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NASA Completes 52-Year Mission To Find, Kill Godquote:Over the years, officials told reporters, God had proved to be an elusive and formidable foe. In 1986, He destroyed the Challenger shuttle, killing all seven crew members, including Christa McAuliffe, a special operative who had been given orders to seduce and then strangle God with garrote wire. The Lord subsequently blew up the Columbia Destroyer Shuttle on reentry in 2003, and several times sabotaged the Hubble Space Telescope, a large piece of surveillance equipment launched into orbit in 1990 to monitor His activities. jojoinnit has a new favorite as of 04:13 on Nov 28, 2012 |
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Nov 28, 2012 04:09
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:This isn't from the Onion, but China's party paper falls for Onion joke about Kim
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Nov 28, 2012 05:21
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I have a new favorite. Incredible. Garrison Keillor Fully Deflates After Massive Sigh Gin-Soaked Craig Kilborn Shows Up Broke, Homeless At SportsCenter Studio
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Nov 28, 2012 07:35
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I love pretty much everything Jackie Harvey. I'm Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug...AGAIN! even though it seems he isn't writing much these days... I had some of the older compilation books and loved the Jean Teasdale and Smoove B columns.
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Nov 28, 2012 08:01
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They've really gone away from their columnists. I'm surprised that's even a section of the site anymore.
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Nov 28, 2012 08:03
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There was an interview with the editor of The Onion on NPR a few hours ago. He is extremely pleased about the Chinese paper republishing his story.
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Nov 28, 2012 08:05
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'Boy Meets World' Spin Off To Focus On Difficulties Of Raising Autistic Child I reposted this on my facebook and there has been so much tears about it.
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Nov 28, 2012 21:44
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/humor-in-uniform-submissions-at-alltime-low,4988/ A short one, but holy poo poo. 
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Nov 29, 2012 00:29
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The Real Life Adventures of Diamond Joe http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/joe-biden-goes-to-costco
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Nov 29, 2012 22:04
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That DICK! posted:The Real Life Adventures of Diamond Joe  That's adorable. Content: Scientists Working On Immortality Better Hurry Up Because Ian McKellen Is 73
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Nov 29, 2012 22:59
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Linked from that one: Embarrassed Republicans Admit They've Been Thinking Of Eisenhower Whole Time They've Been Praising Reagan quote:WASHINGTON—At a press conference Monday, visibly embarrassed leaders of the Republican National Committee acknowledged that their nonstop, effusive praise of Ronald Reagan has been wholly unintentional, admitting they somehow managed to confuse him with Dwight D. Eisenhower for years.
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Nov 30, 2012 00:14
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Just a photo (and may as well be just a title): Pan Left To Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates
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Nov 30, 2012 00:31
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Remaking The Republican Party-ah, gently caress it, just disenfranchise them minorities.
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Nov 30, 2012 02:14
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Lysidas posted:Linked from that one: I lost it at "co-starred in a movie with a chimpanzee". Absolute gold.
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Nov 30, 2012 17:26
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'Boy Meets World' Spin-Off A Dream Come True For Fans Who Grew Up In, Still Live In '90s
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Nov 30, 2012 19:53
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A timely story: Powerball Winners Already Divorced, Bankrupt And a great one from Literally Unbelievable: 
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Nov 30, 2012 20:06
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Romney Locks Self In Oval Office During Visit To White House
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Nov 30, 2012 21:26
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Truth Out has a large excerpt from the A section of the Book of Known Knowledge: http://truth-out.org/progressivepicks/item/12776-the-onion-book-of-known-knowledge The entry on Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem is my favorite so far.
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Dec 3, 2012 00:33
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Brother Jonathan posted:A timely story: Powerball Winners Already Divorced, Bankrupt That is literally unbelievable. Yes more Americans died on Friday than total casualties of WWI but you just didn't notice.
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Dec 3, 2012 01:01
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I should be surprised that people are so willingly to accept that roughly 13% of the American population was killed in shopping incidents in one day, but I'm not. Do the people on Literally Unbelievable just read the headlines or do they actually read the entire article and think "makes sense to me!"?
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Dec 3, 2012 02:59
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Jeff Wiiver posted:I should be surprised that people are so willingly to accept that roughly 13% of the American population was killed in shopping incidents in one day, but I'm not. Do the people on Literally Unbelievable just read the headlines or do they actually read the entire article and think "makes sense to me!"? I'm sure they'll believe whatever they want to (hence all the conservatives touting the Onion's Obama DNC article as proof that NOBUMMER IS GOING TO DESTROY AMERICA AND KILL JESUS)
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Dec 3, 2012 03:02
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quote:Long Wait For Big Toenail To Fall Off Nearly Over I'm not going to link it but DEAR GOD.
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Dec 3, 2012 03:07
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SynthOrange posted:I'm not going to link it but DEAR GOD. It's OK, I can do  it if you don't want to.
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Dec 3, 2012 03:23
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80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off
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Dec 3, 2012 06:52
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timefly posted:That is literally unbelievable. Yes more Americans died on Friday than total casualties of WWI but you just didn't notice. From the Seinfeld episode, "The Stranded": Jerry: (noticing a coffee table book) Oh, you got the Civil War book. I saw some of that show. It was wonderful. Elaine: Six hundred and twenty million people died! Jerry: Thousand. Elaine: Thousand! Six hundred and twenty thousand! The horror, the horror. Some people have a poor grasp of magnitudes. For example, 80 billion tons of garbage is meaningless to me. I looked it up, and for comparison, the entire world produces 1.3 billion tonnes of waste each year.
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Dec 3, 2012 07:15
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Brother Jonathan posted:From the Seinfeld episode, "The Stranded": Yeah we've cut back now that Lucas isn't making movies.
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Dec 3, 2012 08:27
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Dec 3, 2012 08:50
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Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Chargesquote:“Once we began pulling the string, we saw that Congress had been wreaking havoc on the American people for centuries,” Lt. Thompson told reporters. “The sheer number of elderly patients who were denied cutting-edge cancer treatment and died as a result was enormous. Add to that recent immigrants who lack any sort of comprehensive health coverage, people who fall between the cracks of the current system, and those who depend on emergency rooms for their primary care, and the number of deaths caused by Congress through the nation’s health care system alone is truly staggering.”
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Dec 3, 2012 18:26
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 Sometimes the Onion just knocks it out of the park.
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Dec 3, 2012 18:53
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Google Announces Plan To Destroy All Information It Can't Index
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Dec 3, 2012 19:42
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Has anyone else been pretty disappointed with the recent news style videos? They generally have a good premise, but something about the news reader and overall presentation makes it seem amateurish. Some things just work better as printed articles.
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Dec 3, 2012 19:44
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That reminds me of another favorite. Starbucks To Begin Sinister 'Phase Two' Of Operation
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Dec 3, 2012 20:16
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Cut This Monster Out of Mequote:I don’t care how it’s done. Use scissors. Use a razor. Use a bloody letter opener—just slice this demon from my womb and burn it to a crisp. Even now, restrained here in my hospital gurney, I can feel it gestating inside me, a malformed abomination wrought from centuries of inbreeding and an ancient pact of unspeakable evil. I can feel its scaly skin rubbing coarsely against the placenta. It knows what it is. It knows the power it wields even now. And all day long it demands to be fed, fed, fed. I cannot stand it any longer! 
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Dec 4, 2012 12:26
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I didn't really get the joke of this one until I went back and saw the author.
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Dec 4, 2012 14:10
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Stockwatch is pretty great as well.quote:JPMorgan Chase (JPM) Do they update these? They seem to repeat after awhile and have no dates.
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Dec 4, 2012 19:32
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They really loving hate the royal family.
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Dec 4, 2012 22:29
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The youtube channel occasionally comes up with gems. Porkin' across America is about an hour long, the first 45 minutes are basically one huge setup for the last 15 and it's totally worth it. It's a goddam Greek tragedy about the disintegrating life of a man who is really, really into pork products.
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Dec 5, 2012 08:05
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Jeff Wiiver posted:I should be surprised that people are so willingly to accept that roughly 13% of the American population was killed in shopping incidents in one day, but I'm not. Do the people on Literally Unbelievable just read the headlines or do they actually read the entire article and think "makes sense to me!"? Whichever is worse, I'm going to go with that one. e: Almost forgot the content! You know the way you feel when you see a new Onion article about "Diamond" Joe Biden? That's how I feel about the way the Onion portrays David Ortiz. David Ortiz Convinced There's Something Like The 7th-Inning Stretch But For The 70th Inning David Ortiz Asks Kansas City Grounds Crew To Turn Off Stadium Lights So Teams Can See All The Stars David Ortiz Claims He Just Saw Submarine In Kansas City Royals Fountain David Ortiz Terrified After Hearing About Red Sox Bats Coming Alive Press Conference Reveals David Ortiz Clearly Doesn't Know Who Jackie Robinson Is e2:Weird Child Pretends To Be Utility Infielder Mark DeRosa While Playing Baseball With Friends Nation Dumbfounded As To Why Little-Leaguer's Favorite Player Is Chipper Jones I can't help but sigh and laugh. I was totally this kid. I wanted to be Royals catcher Mike Macfarlane! I took George Brett's retirement pretty hard Time_pants has a new favorite as of 09:01 on Dec 5, 2012 |
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Dec 5, 2012 08:07
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:They really loving hate the royal family. You aren't kidding, because this was under those articles as well. 15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy. It's a trailer trash joke, but it clearly equates the Royal Family to inbred Alabamans.
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Dec 5, 2012 09:19
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:The youtube channel occasionally comes up with gems. Porkin' across America is about an hour long, the first 45 minutes are basically one huge setup for the last 15 and it's totally worth it. It's a goddam Greek tragedy about the disintegrating life of a man who is really, really into pork products. I don't get mw wrong, Sex House is one of my favorite shows of the whole year. I've heard decent things about Lake Drudge Appraisel and Porkin across America, but haven't watched them yet. It's just sad to know the content they could be producing vs the content that they are.
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Dec 5, 2012 15:53
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