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Bo Berry posted:I agree with Clumsy a lot, but I've also disagreed with him more than a few times. I'm pretty sure Abe Lincoln: VH will be good, but I don't know how good. I'm probably gonna go see it this weekend. I would be absolutely astonished if I wind up liking AL: VH more than I liked Brave, and I liked that quite a bit. I'll back Clumsy up in saying that AL:VH is great, a lot of drat fun, and hilarious. I haven't seen Brave yet, though, so no word on what's better.
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Jun 23, 2012 22:07
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Vargo posted:I'll back Clumsy up in saying that AL:VH is great, a lot of drat fun, and hilarious. I haven't seen Brave yet, though, so no word on what's better. I have a feeling AL:VH is going to come out on top this week. Just sayin'.
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Jun 23, 2012 22:52
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I just have one question about abe lincoln vamp hunter: Is it established that he grew his chinstrap beard to hide his vampire bites? I'm talking out my rear end but just in case it turns out to be true I spoilered it. Feels like an obvious joke.
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Jun 24, 2012 09:00
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Can't we all agree that Adam Sandler movies are a huge racket? Basically Sandler and his friends go on vacation to a tropical/scenic locale where they quickly make a movie that involves Sandler making out with a starlet. Then the movie is released in mid-June so that doing the press for the movie gets Sandler and the rest of the principle male cast free tickets to the NBA playoffs. Also, I think it's funny how most of the early Adam Sandler movies dealt with the main character's father issues (basically everything you'd call an Adam Sandler Movie, instead of a movie with Sandler in it, like Bullerproof) but now Sandler has transitioned to the father roll himself. Still, the power dynamic is essentially the same, now instead of Sandler being the lazy, drunken, failure of a son, he's the lazy, drunken, failure of a father. In other news, 3 years until the big 20th anniversary of Billy Madison, holy crap where does the time go? Probably into writing forum posts about Adam Sandler movies.
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Jun 24, 2012 09:06
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Krinkle posted:I just have one question about abe lincoln vamp hunter: Is it established that he grew his chinstrap beard to hide his vampire bites? I'm talking out my rear end but just in case it turns out to be true I spoilered it. Feels like an obvious joke. No.
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Jun 24, 2012 10:38
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So, has none of the crew seen Don McKellar's Last Night? Seeking a Friend... looks to have cribbed from it a bit.
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Jun 24, 2012 12:40
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Current Releases Crew posted:...we won't accept the horror of vampirism and slavery unless it is presented in a grounded way... That line made me pause while reading the review. The one thing I picked up from other reviewers that seemed like a legitimate complaint was that slavery was trivialized; I'm guessing the CRC did not see it that way.
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Jun 24, 2012 15:15
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I have to say, I do find it hilarious that people are going on about Pixar having "lost it" because their latest film is merely "pretty darn good" instead of "a triumph of the human spirit". Incidentally, I thought Merida did learn a lesson, but since it came about twenty minutes before the end, it kinda got lost in the shuffle. OF course, technically, Elinor learns her lesson even before that...
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Jun 24, 2012 15:24
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TheBigC posted:Can't we all agree that Adam Sandler movies are a huge racket? Basically Sandler and his friends go on vacation to a tropical/scenic locale where they quickly make a movie that involves Sandler making out with a starlet. Then the movie is released in mid-June so that doing the press for the movie gets Sandler and the rest of the principle male cast free tickets to the NBA playoffs. It's bad enough that the whole concept is based on literal rape (and by the way, the teacher is played by Susan Sarandon, not Sigourney Weaver; the younger version of the teacher is Susan's daughter), but I'm more offended by how Sandler's character is treated as an awesome person who always gets his way because of his celebrity status off of said rape. Remember the show Allen Gregory? Probably not, because it was one of the worst things to ever air on TV- and it was so bad because the main character was the exact same way. I'll say the same thing here that I said about Allen Gregory a while ago: if you're going to make a character who has no redeeming features, then you better make drat sure that he (I don't know of any women characters that fit this archetype) gets his comeuppance. There are no shortage of characters like this- Kenny Powers, Eric Cartman, and Sterling Archer are three that come to mind. Both Allen Gregory and That's My Boy are abject failures because, among other reasons, they don't follow that simple rule.
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Jun 24, 2012 16:10
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The AL:VH review was enough to make me actually consider seeing the movie...maybe. And that's saying something. Although this is tempered a bit by the fact that Clumsy apparently saw a totally different version of Battleship than I did.Y-Hat posted:(and by the way, the teacher is played by Susan Sarandon, not Sigourney Weaver; the younger version of the teacher is Susan's daughter) Kind of strange that the last two roles I've seen her in, Sarandon played a teacher sent to prison for seducing a student.
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Jun 24, 2012 17:03
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Y-Hat posted:(and by the way, the teacher is played by Susan Sarandon, not Sigourney Weaver; GodDAMMIT. I can't believe I hosed that up. We'll edit it.
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Jun 24, 2012 17:13
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What ending of Red Lights did you see? When I saw it at Sundance Cillian Murphy imagines the next 60 years of his life after revealing his powers, living a happy life with the Olsen chick, healing the son, using his powers to make the world a better place. And then it snaps back to present day and he runs away becasue he's scared of the responsibility I thought that was actually the high point of the film and a great sequence. Didn't fit the movie at all but it would have made a great ending to a more coherant movie. I'm just curious because there was a lot of talk about trimming/re shooting the ending after the initial widespread negative reaction. Also, one thing I couldn't believe about the script, I think you get an hour and a half before the Olsen sisters' characters' name is actually mentioned.
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Jun 24, 2012 17:19
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Y-Hat posted:
Thank you. If you hadn't posted this, I might have gone the rest of my life not knowing how big a flop Allen Gregory was, ironically, because of how big a flop Allen Gregory was. I remember hating every single thing about it, and hoping it would flop, and then it flopped so quietly I forgot it ever existed.
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Jun 24, 2012 18:12
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Alright, I don't say this because I personally love Avengers and how can anyone say anything nasty about my superhero white power fantasy trip, because I really like it but not anything approaching religiously, or because I loathed Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, because while I have yet to see it, I am looking forward to it with gusto, but Prof. Clumsy has jumped off the loving deep end. I say this because of the Avengers review, which I thought had such radical departures from I'm holding out hope that Prof. Clumsy is just having some kind of "hipster movie reviewer" phase, where the other guys at Current Releases have a more "pasteurized" sense of humor, Clumsy thinks he's found his niche in finding, in-between the lines, poo poo so crazy I can only imagine he's joking. Maybe I'm some sort of closet philistine that doesn't have the courage to look the gift horse in the mouth, or maybe I'm making a statement about the state of movies today in that I don't think any of them are clever or base capable enough to pull off half of the things Clumsy's accused them of, but I never saw 9/11 guilt-tripping and a call to return to American exceptionalism, nor can I imagine that much loving "honesty", "working men's weapons", "phalluses", and overall powerful symbolism in Abraham "motherfucking" Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Hell, I wouldn't have even brought it up if he hadn't linked his past pass with the abyss. In other news, who gets to go see Magic Mike?
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Jun 24, 2012 20:58
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I love films.
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Jun 24, 2012 22:59
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"Carell and Knightley's Uncanny Ability to Make You Cry Like a Baby with a Closeup of a Single Facial Expression or Maybe One of Their Eyes" is so loving spot on, oh my god.
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Jun 25, 2012 01:45
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Dyatlov Bass posted:Alright, I don't say this because I personally love Avengers and how can anyone say anything nasty about my superhero white power fantasy trip, because I really like it but not anything approaching religiously, or because I loathed Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, because while I have yet to see it, I am looking forward to it with gusto, but Prof. Clumsy has jumped off the loving deep end. I say this because of the Avengers review, which I thought had such radical departures from I see what you've written but must ask is Abe no longer tied to honesty, the axe not a weapon of working men/commoners, and the Washington Monument no longer a gigantic loving phallus that no one comments on much only because it's been beat into the ground that it's a big ol' dick in our Capital? Having not seen the movie yet I can't speak as to what gigantic phallus Abe destroys, but in the trailer I do believe he's shown cutting down a tree/poll which are once again so obviously phallic as to generally not even be commented on unless sitting around with your boys in High School and drunken/highly coming up with new euphemisms for various sex acts and body parts. As to the 9-11 shot he referenced in his Avengers review, while I don't agree with his interpretation, it's rather tough not to see call backs to 9-11 in a set piece where flying, literal, others destroy the New York cityscape.
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Jun 25, 2012 02:14
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Gyges posted:I see what you've written but must ask is Abe no longer tied to honesty, the axe not a weapon of working men/commoners, and the Washington Monument no longer a gigantic loving phallus that no one comments on much only because it's been beat into the ground that it's a big ol' dick in our Capital? Having not seen the movie yet I can't speak as to what gigantic phallus Abe destroys, but in the trailer I do believe he's shown cutting down a tree/poll which are once again so obviously phallic as to generally not even be commented on unless sitting around with your boys in High School and drunken/highly coming up with new euphemisms for various sex acts and body parts. This is absolutely correct. I still don't agree with what Clumsy wrote in his Averngers review regarding the shot of Captain America in the mirror in Avengers, but the imagery is not off base. What I'm not sure about is why you (Dyatlov Bass) seem to think that just because a movie is about a president fighting the occult, there's no way there can be a message or concept behind the imagery. A film can be crazy good fun AND still be loaded with symbolism. This is the problem with criticism today, everyone thinks that symbols are for "ARTSY" films, when in fact all films are art, and all art is symbolic. Hell, think about the line where Clumsy breaks down the scene of Lincoln giving speeches cut with Lincoln swinging an axe. Clumsy says that he's wielding weapons both times, and the movie basically flat-out says it. Nothing he's doing is particularly off-the-wall, they're very basic metaphors. You're just not used to seeing them because no other critic does it, and honestly I wish they would. It would blow away this idea that criticism is easy. Vargo fucked around with this message at 02:35 on Jun 25, 2012 |
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Jun 25, 2012 02:31
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Vargo posted:Nothing he's doing is particularly off-the-wall, they're very basic metaphors. You're just not used to seeing them because no other critic does it, and honestly I wish they would. It would blow away this idea that criticism is easy. Echoing this! I was actually coming in this thread to praise you guys, because all seven of your reviews were engaging, smart, and truly thoughtful reviews. AL:VH especially! More critics should be like you guys.
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Jun 25, 2012 06:12
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Current Releases is (are?) the only movie reviews I read anymore. I trust you guys to be honest, and critical, and show your work. Hell, most of CD is like that, but you guys are, of course, the shining examples of this. From lurking in CD, when I watched Black Swan in theaters I caught a few little things that I otherwise wouldn't have noticed, like the white->gray->black color stuff. Unfortunately, you can't really tell other people that you read movie reviews off of "something awful" and that a "bunch of goons" think a movie is sub-par.
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Jun 25, 2012 06:52
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CantDecideOnAName posted:
You know, I can't stress this enough. We really, really appreciate all the positive things you folks have to say about us, and posts like the two above are what make our jobs worth doing. But if you really like what we do, please, PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS. Tell them that you read reviews from Something Awful. Tell them it's a "pop culture site" if you need to. Something Awful does a lot of fine writing, like Zack Parsons' political satire, and we're proud to be associated with this site. At the same time, we understand that the site's reputation sometimes leads to some judgement from people that don't know what the site's about. So do us a favor, and educate them. Like the Facebook page, share the reviews with your friends, put them on StumbleUpon, print them out and stuff them in your neighbor's mailbox. It may sound pretentious, but part of what we're trying to do is "take back criticism" from... all the other douchebags on the internet, and the only way we can do that, to support actual critical writing, is to find an audience that doesn't just judge on the site's title. The best way to praise our work is to share it.
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Jun 25, 2012 07:38
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Gonna commit a series of felonies and leave notes at each location with one portion of the url for one of your reviews, and then allow myself to be caught, yelling "DOT COM MOTHERFUCKERS!"
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Jun 25, 2012 10:04
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Gyges posted:I see what you've written but must ask is Abe no longer tied to honesty, the axe not a weapon of working men/commoners, and the Washington Monument no longer a gigantic loving phallus that no one comments on much only because it's been beat into the ground that it's a big ol' dick in our Capital? Having not seen the movie yet I can't speak as to what gigantic phallus Abe destroys, but in the trailer I do believe he's shown cutting down a tree/poll which are once again so obviously phallic as to generally not even be commented on unless sitting around with your boys in High School and drunken/highly coming up with new euphemisms for various sex acts and body parts. Vargo posted:What I'm not sure about is why you (Dyatlov Bass) seem to think that just because a movie is about a president fighting the occult, there's no way there can be a message or concept behind the imagery. A film can be crazy good fun AND still be loaded with symbolism. This is the problem with criticism today, everyone thinks that symbols are for "ARTSY" films, when in fact all films are art, and all art is symbolic. Regarding Abraham Lincoln, I'm just saying, just because the Washington Monument is a giant phucking phallus, doesn't mean Robert Mills thought the best way to honor our first president was with a giant white dick. I'm not necessarily criticizing the possibility of ANY symbolism in a movie--I not only concede that the scene where we see both a literal and figurative weapon trade the spotlight is symbolism, but you'd have to be mentally impaired not to recognize it--just that, Professor Clumsy is probably/most likely/almost certainly reading too deep into things, and sometimes, it can make him sound... silly. I'm not saying that as an introspective movie-goer, you can't look for deeper meaning in a movie, but there's profoundness, and then there's ex nihilo. Gyges posted:As to the 9-11 shot he referenced in his Avengers review, while I don't agree with his interpretation, it's rather tough not to see call backs to 9-11 in a set piece where flying, literal, others destroy the New York cityscape. As for the 9/11 reading that threw me off? Sure, I can see 9/11 imagery, but then again, who couldn't in a post-9/11 world? I'm sure you could evoke images of it in movies that came even before 9/11, because New York is like a disaster movie punching bag, and I don't see how The Avengers was anything special in that regard. Maybe it was Joss Whedon consciously choosing to tear up New York for the purpose of clawing at that part of the collective American subconcious that will Never Forget (  ), but yet more likely is that it was an unintentional consequence of the fact that New York was just another convenient set piece, although some terrorists also blew up some skyscrapers once. Stark Tower and the Avengers et al. have always been based in New York, it's like Metropolis and Gotham and all the other fake DC cities rolled into one (or vice versa, depending on where you're looking at it from). Even if the fact he did it on purpose was given, which is me reaching the end of my "benefit of the doubt" quota, I still can't see anything indicating that the movie was in any way trying to shift the blame for 9/11 on the movie-going public.For me, that's a bridge too far. I think it's just a coincidence, and rationality tells me it is most probably not anything else. Dyatlov Bass fucked around with this message at 10:29 on Jun 25, 2012 |
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Jun 25, 2012 10:24
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Dyatlov Bass posted:Regarding Abraham Lincoln, I'm just saying, just because the Washington Monument is a giant phucking phallus, doesn't mean Robert Mills thought the best way to honor our first president was with a giant white dick. I'm not necessarily criticizing the possibility of ANY symbolism in a movie--I not only concede that the scene where we see both a literal and figurative weapon trade the spotlight is symbolism, but you'd have to be mentally impaired not to recognize it--just that, Professor Clumsy is probably/most likely/almost certainly reading too deep into things, and sometimes, it can make him sound... silly. I'm not saying that as an introspective movie-goer, you can't look for deeper meaning in a movie, but there's profoundness, and then there's ex nihilo. I'm not going to engage you in conversation about The Avengers because I swore off doing that with anyone the day my review came out. It's just not worth the headaches. As for Abraham Lincoln. I will highlight my point by describing two scenes. They are my two favourite scenes in the film and their imagery is what always returns to my mind whenever I think of the film. The first is Abraham Lincoln taking up the axe and chopping down an enormous tree. The "working class weapon" idea is not a new one, see The Big Gundown or Machete for more examples. He approaches the axe with the justification "I never had much luck with shooting irons, but I'm a hell of a rail splitter." It's a tool first and a weapon second, this is what makes it a working man's weapon, you see? His choosing of the axe is born from honesty, he is a hard working man so he takes up the tools of his trade and extends their use rather than take up new tools. So he chops down this tree with a single blow. It takes a few tries, admittedly, but Henry is off screen asking him what he hates the most. Abe strikes and shouts out things he hates, but it's not until he arrives at the thing he hates the most, the fact that he allowed his mother to die, that the tree is split asunder. Only after the tree is cut do we see how tall it is. Its framing is a call back to the use of the Washington Monument in the film's opening (and again at the end). Now, of course it is phallic, but a phallus isn't necessarily just a penis, it's a symbol of oppressive patriarchal power. In this instance, we're being reminded that the position of the president is not an infallible one and that, worse still, it is entirely inconsistent. The other scene is actually a small part of a montage. Abe is twirling his axe around and it starts to leave a dark trail in the air, the background turns white and he vanishes and the dark trail becomes the ink from a pen and Abe is now writing in his journal. It's very simple, but it ties together the axe and "the word" as weapons that he wields with equal dexterity. These images are in the film. I did not imagine them. Macdeo Lurjtux posted:What ending of Red Lights did you see? When I saw it at Sundance Cillian Murphy imagines the next 60 years of his life after revealing his powers, living a happy life with the Olsen chick, healing the son, using his powers to make the world a better place. And then it snaps back to present day and he runs away becasue he's scared of the responsibility I thought that was actually the high point of the film and a great sequence. Didn't fit the movie at all but it would have made a great ending to a more coherant movie. Yeah, that is very far away from the ending the film now has. In the actual ending Cillian Murphy reveals to the audience and to Robert De Niro that he is a psychic then goes and unplugs Sigourney Weaver's son from the life support machine. That's pretty much it.
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Jun 25, 2012 13:05
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Senior Woodchuck posted:I have to say, I do find it hilarious that people are going on about Pixar having "lost it" because their latest film is merely "pretty darn good" instead of "a triumph of the human spirit". Well nominally, yes. But the scene that really tipped me off to the reading I suggest in the review is the scene in which Merida teaches her mother how to act like a bear. It's a mirror of the earlier montage of Elinor teaching Merida how to act more ladylike, but where in that scene Merida just rolls her eyes and doesn't take to it, Elinor-bear takes to Merida's lessons with such gusto that she starts to actually become a bear. I read that scene as Merida being so entrenched in her tomboyish behavior that she only sees that her actions were wrong, not necessarily why they were wrong. That also plays into the ending where Merida erroneously assumes that mending the tapestry is literally what will break the spell. She clearly did learn her lesson, but IMO it's not conveyed very effectively. (Which I guess is all I'm really saying here.)
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Jun 25, 2012 14:01
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Getting emails asking if my reviews are a joke is getting really old.
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Jun 25, 2012 17:47
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Are they from the same people?
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Jun 25, 2012 20:15
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Meltman posted:Are they from the same people? No, but that would be funny.
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Jun 25, 2012 20:17
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Professor Clumsy posted:Getting emails asking if my reviews are a joke is getting really old. Offer to fight these people in a boxing match.
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Jun 25, 2012 20:54
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Probably leftover gunshyness from Truth Media reviews. Sorry that you gotta reap what others have sown, you put a lot of effort into your articles and it shows.
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Jun 25, 2012 20:56
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You guys really do some of the best reviews I've read. Most of the frontpage content is amazing, but CR is the one that always gets me to click that link at the top of the forums.
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Jun 25, 2012 21:11
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Professor Clumsy posted:Getting emails asking if my reviews are a joke is getting really old. You do tend to like movies expected to be terrible, so that might be a part of it. Open minds aren't a common thing on the ol' internet. Also, you liked Skyline, so that might have something to do with it. 
TheBigBudgetSequel fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 02:31
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TheBigBudgetSequel posted:You do tend to like movies expect to be terrible, so that might be a part of it. Open minds aren't a common thing on the ol' internet. Watching Skyline with his review in mind is the only way to watch it though. Otherwise you're just spending a couple hours to make yourself unhappy, which is a really inefficient way to get your unhappy on.
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Jun 26, 2012 03:22
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Professor Clumsy posted:Yeah, that is very far away from the ending the film now has. In the actual ending Cillian Murphy reveals to the audience and to Robert De Niro that he is a psychic then goes and unplugs Sigourney Weaver's son from the life support machine. That's pretty much it. drat, the movie really was my biggest disapointment at the festival, it had the cast and the kernal of a great idea. Maybe if it had a better writer/director. Did they at least keep in the part about the whole reason Cillian doesn't know he's a psychic is because he forced himself to forget since he couldn't be a true skeptic otherwise?
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Jun 26, 2012 04:42
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While I usually don't always agree with Prof Clumsy's reviews (I hated Green Hornet), I saw AL: VH on a whim last weekend, and he's absolutely spot-on. What a drat good film, I want to see it again, just to prove to my mind that what happened that day wasn't just a massive awesome fever dream.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:53
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It really is just so drat good. I would never have seen it if Clumsy hadn't told me how good it was, so there's that.
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Jun 26, 2012 08:45
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I really like the reviews here because they make me justify my opinions when reading. It's actual criticism and not just a description. They make me a much more aware audience member.
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Jun 26, 2012 10:46
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I'll never get the general dislike for Skyline.
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Jun 26, 2012 12:47
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Professor Clumsy posted:I'll never get the general dislike for Skyline. Because unless you've got adequate base knowledge and are looking for something, what you're presented looks like a hot mess of at best borderline unlikeable characters, doing a horrible amalgam of Signs and The Myst, set in the Big City, with a Tron color palette. Gyges fucked around with this message at 00:38 on Jun 27, 2012 |
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Jun 27, 2012 00:32
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I only know of AL:VH because I read the review a day or two ago. I now recently returned from viewing it. It was absolutely fantastic, and I share Professor Clumsy's adoration of the film. One thing I would like to add to his review is that the film can be ridiculous as it is meaningful. Maybe it's unnecessary when the film is titled "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," but I don't think it adequately conveys the proficiency and depth of it's ridiculousness. It's one thing to have a movie where Abe Lincoln kills vampires with an axe, but it's another to have a dramatic silhouette of the man walking toward the camera--filmed at a 90' angle so he fits on the screen, or to give his axe an "alt fire." AL:VH is a film that goes the extra mile, both in sobriety as in lunacy. Schwarzwald fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Jun 28, 2012 |
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Jun 28, 2012 03:52
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