of the skyscrapers, covered in white. Suddenly, Neo appears, the city skyline reflected in his sunglasses. He raises his sperm cannon, firing a HOT CUM MISSILE into the sky.

The missile explodes in a SHOWER OF SPARKLING JIZZ, raining down on the Transformers.

NEO
I guess it's raining men.

The Transformers short circuit, collapsing.

INT. MATRIX HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

Morpheus and Trinity watch the screen as the city is covered in sperm. Morpheus turns to Neo.

MORPHEUS
You've done well, Neo. You've freed the seed.

Suddenly, a small MICROWAVE in the corner starts to beep. Morpheus opens it, revealing a BURNT POPCORN BAG.

MORPHEUS
My popcorn...

The microwave EXPLODES, sending popcorn flying. Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity are blown back, landing in a pile of popcorn.

FADE OUT.

Cue HEART-POUNDING MUSIC. The credits roll over a MONTAGE of the city, covered in sperm, as the sun rises.

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

that;s enough boom now i guess

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flubber nuts
Oct 5, 2005


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