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GD_American posted:If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity. An MSM will be properly awarded within 6 months for his ACTIONS KEEPING WITH THE FINEST TRADITIONS OF MILITARY SERVICE AND REFLECT DISTINCT CREDIT UPON HIMSELF, GO gently caress YOURSELF BATTALION, AND THE UNITED STATES ARMY. The MSM will finally give him the final push needed to get the coveted E-7. He will then finally be able to take a fresh butter bar under his wing and teach them the ways of the Army. This is how Generals are born. Godspeed, pissranger, godspeed.
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Feb 3, 2013 20:18
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ZappDash posted:An MSM will be properly awarded within 6 months for his ACTIONS KEEPING WITH THE FINEST TRADITIONS OF MILITARY SERVICE AND REFLECT DISTINCT CREDIT UPON HIMSELF, GO gently caress YOURSELF BATTALION, AND THE UNITED STATES ARMY. You're probably right. 
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Feb 3, 2013 20:54
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holocaust bloopers posted:About 6 years ago, I worked at the Ramstein Contingency Aeromedical Staging Facility, or CASF there's a few of them scattered world-wide mostly staffed by deployers with the backing of a skeleton group of permanent party members.I was one of those at Ramstein. One deployer to us what the dumbest loving human being I've ever encountered. I am legitimately serious in this statement -- her parents were better off taking her out back and making due haste in beating whatever tawdry amount of brain cells that were not firing in her skull back into some degree of normal operation. She was, in a sense, dumber than the cum shot her father blasted inside his loving wife's pussy. In reality, that ounce or so of jizz was far more valuable than anything the resulting spawn of it has ever done. Was this stellar individual out of Eglin? There was someone deployed out of the flight med clinic back then that I heard was this dumb when I was there in summer 2007. Also, as long as she didn't screw up what was entered into TRACE2S, patient tracking should have been more or less intact at the global level. I have tons of stories about my immediate boss from my deployment last year. A lot of them revolve around what a horrific doctor he was, but there are also plenty that don't require any medical knowledge. I've met at least 6 people in the 3 months since I got back who, upon hearing that he was in charge of anything, got all  and offered their condolences.I had a sense that I was in trouble when I learned that 1) He wasn't trained in a clinical specialty. 2) As an O-5, he reported to an O-3 at home station. 3) His flight med clinic back home informed him that they were kicking him out to a non-flight med clinic shortly after his arrival in Afghanistan. (If you know how desperate flight med is for bodies, this alone is a huge  )Unfortunately, I not only had to work with this idiot, I had to bunk with him as well. He was pretty lazy, and would often show up in our room in the middle of his shift to take a nap. I was studying on my laptop with headphones to try and drown out his snoring when I suddenly heard and felt a huge THUMP. I poked my head out of my bunk to find him face down on the floor.  "Are you all right?" ".......These...boots...." "You tripped over your boots?" "..." "What happened?" "..."At this point, I'm starting to wonder if he's having a stroke. Eventually, he confesses that he just fell out of bed and was disoriented. We called him Boots behind his back for the rest of the rotation. The same week, he darted out of bed in the middle of the night screaming  "ROCKET ATTACK!" Now, if you've ever been to KAF, you know that unless you are in the center of the Role 3, you can hear the alarm and giant voice clearly anywhere you are. So I immediately realized something was amiss. "HIT THE DECK!" "Uh...I don't hear the alarm." [pauses, walks outside, smells the mixture of burn pit and poo pond for a good minute before walking back in] "I guess you're right."He also kept telling our awesome med tech, who was half-Filipino, that he needed to learn about his "Vietnamese" heritage, no matter how many times he was corrected, and saw said tech studying his mother's native language (Tagalog) at his desk. Boots also apparently hated said awesome tech because he made the other tech, who was awful but for whom he had a poorly-concealed crush, look bad. It didn't take long for me to end up doing both my job and his job in addition to the extra time I spent at the CASF and Role 3. At first I was a bit resentful about doing his work until I realized that at least on the clinical side, people would end up hurt or worse if left in his care. Case in point: he misdiagnosed an evolving stroke as carpal tunnel syndrome.
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Feb 4, 2013 05:54
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She was from Eglin. A real special gal, she was.
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Feb 4, 2013 05:59
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Derek Dominoe posted:It didn't take long for me to end up doing both my job and his job in addition to the extra time I spent at the CASF and Role 3. At first I was a bit resentful about doing his work until I realized that at least on the clinical side, people would end up hurt or worse if left in his care. Case in point: he misdiagnosed an evolving stroke as carpal tunnel syndrome. As much as I like to give military docs poo poo I realize it's not an exact science. But is there any sort of repercussion to something as bad as that?
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Feb 4, 2013 06:34
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Derek Dominoe posted:Was this stellar individual out of Eglin? There was someone deployed out of the flight med clinic back then that I heard was this dumb when I was there in summer 2007. Sounds like we were at Role 3 around the same time; I was working for them when we opened up the WRC, which lead to its own special brand of retarded-ness. Stuff along the lines of "This soldier was waiting to outprocess through the CASF, why the gently caress are you putting him on a bird back to his old FOB? Was it because he testified at the court martial that resulted from PVT Danny Chen eating a bullet from his own gun?" Yea, that one went over extremely well once I let BDE medops know what I had found. IG got involved at some point too, though I don't know when/how/if it was ever really resolved.
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Feb 4, 2013 07:00
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ZappDash posted:An MSM will be properly awarded within 6 months for his ACTIONS KEEPING WITH THE FINEST TRADITIONS OF MILITARY SERVICE AND REFLECT DISTINCT CREDIT UPON HIMSELF, GO gently caress YOURSELF BATTALION, AND THE UNITED STATES ARMY. There's an E-7 in my battalion that stabbed one of his own guys in the chest as an E-6.
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Feb 4, 2013 09:18
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Icon Of Sin posted:Sounds like we were at Role 3 around the same time; I was working for them when we opened up the WRC, which lead to its own special brand of retarded-ness. Stuff along the lines of "This soldier was waiting to outprocess through the CASF, why the gently caress are you putting him on a bird back to his old FOB? Was it because he testified at the court martial that resulted from PVT Danny Chen eating a bullet from his own gun?" Yea, that one went over extremely well once I let BDE medops know what I had found. IG got involved at some point too, though I don't know when/how/if it was ever really resolved. as in, "there's guys on his old FOB who would love to kill him" ?
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Feb 4, 2013 22:37
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Pesticide20 posted:There's an E-7 in my battalion that stabbed one of his own guys in the chest as an E-6. Did the victim deserve it?
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Feb 4, 2013 23:34
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:Did the victim deserve it? I wasn't around then, but the story goes that the victim had a knife on his plate carrier and the E-6 decided that the best way to teach a lesson was to show. He goes up, grabs the knife, says, "This is why you shouldn't put a knife on like that," then stabs the guy in the plate carrier. Victim was all Ranger and decided he didn't need his plates in that day, so the knife wasn't stopped by much and there was a good amount of force behind it. I'm pretty sure it just missed the dude's heart. Two idiots with one story.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:11
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oh if I weren't bound by attorney client privilege the stories I could tell
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Feb 5, 2013 00:15
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Take out the names and places, we won't tell.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:17
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Signaleer posted:oh if I weren't bound by attorney client privilege the stories I could tell Please, when our JAG left he gave the most amazing farewell speech. Just removed the names.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:27
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Pesticide20 posted:I wasn't around then, but the story goes that the victim had a knife on his plate carrier and the E-6 decided that the best way to teach a lesson was to show. He goes up, grabs the knife, says, "This is why you shouldn't put a knife on like that," then stabs the guy in the plate carrier. Victim was all Ranger and decided he didn't need his plates in that day, so the knife wasn't stopped by much and there was a good amount of force behind it. I'm pretty sure it just missed the dude's heart. Two idiots with one story. Hahaha holy gently caress, I'm trying to imagine whose expressions would be more incredulous in this situation, the stabbee or the stabber.
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Feb 5, 2013 00:42
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Stultus Maximus posted:Please, when our JAG left he gave the most amazing farewell speech. Just removed the names. Haha, I wasn't a JAG, I was the military's equivalent of a legal assistant. Ask defleshed what how that works, that's way beyond my station. The golden rule for us was simply to always keep your mouth shut regardless of whether or not the government was the client.
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Feb 5, 2013 01:09
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GD_American posted:as in, "there's guys on his old FOB who would love to kill him" ? Yea, and a certain BN LNO on KAF was trying to set up the meeting. I guess that's less stupid and more into the "homicidal/malicious" territory. Next time the LNO dropped by his tone was far angrier, but also more impotent; when I called IG, I called it on his 1SG (who was the new one, after the one there when Chen killed himself was relieved). There was probably a better way to handle it (let it run up the chain through MedOps to the brigade commander, and then let the poo poo roll back downhill) but that was going to take more time than I was comfortable with, especially if there was a delay at any point because someone couldn't be contacted for any reason. End result was the kid got moved back to home station without any more incident, and I lost track of him once our WTU took him in. I relayed everything I had seen to his new PSG there (I was still in touch with one of my old squad leaders from when I was their XO) and never heard anything else about it.
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Feb 5, 2013 01:47
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Setting: Divisional uniform inspection Inspector: LCDR Ringknocker "Seaman Timmy, did you shave today?" Seaman Timmy: "No sir, I dont have to" LCDR: "Then you must have a no-shave chit. Is it on your person? If not, then that is a hit" Seaman Timmy insists that he is, indeed within standards, meets the requirements and whatnot. His peach fuzz chin is now the focus of the LPO, LCPO, DIVO, and the LCDR (Dept head of other department). He then procedes to instruct LCDR on Navy grooming standards and explaining that he is within standards, quoting regulation numbers and what not. Dude, just say yes or no, take the hit and get over it.
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Feb 5, 2013 04:58
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I wish I had any idea what any of that meant.
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Feb 5, 2013 05:19
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When I was deployed we had only two rules when off base "No drinking" and "No soliciting prostitutes". There really isn't much more to say other than that our E8 flight chief and a bunch of his buddies got back in the van that was taking his group and at least one other group back to base completely drunk and bragging about all the $10 hookers they banged. So much manual labor done and so many stripes lost. I have some other good stories about this particular former SMSgt and SrA Lardass rear end but I can only stand to think about the Air Force so much before I just get really depressed.
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Feb 5, 2013 05:36
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Martello posted:I wish I had any idea what any of that meant. Allow me to translate: Setting: Company uniform inspection Inspector: Maj Ringknocker "PFC Timmy, did you shave today?" PFC Timmy: "No sir, I dont have to" Maj: "Then you must have a no-shave chit. Is it on your person? If not, then that is a hit" PFC Timmy insists that he is, indeed within standards, meets the requirements and whatnot. His peach fuzz chin is now the focus of the Platoon SGT, 1st SGT, Platoon Commander, and the Maj (Company Commander of other department). He then procedes to instruct Maj on Army grooming standards and explaining that he is within standards, quoting regulation numbers and what not. Dude, just say yes or no, take the hit and get over it. (the equivalency isn't perfect but you should get the gist of it now)
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Feb 5, 2013 05:42
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vulturesrow posted:chit. We don't talk like we're in a pirate movie
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Feb 5, 2013 05:56
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GD_American posted:We don't talk like we're in a pirate movie Naval Service Supremacy
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Feb 5, 2013 05:59
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GD_American posted:We don't talk like we're in a pirate movie Yeah the "chit" thing was one of my biggest issues. Also don't know what "hit" means when it isn't your fist going into a dude's face or a bullet or like one of my people killing another one with a tommy gun.
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Feb 5, 2013 05:59
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I'm honestly not throwing stones because "latrine" is a stupid outdated term that I never used after I left Basic, and Christ knows it took me a year to flush the dumber parts of Army lingo from my vocabulary.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:01
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Called the school cafeteria the chow hall last week. 
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Feb 5, 2013 06:14
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Martello posted:Yeah the "chit" thing was one of my biggest issues. Also don't know what "hit" means when it isn't your fist going into a dude's face or a bullet or like one of my people killing another one with a tommy gun. "Chit" is a navy term that refers to certain documents. No-shave chit, LLD chit, 72 hour liberty chit, special request chit, etc. Basically a chit waives you from certain regulations for a set amount of time. No-shave chits could be open-ended AFAIK. "Hit" refers to a discrepency found during an inspection, be it uniform, workspace or administrative records. Hits must be documented and corrected and a followup report submitted.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:15
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Nerdfest X posted:"Chit" is a navy term that refers to certain documents. No-shave chit, LLD chit, 72 hour liberty chit, special request chit, etc. Basically a chit waives you from certain regulations for a set amount of time. No-shave chits could be open-ended AFAIK. Not just a navy term. It's used by the entire CF to describe your medical restriction sheet.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:20
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GD_American posted:I'm honestly not throwing stones because "latrine" is a stupid outdated term that I never used after I left Basic, and Christ knows it took me a year to flush the dumber parts of Army lingo from my vocabulary. I spent almost a year working pretty closely with Army peeps and if I ever hear the word HUA again it will be way too loving soon.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:20
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vulturesrow posted:I spent almost a year working pretty closely with Army peeps and if I ever hear the word HUA again it will be way too loving soon. When I was at JRTC last week, one of my E4s outta the blue said, "Sir, you look like a man who hates the word 'hoo-ah.'" I said, "loving right I hate it, how did you know?" Nobody's allowed to say it in my company now, officially.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:22
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I tell everyone in my unit that I am surrounded by a five meter no hooah zone.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:24
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You guys need to tell them that you demand a hoo-ah at the beginning and end of every sentence.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:30
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Martello posted:When I was at JRTC last week, one of my E4s outta the blue said, "Sir, you look like a man who hates the word 'hoo-ah.'" I said, "loving right I hate it, how did you know?" "Hey, SPC, what are those energy bars in MREs called again?"
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Feb 5, 2013 06:34
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ifire posted:"Hey, SPC, what are those energy bars in MREs called again?" I laughed my rear end off the first time I broke open an MRE and saw one of those.
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Feb 5, 2013 06:35
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Best I ever saw was when I was mobilizing through Dix, and the bottled water there was called H2Hooah.
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Feb 5, 2013 10:12
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Latrine huh? We call them, "heads." We had this one Deck Seaman who was possibly retarded though some would say secretly brilliant. One of those types. This guy would walk around in a lethargic daze all day and when we were underway, he'd sleep just about anywhere including on watch. Well after being written up numerous times for sleeping on watch he finally made it up to Captain's Mast. After the basic reading of charges and so forth the captain (full bird O-6) asks SN Timmy some questions. He asks him, why did he join the Navy? SN Timmy replies that he joined the Navy so that he could go to Japan and learn how to be a ninja. The CO pauses for a second, baffled, and then asks him why he's so sleepy all the time. He says he can't sleep at night and that in order to fall asleep he has to tire himself out. The captain isn't sure what that means so he asks; to which SN Timmy says again that he has to tire himself out and then begins to make the international sign for jacking off. The Captain, who happened to be a real tough screamer, almost loses his poo poo at this while everyone else in the room is literally choking back laughter including the XO and the MAC. Meanwhile, SN Timmy has the straightest, somewhat bored look on his face. By the end the CO had ad-sepped SN Timmy, but in the meantime he was made to wear a clock around his neck (think Flava-Flav) until the day he left the ship.
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Feb 5, 2013 12:41
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It's a toss up between the navy and AF for biggest weirdos.
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Feb 5, 2013 15:38
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I love when Navy and Marines talk about decks and bulkheads in concrete buildings in the middle of a desert.
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Feb 5, 2013 16:37
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Martello posted:I love when Navy and Marines talk about decks and bulkheads in concrete buildings in the middle of a desert. Deck, bulkhead, ladderwell, head, hatch, aye, overhead, port, starboard, aft, gaff, ladderwell, field day
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Feb 5, 2013 17:47
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Veins McGee posted:Deck, bulkhead, ladderwell, head, hatch, aye, overhead, port, starboard, aft, gaff, ladderwell, field day I had to deal with Marines in the mail-room sometimes and the constant AYE AYEs really amused me.
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Feb 5, 2013 17:56
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:I had to deal with Marines in the mail-room sometimes and the constant AYE AYEs really amused me. Every time I'm on an amphib half the Marines greet me with "OORAH SIR". I much prefer the barely-mumbled "good morning" or better yet, avoiding eye contact that sailors do.
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Feb 5, 2013 18:04
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