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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:Twilight was Mormon and virginal. You forgot to mention it selling faster than Harry Potter and that the author originally wrote under the name Snowqueens Icedragon.
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Jun 26, 2012 05:56
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Ambiguatron posted:Whoa, hold on. I've been avoiding this twilight thing for years. No one said anything about butthole licking. That's because Stephenie Meyer's sexual imagination got stuck at thirteen years old. This is the fanfic. e: I take way too loving long to respond to things. I for one await the inevitable bestselling 50 Shades of Grey fanfic. e2: The original title of the fanfic was Masters of the Universe? For gently caress's sake. whowhatwhere fucked around with this message at 06:01 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 05:56
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I hate the world and everyone in it.
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Jun 26, 2012 05:57
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:Twilight was Mormon and virginal. You forgot the part where the boring chick signs a consent form that allows Foot Face to fist her butthole whenever he feels like. I'm waiting for Tara Gillesbie to get a movie deal for "My Immortal".
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Jun 26, 2012 05:58
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Are you a writer Ambigutaron?
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Jun 26, 2012 05:58
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whowhatwhere posted:I for one await the inevitable bestselling 50 Shades of Grey fanfic. It's just masturbating crazy cat ladies. All the way down.
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Jun 26, 2012 05:59
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Lolitas Alright! posted:You forgot the part where the boring chick signs a consent form that allows Foot Face to fist her butthole whenever he feels like. God drat it, I pretty much have to read this now. There's seriously a fisting contract? run DNC posted:Are you a writer Ambigutaron? I have been known to apply myself to the craft from time to time. I regret all the rear end play I haven't been writing, if the market is into that. Thulsa Doom fucked around with this message at 06:02 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 05:59
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Right. ADWD - At least it's not 50 Shades of Grey [compare/contrast thread] is a go. I look forward to thinking that GRRM's sex scenes are comparatively well-written 
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Jun 26, 2012 06:05
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whowhatwhere posted:Right. ADWD - At least it's not 50 Shades of Grey [compare/contrast thread] is a go. I think, in the infamous Myrish Swamo scene, GRRM contemplated fisting and backed off. Cersei was only a pinky and thumb away. I could practically feel his need to write Cersei fisting another woman coming through the urgency in the prose.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:08
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How to be a successful writer in 2012: 1. Write about a boring girl getting her butthole worked over like a stuck transmission by a wealthy undead murderer. 2. Drink champagne out of your recently purchased diamond-encrusted rhino horn.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:08
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I always wanted to get a story in Weird Tales, but they rejected all my work and now they're a weird e-thing that doesn't take submissions. I should probably pull an embarassing fanfic out of my files, do a find and replace, and ship it off to Dell. Wouldn't a vampire doctor be violating the hypocratic oath?
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Jun 26, 2012 06:12
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Not if he was a veterinarian ?? I don't know what the context is actually.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:14
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Oh for...the story starts with Anastasia getting forced into interviewing “some mega-industrialist tycoon I’ve never heard of” because her roomate gets sick? Really?
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Jun 26, 2012 06:16
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So the way I understand it, Twilight is vampires with all of the pathos and drama stripped from the concept. This published fanfic is a refinement of that, so the vampire is an ambulatory thunder cock with billions of dollars and no problems. How many iterations do we have to go through before "Clit: A Novel" which consists of nothing but ephemisms for genitalia and fangs hits number one on the best seller list?
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Jun 26, 2012 06:23
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Ambiguatron posted:So the way I understand it, Twilight is vampires with all of the pathos and drama stripped from the concept. This published fanfic is a refinement of that, so the vampire is an ambulatory thunder cock with billions of dollars and no problems. How many iterations do we have to go through before "Clit: A Novel" which consists of nothing but ephemisms for genitalia and fangs hits number one on the best seller list? True Blood is already a hit HBO show, brah.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:25
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Ambiguatron posted:So the way I understand it, Twilight is vampires with all of the pathos and drama stripped from the concept. This published fanfic is a refinement of that, so the vampire is an ambulatory thunder cock with billions of dollars and no problems. How many iterations do we have to go through before "Clit: A Novel" which consists of nothing but ephemisms for genitalia and fangs hits number one on the best seller list? To be fair, the hack job turning this from a fanfic into an original trilogy did remove the vampirism thing. As for Twilight's vampirism: in the hands of a good author I could see how leaving immortality as the only curse of the vampire could be an interesting way of exploring the subject, but as it is vampirism's just kinda awesome, aside from sparkling. quote:I’ve never been comfortable with one-on-one interviews, preferring the anonymity of a group discussion where I can sit inconspicuously at the back of the room. To be honest, I prefer my own company, reading a classic British novel, curled up in a chair in the campus library. Not sitting twitching nervously in a colossal glass and stone edifice. I'm just like you, reader! Someone who likes classic British novels! And that last sentence. Just...wow. This is going to be amazing.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:36
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whowhatwhere posted:To be fair, the hack job turning this from a fanfic into an original trilogy did remove the vampirism thing. So it'll just be genitals, then.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:38
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To be fair, there's plenty of lip-biting and blushing as well. Many full paragraphs on those single topics throughout the book, actually. It's like Gurm and his food/poo poo descriptions.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:45
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Ambiguatron posted:God drat it, I pretty much have to read this now. There's seriously a fisting contract? Oh, it's more than just fisting. The Worst Book Ever posted:APPENDIX 2 Also, the main characters are named Christian Grey and Anastasia Rose Steele. They sound like she found a "lovely Romance Novel Character Name" generator online and used it.
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Jun 26, 2012 06:59
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Don't spoil it for me, but I hope they both had lawyers present for this most erotic of contracts 
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Jun 26, 2012 07:13
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:Twilight was Mormon and virginal. This is awesome beyond awesome. I love loving america. Number one country america! Ichiban bitches! And you if you think Phoenix is bad, you have missed out on some other wonderful places Arizona has to offer! Yuma is like phoenix, but without the "culture"! Oh and Tuba City, home to among other things Uranium disposal structures!  If you love looking at these crazy disposal cells as much as I do, you might want to check out the Center for Land Use Interpretation building in LA! (http://clui.org/ludb) Lolitas Alright! posted:Oh, it's more than just fisting. uhm but just think, she could hyphenate her last name after the marriage to "Steele-Grey"! And they could name their first born something like... Dusty or uh.. Kirin! Just the thought makes me want to buy some bon-bons and get reading! edit: whowhatwhere posted:Don't spoil it for me, but I hope they both had lawyers present for this most erotic of contracts Havent read this , but you can download a much better version of a BDSM checklist here: http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html If you ask nicely, I'll upload my excel spreadsheet version! edit: bigmcgaffney posted:Haha I forgot I wrote WoT/GoT crossover erotica. I think I've done Malazan, Dan Brown, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and of course my childgoon memories. 
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Jun 26, 2012 08:05
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Washington State University should sue the author for libelous description of its English program. No way it'd produce someone that...Anastasia Rose Steele.
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Jun 26, 2012 08:28
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whowhatwhere posted:Washington State University should sue the author for libelous description of its English program. No way it'd produce someone that...Anastasia Rose Steele. She seriously has no idea what she wants to do with her life after college, other than continue to mooch off of her trust-fund-baby best friend/probably lesbian lover with all the subtext in it. But then she gets swept away by Christian "I Have Mommy Issues" Grey.
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Jun 26, 2012 09:04
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Twilight is actually pretty good reading if you enjoy absolute poo poo. And if you're in ADWD threads you probably do.
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Jun 26, 2012 09:31
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That's a really boring BDSM list, I expected something genuinely perverse from Christian Grey, psychobillionaire extraordinaire, but this is just boring.
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Jun 26, 2012 10:44
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Right, I'm now convinced that Christian Grey is a Left Behind-style Antichrist/Man of Sin seeking to rule the world as a god. Dude's just too perfect in every way for him not to be. My interest in the series is now much, much higher as Anastasia Steele is just another person put under his spell as he seeks to deify himself.
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Jun 26, 2012 10:47
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298298 posted:Twilight is actually pretty good reading if you enjoy absolute poo poo. That's hardly fair. As disappointing as the last two novels were, ASOIAF is still leagues above Twilight. The "lovely" equivalent of GRRM is RA Salvatore or something.
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Jun 26, 2012 12:40
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Nah, I might be misremembering what I read 12 years ago or so, but his sexual politics are very, very muted compared to Twilight. I'd go for, say, Terry Goodkind. Also, ASOIAF: 
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Jun 26, 2012 14:16
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whowhatwhere posted:Also, ASOIAF: Is that...is that a real quote from ASOIAF? I don't recognize it, but it's been years since I've read a book that Robb was alive in. Also, re: DragonCon. I always have a drat good time there and I've been going practically every year since I graduated high school, which is more than a decade ago. Related, if you search on youtube for "george rr martin wildcards", one of the top results is me drunkenly rambling late one night at DragonCon about how my "costume" was a time displaced member of the Night's Watch. This was quite impromptu. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go_rgg4-R8w
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Jun 26, 2012 15:30
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Nice soul patch.
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Jun 26, 2012 15:33
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So when did this 50 Shades of Grey poo poo kick off? I've just realised what a few girls on my Facebook feed have been on about for the last couple of weeks. I thought they were watching a new ITV period drama starring some Christian Grey or something.
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Jun 26, 2012 15:34
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Nice soul patch. Oh yes, the heady days of 2009 when one could wear a soul patch with pride. I've since got a fedora and started swilling gin and learned a little bit of humility. I only leave the house once a month to go to my 50 Shades of Grey book group at Barnes and Noble. Nobody else ever shows up, so I usually just sit by myself and refresh The Bad Thread over and over until the store closes.
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Jun 26, 2012 16:13
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Okay, I've heard of fanfiction being published as actual literature or other forms of media (see: Wicked, Star Wars EU, extensions of Cthulhu mythos etc.) but I have never loving thought in my entire life a slash fic would become an NYT best seller. Or wait, is slash fiction when when it's two dudes or two girls getting it on or does slash just mean porn in general? Whenever someone says slash, I think James Kirk and Spock. I've got the best idea now: PUBLISHED ASOIAF SLASH. Just need to change the names of Renly and Loras to Johnathan and Fabio and we're all set for the money train!
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Jun 26, 2012 16:15
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Lolitas Alright! posted:I'm reading the first one and doing an MST3K thing of it because my friend's mom insisted I do so. I just hit Chapter Seven and it's... a thing. We'll be rich! Rich as Lannisters! unlimited shrimp fucked around with this message at 16:51 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 16:15
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Lolitas Alright! posted:Oh, it's more than just fisting. The actual text of the contract is in the book? How in the incandescent gently caress did this get published? SpaceMost posted:Let's write a 400 page ASOIAF fanfic that is somehow more disturbingly sexual than the source material, then find & replace the names and throw it up on Amazon as an eBook. We can call it "The Queen of Wyrms" and then have a bunch of really I'm in. Oh my God, Fifty Shades of Grey was published by Vintage. The same imprint that published American Psycho. What the gently caress. Thulsa Doom fucked around with this message at 16:27 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 16:25
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Edit: ^^^ maybe HBO's right. Maybe people do love porn more than actual quality. Either way, I need to get in on this cash-machine this instant. First we need to find that guy who wrote the Winnie the Pooh fic. That guy knew what he was doing. Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Jun 26, 2012 |
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Jun 26, 2012 16:25
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Contra Calculus posted:Okay, I've heard of fanfiction being published as actual literature or other forms of media (see: Wicked, Star Wars EU, extensions of Cthulhu mythos etc.) Fanfic is a hazy line. Wicked absolutely is, it turns the Wicked Witch into a Mary Sue and everything. 50 Shades began as such, so I feel comfortable lumping it into the category as well. Licensed fiction is a whole nother ballgame; in some ways, it's like TV writing, with a producer who accepts your pitch and works it out with you until it doesn't suck as bad anymore.
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Jun 26, 2012 16:29
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It's an arbitrary line. Huge swathes of the media we consume are "fanfiction". The term has a stigma attached because the vast majority of it is terrible, but the vast majority of everything is terrible.
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Jun 26, 2012 16:31
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Wait, is Cthulhu slash a thing? I will make it a thing and I will make it big as R.H. Gridgemeier for my pen name. "And so Dyer and Pabody began shoving The Elder Thing's tentacles up their asses as they saw Azathoth fisting Dagon and Mother Hydra." poo poo, this practically writes itself. See you guys. I'm off to be a best selling author!
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Jun 26, 2012 16:34
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I wonder about that, actually; I know Lovecraft himself was cool with people writing in his mythos, but I somehow doubt whomever holds the rights at this point is quite as benevolent. Then again, given the plush Cthulhu hanging in my living room, perhaps they're overly amicable to monetary enterprises.
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Jun 26, 2012 16:37
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