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Welp... my wedding planning was going smoothly. Got my first real hiccup today. I've been trying to find another officiant to marry us (the woman we had before moved to Maryland). One of his aunts (she is VERY religious, but her and I get along so well because we are honest with each other) said to us that she will not attend if get married by someone who is not affiliated with the church (meaning any Christian [preferably Catholic] church). The ONLY reason I didn't tell her "too bad" was because her and I are verrrry different when it comes to a lot of opinions, but we respect each others opinions like we would want to be respected... so I understood where she was coming from. But I still got upset, because our officiant being religious is not a requirement of ours, and someone would refuse to see us get married because of that. I'm asking my best friend's dad tomorrow morning. His dad's a pastor at the pentecostal church in town, and I would be more than happy if he could marry us. Not the end of the world, but a hiccup my wedding certainly didn't need.
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Jun 12, 2012 05:38
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If she respected your opinions as she would want hers to be respected, she wouldn't threaten to boycott your wedding unless you use an officiant of her preference.  That being said, I guess you're the bigger person or whatever. My plan is, whoever we get, I'll just say "it's a minister" because whether JP or priest or whatever, they're still administering a rite 
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Jun 12, 2012 12:18
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JohnnyRnR posted:It more depends on what you're asking for. A lot of people try to negotiate without knowing what the margins or values are. If you have any specific questions I'd be happy to answer them. I don't have specific questions yet, I just had no idea if when you walk into a jewelry store, you should accept the price on the tag 99% of the time, or if its more like buying a car, where its common to make a deal. I know almost nothing about jewelry shopping and just decided to marry a guy who knows even less about it than I do! When I get further in the search I will certainly post any questions here, thanks. Eggplant Wizard posted:My plan is, whoever we get, I'll just say "it's a minister" because whether JP or priest or whatever, they're still administering a rite My cousin did this in an effort to appease/circumvent our religious grandparents. They found out it was just his friend and have been vocally resentful ever since. Make sure you can commit to keeping the secret if you go this route!
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Jun 12, 2012 18:03
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miseerin posted:Welp... my wedding planning was going smoothly. Got my first real hiccup today. You know, I'm not Christian *in the least* but in my teens my parents joined the local Congregational church (UCC). I've occasionally showed up for bake sales and holidays when I'm in town and I'm always impressed with how welcoming and joyful their ministers are (including the short-timers passing through in the course of their education or whatever). I know the UCC can vary depending on region, but it might be worth seeing if your local one has a pastor who suits you.
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Jun 12, 2012 20:18
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Tamgerine posted:As a regular second shooter for weddings I just have to say, PLEASE PLEASE FEED US! I've never worked with a photographer that brought their own dinner to a wedding, and I'm certainly not going to sit down at any point and break out a lunchable. So if you don't account for vendor meals (DJ, photographer, assistant) we don't eat. I'm not any of these professions but I will second this. The last wedding I went to the DJ asked nearby guests to bring him a plate of something so he could eat without leaving his booth. Somebody finally did bring him a plate & when the mother of the bride saw him eating she promptly marched to the dance floor (mid-song, music never cut out or anything, no awkward mouth-full mumbling on the microphone) & threw a half-heartedly "Only you and the six tables nearby will hear me" poo poo fit over how he "wasn't being paid to stuff his face", it was really awkward and uncomfortable to be around from start to finish. It completely ruined the ambiance of the wedding & reception because all we could think about from then on was how much of a cheap bitch she was about it, like the leftover ziti & salad was going to break her. Plan to feed these people & make sure to schedule some time for them to do so!
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Jun 12, 2012 21:08
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Our DJ is a friend from my unit, and so we're actually giving him a place setting at the table reserved for all my National Guard guests. I would feel bad having him eat "out of sight" (his words), even if I didn't know him. Our photographer is also a friend of ours, as is our (hopefully) officiant, and my hairdresser for the bridal party, so they will also sit at tables with people they know. If you are friends with your vendors, I would suggest seeing if there's room at the tables for them... if not, one idea to have would be to set up a table for the vendors (depending on how many you have). This way they're not awkwardly standing in the corner or in another room eating in silence. I'm sure my vendors will all be grateful to have a moment to eat and relax, because I sure as hell know I'll be grateful to rest my feet and head.
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Jun 12, 2012 21:21
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Do people really not feed their vendors? We're buying box lunches for the guys in our band so they can eat before they perform, and we told the photographers to feel free to grab a plate of food during a lull in the reception. I can't imagine not allowing somebody 10 minutes to eat, especially if the reception is at night.
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Jun 12, 2012 21:39
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While it's definitely lovely to not allow the vendors time to eat or make sure they have food, I don't see any problem with asking them beforehand if they want a plate. Even though we had a buffet at our place, we had to pay for vendors to eat same as our guests (maybe it was a little less because of no alcohol). So I definitely asked them if they needed food before I paid. Our DJ said he usually just brings a sandwich (we did pay for him to eat our food because our food was awesome) and our officiant didn't end up staying for the reception, so we didn't pay for his dinner. Definitely important to make sure they get a break and food/drinks somehow, though. Weddings are hard work. Kiri koli fucked around with this message at 00:27 on Jun 13, 2012 |
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Jun 13, 2012 00:22
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The contract with our photographer requires that we feed them.
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Jun 13, 2012 02:23
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I can't believe that's a debate, since I've ran events where I budgeted to feed the staff. They can make or break your event, and I'd rather have them happy. So...goons, I'm in the club. My boyfriend proposed (it was awesome, under a waterfall at Yosemite National Park) and I read this thread starting backwards to find out what the hell to do, since for all life decisions I consult Something Awful  I have about 900 logistical problems, but the first is this: engagement photos. We're moving from Hawaii to Texas in two months, so I wanted to get engagement photos at my favorite beaches and places before we leave. Time is sort of short, so we've started the search right away. His friend who is a photographer has offered to do the shoot for free. Great, right? Well, I checked his portfolio and his stuff is not so good. He's technically OK, but doesn't have an eye for catching the best angles and lighting. I slept on it and checked again, and I'm still not feeling his work, if that's a thing. My soon-to-be ex-boss is a badass photographer on the side, and her work is freaking amazing, but I'd have to hire her services out, which would be about five hundred bones. We're saving every penny to make the big move, which will cost, at minimum, about $5K, so we don't want to break the bank with this wedding. The free guy would be ideal if he was better and he's being really generous with offering this to us as a gift. Anyone have any advice? Go with the free ninety-nine photographer or spend the money? I found a dress that cost $200, our rings were about $700, we're having the ceremony in our new home, and El Pollo Loco is catering, so everything else is cherry from here! Also HOLY poo poo I'M ENGAGED. I love that guy. It's finally sinking in, the first few days I was in shock, I think.
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Jun 13, 2012 17:49
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First off, CONGRATULATIONS! And welcome to the club!  We have the same budgeting issue, but ours is because we make poo poo money and we don't want to spend a million bucks on a wedding. His brother has a nice camera, and he's a decent photographer, so he's doing it for us for like, $50 (he already got us an awesome gift, and we offered to pay him). He's not a pro by any means, but he's good enough for the job. It all depends on how important engagement pictures are to you... for example, the bouquets are the LEAST important thing on my list, so we're only going to spend the minimal amount of money on them. If you HAVE to have really good engagement pictures, then spend the extra money. But also consider your budget.... maybe there is something else you can live without or spend not-so-much money on, and use the extra money you'd save from that towards engagement photos? It really just comes down to how badly you want them, how nice you really want them to be, and how willing you are to throw down a lot of money for them. It seems to me that from the obscene amount of money you're already saving from the dress, ceremony location, and rings, you should be able to indulge yourself on nice pictures.
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Jun 13, 2012 18:34
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Finally proposed yesterday. She helped choose the custom ring before hand (she's a jeweller, I couldn't make that sort of choice for her) but then I confiscated it and finally asked yesterday. I floated a balloon (A giraffe balloon - her favourite things are giraffes and balloons) up to her school window (but I got her tutor's window by mistake, no biggy) and then I took her to a park. I got down on one knee and opened the ring box. She covered her eyes in a panic, at which point I asked her if she'd like a chocolate - I'd replaced the ring with a chocolate from a very nice chocolatier (Thomas Haas in Vancouver). I've been winding her up with fake proposals for a while, so she took it as another joke. This was the day before our 3 year anniversary so she thought that was why I was being so nice. I then took her back to the car to go home, and reminded her that no one buys just one chocolate. So we got back to the car and the rest of the chocolates were waiting for her. And as she started eating them, she got down to the second tier (looking, not eating her way down) and in the centre, I had placed the ring. I then asked her but she says she didn't hear me because all she could hear was a ringing in her ears like she had been in an explosion. But she said yes anyway. Then we went home, and then out to the Vancouver Revolving restaurant for a nice meal. We've always been very private, so I didn't want (and she wouldn't have enjoyed) a grand public spectacle. I think this was perfect. Now to plan a wedding from 8 time zones away :S
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Jun 13, 2012 18:58
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FISHMANPET posted:The contract with our photographer requires that we feed them. Mine too. The photographers and DJ just ate while we were eating. The DJ had a dinner playlist of the type of music we requested, and the photographers pointed out that we wouldn't want shots of us stuffing our faces. Everyone was happy with it and I don't think the guests even noticed.
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Jun 14, 2012 23:53
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Good Lord, how can my wedding be tomorrow? I'm dreaming, right?
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Jun 15, 2012 19:29
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The Human Cow posted:Good Lord, how can my wedding be tomorrow? I'm dreaming, right? Make sure to take a step back and just take everything in eat and breath. Congrats.
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Jun 16, 2012 01:30
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Good luck and remember if anything does not go as planned, just let it slide off your back because there's nothing you can do about it at that point. AND HAVE FUN!
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Jun 16, 2012 02:01
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Give a shout-out to us goony goon(ette)s, too! WE WANT THE CHICKEN DANCE! Congratulations, and have SO MUCH FUN!
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Jun 16, 2012 04:07
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well... This night went well.  
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Jun 17, 2012 06:10
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Congrats to all the newly minted goon engagements! I LOVE seeing all the colored gemstones. I've got a question about men's rings. We have been looking primarily at Tungston and Titanium for his ring and our jeweler also sells Cobalt rings. We really, REALLY like the price of the cobalt rings, but the jeweler warned us that unlike titanium which can be cut off and tungston which is brittle and can be snipped in half, cobalt can ABSOLUTELY NOT BE CUT OFF WITHOUT A SPECIAL DIAMOND-TIPPED SAW BLADE. Which only some hospitals have. Has anyone here opted not to buy a cobalt ring because of this? How much of this is a significant danger and how much is it the salesman trying to steer us towards buying something pricier? The prices for all three meals across the board are not prohibitively expensive anyway, so I will buy him whichever ring he wants regardless, but the style my fiance liked the most happened to be in cobalt.
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Jun 17, 2012 14:04
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The jeweler we went to liked cobalt best because it is the most white of them. He also said cutting it off isn't an issue and the saw is a pretty standard hospital tool. I don't know if that's true, just what I was told. I wound up ordering a Damascus steel ring instead, but it hasn't arrived yet so I have no comments on either.
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Jun 17, 2012 15:07
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I did it! On to Antigua!
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Jun 17, 2012 15:18
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Please tell me he proposed to you in-character.  (Congrats!)
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Jun 17, 2012 16:57
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Sundae posted:Please tell me he proposed to you in-character. I did the proposing but I was in character up to the point where I got on the knee. Then I asked her personally. She took that photo shortly after where she promptly found out everyone was in on it. Death will be had to those who kept it secret. Note: She was surprised about me actually doing it but she also Yelled "I loving CALLED IT" about the Item in game being a ring to Unite the kingdoms.
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Jun 17, 2012 17:32
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The Human Cow posted:I did it! On to Antigua! AWESOME!  Post some pictures, if you don't mind!
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Jun 17, 2012 18:21
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Spiffster posted:I did the proposing but I was in character up to the point where I got on the knee. Then I asked her personally. She took that photo shortly after where she promptly found out everyone was in on it. Death will be had to those who kept it secret. Awesome. This kicks major rear end. Congratulations!!
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Jun 17, 2012 18:22
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Yay, I can finally post here! Long time lurker though! My boyfriend, well now fiancé (well look at that, my iPad added in the accent) proposed to me the day after our 5 year anniversary. I knew it was coming, he'd taken me ring shopping - but then he told me that I had to buy a 'special' dress for our dinner that Friday night and wouldn't tell me where we were going. So I was all ready for that, then on Friday morning he lured me out of the house for breakfast (I'm an eater, tell me there's food and I'm there) and we ended up at Mt Coot-tha where we used to go on dates, and I'd never actually been during the day. We hopped out of the car at the top and I'm not ashamed to admit I had a small moment wondering and 'subtly' checked his pockets for the ring - no dice. So after some wandering he lifted me up onto one of the telescope steps and put some money in and pointed out 5 things out to me - "Here's where we went on our first date, and there's the first apartment we lived in together, there was where we lost everything in the floods, here's where we picked ourselves up and put our lives back together, and see that out there? That's our future, you can't see it properly yet, but it's going to be great" so then I turned around and he had a piece of paper in his hands (he said he was so nervous he'd stuff it up he had to write it down) and he read me a lovely speech and then got down on one knee. It was wonderful I rang my parents the minute we got off the mountain (they live in Victoria) and told them, much excitement all round. Then I remembered Mr Takoyaki had forgotten to feed me! So we headed home to cook up some breakfast, and the naughty boy nicked off somewhere. I finally heard the door open 10 minutes later and I yelled out "Babe? Where's the bacon?!" and my mothers walked into the kitchen, he'd flown them up from Melbourne! And that night we had our special dinner out with both our families there and it was just the nicest time ever. Obligatory ring pics - I've never done this before so here's hoping it works!   This was all just over amonth ago, so now we have a date (21st September next year) and I'm just chilling, taking it one step at a time!
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Jun 19, 2012 11:26
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pastor of muppets posted:...the style my fiance liked the most happened to be in cobalt. My ring is cobalt. My jeweler told us about the hardness of cobalt, but in more a "you can't really get this resized after its cast" and less of a "they're gonna have to take your finger if you're in an accident" way. I have no idea what your jeweler is like, but ask about getting the ring re-done in a different metal if it's the style he likes and not the metal. When I saw my ring in the showroom, it was in 18k gold, and we didn't want to pay that much for a men's ring (my wife remains convinced I'm going to lose it one day). We were told the supplier could remake it in any metal we wanted. Fair warning, though - we shopped at a family owned local store, so your jeweler may be different.
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Jun 19, 2012 15:57
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I was reading on Offbeat about wedding ceremonies... someone made a really good point. Do your ceremony the way YOU want to, basing it off of YOUR beliefs, not the guests. This is important to me because Dave's family is Catholic, and also Dave was raised Catholic, he doesn't practice the religion. We both believe in a "god", but other than that, our relationship with that god is very private. We were going to just suck it up and throw in religious hooplah in there to appease the Catholic guests. But after reading that, we realized that pledging our everlasting faith to one another under God would be the same as lying to each other on our wedding day. In this vein, we have decided to do a traditional Celtic handfasting ceremony (with some added elements to tailor it to us, being as my roots are Scottish, and his are probably German or Polish). This is SUPER important to me, because if you guys recall, I posted a while ago about my last name. I am very very proud of my Scotch-Irish heritage (my ancestors were total badass highlanders who married into the Irish nobles  ). Handfasting would fit perfectly with what I want, it would be meaningful, so him not writing his own vows isn't going to be a huge hit, and him embracing my roots while respecting that I'm gladly taking his name is really cool to me.So! Question time: Anyone have good links to traditional CELTIC handfasting scripts? Not the handfasting done by Pagans... although I find that lifestyle fascinating, I'm looking specifically for the Celtic versions. I want one with multiple binds, not the single piece of fabric. Anyone who has done a handfasting or been a part of one and would like to share the experience, please do!! I appreciate your help!!
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Jun 19, 2012 17:11
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Engaged, as of this Sunday! I've started to look for venues in upstate New York/Catskills area, where we're from. Is $70/plate really the norm?! I want to get my own cake, and I want to serve chicken korma, something not on the list at any of these places I've hazarded a look at. Any suggestions? I've started Pinterested for the dress, the bridesmaids, and table favors .... Is most of my money going to the hall? Any cheap alternatives available?
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Jun 20, 2012 02:43
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Ours is $58, with the cake included. It all depends on where you look... A good keyword to use on Pinterest is "alternatives"... cake alternatives, guest book alternatives, ceremony alternatives... there are some really good ideas that also tend to be cheaper (i.e. there's an online Whoopie Pie store that has really awesome prices instead of your local baker... we were going to do this before we found out the cake was included. There's a TON of awesome flavors and designs).
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Jun 20, 2012 04:19
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I'm down to about $17/plate including service.
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Jun 20, 2012 04:23
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miseerin posted:In this vein, we have decided to do a traditional Celtic handfasting ceremony (with some added elements to tailor it to us, being as my roots are Scottish, and his are probably German or Polish). Funny, my fiancee just mentioned last night she is thinking about us doing a handfasting ceremony. We are somewhat in the same boat as you, both of us being non-religious and not wanting to have a religious ceremony.
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Jun 20, 2012 18:02
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Then this is for you... I actually found this to be super helpful. http://alafiaceremonies.net/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/1_celtic_scottish_Handfasting_vows_blessings.301203325.pdf
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Jun 20, 2012 19:43
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signalnoise posted:I'm down to about $17/plate including service. Where are you, and how are you managing that? I'm looking at $115 a head in a breath taking venue, and that's without any frills, really.
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Jun 21, 2012 03:57
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Got my professional pictures back. After going through all 700 of them, I've kind of organized them. Here's 2 and a link to the album. This is my favorite picture.  Then heres our group shot, note Gizmo in the front  
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Jun 21, 2012 04:38
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my darling feet posted:Where are you, and how are you managing that? I'm looking at $115 a head in a breath taking venue, and that's without any frills, really. I think I misunderstood. When I read /plate I thought only about the food. The total price for our wedding is gonna be around 60 dollars per person, all things included. I'm in Atlanta and I'm looking at a service for 100 people. $1,836.12 gets me 5 quarts of salsa, 5 gallons of sides, 21 pounds of various fancy taco fillings, 4 staffers for 4 hours (buffet, bartender, busser, kitchen), 100 place settings (disposable), and 5 gallons of margarita mix. This is all done through a catering company that does not specialize in weddings. Wedding caterers are expensive as hell. For cake, we're likely going with cupcakes that will run us about 350 bucks for 13 dozen, though we may get enough so everyone can have 2 cupcakes, who knows. We're looking at a very good bakery that is pretty much across the street from our venue, and they've offered to transport and set up the cupcakes at no charge. After everything's said and done, our bottom line price is about $6000. We don't have to pay for decorations because we're getting married in a historic courthouse (only 1400!) and the county parks and rec dept decorates to the nines around christmas, and we're getting married in mid-december. 6000 will include photographer, food, venue for 6 hours on a saturday, staffing, rings, invitations, favors, dress, suit, and new shoes for both of us. That's our generous estimate, and so far we're clearing it.
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Jun 21, 2012 05:33
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I'm in the club! I'm in the club! And after only two years of reading this thread! When I came to post this, my ~fiance~ saw the post above and said we are feeding our wedding guests frozen spring rolls from costco. 
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Jun 22, 2012 05:25
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^^^ Sounds like a fine idea to me. Congrats!! Is it bad that I don't have the ring on my finger yet*, but I'm like 99% sure on my dress already? Before you judge me, LOOK AT IT  (Sophia Tolli Y11226 Vincia) *When I say I don't have a ring on my finger yet, I mean that it has been purchased and probably has arrived by now but has not been knelt with. Not Ladies-In-Waiting Pricescope forums my-2-month-boyfriend-is-the-one nutballs. Does anyone have $1000 + alterations laying around they don't want? 
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Jun 22, 2012 06:43
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drat Bananas posted:Is it bad that I don't have the ring on my finger yet*, but I'm like 99% sure on my dress already? Before you judge me, LOOK AT IT I went and tried on dresses and had mine picked out before I ask my husband to marry me. It's okay, and yes, that dress is fabulous. Maybe it will go on sale before you need it? One can hope.
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Jun 22, 2012 14:28
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I didn't see it in the OP, anyone have any good sites for wedding invites / stationary? I've been looking at http://www.minted.com/wedding , seems good to me
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Jun 22, 2012 14:34
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