KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > KRAMER THIS PHONE'S A PIECE OF JUNK, GOODBYE

Red: Apr 15, 2003; Yeah, great at getting us into Wawa.

Kevyn posted:

You're Batman.

Well, after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated on whether or not Iron Man wore some sort undergarment between his skin and his iron suit.

# ? Mar 27, 2013 22:15

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# ? May 14, 2024 15:22

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

T. Finninho posted:

Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon!

Sex.... to SAVE the friendship.... :aaa:

# ? Mar 27, 2013 22:16

wa27: Jan 15, 2007

Well, the four of them, they picked me up by my pants and they threw me outside, right into a horse.

Perhaps the oddest line in the series.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 00:56

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Red posted:

Well, after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated on whether or not Iron Man wore some sort undergarment between his skin and his iron suit.

And I still say he's naked under there!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 02:19

myron cope: Apr 21, 2009

mojo1701a posted:

And I still say he's naked under there!

Oh that makes a lot of sense

# ? Mar 28, 2013 02:27

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld�s drink with his bare hands, using it to wash up. Then Mr. Costanza remarked to me, "This never happened."

# ? Mar 28, 2013 03:09

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

myron cope posted:

Oh that makes a lot of sense

Ah, shut up!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 03:17

Blimpkin: Dec 28, 2003

Pendant?! Those bastards!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 03:53

Luminous Obscurity: Jan 10, 2007; "The instrument you know as a piano was once called a pianoforte, because it can play both loud and quiet notes."

Seinfelt is the greatest thing to come from Seinfeld since anything that's come from Seinfeld.

Seinfelt posted:

Newman tricks Kramer into saying the word �Remark,� sending him back to his home dimension screaming.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 04:20

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

It's been a week. It's up to the cat now.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 05:16

Ginette Reno: Nov 18, 2006; How Doers get more done; Fun Shoe

Demon Of The Fall posted:

It's been a week. It's up to the cat now.

Well Lomez moved into a hotel and the cat eventually died.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 05:22

stratdax: Sep 14, 2006

So the guy kills the cat, refuses to buy a new one, and wants Arnie Becker to represent him. Oh yeah, that'll make a great case for LA Law.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 11:06

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Fredo was weak and stupid. He shouldn't have eaten that key!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 12:28

Pierce and Pierce: Jul 1, 2007; Murders and Executions

I dug Fredo up, now let's cut him open!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 12:33

Red: Apr 15, 2003; Yeah, great at getting us into Wawa.

Ehud posted:

Fredo was weak and stupid. He shouldn't have eaten that key!

What're the keys doing in there?

Bad place to put your keys.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 14:48

strap on revenge: Apr 8, 2011; that's my thing that i say

Phil...

...Mrs. Phil...

# ? Mar 28, 2013 15:08

Coffee And Pie: Nov 4, 2010; "Blah-sum"?
More like "Blawesome"

david puddy posted:

Phil...

...Mrs. Phil...

Rosses!?

# ? Mar 28, 2013 15:11

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

Actually, a few moments ago I ran into a nut back there, he said that maybe we should think about, you know, not doing the show in a bar.

# ? Mar 28, 2013 15:32

MINT WIZARD: Apr 25, 2007; This isn't going to stop until Pictionary bans the word windmill.

This nut, some sick nut comes up to me...

# ? Mar 28, 2013 16:34

Gyshall: Feb 24, 2009; Had a couple of drinks.
Saw a couple of things.

Oh, look! There's Gregory Peck's bicycle! And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard!

# ? Mar 28, 2013 17:01

Jimbone Tallshanks: Dec 16, 2005; You can't pull rank on murder.

I want to trade you screen legend Anthony Quinn's undershirt.

# ? Mar 29, 2013 04:23

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

I gotta say, that's pretty sad. Losing out to a cat.

# ? Mar 29, 2013 04:29

7 RING SHRIMP: Oct 3, 2012

I'm watching The Betrayal right now and this scene always kills me

Kramer: Does your girlfriend have to be here?
Newman: Does yours? (Jerry)

# ? Mar 29, 2013 05:27

FuzzySkinner: May 23, 2012

"That infernal rattling sound that has plagued me these past two days - and I could not find the source. In my office, in the hallway. Even in the men's room! Shame on you, Elaine!"

I can't not think of John O'Hurley or Patrick Warburton as their Seinfeld characters anymore.

# ? Mar 29, 2013 05:56

Chicolini: Sep 22, 2007; I hate cold showers. They stimulate me and then I don't know what to do.

For those who missed it, there is a delightful thread in Cinema Discusso called Bee Movie (2007): A Hive of Scum and ... Incompetence?

# ? Mar 29, 2013 15:35

Loving Life Partner: Apr 17, 2003

There's a lot of twitters and tumblrs doing this Seinfeld plot thing, but this one is amazing.

http://seinfelt.tumblr.com/post/46458979141/the-unisexer

quote:

The Unisexer

Jerry notices that his Superman statuette seems to move to different places in his apartment whenever he looks away. Even stranger, its expression seems to be growing angrier. Elaine dates a man who wears only unisex �one size fits all� clothing, and insists she do the same. Though initially reluctant, she finds her new attire so comfortable that she convinces Peterman to devote an entire catalog to the style. After years of work, Kramer finally invents a functioning teleporter. He zaps himself across town and takes the bus back home, where he finds his own charred corpse crumpled up on the floor of the machine. George gets promoted to an upper management position. Among the many new perks that come with the role is access to the executive bathroom, a luxurious lavatory rumored to be �rivaled only by the toilets of royalty.� On his first visit, he spends nearly two hours inside, taking advantage of the full-time masseuse and the gold-plated hot tub. It isn�t until he tries to leave that he realizes he hasn�t seen any of his coworkers the entire time. He asks the attendant, but discovers to his horror that the man is a mannequin. Where the masseuse had been, only moments before, is now a drawing of a stick figure with the caption �masseuse�, and the hot tub has been replaced with a gold-painted plastic pet dish. Panicked, he rushes to leave, but where the door should be is a Polaroid photograph of an old wrought-iron gate taped to the wall. Upon closer inspection, he notices that the gate bears a large wooden sign reading �COSTANZA�.

# ? Mar 29, 2013 17:34

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; everybody relax, i'm here; Nap Ghost

MOHEL BOMB

...Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry, because that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child because this is the time to exercise it, when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane?!

-

Did I find it alright? I mean could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag, I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll lie in the gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like an animal! God forbid someone should help me or call an ambulance. No, that's too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh what's the point.

-

Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breath and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walking barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? Do you?!

-

People compose yourselves! This is a bris. We are performing a bris here, not a burlesque show. This is not a school play! This is not a baggy pants farce! This is a bris. An ancient, sacred ceremony, symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham... or something.

-

One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked sturgeon.

# ? Mar 29, 2013 17:36

Gyshall: Feb 24, 2009; Had a couple of drinks.
Saw a couple of things.

Eduardo...

Corrochio!

# ? Mar 29, 2013 18:20

Rageaholic: May 31, 2005; Old Town Road to EGOT

That's good. That's very good. Kind of just rolls off the tongue. I wonder where on the upper west side a single girl might meet a matador? Perhaps Zabars? Or Ray's Pizza!

# ? Mar 30, 2013 00:00