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Sole.Sushi
Feb 19, 2008

Seaweed!? Get the fuck out!

SRM posted:

The reasons that tau can go fu*k themselves
Their blue.
They have hooves.
They name their ships after aquatic earth animals when they come from a barren desert planet.

If any tau players are reading this, i have one thing to say to you...

GO FUC*K YORSELF!

And what's the deal with Skyray food?

I'm guessing Dakka.

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girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?

SRM posted:

The reasons that tau can go fu*k themselves
Their blue.
They have hooves.
They name their ships after aquatic earth animals when they come from a barren desert planet.

If any tau players are reading this, i have one thing to say to you...

GO FUC*K YORSELF!
Never not drunkpost after losing at 40k.

SRM
Jul 10, 2009

~*FeElIn' AweS0mE*~

Sole.Sushi posted:

I'm guessing Dakka.

Ding ding ding!

Yet to drunkpost about 40k, but I promise it will be more coherent than that.

Karandras
Apr 27, 2006

I think it's the lovely censoring job that really makes it stand out as a Dakka post.

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

OK let's say I want to include some beastmasters in my dark eldar force. What would be more effective? Splitting up the beastmasters into smaller units with their attendant beasts or just lumping them into a scary and pain in the rear end to move assault unit? My gut is saying MSU them and it's really just theoretical at this point because I'm not really sold on assault at all in 6th but drat, those beasts have some really sexy stats(4++ is literally the best kind of invuln you can get on a footslogger, not counting russian roulette shadowfield bullshit). Since dark eldar have no really reliable way of dealing with dreadnoughts I'm guessing the best I can manage against them is just locking them in an assault for as long as possible while I try to focus down other armored units with my shooting. Before anyone suggests allies instead, I don't own or really have any inclination to paint any other armies up. Yet.

AgentF
May 11, 2009

Ultramega posted:

Since dark eldar have no really reliable way of dealing with dreadnoughts

Darklight weapons? Haywire wyches?

Babe Magnet
Jun 2, 2008

If you have anti-tank weapons, you have anti-dreadnaught weapons.

Just shoot the bastards.

Arbite
Nov 4, 2009





AgentF posted:

Darklight weapons? Haywire wyches?

I forget what the new rules on slapping grenades onto a walker are, do you still need a six to hit?

Speaking of darklight weapons, I think I discovered the best DE titan killer:

code:
+++ Titan Killer (751pts) +++
Selections:

+ Formation + 

*Spinter Raid Force (100pts)

+ HQ + (440pts)

       * Asdrubael Vect (440pts) 
The Dais of Destruction (200pts)


+ Elites + (211pts)

    * Kabalite Trueborn (211pts) 
        * Dracon (5pts) 
            Blast Pistol
        * 9x Trueborn (206pts) 
            2x Blaster (30pts), 2x Dark Lance (50pts), 9x Haywire Grenades (18pts), 5x Splinter Rifle

You can deploy within less than twelve inches of the titan on your first movement phase, use 8 Strength 8 lance attacks with Preferred Enemy, and if all else fails you can to just grenade them.

AgentF
May 11, 2009

Arbite posted:

I forget what the new rules on slapping grenades onto a walker are, do you still need a six to hit?

Doesn't look like it to me.

xiw
Sep 25, 2011

i wake up at night
night action madness nightmares
maybe i am scum

Cpig Haiku contest 2020 winner

Verdugo posted:

I got these weird looking bits in a trade for some old models. They look 40kish, can anyone tell me what they are? I put them next to a grot for size comparison.



I have some of these! They're arms from a pack of cyborks that was put out by a non-GW manufacturer. I got a few packs of then in the late 90s.

I'll see if I can find them and take pictures.

Kaysette
Jan 5, 2009

~*Boston makes me*~
~*feel good*~

:wrongcity:

SRM posted:

The reasons that tau can go fu*k themselves
Their blue.
They have hooves.
They name their ships after aquatic earth animals when they come from a barren desert planet.

If any tau players are reading this, i have one thing to say to you...

GO FUC*K YORSELF!

New OP writeup for after the codex hits.

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

AgentF posted:

Darklight weapons? Haywire wyches?

Bro do you even play dark eldar

Tailfnz
Oct 13, 2011

I'm delightfully forgettable.

Ultramega posted:

Bro do you even play dark eldar

Dude, Haywire Wyches gently caress poo poo up. I speak from experience of having my rear end handed to me, and not just because I'm terrible.

EvilMuppet
Jul 29, 2006


Good night catte thread, give them all many patts. I'm sorry,

Daedleh posted:

Have a gander at the Waaagh!s Big Mek Klassiks for some of the hands-down best conversions on the net:
http://www.the-waaagh.com/forums/?showtopic=29702

From a few pages back but drat, these are hands down the best Ork vehicles, by a long shot that I've seen in many years. Nothing comes even slightly close. That's what Orks should look like, drat.

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

Good luck trying to get 10 T3/6+ units into melee without them getting shot into bits because everyone knows how good haywire is now. I'd sooner field talos engines with twin-linked haywire blasters before I put wyches in my list. For now I think I'll just try a 10-man unit of scourge with 4 haywires. Also high five terrible 40k player bro.

PierreTheMime
Dec 9, 2004

Hero of hormagaunts everywhere!
Buglord

Ultramega posted:

Good luck trying to get 10 T3/6+ units into melee without them getting shot into bits because everyone knows how good haywire is now. I'd sooner field talos engines with twin-linked haywire blasters before I put wyches in my list. For now I think I'll just try a 10-man unit of scourge with 4 haywires. Also high five terrible 40k player bro.

Yeah, now that both Outflank and assaulting out of open-topped vehicles were nerfed to high heaven Wychs are far worse than they were in 5th. The trade-off for all their maneuverability and close-combat prowess (and inv. save) was their awful saves and now there's nothing being traded for it.

The same nerf has made Genestealers effectively unplayable, especially since the "no assaulting" applies to Infiltrate as well. :/

Come to think of it, Dark Eldar might be one of the only armies to actually suffer a net-loss going from 5th to 6th. Possibly the Orks as well, but at least they got decent changes like the Toughness bump on bikerz, etc.

PierreTheMime fucked around with this message at 14:55 on Aug 21, 2012

WhiteWolf123
Jun 18, 2008

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

Arbite posted:

I forget what the new rules on slapping grenades onto a walker are, do you still need a six to hit?

No, you hit on WS now.

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

All through the dark eldar codex there are instances of them staying in the shadows and just perpetrating poo poo between other factions in the galaxy so maybe I'll just get a bunch of orks to ally with and just have the boyz run forward and screen all my space drow and their lovely AV10 paper planes.

I usually take stelek's advice with a big block of salt but one thing he said about webway portals got my attention; instead of sending assault units through them you bring warriors/other shooting units in so they can more quickly cap objectives or take vantage points. Considering how 6th has actually slowed down DE it might be a useful tactic instead of zipping raiders around and unloading guys, since you can't do that as effectively anymore.

Miles O'Brian
May 22, 2006

All we have to lose is our chains
Visit GW.com to peruse the flickr group.

See Warhammer Quest logo in the news frame.

Excitedly click.

Just an ipad app. :negative:

Hixson
Mar 27, 2009

SRM posted:

And everything I've painted this month:


Your Vallahans are awesome. You're awesome. Good work!

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.
College Slice

SRM posted:

They name their ships after aquatic earth animals when they come from a barren desert planet.
GO FUC*K YORSELF!

I, I never thought about that before. Eh, maybe they enslav, I mean liberated some aquatic races?

Admit it, you're just mad cuz you got beaten by Space Cows leading Space Chickens.

Babe Magnet
Jun 2, 2008

Didn't we have this discussion a while back, and basically all just agreed that most of the naming comes from the perspective of the Imperium? I doubt the Eldar have "scorpions" or whatever.

Groetgaffel
Oct 30, 2011

Groetgaffel smacked the living shit out of himself doing 297 points of damage.
I like to think that there's an entire staff of bored Administratum workers selecting names for everything the imperium encounters by flinging darts at a giant lexicon.

Slab Squatthrust
Jun 3, 2008

This is mutiny!

Groetgaffel posted:

I like to think that there's an entire staff of bored Administratum workers selecting names for everything the imperium encounters by flinging darts at a giant lexicon.

I think you mean by forming massive councils that burn incense from floating servo-skulls while forcing dozens of psykers to burn themselves out doing divination rituals before throwing their single yearly annointed Skull-Dart of Saint Redundicus Repeticus of the Blessed Order of Names at a Lexicon. :colbert:

Groetgaffel
Oct 30, 2011

Groetgaffel smacked the living shit out of himself doing 297 points of damage.

The Gate posted:

I think you mean by forming massive councils that burn incense from floating servo-skulls while forcing dozens of psykers to burn themselves out doing divination rituals before throwing their single yearly annointed Skull-Dart of Saint Redundicus Repeticus of the Blessed Order of Names at a Lexicon. :colbert:
Something like that. Also executing the psykers every time they end up with a silly name.

LumberingTroll
Sep 9, 2007

Really it's not because
I don't like you...
If anyone is interested in starting a new Tau army, I have a pretty good deal for you.

Tau Codex
2 Tau Battleforces
2 Tau Pathfinder Blisters
1 Tau Sniper Drone Team
1 Tau XV8 Crisis Battlesuit + Crisis Battlesuit Commander Upgrade Pack
1 Tau Shield Drone upgrade Blister
1 Tau Pathfinder Shas-Ui Blister

for $250 + Shipping

Most of it is New in Box.

check my SA Mart thread.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3500061

Deviant
Sep 26, 2003

i've forgotten all of your names.


LumberingTroll posted:

If anyone is interested in starting a new Tau army, I have a pretty good deal for you.

Tau Codex
2 Tau Battleforces
2 Tau Pathfinder Blisters
1 Tau Sniper Drone Team
1 Tau XV8 Crisis Battlesuit + Crisis Battlesuit Commander Upgrade Pack
1 Tau Shield Drone upgrade Blister
1 Tau Pathfinder Shas-Ui Blister

for $250 + Shipping

Most of it is New in Box.

check my SA Mart thread.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3500061

I also have a spiral bound codex, 6 new on sprue gun drones, and a bag of misc fire warrior, and kroot parts, will let it all go pretty cheaply to go along with his deal.

I think I also have a metal bit, something that was identified to me as a "Cyclic Ion Cannon"?

All I know is that OB_Juan told me it was rare and to hang onto it.

Groetgaffel
Oct 30, 2011

Groetgaffel smacked the living shit out of himself doing 297 points of damage.

Deviant posted:

I think I also have a metal bit, something that was identified to me as a "Cyclic Ion Cannon"?

All I know is that OB_Juan told me it was rare and to hang onto it.
It's from the metal upgrade pack to make a regular XV8 an XV8 Commander, along with another head, and the airbursting frag launcher.

Babe Magnet
Jun 2, 2008

Groetgaffel posted:

Something like that. Also executing the psykers every time they end up with a silly name.

But using it anyway.

Groetgaffel
Oct 30, 2011

Groetgaffel smacked the living shit out of himself doing 297 points of damage.

Babe Magnet posted:

But using it anyway.
Well of course; the art of manufacturing the Skull-Darts of Saint Redundicus Repeticus is an art almost lost to humanity, they can only afford one every year.
And thus they lack the ability to change the silly name.

Psykers on the other hand, if there's enough of them to fuel the Emperah, they can waste a few over stupid names.

Big Willy Style
Feb 11, 2007

How many Astartes do you know that roll like this?
I've been amassing some 3rd ed dark eldar lately because I am loving stupid and want ugly models. I am looking to flesh out the rest of the army, I only need a few metals. I know some of you gentlegoons will have some of these pieces of poo poo sitting under your bed or stored at your folk's place, so help a brother out.

Im chasing hellions, grotesques, haemonculi and the wych reaver jetbikes

PM me or email me at wgirdler87(at)gmail(dot)com. I am in Australia.

Indolent Bastard
Oct 26, 2007

I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

Big Willy Style posted:

I've been amassing some 3rd ed dark eldar lately because I am loving stupid and want ugly models. I am looking to flesh out the rest of the army, I only need a few metals. I know some of you gentlegoons will have some of these pieces of poo poo sitting under your bed or stored at your folk's place, so help a brother out.

Im chasing hellions, grotesques, haemonculi and the wych reaver jetbikes

PM me or email me at wgirdler87(at)gmail(dot)com. I am in Australia.

I will have to unearth my stuff, but if you are willing to toss me a few bucks and cover shipping you can own my pile of (mostly) plastic and (some) metal evil space elves.

If I forget just PM me about it by the weekend.

LumberingTroll
Sep 9, 2007

Really it's not because
I don't like you...

Big Willy Style posted:

I've been amassing some 3rd ed dark eldar lately because I am loving stupid and want ugly models. I am looking to flesh out the rest of the army, I only need a few metals. I know some of you gentlegoons will have some of these pieces of poo poo sitting under your bed or stored at your folk's place, so help a brother out.

Im chasing hellions, grotesques, haemonculi and the wych reaver jetbikes

PM me or email me at wgirdler87(at)gmail(dot)com. I am in Australia.

I sent you a PM, I have a bunch of 3rd Ed DE (also int he link I posted above) I have no problem shipping to Australia if you pay for the shipping.

edit with info:
These are second hand I bought them a long time ago, they look like poo poo and need to be stripped
1 Ravager
1 Talos
2 Raiders
30 Dark Eldar Kabalite Warriors
1 Kabalite Special Weapon
6 Grotesques
1 Haemonculi
5 Wyches
3 Hellions
1 Lelith Hesperax
1 Archon
Bitz Box

bhsman
Feb 10, 2008

by exmarx
Everyone shut the gently caress up about crap and watch this. :flashfap:

Lord Twisted
Apr 3, 2010

In the Emperor's name, let none survive.
:siren: BATTLE REPORT INCOMING :siren:

My very good friend and I are running a mini campaign of sorts - complete with experience point system (provided by Captain Pete) and other gubbins.

The first mission was a 1775 point Planetstrike game - me vs his Orks, who had dug in.

ORDER OF BATTLE
Space Marines - The Raven's Repentance Chapter

Captain Cassius - Terminator Armour, Storm Shield
Librarian Gabriel - TA/SS (Enfeeble, Flame Nova attack (sorry don't have my rules on me))
Librarian Anduriel - TA/SS (Flame Nova attack, Invisibility)

Assault Terminator Squad - 2X LC, 3X TH/SS
Assault Terminator Squad - 2X LC, 3X TH/SS
Tactical Terminator Squad - CML
Tactical Terminator Squad - CML

Contemptor Dreadnought - "Romulus" - Extra DCCW, Drop Pod
Contemptor Dreadnought - "Remus" - Mortis Pattern - Kheres AC X 2, Drop Pod

Deathwind Drop Pod - Whirlwind Launchers


Orks - Deff Skullz Mob

Warboss w/ MaNs
3X 30 mob boyz
Lootas
Snazzgun wielding Orks(??)
Tankbustas
Grots w/ Mek + Runtherd
Dakkajet
Zapp Gun battery
Some other upgrades and stuff I don't really remember. Aegis Defence Lines and 2X Bastions, which I had to capture. We ruled he could get Zapp guns instead of quad autocannons.

I'm an idiot who didn't take pictures of the armies or the board in my excitement

Deployment was 1 bastion in one corner and 1 in the other. Lootas/Warboss/2 Mobs/Grots defending one side, Tankbustas/Snazzguns/Dakkajet/30 boys defending the other.

BATTLE PREAMBLE (excuse my nerdiness, this is for his blog:)

"Get down!" yelled a Guardsman, as Rokkit fire slammed into the outside of the ceramite bunker, causing most of the command squad inside to fall to their knees.

Orks were about to overrun communications outpost Alpha I, on the planet Myranius V. They had crashed down in Roks a month before, and the beleagured PDF were hard pressed to repel them. The capital- and indeed only -hive had reportedly fallen, with its vast manufacturing output turned towards the Xenos cause. The Guardsmen of Alpha I had heard, in the last transmission from the north, that they were building some sort of blasphemous Ork titans with the blessed manufactorums.

"We'll have to fall back into the tunnels!" roared Captain Reynolds of the Myranius V PDF; the ranking officer in the small platoon guarding the communications outpost.

Alpha I was crucial; it was the only remaining communications relay on the planet capable of interstellar messages. The astropath had been bolted into his chair, willing to die to relay the final vital bits of intelligence into the Warp, hopefully to be picked up by the Imperial reinforcements said to be on their way.

They had been 'on their way' for weeks now.

Captain Reynolds ducked back out of the bunker, sprinting across open ground with the remains of his platoon, dozens of bullets flying overhead. The Aegis Defence lines that made up the perimeter of the outpost were abandoned, the hundred remaining Guardsmen beating an orderly retreat in the face of several hundred Orks. Reynolds uttered a silent prayer to the Emperor that Commissar Riggs had been bisected by a Kommando who had made up the vanguard of the attack. He would have made them pointlessly die.

As he ran, a well built sandy-haired Guardsman ran past him the other way. Bloody Powell, Reynolds thought to himself. Always has to be the hero. With that, he accompanied his men into the tunnel complex underneath communications outpost Alpha I and oversaw the sealing of the massive blast doors. They were trapped, and could only get out if Imperial reinforcements eventually arrived. Or, of course, if the Orks eventually broke in and slaughtered them all.

Private Powell dashed into the main communications bunker, passing the Astropath as he did so. His head was filled with the final instructions that had been given to him by the platoon's vox officer, who had impressed upon him the urgency of the transmission. Fingers shaking slightly, trying not to look up at the oncoming green tide, he punched in the message. 

++COMMUNICATIONS OUTPOST ALPHA I OVERRUN. LAST INTERSTELLAR COMMUNICATIONS RELAY ON THE PLANET. ORKS BUILDING TITANS(?). 66% STRENGTH PLATOON TRAPPED IN UNDERGROUND STORE TUNNELS. REQUEST ANY IMPERIAL ASSISTANCE ASAP.++

He punched the sending rune with a quick prayer to the Machine God, and heard the Astropath shudder as he beamed the message into the Warp, on the widest spectrum possible for any Imperial ships to hopefully intercept.

Powell looked up, sighing in relief. A large crude axe rushing towards his face was the last thing he ever saw.

Captain Reynolds slumped back against a wall, exhausted. His men huddled in groups, talking in low voices as the thunder of Ork boots was clearly audible above. Dust was shaken loose from the ceiling of the storage tunnels, sticking to the sweaty Guardsmen and turning them into grey ghosts.

Several days later...

The Guardsmen were running low on supplies. The vox only had power for perhaps an hour a day of searching for signals. Things looked grim; through the surface camera feeds they could see the Orks digging in.

Reynolds turned to his vox officer, the look on his face plain to see: Any luck?

The officer shook his head sadly, bending to turn off the vox to conserve power. As he did so, it squawked to life, instantly silencing the platoon. A deep, authoritative voice issued from the speakers.

"ALPHA I COMMUNICATIONS RELAY. WE HAVE RECIEVED YOUR MESSAGE AND ARE PREPARING TO MAKE PLANETFALL."

The vox operator frantically twirled some knobs on the side of the set, motioning for Reynolds to speak.

"This is Captain Reynolds of the Myranius V PDF. I'm in charge of the garrison at Alpha I. Who am I speaking to?"

"THIS IS CAPTAIN CASSIEL OF THE RAVEN'S REPENTENCE FIRST COMPANY. THE ADEPTUS ASTARTES HAVE HEARD YOUR DISTRESS CALL, GUARDSMAN.OUR BATTLE BARGE IS IN ORBIT. 

HAVE FAITH IN THE GOD EMPEROR.

WE ARE COMING."


TURN 1: SPACE MARINES
Warboss Grimskag squinted over the ground in front of him. His Meks had picked up some strange signals from the sky not long before, and he assumed da 'oomies were tryin' somefing kunnin'.
He was da embodiment of Gork an' Mork. He was brutally kunnin' and kunningly brutal. Dey could try all dey liked.
Suddenly, huge tongues of fire lanced out of the sky, smashing into his boyz and his small encampment. He roared in anger, seeing some boyz vaporised. But they was Orkz, so not many of them died.

He had barely finished his roar when a massive red Drop Pod slammed into the earth in front of him, blowing up a huge spray of dirt and mud, before bolts inside blew open and a hulking humanoid form strode forward, red eyes glowing through the dust and smoke.
"IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR, PURGE THE FILTH!" roared the Dreadnought, as Grimskag yelled in delight, hurling himself at his foe with his Nobz behind him.


Movement Phase
The Firestorm (12 templates! I used the stratagem) killed roughly 5 boyz per squad , with a lot of his men going to ground to get 3+ cover saves by the Aegis lines.
The Deathstorm Drop Pod landed next to a lot of his squads, with Librarian Anduriel and his Tactical Terminators supporting it. The Contemptor deployed right in front of the Warboss and his retinue, eager to get stuck in.

On the other side of the field, 1 Assault Terminator squad landed, with the Mortis Dreadnought in support. In a disaster, Librarian Gabriel and his Tactical Terminators mishapped, with my opponent deploying them far away from the action!

Cassius and his Assault Terminators are all that fails to come in - leaving Anduriel very exposed, but not fatally so.



Shooting Phase
I unleash.

Ruffnik and his boyz roared at the shiny red 'oomies that had appeared before them. They readied their shootaz to unleash some propa dakka, before 'uge explosions blew most of the boyz away! Before Ruffnik's eyes, the 'oomies then turned... invisible?
The Deathstorm Drop Pod kills 18 orks from the nearest mob, with 5 more killed by Anduriel and his shots. Anduriel then turns the squad Invisible. My Mortis Dreadnought unleashes on the Ork boyz on the other side of the board, but is frustrated by a shockingly good series of saves, with 11 wounds causing 0 casualties.

All in all my shooting is weak. My second shooty squad is stuck miles away from the action - they Run, getting a 6, but will need another turn to get into charge range. Not a disaster.
(Stranded!)


Assault Phase
I gently caress up.
With a mighty roar, my Marines all charge in. Contemptor charges the Warboss + co., my Librarian and Terminators charge into the depleted mob before them. On the other side of the board I charge in my Assault terminators into the unfortunately still very strong Ork mob in front of them (this was unfortunate - I hadn't banked on my Librarian being completely unable to support, and my Mortis was out of charge range just!)

The Librarian and squad chopped up the ork mob for no wounds taken - they consolidated into the heart of the enemy encampment.



My Contemptor smashed all the Nobz handily, landing a killing blow on the Warboss for Instant Death... which was saved with Look Out Sir!
Grimskag looked up at the descending fist of the Contemptor Dreadnought, his brain barely comprehending he might not survive dat. Den Killbrain, one of 'is Nobs, jumped in da way, blowing up into little gibbetz. Grimskag blinked away the remains of Killbrain, before delivering a brutal upperkut with his Power Klaw, completely gutting the Contemptor and causing it to explode!
Yeah, with one hit he rolled a 6 to pen and a 6 to blow it up. drat.

My Assault Terminators fluffed all rolls, killing a measly 6 orks and taking 2 casualties (!!!!)



ORK TURN 1

Movement
Yuftrak and his Tankbustas chuckled darkly as da 'oomie dread shot at da mob in front of dem, doing nuffin'. Dey were in da 'oomie fort, but had prepared a kunnin' surprise...

This is where I began to get hosed.
STRATEGEM DEPLOYED: ESCAPE TUNNELS!
Yes, the Tankbustas jumped out next to my Mortis Contemptor Dreadnought. Bugger.

Surprise!


The Dakkajet swooped on, and the entire Ork mob moved to surround invisible Librarian Anduriel and his successful Tactical Terminators... who now looked HORRIBLY exposed.

Shooting Phase
The Orks unleashed.

(The Orky Bastion)

Grots, Zapp Gunz, Lootas et al shot up Anduriel and his Tactical Terminators. Everyone but 2 Terminators are killed (1 by loving grot shooting!). Not looking good.

On the other side of the board my footslogging Librarian and buddies are unharmed, but my Mortis Contemptor is decidedly pasted by the Tankbustas. If it had been AV13 it would have survived, but side armour AV 12 was glanced up.

Assault Phase
The Orks mob the 2 remaining Terminators with Grots - the Warboss thankfully doesn't make it.
A number of Grots are pasted, but the Runtherd manages to get 1 hit in with his stupid Grot Prod... I roll a 1. 1 Terminator left, it stands firm.

On the other side of the board I kill 0 (!!!!) orks with my 3 remaining Assault Terminators and roll triple 1s for the saves I have to make - I lose them all. BUGGER.

SPACE MARINE TURN 2

Captain Cassius engaged the ancient teleporter with grim determination. He knew when he arrived the Ork forces would be all but smashed - his Battle Brothers would have descended upon them like a wave of death, and he and his honour guard would have to only clean up.
What met his eyes was a blasphemous display.


Cassius and his buddies arrive in a line in front of the largely undamaged other Ork mob. On the other side of the board the remaining Librarian moves in.

I have 6 tooled up Combat monsters. I have mauled my opponent despite shocking losses - surely I can do this?

I charge in Cassius and his Terminators. Overwatch!
12 hits. Not bad! 4 wounds, whatever.
Then:

160 points of Assault Terminator killed by Overwatch.

Cassius and his 1 remaining buddy reach the Orks. They miss all their attacks. The Orks kill them all back. Cassius is eviscerated by a Power Klaw.

The Grots pull down the other Terminator.

I concede.

On the far side of the battlefield, Librarian Gabriel and his allies weathered the punishing Ork fire - they were strafed by the guns of the Dakkajet, and scorched by the energy bolts of the Snazzguns. They were completely undamaged, and nearly in assault range. Gabriel activated his battlefield tactical display - his Battle Brothers hopefully had left some Orks for him!
The runes winked back at him - all were red. All his Battle Brothers were dead or severely wounded.
In shock, Gabriel activated his Vox.
"Librarian Gabriel to the Forward Unto Dawn. Requesting emergency tactical withdrawal. Repeat, get us out of here!
"

RESULT: SLAUGHTER BY THE ORKS.

Words fail me! I rolled so many 1s! In the post battle analysis we determined that had my forces not been scattered at the beginning I probably would have mauled him. It was just a case of being stalled and massacred by poo poo rolling. The Orks, by the end, were at the stage where they could have been steamrolled - just not enough boyz left.

Hopefully you enjoyed this!

twistedmentat
Nov 21, 2003

Its my party
and I'll die if
I want to

bhsman posted:

Everyone shut the gently caress up about crap and watch this. :flashfap:

The art work alone will be worth it.

That Tau rant is only missing "Tau are for animu faggots!!!!!!"

Shallow
Feb 9, 2005

Lord Twisted posted:

:siren: BATTLE REPORT INCOMING :siren:

I like to think those pen tops are representing an Aegis Defence Line. If only there was some way I could combine "pen" and "Aegis Defence Line" into a portmanteau to quickly and conveniently convey such a notion.

I also enjoyed your battle report. Thanks everyone that posts battle reports!

The grots toting guns with orange safety tips on them are also hilarious, I hope that's deliberate!

Kwosge
Dec 6, 2005

Lincoln-fish, the most powerful of all the Lincoln based animals.
:siren:I need some bits:siren:

I need some Chaos Space Marine legs but any Space Marine legs should do.

Sell or trade me:
6 Chaos Terminator legs
7 medium bases
4 Chaos Marine legs
6 small bases

I have:
Monies!
Random Tyranid bits
Lots of pre-finecast ork stuff
NIB genestealers... (OMFG SMALL BASES! Don't make me rip it open for some bases!)
NIB new Ork Trukk
I also have some salvaged normal Space Marine top bodies.

PM me or e-mail me *UserName*@yahoo.com

Thanks, you beautiful people.

SRM
Jul 10, 2009

~*FeElIn' AweS0mE*~

Lord Twisted posted:

:siren: BATTLE REPORT INCOMING :siren:
Thanks for posting this! Shame you got dicked by the dice, but it was a fun read and your fluff was entertainingly written. It made me actually want to play Planetstrike too, but I need bastions and junk.

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high six
Feb 6, 2010

SRM posted:

Thanks for posting this! Shame you got dicked by the dice, but it was a fun read and your fluff was entertainingly written. It made me actually want to play Planetstrike too, but I need bastions and junk.

Planetstrike is a lot of fun. The one time I played it, it taught me the importance of keeping important stuff in reserve to avoid the firestorm.

Everyone always targets my Griffons. :(

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