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The Anime club is the disciples. I think they're more like out of town relatives; you know, Aunt Vera who told The Virgin Denise her baby is of course special and has such a unique aura. Or maybe they just wanted to expense their vacation to the Mediterranean and made up some excuses. They were on their way back and like "gently caress! We told the court we were going to find some mystical child. Well, first kid we find, we just say that's it." Guesticles fucked around with this message at 08:35 on Sep 10, 2012 |
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Sep 10, 2012 08:31
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P.S. STILL COMPLETELY DEVOID OF MERIT
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Mind Loving Owl posted:Great now I'm picturing the Wise Men as an anime club. In fedoras.
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Sep 10, 2012 08:32
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Khazar-khum posted:In fedoras. Now I'm picturing them all being Linkara with the creepy fake smile, and I don't even hate him. So who's Judas?
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Sep 10, 2012 08:42
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Mind Loving Owl posted:Now I'm picturing them all being Linkara with the creepy fake smile, and I don't even hate him. So who's Judas? Denise.
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Sep 10, 2012 08:49
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Khazar-khum posted:Denise. Maybe Judas is the one who's parents forced him into therapy and confiscated his body pillow of Job's eldest daughter. Also this interpenetration of the Bible gets funnier when you remember Jesus was a thirty three year old virgin. Mind Loving Owl fucked around with this message at 12:27 on Sep 10, 2012 |
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Sep 10, 2012 10:36
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Mind Loving Owl posted:Also this reinterperation of the Bible gets funnier when you remember Jesus was a thirty three year old virgin. Have you ever had a "Jesus glomp", Do you know what one feels like? If you've never had a "Jesus glomp", I pray one day you might.
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Sep 10, 2012 11:45
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Hmm, why doesn't A Cock Shaped Fruit have a custom title/avatar yet? Stories are golden.
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Sep 10, 2012 11:57
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Question Mark Mound posted:Would his idea of showing love to everyone be analogous to the nerd circle's "hugbox" environment of never being able to openly tell anyone that they're stupid? This reminds me, anyone ever seen the manga bible? My school was trying to play to some girl's anime phases. So what does that incident where kid Jesus wandered of to some temple for a few days translate to. Edit: Could this line of thought be adapted to other Biblical characters? Other religions? Mind Loving Owl fucked around with this message at 12:41 on Sep 10, 2012 |
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Sep 10, 2012 12:26
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Mind Loving Owl posted:Now I'm picturing them all being Linkara with the creepy fake smile, and I don't even hate him. So who's Judas? Every person who ever grew up.
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Sep 10, 2012 13:26
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Calico Heart posted:Every person who ever grew up. If I showed the last two pages to my science teacher he'd have a fit! Also Judas dared critique his fanfic and so was shut eth from the hugbox!
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Sep 10, 2012 13:45
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Judas is the one friend of a friend who hung out with them all to be nice, until Jesus started saying God was his headmate. Jesus holding court over all these poor anime club losers always made him uncomfortable, but when Jesus gathered everyone together to talk about his psychic powers, Judas finally realised how hosed up the guy was, and so tipped off the authorities about a brainwashing cult. Then next time he sees Jesus he's all, "Oh gently caress hide me I don't wanna talk to that nutj- OH HEY DUDE, WHAT'S THAT, JUDAS YOU SAY? NOPE NEVER HEARD OF HIM MY NAME'S UH, STEVE". Then Jesus did a bunch of attention-seeking self-harm poo poo to himself and swallowed 20 baby aspirin, and all his followers jumped on Tumblr and cried about how JESUS TOTALLY DIED YOU GUYS but it's okay because he made himself alive, and I know it's true becaues Jesus totally spoke to me astrally and ... Yeah I just secured my place in hell.
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Sep 10, 2012 14:11
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Jesus stayed disconnected from the internet for 40 days and 40 nights, before he finally gave in and went back onto Tumblr.
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Sep 10, 2012 14:16
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Question Mark Mound posted:Jesus stayed disconnected from the internet for 40 days and 40 nights, before he finally gave in and went back onto Tumblr. So what was the fish and loaves incident? Him finding some budget place to a cater a con?
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Sep 10, 2012 14:20
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Mind Loving Owl posted:So what was the fish and loaves incident? Him finding some budget place to a cater a con?
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Sep 10, 2012 14:27
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While we're at this Moses was a "transethnic" Egyptian Prince.
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Sep 10, 2012 14:37
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Question Mark Mound posted:Would his idea of showing love to everyone be analogous to the nerd circle's "hugbox" environment of never being able to openly tell anyone that they're stupid? Christian Side Glomp. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw
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Sep 10, 2012 14:49
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Gotta avoid the sinful crotch stuff! So anyone know of people claiming their babies were fathered by fictional people, aside from crazy animu Mary?
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Sep 10, 2012 15:11
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Guesticles posted:Christian Side Glomp. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw Fun story. I worked for a Presbyterian summer camp down in Panama City about 8 years ago. I'd just finished freshman year of college and was about to be a counselor of high schoolers, along with 9 other new people. We were excited, and then we had our sexual harassment class. All sidehugs, all the time. Best part was that it wasn't really for "purity" reasons, but for "Everyone will get sued if there's even a possibility of bad-touching, so protect yourself!" And then we heard horror stories about previous pedo counselors now serving time. That said, sidehugs because Jesus doesn't want your clothes front-bits touching? That's dumb.
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Sep 10, 2012 15:34
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Kirtan posted:Fun story. My Christian school just banned hip hip hurray at birthday things because it either summoned evil spirits or was what Nazis would say before executing Jews.
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Sep 10, 2012 16:18
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Mind Loving Owl posted:My Christian school just banned hip hip hurray at birthday things because it either summoned evil spirits or was what Nazis would say before executing Jews. Definitely one or the other. So it must be a way to summon spirits because "h*p h*p ******" does not sound German. My less-educated school just thought yoga was the path to demon possession. If only we'd known.
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Sep 10, 2012 16:38
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Also our science teacher claimed that Catholics were polytheistic.
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Sep 10, 2012 16:48
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Just remember: your grounding in a Christian education instills in you the truth, and protects you from the world. You might want to consider supplemental science education. If your school teaches YEC you'll need a remedial scientific education instead or you will be so lost in basic college courses you will feel about a century out of place. Geology and astronomy especially.
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Sep 10, 2012 17:09
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Rose Wreck posted:Just remember: your grounding in a Christian education instills in you the truth, and protects you from the world. I only had him for a year. Also we had to get a note to be allowed to learn about basic puberty stuff but he gave as a impomptuo angry lecture about anal sex.
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Sep 10, 2012 17:25
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Mind Loving Owl posted:I only had him for a year. Also we had to get a note to be allowed to learn about basic puberty stuff but he gave as a impomptuo angry lecture about anal sex. Off the top of my head, for the sake of the thread, Things That I Was Taught Were Beyond Man's Knowing: 1. How the solar system formed. 2. How the Moon formed. 3. "Lost" information on ancient civilizations mentioned in the Bible that vanished under a divine curse after offending the Children of Israel. "Lost" here means "has been in the library for about 30-40 years and suffered decline long after being mentioned in the Old Testament." 4. That funny blotch on the blurry mountain that I was assured was estimated by a person trained in aerial photography analysis to be significant and consistent with an manmade, Arklike object on Mt. Ararat. This one was just barely within man's knowing. We just had to go on some more expeditions. And be allowed by God to discover it. 5. Where the last dinosaurs were.
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Sep 10, 2012 17:50
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Rose Wreck posted:3. "Lost" information on ancient civilizations mentioned in the Bible that vanished under a divine curse after offending the Children of Israel. "Lost" here means "has been in the library for about 30-40 years and suffered decline long after being mentioned in the Old Testament." I know a family who is, by all accounts, the neatest people on earth. They helped me out endlessly throughout my early years and had me over constantly. Great people, nicest folks I have ever met. They also believe that man shared the earth with dinosaurs and that the ancient Egyptians had nuclear weapons and jump jets. They went off on it for about 30 minutes one day over some fantastic food they'd made and for a few moments I realized that there has to be a bunch of people out there who are fundamentalists because that history is so so much freaking cooler than, you know, reality.
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Sep 10, 2012 17:56
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Said science teacher (he wasn't typical of the staff by the way) told us all women should never be leaders. The girls agreed. Sheep. Also Cockfruit if the creationists wrote their own version of historical fanatsy well enough I would convert immediately. According to my science teacher the universe was born on a Tuseday.
Mind Loving Owl fucked around with this message at 18:04 on Sep 10, 2012 |
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Sep 10, 2012 17:59
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Nemesis Of Moles posted:They also believe that man shared the earth with dinosaurs and that the ancient Egyptians had nuclear weapons and jump jets. Their greatest secret was not how they built the pyramids, but how they made the rocket fuel. In retrospect the fixation on Noah's Ark is one of the oddest things. I think our science class* spent days on watching reenactment videos of the various actual lost findings of the Ark and other movies and reading about the funding difficulties of planning trips to Turkey and the science* of how all those animals could survive that long in tight confinement. (During the torrential storm and flooding, they went dormant.) Also, Owl, it's not fair to blame the girls for being sheep by agreeing with authority when they're being constantly socialized and pressured to think of themselves as innately having less worth, and therefore unable to contradict male authority. It is sad though. *Yes.
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Sep 10, 2012 18:43
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Nemesis Of Moles posted:I know a family who is, by all accounts, the neatest people on earth. They helped me out endlessly throughout my early years and had me over constantly. Great people, nicest folks I have ever met. Dudes getting jealous of each other and murdering all over the place, what's not to love? 
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Sep 10, 2012 19:20
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Ok, because someone said I could, and because the thread CANNOT derail into Theology 101 for too long (IT MUST LIVE), I will post a story about my mom (also, I love the idea of Jesus as an anime nerd. Perhaps he wore a Wolf and Moon t-shirt a lot, and smelled like cheese). A few stories about my mom: The Wonder Years: Or, I've Been Kidnapped! My Mom, Stove-Shitter My Mother Hates Me Where'd All These Crystals Come From? ZEITGOOSE! I might remember some more. I will start with My Mom, Stove-Shitter, because it is hilarious and short. A QUICK DISCLAIMER, HOWEVER: I love my mother, our relationship has improved, yes she is on her medication, and no I don't hate/resent her. She is a wonderful, strong person and I love her very much, but she can also be very troubled. Still wonderful- a person who did the best she could with what she had, but still, very troubled, and sometimes hilarious. (Names have been changed.) So, without further ado, here is the short tale of... My Mom, Stove-Shitter I grew up pretty poor. I had a lot more than other kids, but when you're young that's hard to conceptualize, so as far as I was concerned we were poor. We lived in really crummy places, sometimes slept at friends of mother's, or in the cab of her truck. I have so many stories about the places we lived, but they are more sad than funny =/ I have permanent health issues- nothing big- from some of the places we've lived. ANYWAY, boo hoo point is we were poor and it's hard to find a place to live being a single mom, with two kids, who is living, at the time, under an assumed name. So one day, we are living in a semi-nice place- the roof, at least, doesn't leak and there are no roaches =D It is a happy time. (I am very little at this point, mind, so this is all second-hand stuff.) Randomly, however, happy times are interrupted because our landlord has decided, "Hey, I cannot make enough money off of this woman and her two rugrats" and kicks us the gently caress out without any warning. Which he could do, because my mom was not only paying him under the table, if she raised a stink, the cops- whom we were "on the run" from, but not really, but kind of- might get involved, and BAM. No more children to feed! Would have solved a lot of her problems, but she kind of liked us a little. So we get the boot. The way my mother tells this story, she literally walked us over to my aunt Marie's house, with all of our poo poo in trashbags, and any furniture in the back of her pickup. That night, however, instead of staying up worrying about where we were going to live, my mother decided to take action. In the dead of night, a parent of two very small children walked with two cans of paint to her old house and trashed the poo poo out of it. She never fully explained the full extent of the damage, but it was upwards of 7,000 dollars, AT LEAST. She splashed paint all over the rug, she tore wallpaper, she kicked a hole in the wall, she broke a window and a sliding glass door, and she painted and drew obscenities anywhere she could think of- and my mother has a filthy mouth, so when she says "obscenities" she means business, because "gently caress" and "oval office" are just words to her. She did all of this, and looked around at all the destruction she had inflicted onto this man's property, this man who had harmed her and her children's chances of a happy life in a roach-free home. It wasn't enough, she decided. This landlord had kicked her and her babies into the street. She didn't just want to ruin the property. She wanted to hurt him. So she did the only thing she could think of that was worse than everything else she'd already done. She poo poo on the stove. Big steamer, right on the burner. Now, you might be wondering, "Hey, Haymaker_Betty, isn't your mom against making GBS threads in places which are not the toilet?" And given my story about Tanya, yes, you would be right. But my mother is not just any mother. My mother is magical. She's bipolar and has borderline personality disorder, so behaviors that are NOT ok for other people, are ok for her. Also, she wasn't on her medication at the time because she didn't know she needed it. So yeah, my mom poo poo on a stove. The landlord never found out.
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Sep 10, 2012 21:21
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Mind Loving Owl posted:So what was the fish and loaves incident? Him finding some budget place to a cater a con? Groupon.
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Sep 10, 2012 21:33
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Your mom is pretty crazy but that sounds all sorts of awesome... I think. It's hard to tell who the guiltier party there was.
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Sep 10, 2012 21:46
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LethalGeek posted:Your mom is pretty crazy but that sounds all sorts of awesome... I think. It's hard to tell who the guiltier party there was. Yeah, that's pretty much how I think of her  Like, yeah, she's done some seriously crazy poo poo, but she's also a total badass, and I really, really look up to her strength, perseverance and intelligence but goddamn she's actually tried to kill my ex boyfriend.Twice. (But I'm sure she was just kidding  )
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Sep 10, 2012 21:55
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Haymaker_Betty posted:the thread CANNOT derail into Theology 101 for too long Yes, stop.
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Sep 10, 2012 22:04
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I really hate that I'm thinking about this, but I'm considering the logistics of an average-sized woman making GBS threads on a stovetop right now. Did she stand on a chair or climb up on the stove or something? It just seems inconvenient at best, which I suppose is more testimony to your mom's crazy dedication to loving this place up.
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Sep 10, 2012 23:14
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Haymaker_Betty posted:Ok, because someone said I could, and because the thread CANNOT derail into Theology 101 for too long (IT MUST LIVE), I will post a story about my mom  That's for a completely different thread at this point.Haymaker_Betty posted:So yeah, my mom poo poo on a stove. The landlord never found out.
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Sep 11, 2012 00:04
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Sorry guy's, haven't posted any Rachel in a while - but I did share some more craziness in another thread that involved Josh in a small way, so figure I might offer it here while I figure out where to start on my new Rachel misadventure.a cock shaped fruit posted:
a cock shaped fruit posted:I knew I'd regret writing all that up! Additional info for those that care: *This Cul De Sac was directly behind the flat where I would come to eventually live with Rachel. a cock shaped fruit fucked around with this message at 01:30 on Sep 11, 2012 |
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Sep 11, 2012 01:26
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) 
(In that case, guess who was hosting the LAN in that previous story? Rocker/Josh.)
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SexyBlindfold posted:It's a bit weird how they gloss over the fact that half these ~*anime bad boys*~ are literally guilty of crimes against humanity or straight up genocide. Hell, Vegeta blew a planet up. It kind of makes me wonder if before anime became widespread, crazy people were having astral babies from Stalin, Hitler or Pol Pot. I read somewhere that even when the Sherlock Holmes novels were being written, there were lots of gay sex slash fics and fanfiction being written for them. Doyle even got death threats for killing off Holmes. There was an older manga I read (I was in high school, alright?) called Please Save My Earth about a group of people who lived on the Moon in the past being reincarnated on present-day Earth, and the writer received so much fan-mail from people believing they were also reincarnated from the same Moon society as in the story, he had to make notes in the book that it was entirely fiction. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Please_Save_My_Earth#Reception
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Sep 11, 2012 01:33
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So theology derail over? Good but Rose Wreck I am very interested in hearing any stories about your life with strange religious folk, maybe you could start a Ask/Tell thread? I'd pitch in with science teacher stories?
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Sep 11, 2012 02:59
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broken pixel posted:You're a champion, Betty... Though "animu lover Jesus" would be a hell of a story. Thank you! And I agree- I would totally read a revamp of the manga Bible featuring Jesus as an anime nerd. Yeah, most of the stories about my mom are just "haha" funny rather than "holy poo poo what?" funny, but some of them are sad, because she is ill and that can be seriously terrifying for a little kid who has no idea what the gently caress is going on. But I vow to only share the funny ones- and some of the sad ones that are funny  The Wonder Years: Or, I've Been Kidnapped So I mentioned before that my mother was living under an assumed name for a little while. This is because she totally kind of kidnapped my sister and I. As in literally, in the middle of the night (the time when all illegal activities occur), packed up her poo poo and our poo poo and moved out of her sister's house and just... disappeared, into the orchards, to find a tiny, lovely, run-down shack for her and her children to crouch in until she found work. Now, my mom had reasons for doing this. They are well summed up by "My biodad is a sociopath (the bad-but-not-movie-bad kind) and the court system hates women." So we weren't kidnapped and scared, we were on vacation! She actually enrolled us in school, all while using a fake name. To this day she doesn't really enjoy discussing it, so I don't know the logistics of this. I just know we were "on the lam" for about 3 months, but the years before and after that were horrible and scary and unpleasant. Those three months were AMAZING. I had so much fun. We lived in the middle of an orchard, so food was free- it was stealing, but I didn't know at the time. My mother tried to keep our minds off of our dad, and we played lots of games when she wasn't working at the loving nuclear power plant she got a job at. We panned for "gold" (that fake gold that looks like real gold but isn't), chased lizards, ate pomegranates, and sat around spitting on the wood burning stove to listen to it sizzle. I mean, before the cops came to the house, as far as I was concerned we'd just moved to an awesome place with food and no weekend visitation with Dad. But in reality, my mom was trying to prove to CPS how desperately scared she was for her kids- desperate enough to kidnap them. The totally insane part of all of this is that it loving WORKED. Not only has my mother NOT served jail time for kidnapping us (the weekend visitation was court-ordered because they sort of had joint custody after the divorce), but she received full custody after we spent about 3 months in a foster home- that was loving... awesome. My foster mother was INSANE. So, yeah, that story isn't so much funny as it is yet another example of how cool my mom is. And as for her ability to squat and poo poo on a stove, she didn't go into details, but she did take nine years of ballet. Lady has some strong legs. My Mother Hates Me One of the problems with having a bipolar/borderline parent is that (at least in the particular way in which my mother's illnesses manifest) they have a lot of trouble empathizing with you if it's something THEY caused. So, for instance, say I break up with someone and cry about it. Mom is on that. Mom has tissues and chocolate and hugs and kisses and reruns of Friends and lovely movies with Brad Pitt. But say Mom says, "Hey, Haymaker_Betty, I'm disappointed in you for getting a B in Journalism. No, I don't care that you got an A in physics after almost failing. I'm really pissed at you." And then the screaming begins. So I cry. But there are no tissues, no chocolate, no crappy 90's sitcoms. There is exasperated sighing and eyerolling and harsh rebukes. At this point, if anyone had walked in on these little episodes of hers, they would have assumed that not only did my mother hate me, but that I was essentially Cinderella made flesh. I cook and clean and work and work and never, ever, ever is my evil not-Stepmother satisfied. But that's not the case. She is just literally incapable of putting herself in my shoes when I've made her angry in some way. It's impossible to reason with her, too, and you don't want to, because she looks super-pissed and is grinding her teeth, and you want to cover your face, but you're scared she'll get pissed AT THAT because, Dammit, Haymaker_Betty, she hits your sister a few times and knocks her out and, oh, SUDDENLY she's a child abuser and no one will let her live it down and blah blah blah... Like I said, terrifying when you're living with it, but in retrospect, hilarious. I'm an adult and don't have to put up with it anymore, so my mother doesn't affect me as much. But as a kid, it was like having a Jekyll/Hyde-type roommate. One day everything is awesome. I have told my mother I lost my virginity. She seems cool about it. Even happy that I was honest with her. I go to bed after a bath thinking, Hey, things are different. I'm 17, and my mom recognizes that I'm an adult. The next day I wake up to find her trying to figure out who to call first: the cops, to come haul my 18-year-old boyfriend away for statutory, or my stepdad, to come home and help her put me in my place. She screamed at me so much I threw up in the sink. And then I had to go to school Where'd All the Crystals Come From? Aside from having insane, bipolar mood swings, my mom has been into a lot of esoteric stuff. Tarot cards, animism, horoscopes. She once told me I was an Indigo Child, and that I have an Old Soul. At one point she was REALLY into crystals. And whenever my mother does something, in true manic fashion, she pours all of her energy into it. Every week she had a new miracle cure for whatever she had decided was ailing me- always me, though, never her. She was always thinking about me  Anyway, one day we're at the grocery store. I'm looking through our cart to get the heaviest stuff on the conveyor belt first, just like my Mama taught me, when I hear, over the din of customers, a weird, almost metallic TINK noise. I look down at the floor and see a crystal, purple and glistening a little with moisture, on the floor. I figure it fell out of my mother's purse. NNNNOPE. Another one falls. WTF, I am now thinking. No, seriously, WTF? Where are these crystals coming from. Crouched on the floor, holding the new, clear, shiny one, I look up at my mother, who is red with embarrassment. And then at the cashier and bag boy, who is, of course, the guy I've been flirting with every time we come into this store for, oh, two years. "They fell out of my bra, sorry." ZEITGOOSE! Ever seen the movie Zeitgeist? No? Me either. At least, not the whole thing. I turned it off because it was stupid. My mother, however, has. And she has also looked "very closely" at the moon landing photos. And she likes to keep an eye on "chemtrails." Do you see what I am hinting at? My mother is in love with conspiracy theories. I think it's because it helps her make sense of things that seem senseless, or something? She's quite sensitive- she's like a peach, really. Shout at her too loudly and she'll crumble to mush. I think having conspiracy theories to latch onto helps her, so I usually leave her alone about them. It's not my job to police what she believes, anyway. However, it does make making friends even harder than it already has been for her, and it makes all of her neighbors think she's cuckoo. The first issue is really my mother's fault, kind of, because she REFUSES to be friends with people who disagree with her and aren't a) her kids and b) her husband. Are you a vegetarian? No? gently caress off. Do you take prescription medication? Yes? gently caress off, druggie. No, no, explaining that, uh, Mom, lithium and Limbitrol are prescription, too, because to her, she doesn't need medication, she just takes it for us. Best part of all of this is that, as a result of being afraid that she would stop loving me at any moment (won't go into that, WAY too stupidly depressing for this thread), I, too, believed many of her conspiracy theories- not about Tarot cards or anything, though, because PFFT JEEZ OBVS THAT'S NOT REAL  I will never, ever forget the day that I came to college for the first time. I was sitting at a table with my friends. Something had happened with NASA. I don't remember. Me: WOULD BE COOLER IF THEY'D ACTUALLY LANDED ON THE MOON Friend: The hell? They totally did. WTF is wrong with you? Me: UUUUUHHHH  b-but shadows and flag--Friend: Seriously? SERIOUSLY?  Me: I've made a horrible mistake (why isn't there a smiley face for Gob?) Very quickly after that all the other crazy poo poo my mom told me growing up started to unravel- 9/11 wasn't an inside job! Chemtrails didn't exist! My mother did not have an alien device implanted in her kneecap, it was just a calcium deposit! gently caress! My worldview! And, of course, my mother insisted my friend just wasn't as enlightened as our family. I believe the word "sheeple" was tossed around a bit. Man, some of that poo poo was kind of depressing. I think it is funny only to me, or possibly to other people with "crazy" (not a huge fan of that word) parents. Here's something that's actually funny! Once, I was talking on the phone to my biodad and crying for various reasons (I still talked to him for a long time but haven't in FOREVER. Again, I'd tell stories about him but I feel like these ones have been borderline. Maybe I will start a thread for "depressing parent stories that you now think are funny you loving freak of nature"). I'm in the hallway of my dormitory, because talking in my room means my roommate overhears. So I'm kind of crouched by the window at the end of the hall, trying not to be noticed. A kid passes me in a windbreaker, looks at me for a minute, crouches down, and mouths, "YOU OK?" I nod and he walks away. Cue about an hour later. I get off the phone with daddy dearest and am trying to contain myself. I walk up to my door to find a note: "If you ever need help, I live in *DORM NUMBER* I'm an Eagle Scout. --Ted" I... do not know what that means.
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Sep 11, 2012 03:44
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Haymaker_Betty posted:A long strange tale. Anyone ever tell you that you use a lot of smilies? Also where would a Jesus as anime freak thread go?
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Sep 11, 2012 04:35
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