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Scratch Monkey posted:What do they do to a guy who tries to blow off his CO and walk out? Remove all traces of lube from the long hard member JAG is going to use to realign his colon
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Mar 7, 2013 14:59
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He didnt walk out. He just turned around. When asked to turn back around, and he ignored them, they just went ahead with the NJP. CO didn't really blow his top, he was more confused and he just finished like any other normal NJP. MAC was super-pissed, though.
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Mar 7, 2013 16:34
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Scratch Monkey posted:What do they do to a guy who tries to blow off his CO and walk out? Chapter him out with an honorable discharge ask me how I know
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Mar 7, 2013 17:29
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LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL posted:ask me how I know Ok, how?
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Mar 7, 2013 17:54
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Booblord Zagats posted:Ok, how? Years ago when the military was still desperate for people anything besides honorable discharges were rare. I knew a guy who pissed hot like 3 times, then got caught selling in the barracks, and got an HONORABLE discharge.
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Mar 7, 2013 18:00
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:Years ago when the military was still desperate for people anything besides honorable discharges were rare. I knew a guy who pissed hot like 3 times, then got caught selling in the barracks, and got an HONORABLE discharge. I was hoping for a fun idiot story 
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Mar 7, 2013 18:09
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Booblord Zagats posted:I was hoping for a fun idiot story I'm sure there's been a few times where a chapter is processed and then a commander suddenly realizes he checked the "honorable" box on accident.
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Mar 7, 2013 18:24
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My last year in the army I moved to the sniper section in HHC. This was my first real exposure to an HHC, had always been in a line company up to that point. The support platoon had a fueler who was a sovereign citizen, would just blow off his whole chain of command for a week, then he'd show up to work and be somewhat normal, when he wasn't walking around with a Morraccan flag draped around him and wearing a fez. Then he'd go back to blowing off his chain of command and not showing up to work etc etc. He was brought before the battalion commander multiple times for article 15s and every time after speaking to the BC it'd get dropped and nothing ever happened to him. He was also a really good boxer and made the unit look good during USAREUR boxing tournaments. They eventually chaptered him out for I don't remember what but I remember he ended up leaving with an honorable discharge. edit: this was in 2011 by the way. LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL fucked around with this message at 19:01 on Mar 7, 2013 |
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Mar 7, 2013 18:26
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Its really scary to think of all the stupid (just not in a criminal way, or at least not enough to get themselves noticed) people slipped through the cracks in the last 10 years, many who are still here. It seemed really horrible around the time I came in around 5 years ago during or a little after Iraq surge, which seems bizarre in the relatively safe Air Force which has never been really hurting for people.
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Mar 7, 2013 18:58
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Me, for picking a career that works 24/7 operations.
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Mar 7, 2013 19:00
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How the gently caress does a sovereign citizen weirdo join the Army, where you have fewer rights than regular people even?
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Mar 7, 2013 19:11
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LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL posted:My last year in the army I moved to the sniper section in HHC. This was my first real exposure to an HHC, had always been in a line company up to that point. The support platoon had a fueler who was a sovereign citizen, would just blow off his whole chain of command for a week, then he'd show up to work and be somewhat normal, when he wasn't walking around with a Morraccan flag draped around him and wearing a fez. Then he'd go back to blowing off his chain of command and not showing up to work etc etc. He was brought before the battalion commander multiple times for article 15s and every time after speaking to the BC it'd get dropped and nothing ever happened to him. He was also a really good boxer and made the unit look good during USAREUR boxing tournaments. They eventually chaptered him out for I don't remember what but I remember he ended up leaving with an honorable discharge. Honestly sounds like his CO was a loving pushover.
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Mar 7, 2013 19:14
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Martello posted:How the gently caress does a sovereign citizen weirdo join the Army, where you have fewer rights than regular people even? I think a lot of military people are just very impressionable. They get yelled at "for just being a few minutes late a couple (5) times" then decide to rage against the machine because it's totes unfair they got punished they're above this OMG DONT OPPRESS ME!
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Mar 7, 2013 19:15
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Martello posted:How the gently caress does a sovereign citizen weirdo join the Army, where you have fewer rights than regular people even? According to AFN commercials, mil members actually have more rights 
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Mar 7, 2013 21:34
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genderstomper58 posted:According to AFN commercials, mil members actually have more rights If you believe that, you've been fleeced.
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Mar 7, 2013 21:40
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Godholio posted:If you believe that, you've been fleeced. By the gods!
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Mar 7, 2013 21:41
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genderstomper58 posted:According to AFN commercials, mil members actually have more rights The right to party. Normally you have to fight for that.
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Mar 7, 2013 21:41
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genderstomper58 posted:According to AFN commercials, mil members actually have more rights Some animals are more equal than others.
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Mar 7, 2013 22:14
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Martello posted:The right to party. Normally you have to fight for that. God help you if you're under 21 and don't know where the holes in the fence are come curfew. Why's there a curfew? Some idiot couldn't find a hole in the fence not manned by MP's. Ooh, at one point we were doing nearly an hour early to formation because some commo jackoff couldn't be assed to show up on time and at the time the comm shop didn't have any nco's to reign in the retard. Same guy destroyed a chronograph by issuing out batteries he knew was bad because writing them up and sending out for new ones was too much work and or he was unsupervised. Chronographs being important in artillery because besides barrel wear, the weather + bullet speed coming out of the tube is the other peice of info FDC desperately needs to keep track of so we hit the right loving target. The low men of commo, the wiredogs, were doing nearly everything by the end to make up for Lcpl fucksticks failures. And wiredogs are dumb as hell, like getting lost running from howitzer to howitzer to fix the angr on gun 1 ending up on gun 5 half a mile away. Meanwhile gunbunny E-3's regularly saw the equipment get properly signed off to the mechs for next echelon maintenance. I honestly felt sorry for the one NCO FDC/COMM had that pump who was there since he was always putting out fires until we got up to T/O on NCO's for them then Lcpl fuckstick got the training/assreaming he deserved. Tl:dr, Lcpl Fuckstick nearly set one of these on fire by handing out rechargable batteries known to be deadlined. Could smell burning wires right after it turned on too. At least the other commo people would just get drunk and leave holes in the wall or poo poo on the floor, those were cheap fixes and understandable drunk behavior. That was longer than I expected, it's nice to vent nearly ten years later. Edit: on the note of idiocy, took me ten minutes and google to remember the word chronograph. "Goddamn artillery radar bullet speed finder" brought up a lot of sports equipment and sex toys but no arty chronograph. Steezo fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Mar 7, 2013 |
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Mar 7, 2013 22:37
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We had this PFC straight out of AIT plug his laptop directly into NIPR one AT. Apparently, the data guys in our unit were pretty proud of their time to establish voice and IP services and their squad leader comes to all the equipment sites, bragging about how we have internet services now, and we could even use them. Enter young SatCom PFC, on his first SIGEX ever. He asked the data SSG, "So you're saying that right now, I could plug my laptop into this line (points to IP phone at his shelter) and get internet services?" "Well, yeah, I guess," the SSG replies sarcastically. Later that night our unit got a nice call from DISA stating we had an intrusion and inappropriate access on our net, and that we had five minutes to figure it out, before they shut our trunk. The lady on the phone sounded slightly giggly, by second-hand reports. Now, the BN CSM and our top Information Assurance people come marching down through the night to a very surprised, yet strangely cooperative PFC with his MacBook hooked up directly to his IP phone. His excuse was that he was given explicit permission to do so, as he completely misinterpreted the SSG's comments. I was the PFC. My laptop had a Limewire background download of some hardcore porn that I forgot to shut when I started it. Everything else I was doing was SFW.  I didn't know anything about IA and I definitely didn't realize the SSG in question was being sarcastic. They actually returned my laptop in perfect condition, idk how I ever got it back.  SSG is now my 1SG and I'm in E4 hell.
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Mar 9, 2013 04:55
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Wasabi the J posted:MacBook 
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Mar 9, 2013 05:12
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At least it wasn't the red cable.
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Mar 9, 2013 05:12
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DoktorLoken posted:At least it wasn't the red cable. Yeah, NIPRNET isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If you had used the red cable, however... you would probably be getting your laptop back without its hard drive.
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Mar 9, 2013 06:59
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hannibal posted:Yeah, NIPRNET isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If you had used the red cable, however... you would probably be getting your laptop back without its hard drive. That reminds me of a story from a TDY a while back. It's pretty common for guys to bring cameras on the jet to take pictures of the scenery and whatnot. Hell, I keep one packed in my pro gear just for that. Anyway, some guy took a group shot of a few people in front of a piece of sensitive radar equipment. One idiot backender saw this photo and instead of doing the neighborly thing of asking the guy to delete the pic, he turned him in to the security people for the installation. I don't remember exact numbers, but a whole bunch of people got their hard drives nuked, memory cards confiscated, and were poo poo out of luck when handed back bricked laptops. The rationale behind the drastic steps taken were that a lot of eternal hard drives were passed around with dudes trading movies and other poo poo to watch during the flight. Thankfully the poo poo wasn't my crew. I'd be pissed.
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Mar 9, 2013 09:43
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That must've been either an AWO with Weapons School aspirations or an AST that narced. What the gently caress. The only thing I've seen like that was when someone managed to get a picture with a mirc computer in the background. Fortunately his camera was so lovely the investigation determined there was no risk of disclosure.
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Mar 9, 2013 17:24
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Yeah, I went on to be one of six people managing the net in Zabul; I learned pretty quickly about IA and InfoSec. We had someone hook up a HDD to watch porn to their Centrix workstation during our deployment. They called it (my last name)-ing.
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Mar 9, 2013 20:21
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I have a hundred of these but here are a couple of my favorites: In basic training we had a guy named Jackson who talked baby talk. The best way I can describe his accent was he sounded like Elmer Fudd, "ok gwuis we ish gonna go do dis ting". He managed to get a hold of bug spray one of the night in basic and I remember him soaking the burlap strips on his helmet the before we climbed into our Bivvys. I mean he was loving dousing that poo poo. The next day we are standing in the hot sun on a range and he is giving the stink eye to this string hanging loose in his face away from the rest of his burlap. After a moment he pulls out a pack of mre matches and tries to burn away that string. A second later his whole loving helmet lights up with flames. It's so hard to adequately describe how funny the next few seconds were. First he stared straight ahead with this dumb look on his face trying to figure out what had just happened. Then he starts running back and forth failing to get his helmet off, tugging at the chin strap screaming "MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH! MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH!" The drill sergeants all run over to him and right as they get there he manages to get his helmet off but as he threw it to the ground he kicks it, it rolls across the range and lights the field on fire. The drill sgts and the rest of us were all laughing to hard to put it out so when we all finally stopped hyperventilating we had to evacuate the range. The second story is one of my favorites because the kid is a good friend and a good soldier but drat could he be dumb on some things. Edge came back on base one day bragging about how he had gotten a new truck. He said he walked into the dealership, told them what he wanted, got what he wanted and then walked out the same day. I said, let me see your paperwork... Followed by, "MOTHERFUCKER YOU BOUGHT A TRUCK WITH TWENTY SIX PERCENT INTEREST RATE??? we are taking this poo poo back right now".
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Mar 19, 2013 18:53
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Zip posted:"MOTHERFUCKER YOU BOUGHT A TRUCK WITH TWENTY SIX PERCENT INTEREST RATE??? we are taking this poo poo back right now". I'm not gonna say I approve of making more laws, so I don't want to necessarily make this illegal, but this kinda poo poo needs to basically have a chart next to the signature line that says how many years of minimum payments it would take to pay that poo poo off. gently caress, wait, I forgot soldiers don't read any of the poo poo they sign. Way to condition one of your biggest problems, Army.
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Mar 19, 2013 20:27
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Zip posted:tugging at the chin strap screaming "MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH! MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH!" Ahahahaha god drat I am losing it just picturing this in my head.
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Mar 19, 2013 20:40
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Wow. An actual helmet fire.
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Mar 20, 2013 19:48
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Stultus Maximus posted:Wow. An actual helmet fire. We were firing the Carl Gustavs with helmet scrim. and somehow the dude who was firing it managed to light his scrim on fire. After that we all had to take our scrim off when firing the carl g's.
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Mar 20, 2013 23:14
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Firing a Carl Gustav or other RR must give you a huge boner. Confirm/deny.
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Mar 20, 2013 23:20
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DoktorLoken posted:Firing a Carl Gustav or other RR must give you a huge boner. Confirm/deny. Confirm. We got to shoot at a Sherman tank. My buddy couldn't get a grip so he threw his gloves on the ground behind him. They were never found.
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Mar 20, 2013 23:25
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DoktorLoken posted:Firing a Carl Gustav or other RR must give you a huge boner. Confirm/deny. Yea, but my boner was killed when we started throwing grenades shortly after. God grenades are underwhelming.
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Mar 20, 2013 23:42
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Pufflekins posted:Yea, but my boner was killed when we started throwing grenades shortly after. God grenades are underwhelming. God, this. I remember them still being fairly impressive in basic but then we used some in Iraq and it was like what, I remember these things being a lot more impressive.
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Mar 21, 2013 00:10
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Worst part about grenades was running a range using them. Run from one side of the course to the other! Now back! Again! OK throw the dummy grenades! We forgot to tell you to keep your pins! Oh our bad we counted wrong! Wait in line for six years to throw live ones! Ahhhh!
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Mar 21, 2013 00:23
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I suck with grenades. I can never get a good arc, always end up fastballing the damned thing into the dirt.
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Mar 21, 2013 00:49
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DoktorLoken posted:Firing a Carl Gustav or other RR must give you a huge boner. Confirm/deny. Confirmed. I can't speak for the Carl Gustav, but the AT-4 is classed as a recoil-less rocket which is a complete loving lie. That thing goes off with a bang and odds are your face will get a nice cut from the front sight smacking into it. Well after watching two of us eat sight post my roommate decides he's going to be the exception. He took a knee with the launcher on his shoulder, aimed, squeezed the trigger and anticipated the kick so much that he fired the rocket into the swampy Grafenwohr soil about 50m from the bunker. The rocket ricocheted off the ground and went straight up, pinwheeling as the rocket burned off its remaining fuel. Meanwhile my roommate, the lane safety and a couple of other guys (myself included) are just standing there dumbfounded watching this play out, completely forgetting the fact that it was a live round! The safety NCO snaps out of it first, screams at us to hit the deck and tackles my roommate. The rest of us all flatten ourselves in the mud (it was of course raining that day) and await the kaboom, hoping that the AT-4 landed on the far side of the bunker and didn't come back at us. It didn't. The rocket buried itself in the swamp a little further downrange and failed to explode. Fortunately PFC Roommate was the last firer of the day so the rest of us packed up our poo poo, closed the range and went back to Vilseck while he and an NCO got to sit on the range and wait for EOD to come blow up the dud rocket.
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Mar 21, 2013 00:58
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I suck with grenades. I can never get a good arc, always end up fastballing the damned thing into the dirt. The trick is to shotput it instead of throwing it like a baseball. At least that is what worked for me. Though all the baseball dudes rocked at grenade throwing so what do I know.
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Mar 21, 2013 01:19
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Firing RPG-7s in Bulgaria was pretty cool.
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Mar 21, 2013 01:30
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