The Screenwriting Thread: Without Us You Would Be Staring at A Blank Screen

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Otcho: May 4, 2012

bushisms.txt posted:

I wrote the whole thing on my phone

First screenwriting advice: invest in a keyboard. They're pretty cool - I'm using one right now!

# ? Sep 19, 2012 20:23

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 06:25

clown shoes: Jul 17, 2004; Nothing but clowns down here.

Otcho is clearly a hipster. I write on my pgone all the time.

# ? Sep 19, 2012 21:54

bushisms.txt: May 26, 2004; Scroll, then. There are other posts than these.

Otcho posted:

First screenwriting advice: invest in a keyboard. They're pretty cool - I'm using one right now!

Sorry, I've always wanted to be a writer, but can't afford it.I'm currently a full time chef and baker, so i get maybe an hour or two a day to write.Google docs is my friend.

I have a pc and will start formatting and editing on final draft, but that's gonna take a bit, due to time constraints.

bushisms.txt fucked around with this message at 23:34 on Sep 19, 2012

# ? Sep 19, 2012 23:30

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

If it's gonna be more than 140 letters and you're showing it to people, invest in the old ASDFGHJ.

# ? Sep 20, 2012 00:37

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Beyond the formatting issues, your page count is not right at all. You're currently too big to be a short and way too small for a feature.

I made it about thirteen pages before I gave up.

The best thing you could do is track down and read some produced screenplays. That should help you realize what's expected out of you.

Do some research, scrap this idea and start anew with another one. Everybody goes through these growing pains when they first start. The key is to learn from your mistakes, grow as a writer and try again. Always try again.

Other notes:
- Try to avoid giant blocks of text. It turns off the reader. That's also applies to dialog.
- Try not to direct the camera so much. There are ways to do that without being so heavy handed.
- If you do, you should use "we" instead of "the viewer".
- You can cut commercial from in front of factory.
- If the character is off screen, there needs to be a (O.S) after the character name.
- Who's Wily? He kind of appears out of nowhere.
- We need more introduction to your characters beyond what you gave us. I'm on page 6 and they are already starting to blur together in my head.
- You really need to focus on improving your formatting.

Also something I learned the hard way, read your dialog outloud and revise it before showing anybody. You should be able to immediately hear what works and what doesn't. Rewrite the clunky stuff and be sure to read it outloud again to see if it works.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 01:56 on Sep 20, 2012

# ? Sep 20, 2012 01:47

screenwritersblues: Sep 13, 2010

Sporadic posted:

Beyond the formatting issues, your page count is not right at all. You're currently too big to be a short and way too small for a feature.

I made it about thirteen pages before I gave up.

The best thing you could do is track down and read some produced screenplays. That should help you realize what's expected out of you.

Do some research, scrap this idea and start anew with another one. Everybody goes through these growing pains when they first start. The key is to learn from your mistakes, grow as a writer and try again. Always try again.

Other notes:
- Try to avoid giant blocks of text. It turns off the reader. That's also applies to dialog.
- Try not to direct the camera so much. There are ways to do that without being so heavy handed.
- If you do, you should use "we" instead of "the viewer".
- You can cut commercial from in front of factory.
- If the character is off screen, there needs to be a (O.S) after the character name.
- Who's Wily? He kind of appears out of nowhere.
- We need more introduction to your characters beyond what you gave us. I'm on page 6 and they are already starting to blur together in my head.
- You really need to focus on improving your formatting.

Also something I learned the hard way, read your dialog outloud and revise it before showing anybody. You should be able to immediately hear what works and what doesn't. Rewrite the clunky stuff and be sure to read it outloud again to see if it works.

Thanks Sporadic. I'm going to throw this in the OP as a start. If you think I should start a new thread, let me know.

# ? Sep 21, 2012 05:27

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Why the gently caress does Final Draft 8 use half my goddamn CPU when I type? Idling = 0% CPU. Hitting keys = instant 50% CPU.

screenwritersblues posted:

Thanks Sporadic. I'm going to throw this in the OP as a start. If you think I should start a new thread, let me know.

That wasn't really general advice but ok.

Drop me an email and we can talk.

# ? Sep 21, 2012 06:17

screenwritersblues: Sep 13, 2010

Sporadic posted:

That wasn't really general advice but ok. Drop me an email and we can talk.

I don't have PM so shoot me an email at don't need it. and we'll either start working on a new thread or reworking the OP.

screenwritersblues fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Sep 21, 2012

# ? Sep 21, 2012 15:13

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

screenwritersblues posted:

I don't have PM so shoot me an email at [email] and we'll either start working on a new thread or reworking the OP.

I thought I already did? But I already have your email address so I'll try again.

# ? Sep 21, 2012 15:22

screenwritersblues: Sep 13, 2010

Sporadic posted:

I thought I already did? But I already have your email address so I'll try again.

If that one doesn't work try [spoiler]We're good/spoiler]. Hotmail is a little screwy at times, so I would try that one if the other doesn't work.

screenwritersblues fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Sep 21, 2012

# ? Sep 21, 2012 15:41

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

For as much poo poo as Final Draft gets, they actually responded the day after I sent an email to them about the CPU thing and they want to try to work it out. Don't know what they could do besides fix it but just contacting me back makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :allears:

screenwritersblues posted:

If that one doesn't work try [email]. Hotmail is a little screwy at times, so I would try that one if the other doesn't work.

Sent. Send me an email back if you get it.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Sep 21, 2012

# ? Sep 21, 2012 17:10

screenwritersblues: Sep 13, 2010

Hey screenwriting goons,

I'm currently looking to update the OP of this thread. I know a lot of you are involved in the writing industry or have written scripts before, so I am looking for your insight.

If anyone knows any good websites that show formatting, places to read scripts, any good books on the subject, or wants to share their insight, feel free to email me or post them here.

Anything will help make this thread better than it is.

# ? Sep 21, 2012 17:30

Otcho: May 4, 2012

If TV's your thing, https://sites.google.com/site/tvwriting/home has a pretty good collection of TV scripts.
(It even has the Terra Nova bible, which always gets a chuckle out of me)

# ? Sep 21, 2012 18:54

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

I just recommend "Writing Movies for Profit". Hilarious, well formatted, and by actual rich person movie writers.

# ? Sep 21, 2012 20:11

Twisted Perspective: Sep 15, 2005; I've come to see you...

screenwritersblues posted:

Hey screenwriting goons,

I'm currently looking to update the OP of this thread. I know a lot of you are involved in the writing industry or have written scripts before, so I am looking for your insight.

If anyone knows any good websites that show formatting, places to read scripts, any good books on the subject, or wants to share their insight, feel free to email me or post them here.

Anything will help make this thread better than it is.

There are lots of good articles here: http://www.scriptmag.com/

# ? Sep 21, 2012 21:42

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

I know the rule is normally no images ever but the last time I posted about purchased script having images, the response wasn't that negative towards it.

My script has a fantasy element and I was thinking about commissioning one of my artist friends to draw a world map. It would save me alot of time trying to describe everything but would it be enough to cause somebody to stop reading it?

# ? Sep 23, 2012 20:13

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

Read the LOTR script, see how they use it.

# ? Sep 23, 2012 22:12

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Golden Bee posted:

Read the LOTR script, see how they use it.

To see how they used a world map or to see how they used the text to describe the world?

I can't stand the movies so I'd like to avoid reading the full scripts if possible.

If I have to use text, I think I can pull it off but it just seems like it would be a big bore since I don't have the luxury of using preexisting material.

# ? Sep 23, 2012 22:40

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

If you don't want to put in the work to read THE biggest selling fantasy movie series of the 00's, why should I buy your script? I want a sure thing, so if Newline did it right, you have no reason to do it wrong.

# ? Sep 24, 2012 00:05

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Golden Bee posted:

If you don't want to put in the work to read THE biggest selling fantasy movie series of the 00's, why should I buy your script? I want a sure thing, so if Newline did it right, you have no reason to do it wrong.

I dig the idea behind that but mine isn't a fantasy movie like The Lord Of The Rings nor do I want it to be. I already sat through 9 hours of that crap, I'd prefer not to spend the next two days wading through 500+ pages to figure out what you mean and if it applies to my question.

Sorry.

# ? Sep 24, 2012 00:27

DrVenkman: Dec 28, 2005; I think he can hear you, Ray.

I'm not sure if this has been brought up in the thread (It may be worth adding to the first post) but there's a great article on the writing style of one of my favourite writers - Walter Hill.

I appreciate the English language as much as anyone, but what the article shows is how lean you can make a script while still making it vivid, and making it a good read. As Hill himself states, that style won't work for everything. But for the types of films he makes it works.

http://www.mypdfscripts.com/writers-style-walter-hill/

He isn't verbose as such but that's not the point. It's all about choice of words. It's saying what you need to say in as few words as possible. The upside to that is it keeps everything flowing.

# ? Sep 24, 2012 13:21

Otcho: May 4, 2012

Sporadic posted:

I know the rule is normally no images ever but the last time I posted about purchased script having images, the response wasn't that negative towards it.

My script has a fantasy element and I was thinking about commissioning one of my artist friends to draw a world map. It would save me alot of time trying to describe everything but would it be enough to cause somebody to stop reading it?

Why would I want a world map? How would it be relevant (like, for shooting, casting, editing...)?

I don't want to sound like a prick, but I'm exactly in the same boat as you are (screenplay set in a fictional world) and I've been banged over the head with the fact that I should never ever need to insert a world map. And if I do, the need should emerge from the story.

Take game of thrones for example: okay, there is some kind of world map in the opening credits, but the only relevant information you need to get started is: the wall is up north and there's a sea separating two continents. Whether King's Landing lies south of Winterfell is interesting, but not relevant.

Unless your producer is going to be the biggest goon ever, I think he's not going to care. I've personally had more luck selling these kinds of stories with two-three subtle pieces of art so people know what the look and feel of the thing will be like.

(that said: I'd advise making a world map for yourself, but you probably already know that

)

# ? Sep 24, 2012 14:33

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Otcho posted:

Why would I want a world map? How would it be relevant (like, for shooting, casting, editing...)?

I don't want to sound like a prick, but I'm exactly in the same boat as you are (screenplay set in a fictional world) and I've been banged over the head with the fact that I should never ever need to insert a world map. And if I do, the need should emerge from the story.

Take game of thrones for example: okay, there is some kind of world map in the opening credits, but the only relevant information you need to get started is: the wall is up north and there's a sea separating two continents. Whether King's Landing lies south of Winterfell is interesting, but not relevant.

Unless your producer is going to be the biggest goon ever, I think he's not going to care. I've personally had more luck selling these kinds of stories with two-three subtle pieces of art so people know what the look and feel of the thing will be like.

(that said: I'd advise making a world map for yourself, but you probably already know that )

Very good points.

You're right that it probably wouldn't be much good anybody else. I was hoping to insert it at a certain point where I could just show the picture "here's the world" and move on. The task of trying to introduce somebody to a small little world of your creation is daunting. I think the fear got the better of me.

But, this morning, I read that article DrVenkman posted and it was very inspiring.

I decided to give it a try.

code:

[scene in progress]             
                 
                 JIMMY
         Is this some type of underground 
         colony?

                 DAISY
	 Not exactly.

They make it to the end of the tunnel and exit 
onto-

EXT. MOUNT TORAN, PATH - DAY

The wind whips their hair about. Jimmy�s in awe.
From this viewpoint, most of the world can be 
seen. It�s breathtaking.

Landscape. Green and lush. 
Two cities. One of them walled. 
Two fields. One wheat, the other fruits. 
On the horizon, giant windmills. 
The entire area surrounded by mountain range.

                 DAISY
         Welcome to The Valley!

Seems to get the basic point across. And like you said, I can go into more detail when it's needed.

Yeah, I already sketched out a world map for myself but there's a reason I write instead of draw. (I was going to post a picture of my first sketch but it's too embarrassing. Imagine something a 8 year old would produce complete with misspellings. Ha)

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 16:16 on Sep 24, 2012

# ? Sep 24, 2012 16:12

Jalumibnkrayal: Apr 16, 2008; Ramrod XTreme

I don't know if this is valuable or useful, but the guy who runs The Black List is kinda sorta opening it up to amateurs for a fee:

http://thebitterscriptreader.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-every-aspiring-writer-should-be_15.html

$25 a month to keep your screenplay in their database.
$50 to have an "industry professional" give it coverage and evaluation.

And then production companies can search the database for scripts that fit their needs. Anyway, if folks have a script they feel confident that a production company would like to read, this might be a low cost/low effort way to get it discovered.

# ? Oct 16, 2012 20:53

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Jalumibnkrayal posted:

I don't know if this is valuable or useful, but the guy who runs The Black List is kinda sorta opening it up to amateurs for a fee:

http://thebitterscriptreader.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-every-aspiring-writer-should-be_15.html

$25 a month to keep your screenplay in their database.
$50 to have an "industry professional" give it coverage and evaluation.

And then production companies can search the database for scripts that fit their needs. Anyway, if folks have a script they feel confident that a production company would like to read, this might be a low cost/low effort way to get it discovered.

Carson Reeves has to have a gun in his mouth right now. This seems to be a direct response to what he was putting together.

It's an interesting concept. I don't know if it would be worth the money since, if I'm reading it right, you can inflate your ranking by purchasing alot of reads (but that will only work if you get consistent good reviews). And it's not much help for the amateur writer since the reader only rates it according to the site metic (so no notes or anything of that nature to see what the reader thought)

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 17:55 on Oct 17, 2012

# ? Oct 17, 2012 00:15

screenwritersblues: Sep 13, 2010

Jalumibnkrayal posted:

I don't know if this is valuable or useful, but the guy who runs The Black List is kinda sorta opening it up to amateurs for a fee:

http://thebitterscriptreader.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-every-aspiring-writer-should-be_15.html

$25 a month to keep your screenplay in their database.
$50 to have an "industry professional" give it coverage and evaluation.

And then production companies can search the database for scripts that fit their needs. Anyway, if folks have a script they feel confident that a production company would like to read, this might be a low cost/low effort way to get it discovered.

I got a email yesterday and was going to sign up right away, but the lovely spec that wrote last year has be be fixed big time before I even think of giving in a shot on there. I guess that I have some work to do after November or maybe I can write new one in two months, outlining, transferring to a word doc so that I can read it, and then writing it. Then we'll see what happens.

# ? Oct 17, 2012 04:56

Jalumibnkrayal: Apr 16, 2008; Ramrod XTreme

Sporadic posted:

And it's not much help for amateur writer since the reader only rates it according to the site metic (so no notes or anything of that nature to see what the reader thought)

On the Done Deal Pro forum the owner of the site is talking about the new service and I believe he mentions that there are notes sections where the readers are expected to offer more specific insight above and beyond the numbering system. Hopefully soon some people will offer reviews of the reviews they paid for.

# ? Oct 17, 2012 17:51

Digi_Kraken: Sep 4, 2011

I wrote this

It's my first Screen Credit! Also, features College Humor's Amir Blumenfeld.

I'm awfully proud of myself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tVzCGrzFS0

# ? Oct 18, 2012 21:09

Twisted Perspective: Sep 15, 2005; I've come to see you...

Griff M. posted:

I wrote this

It's my first Screen Credit! Also, features College Humor's Amir Blumenfeld.

I'm awfully proud of myself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tVzCGrzFS0

This is brilliant. Well done.

# ? Oct 19, 2012 02:56

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

Griff M. posted:

I wrote this

It's my first Screen Credit! Also, features College Humor's Amir Blumenfeld.

I'm awfully proud of myself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tVzCGrzFS0

Ha, that's actually pretty funny.

Where was that humor in the spec script you sent me to read?

# ? Oct 19, 2012 03:42

Digi_Kraken: Sep 4, 2011

Sporadic posted:

Where was that humor in the spec script you sent me to read?

My Aqua Teen spec is loving baller as hell, don't be a scrub :dukedog:

# ? Oct 19, 2012 04:39

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

Came out with my own little something for election time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbvOnKLMwtk

Take out your headphones; the audio mix spikes a bit in the middle.

Currently working on a Romcom, a few webseries. Will revisit my pilot this week (it's been a while) and pick up on a few sketches.

The irony is, when I'm working industry jobs, I almost never think about writing - after 10 hours, my brain goes home and over relaxes. My goal for the rest of the year is to strike a better balance, automating when I write.

# ? Nov 6, 2012 03:08

bushisms.txt: May 26, 2004; Scroll, then. There are other posts than these.

OK. Finally finished this thing. First and only draft of a big screen big budget robot flick. Please tell me how much it sucks, tia.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B9JHLyj_p0z0UHRScllYREZndXM

bushisms.txt fucked around with this message at 18:19 on Nov 11, 2012

# ? Nov 11, 2012 06:07

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

bushisms.txt posted:

OK. Finally finished this thing. First and only draft of a big screen big budget robot flick. Please tell me how much it sucks, tia.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B9JHLyj_p0z0TkxGRkhjcWZmUU0

Saw "Inspired by the video game Mega Man" and immediately wanted to close the browser. The first suggestion would be to get rid of that. It serves no purpose and will only turn off potential readers.

From there, I remember reading this awhile back and nothing has really changed besides the page count. I appreciate the (O.S) being added but there's still the eight page opener. The giant blocks of text. The directing of the camera.

Did you take any time away from this or are you still in the afterglow?

Did you try reading the entire script outloud?

# ? Nov 11, 2012 06:57

bushisms.txt: May 26, 2004; Scroll, then. There are other posts than these.

Sporadic posted:

Saw "Inspired by the video game Mega Man" and immediately wanted to close the browser. The first suggestion would be to get rid of that. It serves no purpose and will only turn off potential readers.

From there, I remember reading this awhile back and nothing has really changed besides the page count. I appreciate the (O.S) being added but there's still the eight page opener. The giant blocks of text. The directing of the camera.

Did you take any time away from this or are you still in the afterglow?

Did you try reading the entire script outloud?

I took a month off, bought a bunch of books on script formats, character philosophies and what not. Camera directing is really only in the opening, because it needs it for the story, to me anyways. I have a few outlines, of other genres I want to try. I only formatted this one, because I needed to see it fleshed out. The previous one you saw, was mostly shorthand for myself.

# ? Nov 11, 2012 18:24

Call Me Charlie: Dec 3, 2005; by Smythe

bushisms.txt posted:

I took a month off, bought a bunch of books on script formats, character philosophies and what not. Camera directing is really only in the opening, because it needs it for the story, to me anyways. I have a few outlines, of other genres I want to try. I only formatted this one, because I needed to see it fleshed out. The previous one you saw, was mostly shorthand for myself.

Here's the issue. The first ten pages are really the most important part of the script. That's your chance to hook the reader/viewer.

It's been awhile since I've read your opening but, from what I remember, the first scene takes eight pages. Six(?) pages of POV of a robot being booted up, the creator's opening speech, something happened where the robot was going to be shut down. Two pages of the robot's escape.

I'm not going to tell you how I would do it, since that's never really helpful, but there has to be a more interesting way you can pull it off if it's that essential to you.

As is, it doesn't set up the characters (besides the creator being a pompous blowhard and the robot being afraid of getting shut off), it isn't very novel and it's asking too much from the reader with the page length.

The reason why I asked if you took some time away is because I fell into the same hole you're currently in.

My first screenplay was this bloated mess that was based off of a seed idea I had stolen from somewhere else. I was so excited when I was finished, I sent it to somebody to read despite getting multiple warnings from people here.

He gave me some honest, slightly brutal advice. Since I was so attached to it, I couldn't really process what he was told me. So I rushed out another draft which was basically me fixing the typos/formatting. Sent it to him (I imagine he had the same reaction I'm currently having). Worked on a third draft where I switched some stuff around but missed the fundamental flaws of poo poo being too drawn out and WAY TOO micromanaged.

Finally, I scrapped the idea. Mainly because I didn't really care about it. I was writing something I thought would pull people in, but for all the wrong reasons, and something that could be shot on no budget if push came to shove (which would have been a loving disaster)

tl;dr - Don't get too attached to an idea or project. Write something that matters to you when you're writing a spec. When you write, ask yourself "Is this interesting, engaging or establishing something?". If the answer is no, don't be afraid to pitch it out and try again.

Enter the scene late and exit early.

While books are good to get a idea of the direction you should be heading, some things (such as character, story and pacing) can only be figured out from falling on your face. (So, don't be too hard on yourself as you learn how to write)

And seriously, read the loving thing out loud before you ask somebody to read it. If you're honest with yourself, it will reveal to you where the dead spots are, what dialogue is too long/poorly written, and any typos.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 02:35 on Nov 12, 2012

# ? Nov 12, 2012 01:54

Frogfingers: Oct 10, 2012

Is anyone willing to share a script with an accompanying outline attached? I usually just work from slapdash notes about what to include and what happens in what order, but I recognise this is poor form and I have no idea really how to write an outline, in terms of what kind of writing is used and what kind of information goes into it.

# ? Nov 12, 2012 05:50

Golden Bee: Dec 24, 2009; I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

I usually go outline (index cards) which is concurrent with a rough outline, then scene by scene outline, then draft one with my partner. Then a break, then draft two, then something larger to show outsiders.

This process takes a few months, and I'd share if we had it presentable, but we don't yet.

# ? Nov 12, 2012 06:50

Frogfingers: Oct 10, 2012

Index cards is the one thing from the Syd Field book that didn't really bring anything to the table for me, probably because my planning is so unorganised. I thought an overall outline would be better because I'm not writing really simplistic notes, and a bulkier outline will probably help more with the episodic scripts I'm writing.

# ? Nov 12, 2012 07:22

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# ? Apr 30, 2024 06:25

pastorrich: Jun 7, 2008; Keep on truckin' like a novacane hurricane

I'm a scriptwriting beginner but I wrote a thing. My friend is studying graphic design and he's good at drawing so we want to do an amateur graphic novel type deal. This is just a basic script so we can do a 2-3 pages illustrated short story before we get into the bigger idea. I tried to write the atmosphere of a situation through dialog. Could someone tell me what they think? Is it too stereotypical, maybe offensive? I am very white.

quote:

INT. � HOMELESS SHELTER � NIGHT
Marty and Brother Jones are standing in line in the cafeteria of an homeless shelter. Marty looks worried as he looks at a sign that says �NO VACANCY TONIGHT�. He turns around as Brother Jones starts talking to him.

BROTHER JONES
I know what you�re thinking. Marty, we�re gonna have a hard time tonight.

Marty gives his plate to the lunch lady. She puts some ham, mashed potatoes and a few carrots in it and gives it back to him.

MARTY
I know man, the weather�s in the poo poo-hole.

Brother Jones gives his plate to the lunch lady and she gives him the same thing. He looks at her.

BROTHER JONES (shouting)
Lady, do you know why they call me Brother Jones?

LUNCH LADY
Well�

BROTHER JONES (cutting her off)
I may be poor, I may be hungry, I may be tired, but I�m still a brother!

LUNCH LADY
I�

BROTHER JONES (cutting her off)
That�s right, ain�t no brother gonna get three carrots on such a cold-rear end night! Gimme some love.

The lunch lady gives him a few more carrots.

BROTHER JONES
Thank you, god bless. Marty, you were saying?

MARTY (laughing)
I was saying I can�t believe how cold this night is. But once again you�re hot as burning coal my friend!

BROTHER JONES (smiling)
Marty, I�d do anything to keep you warm these days.

MARTY
Hey, I need all the help I can get.

pastorrich fucked around with this message at 07:28 on Nov 12, 2012

# ? Nov 12, 2012 07:24

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > The Screenwriting Thread: Without Us You Would Be Staring at A Blank Screen

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