Ambiguatron posted:

You can't eat dessert for breakfast... gently caress it, yes you can.

---

She was stunned to see the Pound himself appear in her chambers, larger in life than in her fantasy. She dropped her fruit knife and clutched her robe about her chest as she knelt to pick it up. The Pound moved, viper-quick, and retrieved the fallen utensil before she could reach it. Their faces nearly touched as he stood up and offered her the knife, hilt first. He stank of sweat and moved stiffly. As her betrothed’s sworn sword and arms master, he no doubt took a beating from him in training.

“Apologies, my lady,” he rasped, “but my prince is overwhelmed with the affairs of state. He sends his apologies, and these.”

In his other hand was a fresh batch of lemoncakes,

---

There, are you happy now? I'm putting the lemoncakes in the loving sex scene, too. Are you not entertained?

Are you not entertained?

1stGear posted:

Ardi and Genden are swordfighting. Lots of references to how long and thick Genden's sword is and how skillfully he uses it. Ardi is very impressed and gets flustered, especially when Genden keeps beating her, getting all close and rubbing together and poo poo. The sword is a metaphor for Genden's penis.

whowhatwhere posted:

Please include "the sword is a metaphor for my penis" in there.

Ambiguatron posted:

It's one in the loving morning, what am I doing?

1stGear posted:

Then it won't be a metaphor, it'll be a simile and similes are for hacks.

Also, Ardi and Genden are 18. This is terrible and GRRMy enough without adding pedophilia.

Ambiguatron posted:

Okay, should I save the lemoncakes for cuddling as a cutesy thing or do some weird sex poo poo where the Pound is eating Lemoncakes while Sensa gives him the lady's kiss?

It's one in the loving morning, what am I doing?

whowhatwhere posted:

I'm pretty sure the workaround is that they're not having sex but just making out? But yeah, prolly a smart idea.

quote:

He wondered whether his father would be proud of him. Sir Hogor used to always tell Brendon and the other little lordlings tales of the great Lord Nathyn Strike’s famed prowess in combat. Brandon’s favourite story was the great battle of the Pitchfork, where Nathyn had ridden alongside his lifelong friend soon-to-be King Roger Bartholomew, to defeat the treacherous son of the evil Wyvern Emperor. The singers across the land sung of Roger’s great stronghammer ending the three-century old age of oppression in one thunderous stroke to the Young Wyvern’s matte black breastplate, sending shards of opals showering the mud of the riverbanks in the twilight, but Hogor knew the real truth of it. If Nathyn had not suddenly turned his steed and ridden to join Roger’s charge, slaying three of the crown’s infamous Scaleguard protectors, Roger’s headstrongness would have surely meant his death. But Nathyn was humble as he was gallant, Hogor said, so let the new King accept the glory for the triumph.

Ardi would oft ask for the story where their father rode to the Fortress of Tears to save their Aunt Liara, but Brendan had always found it boring. Nathyn had brought two knights with him to save his sister from the prison-fortress the Young Wyvern had left her. Sir Nathyn, Sir Hogor and Sir Howard Reader defeated three more Scaleguard knights, but they could not reach Liara in time to save her from a terrible fever. Brendan wondered why the story had returned to him so vividly now; he had always disliked tales of heartbreak and romance, yet suddenly the Battle of the Pitchfork seemed disinteresting. Brendan thought about Howard Reeder, Miri’s father and Nathyn’s friend. Perhaps Howard had loved Liara. Could that be why they were at the Fortress? Brendan tried imagined Liara and Howland embracing each other, laughing and dancing together, but as they were about to kiss, their faces transformed into Miri and himself. Bran wished the thoughts away but he found them too exciting, thinking back to the times he found himself inside Hogor’s skin and Hogor was inside the serving girls, and imagined him and Miri doing the same, and-

Brendan was interrupted by a soft knock on the door of his bedchambers.

“Are you there, Bran?” he heard Miri’s timid voice ask from outside.

Ambiguatron posted:

I think I need to take a shower. From shame. I feel dirty.

Urdnot Fire posted:

But don't reveal it until like Brendan's second-to-last chapter. His last chapter will be him overcoming it and loving Miri anyways.

Urdnot Fire posted:

But don't reveal it until like Brendan's second-to-last chapter. His last chapter will be him overcoming it and loving Miri anyways.

JustFrakkingDoIt posted:

You're welcome.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Starting 19 Kate [sex]

or rather

Kate, Darksun and Orion in "Not Without My Anus."

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

thornghost posted:

Holy poo poo this is amazing. Anyone writing Miri before the last chapter needs to throw some hints in there that Brendan won't pick up on.

Urdnot Fire posted:

Brendan could feel his manhood glisten as he gazed lustily at Miri, and he began to wonder if she had ever seen another man glisten. Surely not, he told himself. She's not that kind of woman at all, I'm sure of it. But thanks to the admittedly still-blurry power of insight he'd been learning from the Wizard, he suspected his ladylove had witnessed much glistening indeed.

p.crestmont posted:

Bren can smell something is a little bit off with Miri while he is in wolf form. Something familiar...

Dead Man Posting posted:

Someone update me with what's going on with the whole writing chapters thing and let me know so I can update the OP.

thornghost posted:

Alright Wildcards, here's the chapter breakdown. Call your chapters and I'll update this post with who calls what.

A few reminders first:

This is for ladies. They overthink things and their characters should too. A good rule of thumb for writing should be "two thoughts for every one action".

The sex should ALWAYS be consensual, even if weird, and the women involved should enjoy it. This is a "vacation from their husbands". Make it fun.

Extra points for every mention of lemoncakes, fat dudes with beards and nuncles.

Original character reference post with brief summery.

A Game of Bones

Chapter breakdown

Prologue (Blade_of_tyshalle)

Lord Nathyn Strike [viewpoint] is taking King Roger Bartholemew on a secret tour of the North's outposts along the passes through the northern Iceclaw mountains that protect the Five Kingdoms from the Elders. They are accompanied by a small but seasoned troop of warriors and their exact journey is a secret known to only a select few in order to protect them.

The party is attacked by men dressed as Elders but clearly from the Five Kingdoms. Nathyn realizes it is a trap, spies someone he thinks he knows (do not reveal details) just as he sees his bodyguard Sir Hogor take a savage blow to the head and drop. Nathyn is then overwhelmed and killed.

Chapter 1 – Sensa

A couple of months after the prologue. Sensa is moping because she's having to pack up and leave Autumnfall. We get introduced to her mother, brother and sister as well as the fate of Sir Hogor (he was discovered by and returned to Autumnfall by the same search party that went out to look for the King and Lord Nathyn after they failed to return home and now seems almost completely dumb, speaking only his name "Hogor". Sensa is sad to leave home, but happy to be travelling to Emperor's Crossing because she gets to meet her betrothed King Jeffrey. The family, sans Brendan, pack up and leave.

Chapter 2 – Ardi (SpaceMost)

On the road to Emperor's Crossing. Mostly a travel and character building chapter. Let's see Kate's overprotection of Sensa and Ardi also meets young Sir Genden, only recently promoted to knighthood and sent north as part of the party to escort the Strikes to Emperor's Crossing. Ardi is rambuctionus and plays a trick on Sensa and gets her wet. Sir Sender (The Pound) helps Sensa clean off and the two have a happy first meeting.

Chapter 3 – Kate (bigmcgaffney)

The family rolls into Emperors Crossing. The young girls are amazed because they've never been there, Kate is mostly filled with trepidation for her new job as Prime Minister. The family get settled in and go to be introduced to court. After the formal introduction where they meet Jeffrey, Sarah and James, Jeffrey pulls Kate aside and lets her know the real reason he asked her to come - the Lord Protectors of the realm are arriving to pay him fealty and he's worried it won't go well since he's so young. He needs Kate to bring them in line with her superior political knowledge. She's technically one of the Lord Protectors now that Nathyn is dead. Jeffrey's grandfather is lord of the West, so there's no issue there. As the chapter ends, the entourages arrive in town and Kate watches them from a balcony. She sees the eastern Lord, young Thayor Leyman from the Islands, lord of the Midderlands, the proud and noble Faras Byrell, and the two southern lords, the distantly related Geoff "Blacksun" Dawn and Orion Martin. There's some bullshit where they're co-lords or something. Anyway, Kate ponders what she will have to do to make these men fall in line. (This is foreshadowing because she is going to have to sex them all, sometimes more than one at a time.)

Chapter 4 – Sensa (Cirofren)

Sensa wakes up on her first day in Emperors Crossing and is excited. The Pound walks in on her naked. She likes it, and doesn't hurry to cover up. The Pound has been sent to take her to meet with Jeffrey. On the way he recounts how he saved his life and got his facial scar. Sensa and Jeffrey meet socially the first time, maybe they're watching some jousts or something. There's lots of flirting here. The Pound eventually takes Sensa back to her room and on the way, tells her that a king always gets the best of everything or something and she needs to start thinking about ways to make sure his sex life is the best too.

Chapter 5 – Brendan

Brendan is still in Autumnfall. Miri, his crush, shows up with an Elder wizard that has offered to teach them the ways of the Elder in exchange for protection. The two begin their tutelage. The wizard sees something in Brendan.

Chapter 6 - Kate [SEX] (JustFrakkingDoIt)

Kate sets up her first meeting with Thayor Leyman. She receives him in some chambers overlooking the sea so he'll feel comfortable. They exchange some pleasantries and drink wine and Kate finds out what it will take to get him to nicely go along and declare fealty to Jeffrey. There's some ancient fishing rights dispute he wants resolved. He seems tense, so she offers him a back rub. The wine gets to her head and soon they're kissing. She hasn't been with a man since Nathyn dies and this is both exciting a little scary for her. Do some creative stuff with the sex, but nothing too crazy since this is the first sex in the book. Anyway, after they're done boning, Kate gets him to agree to a reasonable solution and she wonders if the lords will all need such encouragement. (Answer: YES)

Chapter 7 - Sensa [SEX] (Ambiguatron)

Sensa calls The Pound to her room to ask if he knows much about sex. She needs some help finding ways to please Jeffrey and she doesn't really know anyone else at court. The Pound says he knows a technique that the girls in the south use. You can decide what this is. Anyway, she shyly offers if he'll be her partner to try it out for Jeffrey. She knows it's wrong, but does not want to disappoint. Sender agrees and they bone. Sensa REALLY likes it. Sensa asks The Pound to seek out more techniques she can use.

Chapter 8 – Ardi (1stGear)

Ardi and Genden are playing at swords and Ardi beats him because she's so cool and good at everything. Genden is impressed and the two go exploring the castle a bit. While going through a secret passage, they overhear two people talking about the raid on Nathyn and Roger's party. They don't see who it is, but now they know it was a set up and not an Elder attack.

Chapter 9 - Sensa [SEX]

Sensa, ready with her new sexperience, makes a date with Jeffrey. The two swoon about and flirt for a while and then retire to the king's chambers where they do it. Sensa is swept up in the moment and actually improves the technique or whatever and Jeffrey is really pleased. He falls asleep and Sensa is right pleased with herself.

Chapter 10 - Brendan [SEX] (Badly Jester)

The Elder teaches Brendan how to "mindshift". He shows him how to do it into a bird and some other stuff. Brendan tries talking to Miri and is just super awkward. That night, Brendan decides to try it on Hogor and it works. While lumbering around as Hogor, he runs into a lusty kitchen girl and they bone in the stables. After, Brendan wakes up and Hogor's arousal has aroused him. He thinks of Miri and feels more confident he can talk to her now.

Chapter 11 - Kate [SEX]

Kate has set up a meeting with Faras Byrell. The midderlands are lands of pasture and field, so she arranges a picnic in a beautiful field of wildflowers. The two ride out chatting, and Kate notices Faras has brought a strange pack with him. They have their picnic while discussing politics and Faras has a simple enough request – he wants a place at court for his daughter and a captainship of the royal guard for his son. He says that he’s been speaking with Thayor and he spilled the beans how they had sex. He says he’ll go along if Kate will do the same for him. She agrees and he goes for the pack, revealing ropes and bindings. He asks Kate to bind him up and dominate him and obviously have some kind of sex. They do and he agrees. Kate feels she may be getting a reputation but is pleased things are going well. Now there is only the two southern lords, the historically quarrelsome Southern Lords. (They don’t get along.)

Chapter 12 – Sensa [SEX]

Sensa is sashaying around and doing typical young lady things when The Pound tells her to meet him in her room. She does and The Pound brings an two eastern ladies from across the sea (one of these is Ros) to meet her. The ladies have an interesting sexual practice to show her. They explain how in her land, women will sometimes strip naked and place food on themselves while lying down and let their men eat off of them. They demonstrate how it is done with one lying down and the other decorating her. Sensa notices Sender is erect through his breeches while watching. Sensa thinks that this will be very erotic and pleasing to Jeffrey. The two agree to help her do the same for the king. After the two leave, Sensa helps The Pound out with his boner problem.

Chapter 13 – Ardi

Ardi comes to Sensa with the knowledge that their father and the former king were killed by someone in Emperors Crossing. The two contemplate this and decide on a course of action. Sensa will keep her eyes open around the castle while Ardi rides for Autumnfall to see if she can get anything out of Hogor since he was the only survivor. They know it is a long shot, but it’s the only chance they have. Plus, if enemies are in the castle, Sensa would rather have her little sister out of danger. Sensa asks her to leave immediately and to take Genden with her. She’ll cover for her here at court. Genden and Ardi set out.

Chapter 14 – Brendan (The Mutato)

Brendan and Miri go for a ride out in the woods and Brendan tells Miri about his powers. She is impressed and tells him she feels he may be very important to the future of the realm. They talk about feelings and poo poo and then they make out.

Chapter 15 – Sensa [SEX]

Sensa and the women sneak into Jeffrey’s room while he’s out hunting. She strips down and the two women decorate her with flowers and delicate edible treats and leave just as Jeffrey comes into his room. She calls him over and he is very excited and surprised at such a treat. Sensa is VERY turned on while Jeffrey appreciates her body and begins to eat off of her. He eats maybe a quarter of the food before taking her right on the table she is lying on. She is excited and happy, but is somewhat distracted by the plot against her father.

Chapter 16 – Kate

Kate sets up a meeting with the two southern lords. She tries to have a nice dinner and show them a good time, but the two lords are constantly fighting and eventually blow up over some ancient dispute. They both need it resolved by the crown before they’ll swear. They storm off and Kate is left to contemplate how to reconcile these two long enough to get them to swear fealty to Jeffrey.

Chapter 17 – Ardi (my cat is norris)

Ardi and Genden are on the road back to Autumnfall. They talk a bit about their mission but are ambushed by some bandits. The two fight them off and then make out.

Chapter 18 – Sensa (Contra Calculus)

The Pound and Sensa are meeting in her room, but the Pound has yet to discover a new technique for her. For some reason he recounts some story from Jeffrey and his childhood where they were always fighting, but only because they were so close. He leaves and Sensa goes to see how her mother is doing. Kate is upset about her inability to get the southern lords to get along and Sensa tells her about how Sender and Jeffrey used to fight because they liked each other so much. Kate seems to have an epiphany and sends Sensa off.

Chapter 19 – Kate [SEX] (A GLISTENING HODOR)

This is Kate’s climactic sex chapter. Kate secretly arranges another meeting with the lords, both thinking they’re meeting with her along. She arranges it in her chambers and once they both arrive (by different doors) she locks all three of them in. She has set a romantic mood and gets the wine flowing. Before long, there’s a threesome going on between Kate, Darksun and Orion. Kate is happy and notices the two are spending just as much time touching and going at each other as they are her. Soon, Kate is left alone entirely and she happily watches the two get it on by themselves. After, they agree to settle their difference and swear fealty.

Chapter 20 – Brendan

Ardi arrives at Autumnfall with Genden and they tell Brendan they really need to try to get something out of Hogor. Brendan tells them of his new powers and wargs into Hogor. He discovers the plot was set up by James and Sarah and Ardi, Genden, Brendan, Miri and Hogor set off back to Emperors Crossing at top speed.

Chapter 21 – Sensa

Sensa approaches James and, assuming he is a good man because of his relation to Jeffrey, tries to enlist his help in her search for the conspirators that killed her father. James plays along and says they must go to the king immediately with the information. They hurry to the throne room, but find Sarah on the throne and Jeffrey nowhere to be found.

Sensa is confused, but Sarah says the king has simply gone out for a while on some routine trip as kings do. James tells Sensa to tell Sarah what he knows. The throne room is completely empty but for the three of them. The two begin to turn and threaten Sensa and James pulls a sword. Sarah goes and opens a door and half a dozen loyal guards come in. Things look bad for Sensa.

Suddenly, the throne doors burst open and the crew from Autumnfall (sans Brendan who elsewhere controlling Hogor) come in. They see the danger, and guessing what is going on, engage the troops. After a fight, they come out on top and capture James and Sarah.

James says it doesn’t matter anyway, because the lords will never swear fealty to Jeffrey and the Lincolnshires have them paid off. Kate arrives with the all the lords, Blacksun and Orion holding hands. Hogor explains the plot, and the lords explain they will swear to Jeffrey and demand to know where he is. He is being held in the dungeons and they go to release him.

Chapter 22 – Ardi (Cirofren)

Ardi, Genden, Brendan, Miri , Hogor and Sensa are officially thanked by Jeffrey and the court. Ardi is given a knighthood, making her both the youngest and first female knight. Ardi and Genden wander about the celebration a bit and see Brendan and Miri kissing and snuggling. They two go somewhere and kiss.

Chapter 23 – Sensa [SEX]

Sensa goes to Jeffrey’s room and finds The Pound already there. Jeffrey tells Sensa that Sender has been telling him about how the two of them have been having sex. Sensa is surprised and worried Jeffrey will be upset. He is not and says that he knows he won’t always have enough time for Sensa, being a king and all and tells her to not worry about having relations with the Pound. Besides, he says, the Pound and he have been gently caressing each other since they were boys. Sensa realizes what this means and the trio have a celebratory threesome.

THE END

Ambiguatron posted:

For maximum hilarity, every chapter should be written in a completely unique style and deliberately crafted not to fit together with the others.

In It For The Tank posted:

lemoncakeparty.jpg

IRQ posted:

Stop posting the picture of the underage girl getting molested by not-gurm