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titties posted:You may have some luck with just telling him that when he is bossy it makes you feel bad.
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Dec 4, 2012 05:06
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lllllllllllllllllll posted:So far I've been trying to be stoic and cheerful but showing how this feels is good advice. I understand wanting to be cheerful, but realize that if you are going to be a stepdad, you are eventually going to have to establish "non-negotiables" with your significant other and with the kids. I know they're young, but they still need to understand boundaries. I recently went through the exact same thing with kids who are 5 and 8. They would run me ragged until I finally talked to my boyfriend about discipline style, how we should handle conflict, etc., because situations will arise where you will have to make judgment calls and discipline them. It's best to know ahead of time how to handle it. So, this is as good a time as any to have a frank discussion with your significant other on how firm she wants you to be with the kids. I am no longer afraid to firmly tell them no, put them in time out, let the older one know when she is being disrespectful/out of line, etc. It's a weird position for a while, and it won't feel comfortable - but it's totally necessary so the kids won't keep trying to push your buttons.
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Dec 4, 2012 05:59
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Thanks to everyone that gave music recommendations, I'm definitely going to check them out (I really like the "C for Conifer" song!) I've been out of town the last couple days, so it was a few pages back. We pretty much listen to everything, but I have no clue about kids stuff, and I figured there had to be some decent things out there.Imperialist Dog posted:
Part of it could be a phase. Kids seem to go through phases of liking one parent over the other, and she's pretty much the 3rd parent. So as far as his attachment to her, I wouldn't be too concerned. Keep in mind that she's part of the (Filipino?) nanny network in Hong Kong, so when she takes him out during the day, he's surrounded by other nannies and their kids, so those are the interactions he's exposed to the most. It's like one giant playdate. Just do your best to spend quality time with him. My nanny did 12 years in Hong Kong prior to coming here to work for me, and the expectations from Chinese families are wildly different. If it makes you feel better, your nanny has pretty much won the lottery. They all want to work for Americans over Chinese. Because my schedule is kind of random, I sometimes take my son to activities, and sometimes his nanny takes him. It's kind of funny, because sometimes I'll be the only mom with 10 nannies, and sometimes it's the reverse.
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Dec 4, 2012 06:11
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lllllllllllllllllll posted:So far I've been trying to be stoic and cheerful but showing how this feels is good advice. You can also make it a broader and less personal discussion than "you're hurting my feelings"--with my daughter I'll talk about things like "Hey, when you play with other people it's important to take turns and listen to what they ask you to do. That way they want to keep playing with you. People don't want to keep playing if you're always knocking down their blocks and telling them what to do." If he goes to nursery school or daycare, he's probably heard plenty about "take turns" and "listen" before. If not, it's a good time to start hearing it! It takes a lot of repetitions and practice, though, and sometimes three-year-olds just want to give you a hard time.
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Dec 4, 2012 14:16
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Thanks to everyone who replied. I read all responses seriously and consider your advice thoughtfully. I think the bond between my son and I is ok, actually. He loves going out with me to the park or climbing all over me on our bed and is all smiles and giggles. Due to our work schedule, it's not feasible to simply tell the maid that it's break time or have breakfast with Andrew, as I leave the house around six thirty and return around twelve hours later. There are no working hour laws in Hong Kong so twelve hour days are normal for labourers; since I'm on a salary I "only" put in around ten hours a day. When I get home it finally gives our maid time to cook and clean a bit. As for the sleep training, well, I've been up for about two hours now, increasing the wait time between checks by two minutes each time. If it doesn't work by the end of the week then it's time for a new strategy. At least it's better to -have- a strategy. Regarding my other problems, I'm going to wait until after next month when our new baby arrives as saying anything at the moment is like stirring a hornet's nest. I'm just hoping I don't hear "How can you expect me to X? I just gave birth/am breastfeeding/went back to work/have two children now/am preparing for Y."
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Dec 4, 2012 20:22
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lllllllllllllllllll posted:So far I've been trying to be stoic and cheerful but showing how this feels is good advice. One of the best parenting / relating-to-kids books that I've ever read is called "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen. I'm not a naturally playful person, and connect a lot better with older kids. Especially with younger kids, it showed me how playing is a powerful form of communication, and that it's how they work through their emotions and anxieties.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:15
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Imperialist Dog posted:Thanks to everyone who replied. I read all responses seriously and consider your advice thoughtfully. Please excuse me if you already said this, because I know you're saying he won't go to sleep on his own, but have you tried rocking him to sleep and just holding him? My daughter is 9 months and has decided she doesn't want to go to sleep in her crib on her own so we've regressed back to holding her until she's asleep and then trying to place her in the crib. Sometimes it doesn't work so we have to cosleep. And yes, sometimes she's still crying while I'm holding her for 5-10 minutes but the rocking and shushing will eventually make her eyes start drooping until she goes to sleep.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:25
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Imperialist Dog posted:
When you said this, doesn't it show you that it might be beneficial to strengthen your bond? "my routine (bath, bedtime story, sing to sleep) has been totally co-opted to bath only, as Andrew now insists on doing things with our maid only. In the middle of the night, if Andrew gets upset, I would go and see what was the matter, but as this drives him even further in our maid's arms, my wife has told me to not get out of bed, so I have to lie there and listen to him scream."
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Dec 5, 2012 02:39
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Dad of a happy 3 month old checking in. I don't really have many questions at this point - my partner and I have been approaching things without any set behaviours or training in mind, just taking things as they come and trying to keep Arya happy and healthy. She is a 'happy chucker' - she spews fairly regularly but doesn't get upset or seem to care at all, and is eating lots and putting on weight. I've heard this stops around 3-6 months, has anyone had any experience with that happening ?  
WatchingMidgetsFrak fucked around with this message at 10:57 on Dec 5, 2012 |
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Dec 5, 2012 10:51
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My daughter did that up until about 9 months almost every day. She never seemed to care at all when she did it, sometimes I don't even think she noticed. If they're not in pain when they vomit, and it's not projectile, there's usually not a lot to be done about it. It could be GERD or an allergy, but if she's gaining weight normally and doesn't seem bothered the pediatrician will probably just tell you to ride it out and not be concerned until the baby is older.
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Dec 5, 2012 11:42
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Ben is 3.5 months old and spits up almost every time he eats. Sometimes it is due to reflux, but other times I think it's just normal baby spitup. I can't really tell if it is becoming less frequent. Some days I'll be excited that I only had to change his clothes once and I think he's getting over it, then the next day I'll have to change his shirt 4 times. So, I have no answers, but I feel your pain. Your girl is adorable. Is that red hair? Also I will take any chance to share my Ben so here. 
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Dec 5, 2012 11:44
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Yeah, were not really concerned - trying to avoid the first time parent thing of stressing over every little thing. We're really lucky in that everything has been going very well overall - she's slept 5-10 hours per night every night since the birth apart from a few growth spurts where she was up ever 2 hours, but these never last longer than 4 days and we've only had 3 or 4 of them. No issues with being cranky or crying a lot either, and she's just very happy in general. Only other minor thing was explosive, runny shits after mum had dairy but that seems to have stopped in the last month or so. She was born with a full head of dark brown hair like me, but it seems to have gone away and is being replaced with really light brown/blondish hair. I've got red in my beard and her mum and I are pretty heavily freckled so there might be some ranga genes in there too, somewhere. Your son is a cute bugger too, I can see he does the surprise face raised eyebrows thing all the time like Arya does - It's pretty funny when she manages to surprise herself by ripping an extra loud fart. WatchingMidgetsFrak fucked around with this message at 11:58 on Dec 5, 2012 |
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Dec 5, 2012 11:54
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The general consensus among the moms in our playgroup is that the spitting up ends/dramatically decreases once the baby is able to sit up on their own. It definitely worked that way for us. There is light at the end of the tunnel... WatchingMidgetsFrak and Awesome Krisitin, your babies are adorable.
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Dec 5, 2012 13:20
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Yay babies! I never cared much for kids before we had one and now I go all goofy when I see them. My wife and I see our fertility specialist today. Hopefully we can add in some new pictures in a year or so.
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Dec 5, 2012 14:41
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My friend has a kid who will turn 1 at the end of this month. I'm sending her something small for Christmas but I'd also like to get something for the baby as well. I know that new parents are often inundated with clothes and toys, so I was wondering what little bits and bobs you guys would've really appreciated when your child was around that age? It needs to be something small enough to post internationally without breaking the bank, but I really have no idea what would be useful/appreciated!
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Dec 5, 2012 16:26
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Finger puppets? They squish small and are light, so shouldn't add too much to the shipping cost. Kosta likes watching them dance around.
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Dec 5, 2012 16:45
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Bollock Monkey posted:My friend has a kid who will turn 1 at the end of this month. I'm sending her something small for Christmas but I'd also like to get something for the baby as well. I know that new parents are often inundated with clothes and toys, so I was wondering what little bits and bobs you guys would've really appreciated when your child was around that age? It needs to be something small enough to post internationally without breaking the bank, but I really have no idea what would be useful/appreciated! Diapers.
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Dec 5, 2012 22:51
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Books. Gift cards (for Amazon/diapers, restaurants).
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Dec 5, 2012 23:50
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Touch and feel books are pretty awesome, Chris has learned all sorts of page turning skills just so he can find more furry patches to poke. Bright Baby has little boxed sets.
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Dec 6, 2012 03:48
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Seconding finger puppets, shooting down diapers. I know they get used heaps, but we get so many sometimes they don't all get used when she goes up a size.
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Dec 6, 2012 04:18
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Slo-Tek posted:Here is my sprouts. The older they get, the more clear it becomes that kid big is a clone of me with no genetic input from my wife, and kid little is all wife with no discernable me in there. I'm totally convinced you photo shopped the same child at different ages and made an amazing picture. Cute kids!
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Dec 6, 2012 06:33
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Bollock Monkey posted:My friend has a kid who will turn 1 at the end of this month. I'm sending her something small for Christmas but I'd also like to get something for the baby as well. I know that new parents are often inundated with clothes and toys, so I was wondering what little bits and bobs you guys would've really appreciated when your child was around that age? It needs to be something small enough to post internationally without breaking the bank, but I really have no idea what would be useful/appreciated! I've got a kid the same age, and I would love it if he got gift membership to the zoo or childrens' museum, or something along those lines. No mess to clean up, most importantly. It also makes it so much easier to do several short visits, vs. trying to fit everything into one longer visit so as to get your money's worth on a one-day ticket. Here's the kiddo on his birthday. 
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Dec 6, 2012 16:06
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Thanks for the suggestions, guys  I'm leaning toward the book/puppet ideas because I'd like to get the kid something to unwrap - baby's first Christmas and all! Plus that way I can maybe look for something British-themed for the international novelty value.
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Dec 6, 2012 16:53
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Does anyone know about carseats that I can swivel to face front or back while they stay attached to the car? My car (a Honda Element) has the back seats really far back, so that they're not really accessible when the car door is open. This is what it looks like: It was ok when I was lifting him in his carseat/carrier thing, but he's 5.5 months now and I'm quickly becoming unable to lift it in and out of the car and lug it around. (Aside from which, it's nearly impossible to get that thing out of the car a lot of the time because of the way the door opens.) Because of where the seats are placed in relation to the door, I can't get him out of the carseat without pulling the whole carrier thing out of the car. I found this blog post about the same issue, and she advocates a seat called the Combi Zeus. If that's my only option, I can get one of those, I just thought that there might be others like it that I hadn't heard about. http://emeryjo.blogspot.com/2009/06/honda-element-car-seat-solution.html
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Dec 7, 2012 00:43
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Is there a center seat? Could you slide into the car, get him out, and slide out?
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Dec 7, 2012 03:21
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Ouch, the Element looks like a real bitch to accommodate a car seat. I'm starting to look into convertible seats too, but just for a Prius. Easily shippable gifts a for one-year-old: books that aren't easily destroyed (so, not with paper pages), stacky anything, wooden puzzles...? Speaking of gifts, here's a silly little question - what do you guys use for Santa Claus Wrapping Paper? I realized I get to pick some out today, and got all excited. I have fond memories of seeing gifts with the special wrapping paper under the tree in the morning at Christmas. My parents just used paper with a smiley Santa print. A friend suggested old-timey stuff, like brown paper with red and green twine, and that sounds pretty boss to me! (Cheap, too.)
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Dec 7, 2012 03:31
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Ben Davis posted:Is there a center seat? Could you slide into the car, get him out, and slide out? Nope, no center seat. The back seats are split down the center because they fold up against the sides of the car. The Young Marge posted:Speaking of gifts, here's a silly little question - what do you guys use for Santa Claus Wrapping Paper? I realized I get to pick some out today, and got all excited. I have fond memories of seeing gifts with the special wrapping paper under the tree in the morning at Christmas. My parents just used paper with a smiley Santa print. A friend suggested old-timey stuff, like brown paper with red and green twine, and that sounds pretty boss to me! (Cheap, too.) In our family, gifts from Santa were not wrapped at all, just placed under the tree. My cousins would get gifts from Santa at their other grandparents' house (the side I wasn't related to), and those were wrapped, which was my first inkling that something was weird with this whole Santa business.
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Dec 7, 2012 03:57
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Ok, just slide in from the opposite side and lift him out. That'll still work. edit: you'll work those arms! Ben Davis fucked around with this message at 04:14 on Dec 7, 2012 |
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Dec 7, 2012 04:10
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The Young Marge posted:Ouch, the Element looks like a real bitch to accommodate a car seat. I'm starting to look into convertible seats too, but just for a Prius. There are these books called Indestructibles. I haven't seen them in person, but they get really good reviews on Amazon. Also finger puppets and TMBG kids's cds.
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Dec 7, 2012 04:13
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The Young Marge posted:
We just get any christmassy wrapping paper, snowmen, santa, robins, etc. But we make sure it's different to the paper we use to wrap other presents and each child has a different design wrapping paper so their pile is easy to recognise. Presents from family are under the tree (or more usually all up at my mums where we go for dinner) and the santa presents are in three piles in the livingroom.
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Dec 7, 2012 08:55
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When I was growing up, presents from Santa were wrapped in Santa Clause themed paper. I always wondered why Santa had the same handwriting as my mom on the tags.
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Dec 7, 2012 09:09
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Santa never wrapped our gifts; they just turned up on Christmas morning, sometimes with a note. I just assumed we wouldn't wrap our kids' gifts from Santa--weird, the traditions you absorb without noticing.
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Dec 7, 2012 10:39
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My mom would let us decide what Santa's gifts would be wrapped in. We would leave the paper out with his milk and cookies. We were told the elves wrapped everything right in the house.
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Dec 7, 2012 10:49
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Susan B. Antimony posted:Santa never wrapped our gifts; they just turned up on Christmas morning, sometimes with a note. I just assumed we wouldn't wrap our kids' gifts from Santa--weird, the traditions you absorb without noticing. It is. Some of my friends give one big santa present and the rest from them, others give a main present from them and then a stocking full of stuff from santa. My sister in law was told by her parents that santa wasn't real right from the start but they still left out milk and cookies which seems a bit odd. We always got all our presents from santa and I remember one year asking mum why she didn't give us anything. My 10 year old has officially stopped believing this year which is about the right age but still makes me sad  We used to spend Christmas eve watching santa films and tracking Santa on the NORAD website - I hope he'll just go along with it for our sake.
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Dec 7, 2012 11:12
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Last year we got these things from Michael's called Santa Sacks- it's basically just an oversized felt gift bag. Now on Christmas eve we leave the santa sack by the fireplace and Santa fills the bags overnight. After all, being up on the North Pole Santa knows firsthand how important conservation is and would much rather reuse the sack than waste paper.  On a Santa related note, my 6 year old daughter made 3 lists this year. One for Mom & Dad, one for Nonna and Poppa, and one for Santa. She tells me "I put all the expensive things on Santa's list, since he can just have his elves make it instead of spending lots of money". Can't argue with that logic.
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Dec 7, 2012 12:47
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Mnemosyne posted:Does anyone know about carseats that I can swivel to face front or back while they stay attached to the car? My car (a Honda Element) has the back seats really far back, so that they're not really accessible when the car door is open. This is what it looks like: Ugh, you have my sympathies. I put the car seat in my mother-in-law's Element once, it was such a pain to get him out. Edit: Bad latch advice, disregard. Lyz fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Dec 8, 2012 |
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Dec 7, 2012 16:18
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Just a heads-up to anyone that doesn't know--that's only safe if the car manual specifically says. You'd THINK all car-makers would make those latches usable for any position, but typically they don't. My Jetta's like that, I think, just latches for the side seats and nothing for the middle. Pain in the neck. Link here: http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.php?t=33718 Ben Davis fucked around with this message at 17:59 on Dec 7, 2012 |
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Dec 7, 2012 17:55
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My friend has an Element and a 14 month old and she has one of the seats permanently folded up so she can get the kid in rear-facing more easily.
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Dec 7, 2012 18:50
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Mnemosyne posted:Does anyone know about carseats that I can swivel to face front or back while they stay attached to the car? My car (a Honda Element) has the back seats really far back, so that they're not really accessible when the car door is open. This is what it looks like: The only other car seat I know of that swivels is the Orbit system. If I had $400 to burn, I would've been all over that seat. The stroller works the same way. I think the combination car seat/stroller runs around $800, but don't quote me on that. I've seen quite a few people with it, though, and it really looks handy. We found one at a consignment shop and were tempted to just blow a wad of money on it. But, you know, she needs diapers and food.
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Dec 7, 2012 19:32
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We just left the car seats installed, and removed the child. Both our kids could be fairly reliably scooped out and be back to sleep if it was sleepy-time. Of course, we also didn't splash out huge bux for any baby mobility system. Mostly carried the little critters around over a shoulder or on a head or in a 15$ umbrella stroller.
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Dec 7, 2012 22:16
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