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I'm hesitant to admit it, but I too suffer from these compulsive suicidal thoughts. I've never been close to following through, but there were times where the feeling was pretty overwhelming. Although recently it's not about suicide, it's fantasizing about dying. The idea of an eternity without all the bullshit that makes life such a loving burden is almost erotic. I think one of the few things that keeps me going is to watch what happens around me. I want to see what will happen with my life, and I want to see human history being written. Other than that, I guess the saying, "When your number's up, it's up," is pretty applicable. As a quick update, I PM'd a mod about starting a new topic, and haven't heard back yet.
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Dec 10, 2010 02:31
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I also just wanna say that my statistical business analysis professor's idea of a final exam is a 48-hour time limit to write 4 essays to display all we know about the chosen topics, with a 7 page limit each, and holy poo poo this is a goddamn mental endurance test. I am usually really good at writing essays because I can condense a lot of information about different things into a single, concise document, but 4 of them simultaneously is kicking my attention span's rear end.
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Dec 10, 2010 02:48
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signalnoise posted:Gotta admit it is cool to know that other people have the "Yeah I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself what of it" thing. It's really a weird phenomenon to me, having suicidal thoughts by compulsion or whatever. It's like the "don't think of a pink elephant" trick only as "don't think of killing yourself." That was my biggest thing. I didn't and still don't want to die - my life right now is kinda awesome. However, the thought would constantly be hovering there, unbidden, like an evil hummingbird.
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Dec 10, 2010 03:18
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Oh, what a glorious day! My doctor finally decided that it was time to treat my ADD instead of only focusing on my high blood pressure! I get to start taking Wellbutrin next week! I'm not starting it today because I'm also using it as a smoking cessation aid, and my quit date isn't until the 23rd, cause that's when I start my vacation, but still, yay for treatment!
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Dec 10, 2010 05:09
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signalnoise posted:Gotta admit it is cool to know that other people have the "Yeah I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself what of it" thing. It's really a weird phenomenon to me, having suicidal thoughts by compulsion or whatever. It's like the "don't think of a pink elephant" trick only as "don't think of killing yourself." I used to experience this quite a bit myself. There was this weird, surreal feeling I'd get, and I'd start thinking, "man, this whole 'life' thing is such a massive pain in the rear end in a top hat and I'll just end up wasting it all and dying filled with regret. Why the hell am I not just going home and hopping off a bridge?" I'd never actually feel motivated to take my own life, but I'd frequently think about it and the whole idea somehow seemed extremely logical to me. It was like looking at my life like it was a math problem, as though suicide was the equivalent of simplifying a zero-sum equation.
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Dec 10, 2010 05:23
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Orange_Lazarus posted:Wow, now I'm considering having a sleep study done. I have a deviated septum which only allows me to breathe out of one nostril. I'm not sure how this affects my sleep but sometimes during the day it's really irritating and I feel like my breathing quality is bad overall. I'd imagine that could contribute to poor sleep. I won't go as far as to say getting it fixed is like having a cloud lifted, but it's nice to know that I can actually get enough sleep to meet my body's needs as opposed to forcing my way through the day. Poor sleep quality is apparently also linked to obesity. Insurance is hit and miss on the neurobiofeedback. My shrink codes our appointments with diagnoses of ADHD and anxiety treatments, which probably is helping me get all of my claims paid out. He charges $150 for a 45-minute session, which my insurance knocks down to $85, and then after my deductible's met, I only pay $18 per week basically. You can buy one of the systems (SmartBrain) that ties into a PlayStation 2 (if you have an old one lying around) for $600ish. Insurance definitely won't cover that, though.
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Dec 10, 2010 05:31
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signalnoise posted:Gotta admit it is cool to know that other people have the "Yeah I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't actually want to kill myself what of it" thing. It's really a weird phenomenon to me, having suicidal thoughts by compulsion or whatever. It's like the "don't think of a pink elephant" trick only as "don't think of killing yourself." It really has gotten much better since I got myself into a much better and self affirming time in my life. It's still remarkable though to see how... calm I was about being suicidal.
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Dec 10, 2010 12:05
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Mod got back to me, and we're go for a new topic. I'm going to type up the post this weekend, but if there's anything you want included in it, now's the time to speak up! Things I want from you guys, are recommendation of anything ADHD related. Obviously we will be touting Delivered from Distraction as the ultimate primer, but I need more books, websites, and general resources. I want to avoid steering into trouble by directly recommending doctors, but I will definitely include something like "What you want out of your doctor." Considering us ADHDers have a hard time standing up for ourselves even when completely appropriate, I was hoping the collective decades of psychotherapy would produce some amazing information. I want to include some information on 504 learning plans, specifically in regards to ADHD. I have one because of ADHD and since I got my 504 during high school it will follow me wherever I go to school. The only reason I got this is because my mom is a teacher and knew about it and took advantage of it. It's incredibly surprising to me to see how many people struggle through school and have nobody mention anything about 504s. Any personal anecdotes/information? Thanks for the help, we'll have a sweet new thread to not post in for 4-5 days at a time only to return with a flurry of posts for a day or two. 
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Dec 10, 2010 21:04
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All of the content sounds great. The only two things I can think of to add are: 1. At the beginning of each section, have a TL;DR preface that easily summarizes what that section is about. Because this is the ADHD thread, and if someone isn't bring treated, they're new, they're  are off, etc., they're not going to be able to digest multiple paragraphs of info. 2. There has been a fair talk of suicidal thoughts in this thread. I'd mention, preferably in bold and with  , etc. that if someone feels that they're in crisis RIGHT NOW and needs someone to talk to, to call a crisis hotline. One national toll free number for the USA is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Qu Appelle fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Dec 10, 2010 |
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Dec 10, 2010 21:26
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I would include the CHADD link: http://www.chadd.org/ along with the local chadd finder: http://www.chadd.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Find_Local_CHADD_Chapters&Template=/CustomPages/ChapterLocator/findchap.cfm
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Dec 10, 2010 21:36
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Yeah I would also advise breaking up the text with smilies or using text formats like bold/italics for certain headers or important parts of longer paragraphs so we can at least pick out the jist of it while off !!!! also you MUST link to this or copy a few excerpts https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.greatschools.org/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf?date%3D4-12-05&pli=1 this is absolutely amazing and I am so insanely happy I found it because it really picks up around page 27 when the doctor starts railing on people and how poorly adhd people are treated by doctors or family. This is probably my favourite part: Barkley posted:You can do skill training all you "" posted:Here are some other implications. Time is the enemy of anybody with this disorder. The more you give Aculard fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Dec 11, 2010 |
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Dec 11, 2010 17:13
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Holy poo poo reading those two excepts just made me go  I have actually told people that they should lie to me and push up deadlines to put more pressure on me to do things. I know that the more time I have to do something, the less likely I am to actually do it, and I have just learned to deal with this by saying I work better under pressure. I hadn't really considered that it's more because of the fact that I can't maintain my focus for that long.
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Dec 11, 2010 19:05
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So my common law husband/fiance is...Admitting to me that he's been thinking about breaking up with me unless I "try harder". We've been together for 3 years and I don't know, it's just heartbreaking right now. I've been turned down and rejected by doctors all over the place for medications and disability. I think his exact words were "I've been waiting too long for you to get better and it isn't." I think the plan right now is to just keep trying to get some sort of disability and save up any extra cash I earn to do...something. I don't really know right now. It's weird that it took almost a day for it to fully hit me after he told me. On the upside I lost 5-10lbs on the
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Dec 12, 2010 03:01
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Wow that 'Dr. Russel Barkley on Adhd' is spot on. That should be required reading for this thread.
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Dec 12, 2010 03:22
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Aculard posted:So my common law husband/fiance is...Admitting to me that he's been thinking about breaking up with me unless I "try harder". We've been together for 3 years and I don't know, it's just heartbreaking right now. I've been turned down and rejected by doctors all over the place for medications and disability. I think his exact words were "I've been waiting too long for you to get better and it isn't." How are you getting turned away so much? Also, in regards to the new thread, make sure to add in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm) or (http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=About_Treatments_and_Supports&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=7952). Also, it'd probably be a good idea to add in something about how there's no reason to not at least try the meds. If you go back and look at some of the old conversations, putting in a good response to one of those questions would be good. We're pretty pro medication, and I think it would be good to add that.
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Dec 12, 2010 20:48
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Effexxor posted:How are you getting turned away so much? Read the Barkley talk linked above. Traditional CBT doesn't work well for ADHD. I have seen some programs that are basically CBT adapted for ADHD, but I don't know how well they work.
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Dec 12, 2010 21:13
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Having read that article and actually looked up the diagnosis criteria I really wish I had thought about getting help for this poo poo sooner. I am certain that I would have gotten a better job by now if I had looked for assistance. I mean, one of the criteria is talking excessively, and that is a key reason why I bomb interviews. I just cannot shut the gently caress up, even though every book I read about interviews tells me to shut my mouth and answer the loving questions and stop talking as soon as I can.
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Dec 12, 2010 21:33
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ultrafilter posted:Read the Barkley talk linked above. Traditional CBT doesn't work well for ADHD. I have seen some programs that are basically CBT adapted for ADHD, but I don't know how well they work. I've tried CBT for "depression" before I was diagnosed with adhd, and it definitely helps for certain things. Snapping yourself out of negative thinking or being able to identify it before it starts to snowball uncontrollably probably was the most use I got out of it but it faded away pretty quickly once I stopped. Stuff concerning organization and procastination? ahahaha. No.
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Dec 12, 2010 21:45
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ultrafilter posted:Read the Barkley talk linked above. Traditional CBT doesn't work well for ADHD. I have seen some programs that are basically CBT adapted for ADHD, but I don't know how well they work. I mean for people who are already on medication. People with ADHD very commonly have secondary issues, the big ones being depression, anxiety and OCD, and almost everyone has issues of not feeling good enough or worthless. CBT works very well with those issues. If your brain is medically bad at frontal lobe behaviors, there is no amount of therapy that will fix that and yes, in that sense, CBT will not 'cure' ADHD. But it does make your life a lot happier and less stressful when you are on meds, and helps to deal with the feelings of inadequacy.
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Dec 12, 2010 23:19
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I've been on ritalin for a month now, with a recent dosage boost starting last week. I might make Dean's List for the first time in years. However, there are some side effects. First of which is appetite loss, which I hear is normal, but it's very difficult to deal with going from being able to eat a full order of chinese takeout to being able to eat a quarter of it. The second of which is sexual appetite. Ever since I started taking ritalin my sexual appetite is through the roof. I was never really interested in sex before outside of relationships but now I find myself seeing random hot girls and wanting to bend them over and go nuts. Has anyone else experienced a change in sexual appetite as a result of their stimulant meds?
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Dec 16, 2010 06:35
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loving lame. I was prescribed Strattera today. Honestly, I'm not too upset. I wanted to try other meds and wanted to take a break from adderall but I wasn't expecting a drug that wouldn't work for two weeks. I'm basically going to be in gently caress up mode for a couple weeks and possibly longer depending on it's affect. My doctor said he'd like to try other prescriptions if I'm not happy with Strattera and that I could go back to adderall if I decide in the end that I was happiest with that. Could anyone who's used or is currently using Strattera give me a rundown on your experiences for the first month or so?
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Dec 16, 2010 22:11
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Can anyone suggest how to get an assessment in Canada (PQ) if my GP has already shrugged it off as 'everyone has trouble concentrating every now and again, buck up, son'. Not in school, so I don't have access to a learning disability centre. Also getting another GP is drat near impossible.
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Dec 18, 2010 13:50
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Did you ask your GP to refer you to a specialist?
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Dec 18, 2010 16:20
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yeah, it's hard as poo poo to work the canadian healthcare system at times, but I'd keep pressing and trying to see a specialist - at least over there on the east coast they HAVE specialists. Over in BC they just don't have any people skilled in dealing with adhd.
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Dec 18, 2010 18:11
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Eamonn posted:Can anyone suggest how to get an assessment in Canada (PQ) if my GP has already shrugged it off as 'everyone has trouble concentrating every now and again, buck up, son'. Not in school, so I don't have access to a learning disability centre. Also getting another GP is drat near impossible. This is astounding to me. Now, I'm not a practitioner so I don't really know how things are, but if you're not a specialist and the suspected ailment is pervasive, potentially crippling, and pretty difficult to diagnose without specialized testing, why the hell would you just best-guess it or brush off the patient's concerns? Is this an "ADD is widely misunderstood" thing? Does he just think you're a hypochondriac? I can't get my head around this 
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Dec 20, 2010 19:05
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My original GP didn't think my ADHD was a problem because I had graduated college and was holding down a software job making a decent salary. What he didn't know was that college degree took me 5 1/2 years to get, was basically in one of the fluffiest majors out there (Film), I had to take extensions in nearly every semester to get all my coursework done, and my final GPA was a whopping 2.1. My jobs were all contract work, and I wasn't really making any progression career-wise. Basically, because I didn't show up as having a major problem with it (no jail time, not doing illegal drugs to get by, only being socially awkward and not being able to read or study instead of a literal poo-flinging meth smoking loser), therefore I was OK, and it didn't need to be treated for it. Luckily, my Psychiatrist and current GP think differently, and my current are working wonders for me.  Plus, many still think that ADHD is still primarily a problem in children, and then only male children at that. So being a grown woman with it gets you doubly ignored and dismissed. Qu Appelle fucked around with this message at 22:17 on Dec 20, 2010 |
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Dec 20, 2010 22:11
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Qu Appelle posted:My original GP didn't think my ADHD was a problem because I had graduated college and was holding down a software job making a decent salary. I am currently a graduate student getting what is essentially a master's in business analysis and I am able to hold down a 3.25 gpa these days, I hope this doesn't factor too much into my diagnosis when I go to pay a bunch of money for testing. (Not Canada)
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Dec 20, 2010 22:52
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signalnoise posted:I am currently a graduate student getting what is essentially a master's in business analysis and I am able to hold down a 3.25 gpa these days, I hope this doesn't factor too much into my diagnosis when I go to pay a bunch of money for testing. I don't see why it would; ADHD seems to affect different people in different ways. My cousin did really well in Law School, and he has ADHD, for instance. But he was a mess in other ways before he got treated.
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Dec 20, 2010 23:01
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Qu Appelle posted:Basically, because I didn't show up as having a major problem with it (no jail time, not doing illegal drugs to get by, only being socially awkward and not being able to read or study instead of a literal poo-flinging meth smoking loser), therefore I was OK. These are pretty much the two biggest reasons it takes so much effort to get somewhere with this. A lot of the GPs don't even believe ADHD can be a serious disability in my experiences, so they just assume you want to live on government dole because secretly you're a lazy drug addict... 
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Dec 21, 2010 01:56
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It never really occured to me that this is a thing. I did pretty well in high school, right up until I actually had to do some work. I turn 30 next year, I always have trouble with work and whatnot. usually just the small things, or the planning stage. Im fine once Im elbow deep. I quite often feel overwhelmed by small things. Ive been diagnosed with depression, which i live with. Is there a particular type of doctor I should be seeing? I might just me a hypocondriac. Will my GP do? I have trouble meeting new people, names don't stick with me, faces usually do. I don't pay attention to any hobbies for any extended period of time cause something else catches my attention and I want to fiddle with that. Anyway my point was who should I be speaking too ?
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Dec 21, 2010 04:04
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HardKase posted:It never really occured to me that this is a thing. Who diagnosed you with depression - was it your GP, or another professional? And, is that depression being treated? Also, I'd read Delivered from Distraction and see if it resonates with you. If so, I'd approach your GP and see what they think. If they can't help, or they don't think it's an issue but you do, the next step would be a Psychiatrist - preferably one that handles ADHD issues. Sometimes ADHD and Depression are co-morbid, and they just feed off of each other. And hey! If you're *really* impatient, you can read part of Delivered From Distraction on Google! (Some parts are blocked because it's copyrighted). Link here: Delivered from Distraction - the Google Version!
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Dec 21, 2010 04:32
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BobbyDrake posted:Oh, what a glorious day! My doctor finally decided that it was time to treat my ADD instead of only focusing on my high blood pressure! I get to start taking Wellbutrin next week! I'm not starting it today because I'm also using it as a smoking cessation aid, and my quit date isn't until the 23rd, cause that's when I start my vacation, but still, yay for treatment! I've been on Wellbutrin (for depression) for the last six months. Personally, it doesn't do poo poo for the ADHD. My psych actually laughed out loud when I told him his nurse said it might help me a bit with the ADHD. I hope it works for you. I had to post this somewhere because I'm so excited. I finally got prescribed ADHD meds. I've been diagnosed multiple times over the course of my life, by multiple doctors, in multiple states. My current doctor wouldn't prescribe them because I did drugs while I was homeless and they considered me a junkie, I guess, despite being pretty much clean (I smoke pot once every six months, took some E once a year and a half ago). For some reason, after two years of me lamenting on about classes, lack of focus, my lovely memory and a host of other things, he finally caved when I told him I had to take caffeine pills to get any sleep at a reasonable hour. The generic isn't even that expensive, I can get it at costco for 28$ (2 pills daily). I know I'm building the drug up as some kind of savior, but its the only treatment no one ever tried. I was never stable enough in my life to stay steady on treatment before 2008 so prescribing me something like Adderall (even if I needed it) would have been stupid since I couldn't afford my medications every month. I just want it to work so bad  Reading through other peoples experiences a while back made me realize how much could be directly tied to the ADHD. The compulsiveness, mostly. Oh god, if I could get my compulsions under check my life would improve by 150%. The drug isn't going to fix everything, only I can fix the poo poo in my life, but it might control my poorly wired brain to a point where I can control everything else  I just got a B in a math class because I couldn't sit in the exam room anymore for the final. I had been there 2 hours. At 1 1/2 hours, I was white knuckling it to try and focus. At 2 hours, I felt like I was going to explode directly out of my chair. When I had an additional hour, I just left because I couldn't stand it. I made mistakes I could have fixed if it weren't for that. I could have gotten an A. Aculard posted:so they just assume you want to live on government dole because secretly you're a lazy drug addict... edit: Oh god I just read the "typical profile" in that last book linked and its like the dude followed me around for a day 
ladyweapon fucked around with this message at 09:49 on Dec 22, 2010 |
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Dec 22, 2010 09:40
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Qu Appelle posted:Who diagnosed you with depression - was it your GP, or another professional? And, is that depression being treated? I just read this book, and I can't recommend it enough. I'd already been diagnosed, but having some strategies and some positive stories were really helpful.
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Dec 22, 2010 09:43
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2508084 posted:I've been on Wellbutrin (for depression) for the last six months. Personally, it doesn't do poo poo for the ADHD. My psych actually laughed out loud when I told him his nurse said it might help me a bit with the ADHD. I hope it works for you. The explanation that I got from my clinician is that Wellbutrin helps the brain with managing dopamine which makes your brain better at utilizing relatively lower doses of stimulant medications and some studies seem to reinforce that theory if not support bupropion's use for helping to treat ADHD, not that it is a huge gamechanger miracle help for treating adult ADHDers or on its own as first line of treatment, and I think there have been studies showing how helpful it is for addicts so the lol from your doc is 2x weird but not everyone keeps up on research if its not their specialty.
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Dec 22, 2010 17:02
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extraneousXTs posted:The explanation that I got from my clinician is that Wellbutrin helps the brain with managing dopamine which makes your brain better at utilizing relatively lower doses of stimulant medications and some studies seem to reinforce that theory if not support bupropion's use for helping to treat ADHD, not that it is a huge gamechanger miracle help for treating adult ADHDers or on its own as first line of treatment, and I think there have been studies showing how helpful it is for addicts so the lol from your doc is 2x weird but not everyone keeps up on research if its not their specialty. The way he phrased it, it didn't seem like he's on any stimulant medication for the ADHD. I just misunderstood. That makes me feel better since I'm continuing my Wellbutrin and starting Adderall.edit: my doc lol'd because I was only taking Wellbutrin at the time if that's unclear. ladyweapon fucked around with this message at 18:52 on Dec 22, 2010 |
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Dec 22, 2010 18:43
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So today at work a conversation turned into a big thing about how I am 27 and not living on my own with some career-advancing job and that I am like "behind on life" or some poo poo and it took all my willpower not to just be like "it's really loving difficult to make the kind of life progress you expect everyone to have when you can't keep any focus on long-term goals, or properly research that kind of stuff without any/good guidance, and have no idea how not to gently caress up interviews, so yeah I guess you are right." The more I think about this the more I realize how crippling it's been for me career-wise for like the past loving decade, I can't wait for this diagnosis poo poo to get underway so I can get back on medication.
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Dec 23, 2010 01:36
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2508084 posted:The way he phrased it, it didn't seem like he's on any stimulant medication for the ADHD. I just misunderstood. Oh, no, I'm not on any stimulants. Just the bupropion. And while it's not the drastic change that Ritalin brought so many years ago, I can tell that it is working, only a little, very subtly, but I can tell. It's not helpign enough, but there is a difference, I can pay attention a little more now than I could two weeks ago, so that's a plus.
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Dec 23, 2010 05:25
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BobbyDrake posted:Oh, no, I'm not on any stimulants. Just the bupropion. And while it's not the drastic change that Ritalin brought so many years ago, I can tell that it is working, only a little, very subtly, but I can tell. It's not helpign enough, but there is a difference, I can pay attention a little more now than I could two weeks ago, so that's a plus. Wellbutrin is weird, the only way I could tell it was working is when my doc and I took me off of it a couple of times. At one point, it literally felt like my head was full of cotton, and nothing could hold my attention for more than a few minutes. Like, ADHD but on overdrive. (That's when also the self-medicating with multiple cups of coffee started, before that I was a one cup a day girl.) Plus, with it not being a stimulant, it has a long ramp up time. Like, 4 weeks or more before the full effects can be felt.
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Dec 23, 2010 06:04
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Qu Appelle posted:
I've been on it a while The only thing its ever really done is cut my appetite, which helps with the obsessive overeating, but thats only a small portion of the time. Some days I can't bring myself to eat, some days I eat 3000+ calories. I get my medicine today! I couldn't get down there yesterday because I forgot my prescription at home, but now its in my wallet.  Now, if only I could sleep since I work a full 8 hour shift starting at 8AM.
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Dec 23, 2010 10:45
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signalnoise posted:So today at work a conversation turned into a big thing about how I am 27 and not living on my own with some career-advancing job and that I am like "behind on life" or some poo poo and it took all my willpower not to just be like "it's really loving difficult to make the kind of life progress you expect everyone to have when you can't keep any focus on long-term goals, or properly research that kind of stuff without any/good guidance, and have no idea how not to gently caress up interviews, so yeah I guess you are right." Seriously, that was how my brother was back before I was diagnosed. He couldn't keep a job, couldn't finish his degree, felt worthless etc., but once he got onto medication, he finally 'lived up to his potential'. Also, when it comes down to your being diagnosed, be honest. If you haven't read DfromD, do it and bring it in with you.
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Dec 24, 2010 07:26
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