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How To Protect Your Children On Halloween, A.K.A. The Pedophiles' Christmas
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Oct 30, 2012 18:01
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I'm bummed The Onion wasn't able to continue on IFC. The Shelby Cross stuff was completely indistinguishable from actual Nancy Grace segments. I think they would have done wonders in spoofing this actual interview Nancy Grace did with kidnapping victim Elizabeth Smart. The Justice Shed segments still slay me, and I'd completely forgotten about that commercial at the end.
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Oct 30, 2012 18:36
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This is quite similar to the recent Pathetic Bobcats Owner Again Regaling Players With Tales of His NBA Glory Days
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Oct 30, 2012 22:11
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Weird Couple Has Greatest Sex Of Their Lives After Announcement Of Disney-LucasFilm Merger Last line: quote:The exceedingly strange couple added that they hadn’t had such great sex since 2007, when they “couldn’t keep their hands off each other” after learning Brendan Fraser had signed on to reprise his role as explorer Rick O’Connell for a third film in The Mummy franchise.
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Oct 31, 2012 20:27
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Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law
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Nov 1, 2012 16:28
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Foppish Dandy Disregards Local Constabulary shall forever stand as my favorite Onion headline of all time.
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Nov 1, 2012 20:46
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Sarkozymandias posted:Foppish Dandy Disregards Local Constabulary shall forever stand as my favorite Onion headline of all time. I love things written in Ye Old Tyme perspective. Ask the Dauphin
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Nov 2, 2012 02:08
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They're up to three Onion Talks now! It'll be pretty hard to top the "idea guy" episode though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkGMY63FF3Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiZeOgxpCmI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tom6_ceTu9s
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Nov 2, 2012 02:47
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Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLMww8V4IUU "Blood child, blood on a child" "making the man eat garbage"
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Nov 2, 2012 03:11
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About a minute and a half in you can see some of the raw data from Romney's searches:Mitt Romney's Google Searches posted:will they know They also posted them on the OnionPolitics twitter feed with the #RomneyGoogleHistory and #ObamaGoogleHistory tags. EDIT: OnonPolitics posted:George W. Bush just crashed through ceiling to defend himself #debates Ariong has a new favorite as of 04:19 on Nov 2, 2012 |
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Nov 2, 2012 04:06
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Ariong posted:About a minute and a half in you can see some of the raw data from Romney's searches: These are incredible. quote:A man giving up on life (1080p) EDIT: "Romney searched for 'the screaming, the screaming' over 70 times in one week."
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Nov 2, 2012 06:46
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"opposite of doctor", oh my god
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Nov 2, 2012 10:00
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Shitload of Math Due Monday
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Nov 2, 2012 14:48
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Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On Welp, that's depressing.
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Nov 2, 2012 16:34
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Pakistani Boy, U.S. Drone Form Unlikely Friendship The last line is great.
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Nov 2, 2012 23:10
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gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades is still my all-time favourite, it was the article that introduced me to The Onion. Rereading it now, I can't help but hear Cave Johnson speaking the article in my head. I also can't help but love their articles about God, despite how sad it makes me. God Distances Self From Christian Right It's pretty self explanatory, and then they throw this in at the very end: quote:At press time, God’s son, Jesus Christ, offered a countering view and confirmed He strongly believes pregnancies resulting from rape are, in fact, God’s gift.
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Nov 3, 2012 16:38
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JoltSpree posted:gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades is still my all-time favourite, it was the article that introduced me to The Onion. Rereading it now, I can't help but hear Cave Johnson speaking the article in my head. This one retroactively became much funnier after Gillette introduced their actual 5 bladed razor. Sorta like how Bush: 'Out Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over' turned extra funny after September 11. quote:During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years. 
Boxman has a new favorite as of 16:51 on Nov 3, 2012 |
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Nov 3, 2012 16:49
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Boxman posted:This one retroactively became much funnier after Gillette introduced their actual 5 bladed razor. Sorta like how Bush: 'Out Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over' turned extra funny after September 11.
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Nov 3, 2012 18:18
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Anybody who loves this one absolutely must read the Memos from Bear Cave series.
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Nov 3, 2012 21:39
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:I'm not am mystic by any means, but I am positive that there was some sort of precognition going on there. If "precognition" means "basic grasp of recent history and also cause and effect" then yes, there was some precognition going on there. Mystic crystal revelations!
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Nov 3, 2012 23:31
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redmercer posted:Mystic crystal revelations! Exactly. Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions quote:While many citizens have expressed skepticism of the historians' assertions, the majority of Americans have reportedly grasped the concept of noticing bad things from earlier times and trying not to repeat them.
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Nov 4, 2012 01:37
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Lysidas posted:Exactly. "I just wish they'd told us about this trick before."
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Nov 4, 2012 02:19
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This discussion reminded me of an old article on CollegeHumor, "Seven Jokes that Came True," which includes that Gillete Article and is now annoyingly cut off partway into the fifth entry. Comedy Writers are amazing at making predictions based on current and past behavior. The first entry in particular does a good job describing that process.
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Nov 4, 2012 02:36
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JoltSpree posted:gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades is still my all-time favourite http://www.theonion.com/articles/bounty-officials-approve-third-ply,491/ Similarly, from waaay back in '98, and now 3-ply paper are regularly seen.
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Nov 4, 2012 02:38
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Oh TheOnion  
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Nov 4, 2012 03:07
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It's probably been posted, but this has always been my favorite. "Should we be doing more to reduce the graphic violence in our dreams" http://www.theonion.com/video/should-we-be-doing-more-to-reduce-the-graphic-viol,14330/
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Nov 4, 2012 14:37
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Who Dat posted:It's probably been posted, but this has always been my favorite. Another favorite dream-related video: Today Now! Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' That Came To Him In A Dream. It features Jim Haggarty and cooking! 
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Nov 4, 2012 15:29
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Ariong posted:They also posted them on the OnionPolitics twitter feed with the #RomneyGoogleHistory and #ObamaGoogleHistory tags. Obama Google History posted:Best "just because" presents for wives  Adorable
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Nov 4, 2012 16:01
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Look a sunflower posted:
I'm particularly fond of "reasonable boats".
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Nov 4, 2012 17:51
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Romney slowly turning into $100 bill.
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Nov 4, 2012 19:43
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Romney Rolls Sleeves All The Way Up Over His Head has me laughing far more than I feel it should.
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Nov 4, 2012 19:48
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Just a picture, but I thought it was hilarious: Gluten-Free Pancake Mix Just A Bag Of Sand
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Nov 6, 2012 13:37
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White Sufficiency Movement Asserts Whites Right Up There With Other Races
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Nov 6, 2012 17:42
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Headline: Proud Obama Takes Malia And Sasha To Polls To Vote In Their First Election
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Nov 6, 2012 19:01
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JoltSpree posted:gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades is still my all-time favourite, it was the article that introduced me to The Onion. Rereading it now, I can't help but hear Cave Johnson speaking the article in my head. Came to post this, glad it was already here... I have tried to read this to people in the past and almost every time I am reduced to a blubbering pile of snot and drool. It's very attractive.
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Nov 6, 2012 20:40
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Poll Workers Overhear Biden Repeating Phrase 'Banged Her' While Reading Names On Ballot I wish the Onion's Biden was real.
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Nov 6, 2012 21:45
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Area Man To Run Naked Through Streets Tonight No Matter Who Wins Election Makes me think the Onion writers are spying on my dorm hall.
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Nov 6, 2012 21:57
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'The Onion' Calls Florida, Ohio, Colorado, Pennsylvania For John Edwards
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Nov 6, 2012 22:14
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Defeated Man Victorious
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Nov 7, 2012 06:21
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AFewBricksShy posted:Poll Workers Overhear Biden Repeating Phrase 'Banged Her' While Reading Names On Ballot I am so glad we get at least 4 more years of Diamond Joe stories
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Nov 7, 2012 12:08
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