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karbraxis posted:can confirm forest hookers. going to cheb from graf you would see them right as soon as you passed that giant asian flea market. we even had them wave us down and try to gently caress us. lol cheb
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Mar 28, 2013 02:55
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karbraxis posted:can confirm forest hookers. going to cheb from graf you would see them right as soon as you passed that giant asian flea market. we even had them wave us down and try to gently caress us. I miss the poo poo out of that Asian flea market. Best knockoff name-label clothes I ever bought. We'd hit it going and coming on Prague trips.
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Mar 28, 2013 02:58
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I google image searched "forest hookers" and found a page "Polish Prostitutes - Meet the Forest Whores Outside Warsaw" 
Stultus Maximus fucked around with this message at 03:19 on Mar 28, 2013 |
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Mar 28, 2013 03:13
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There was that series of pics in i want to say South America that was caught on Google Street View with two ladies on the side of the road, the Google car passes, then some SUV behind the car pulls over and picks them up. It's good to see that chivalry isn't dead! Couldn't find those pics, but did find this nice compilation on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h--h0XN6Iy4
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Mar 28, 2013 03:28
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I was so confused that there was such a large asian population in the middle of europe. We bought this absinthe that had a giant preying mantis in it. drank that poo poo and ate the mantis the day we left for deployment. made for an interesting plane ride.
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Mar 28, 2013 05:44
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I’m (somewhat) relieved to read about all the gently caress-ups out there. I thought I’d served with the biggest one, but it turns out he was actually a mild case compared to some of the stories in this thread. I spent the better part of my 19th year serving as a conscript in the Royal Danish Army, with a pretty good bunch of guys - and then there was Allan. Allan was a 12-year-old trapped in a 22-year-old’s body. His highest ambition was to get a driver’s licence and a heavy goods certificate, so he could get a job as a truck driver, collecting milk from the dairy farms in the area just like his dad. He lived with his parents in a small town ten minutes from the gates of the base, with his dog Jolly, and had begged and pleaded to be let in to the army. Some idiot let him in. It quickly became clear that Allan wasn’t playing with a full deck when he poo poo the bed on our first night in the barracks. For the remaining eight months, we took turns ensuring that he was wearing clean underwear, which entailed getting him to change every morning and again around noon - except on field exercices, where he got away with doing it once every day. Allan was pretty poo poo at every single thing he was made to do, and in a heavy mortar platoon, where you’re around high explosives a lot, that’s a problem. So he was yelled at a lot by the sergeants, although they held back a lot due to his... condition. He deserted three times in eight months and was brought back every time by the MP’s, except for one. On a monday morning, Allan had failed to show up. We shrugged, reported him AWOL and proceeded to pack the vehicles and head out for a week in the boonies. Our route took us by Allan’s house, and who was standing in the driveway, flanked by his trusted dog Jolly, waving at the trucks with a huge smile? Yup. Our LT called a halt at the next rest area, took the wheel of his jeep and raced off. Ten minutes later, Allan was sitting in the back of our truck. Asked what he had been thinking, he said that he thought it was Sunday and that he was wondering why all his pals had been driving past his house. There was also the time when he dropped a live WP round after having pulled the pin (something he under no circumstances was supposed to do in his function) on a live fire exercise. He wasn't a bad kid, he was just mentally handicapped and should've never been allowed to serve.
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Mar 28, 2013 08:13
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Scratch Monkey posted:Czech is Central Europe but the women are hot so I guess it works out the same. I can confirm though. I saw Czech forest hookers along the road just over the border from Austria. They have garden gnomes to sell though, so that's different as they are legit roadside tourism businesses.
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Mar 28, 2013 12:14
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How did his service end? It's one thing to let him serve but another to let him continue when it's clear he is not capable.
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Mar 28, 2013 12:19
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Fo3 posted:They have garden gnomes to sell though, so that's different as they are legit roadside tourism businesses.
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Mar 28, 2013 14:23
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Scratch Monkey posted:How did his service end? It's one thing to let him serve but another to let him continue when it's clear he is not capable. He went home along with the rest of us, at the end of our eight months' service. In the final week, the LT and the NCOs gave each conscript an individual grade, which went on our permanent military record. He got the lowest possible (C3), which I think means jack-all for anyone NOT interested in working with security/law enforcement/military in future. However, all he ever wanted was to drive a truck full of milk like his dad, so... Our platoon consisted of equal parts fresh-faced kids like myself at 19, and older guys who'd put off service until after they had completed their education, and a lot of them had wives and kids - these guys pretty much ran the platoon and ensured that everyone was welcome. Including Allan, for all his hosed-upness. Oh yeah, and when we went on marches, he was tied with a shoestring to the backpack of our resident marathon runner, who aced all the fitness tests. I learned from this that the best place to be in the military is riiiight in the middle, and not to stand out in any way. Mzuri fucked around with this message at 15:41 on Mar 28, 2013 |
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Mar 28, 2013 15:30
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Casimir Radon posted:Do you suppose they have forest hooker gnomes to sell? I hope so, I'll have to keep that in mind in case I ever want to piss off an HOA.
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Mar 28, 2013 18:27
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Fo3 posted:Sorry, I didn't ask, I was preoccupied. Also, don't live in a HOA. Anyway, it's easy enough to piss them off just by the wrong lawn or paint color. Anyway, I've been listening to Ian Frazier's Travels in Siberia, while I labor away at fixing the grounding in one of our large frame rooms, and all of the sudden he mentions seeing forest hookers along the road.
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Mar 28, 2013 20:13
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The LT here just spent half an hour at the HLZ talking poo poo about the MPs that run this base while we were waiting for a ride back and promptly called for a HE instead of lume fire mission upon returning to the TOC. Luckily somebody caught his fuckup. I love NG 
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Mar 28, 2013 23:16
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I was in the pretend floating military. Does that mean he authorized a high explosive bombardment instead of an illumination flare?
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Mar 29, 2013 12:56
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KetTarma posted:I was in the pretend floating military. Does that mean he authorized a high explosive bombardment instead of an illumination flare? It's not fair, because all of our stupid acronyms are classified. 
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Mar 29, 2013 18:24
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KetTarma posted:I was in the pretend floating military. Does that mean he authorized a high explosive bombardment instead of an illumination flare? Yes, for extra blue-on-blue action. That reminds me of one of the first night ops 3ACR did in Tal'Afar when we got there in 05. One of the adjacent scout companies called in an illumination mission. Okay, no problem. It gets blasted over the net and everyone's waiting for it because ZOMG FIRST FIRING MISSION OF THE DEPLOYMENT. Round arrives, but somethings wrong...it's a bit too low... Queue the round going off approximately 200 feet above the city and promptly falling right onto someone's house. Iraqis sleep on the roof when it's warm out. Queue a whole bunch of people screaming and yelling because a loving gigantic many hundred degree, bright as the loving sun illumination round landed on their roof. Which like aliens, proceeds to dissolve the roof and fall into the next floor. And the next. Then it sets the house on fire. Thankfully, only like two or three houses ended up burning down and nobody was injured. Civil Affairs must have had a loving field day, because those people walked away from the ordeal with big loving smiles on their face.
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Mar 29, 2013 18:34
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Vasudus posted:Yes, for extra blue-on-blue action. Hey man sometimes those things just get wrapped up in the chute and just plummet down into, say... A giant field and start a almost half a square kilometer brush fire that was totally not your fault. Also be careful what you call for illum over because those shells break open and just fall down so make sure you burst point isn't over a roof or friendly vehicles. My counterpart in another troop had his own illum casing hit his platoons truck.
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Mar 30, 2013 12:27
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A friend showed me SA and after reading this thread i decided to join. I have seen quite a few idiots in my day. Had a guy in basic we called "can't get right", can't remember his real name because that's what we called him. Even on our platoon shirt it says "can't get right" where his name should be. While there are many highlights of his epic stupidity, i will only share a couple. On our first night of getting to our basic unit, he was just sitting up in his bed. The Drilly drill came in with his brown round in his face asking him "nicely" why hes not asleep. He promptly lets him know that "he idint sleepy" (not a misspelling that's what he said). So we were all awoken for a middle of the night PT session in the sand pit. A few days later a group of guys were trying to show him how to make up his bunk, because they were tired of doing it for him. Can't get right got enraged when they started to laugh at him because he didn't understand what a 45 degree angle meant. He threw a expletive filled tantrum that would make my 2 year old proud. After threatening death to everyone in attendance, the cadre caught wind of what was going on in the bay. He had 6 drill sergeants screaming at him at the same time, all telling him to do different exercises, at the same time. He spent some time bear crawling up and down "can't get right" hill that evening. Later on that night he got some special attention from his Battle Buddy's. During AIT we had a kid that all he did was talk crap. He was loudly telling a large group of us about how he went out and was smoking weed and drinking the weekend before, not realizing that a drill sergeant was standing right behind him. Of course we didn't tell him either. The best part about it was that he passed the urinalysis, but since he admitted to using drugs he still got a field grade, 45/45, half pay for 2 months, and a Dis-Honorable discharge.
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Mar 30, 2013 17:17
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What.
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Mar 30, 2013 18:08
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You sound like a dick. What were his exact words when he apparently said "he idin't sleepy"? Because there is no way I can imagine him saying that from a first person perspective.
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Mar 31, 2013 07:40
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Yeah, I've seen some idiots in my time. This one dude at MEPS was so
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Mar 31, 2013 08:28
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Magugu posted:A friend showed me SA and after reading this thread i decided to join. gently caress off.
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Mar 31, 2013 15:14
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I think the biggest idiot I ever met is me. If I had engaged the Navy with a serious attitude I might be a Petty Officer 2nd Class or 1st Class on shore duty while working on my degree one class at a time.
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Mar 31, 2013 15:39
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The illumination talk reminds me of our battalion XO who was kinda of an idiot. He was also really loving lucky. We would have to take him out from time to time so he could do whatever it is an XO does. On one such occasion we linked up with some IPs and they took us to a building they wanted to make into a police station. The guys in the XO's stryker drop ramp and dismount but the XO was too cool for that poo poo and climbed out of the TC hatch and down the front to dismount in front of the driver. While he was doing this an IED went off right next to their stryker and we all thought they were hosed. As we were scrambling to grab CLS bags and run out there the smoke clears and the dismounts are fine and there's this bright glowing ball burning away in the middle of the street. Some goof ball turned a lum round into an IED so all they got was some relatively minor shrapnel damage to the stryker. What happened next was more terrifying than the IED as the IP dudes with us went into full death blossom mode and starting blasting away in a directions. The coolest dude actually jumped over the burning lum round, ran to the side of the road, and starting lighting up an abandoned car with his AK from the hip. Another time we were out with the XO he got hit full in the face with a directional IED full of some kind of white powder. It failed to ignite so there was no damage done but he stopped everyone and dismounted to gently caress around in the bushes looking for the thing. He told my vehicle to check out some dudes and their truck on the side of the road so I dismounted with my bro and we head over. We had no terp so trying to talk to them was pretty useless. We searched the truck and found nothing and were about to walk down the road to talk to some kids but said gently caress it and mounted back up. As we were leaving a secondary IED went off about 15 meters away from the XOs stryker as they were turning around. It was far enough away that it didn't do any damage but it was right between the truck I searched and the kids down the road. If I wasn't such a lazy dude we would have walked right over it and we probably would have been smoked. Patrols with the XO were simultaneously the luckiest and unluckiest.
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Mar 31, 2013 16:33
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This one time at DEP call
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Mar 31, 2013 16:48
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Military Story Rule #1- if your military story is really cool and it has the word "drill sergeant" it is not really cool and nobody wants to loving hear it
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Mar 31, 2013 18:03
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what about RECRUIT D...gently caress, whatever navy boot camp people are
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Mar 31, 2013 18:06
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Y'all niggas is mean.
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Mar 31, 2013 18:39
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LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL posted:Y'all niggas is mean. Check your privilege
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Mar 31, 2013 18:58
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f@ck you, you f@cking @ssh@les
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Mar 31, 2013 18:59
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Mad Pino Rage posted:I think the biggest idiot I ever met is me. If I had engaged the Navy with a serious attitude I might be a Petty Officer 2nd Class or 1st Class on shore duty while working on my degree one class at a time. From American Military University! Or Excelsior! Has anyone ever met anyone who earned a degree from a real school while active duty?
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Mar 31, 2013 22:57
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Beria posted:From American Military University! Or Excelsior! I'm holding my tongue about the devaluation of a college education. No, I haven't; closest I remember is some guy who got out, finished school at UNR and came back in as an OC.
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Mar 31, 2013 23:07
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Beria posted:From American Military University! Or Excelsior! I know some officers who got their Masters from Georgetown and University of Pennsylvania while they were in
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Apr 1, 2013 00:04
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Booblord Zagats posted:I know some officers who got their Masters from Georgetown and University of Pennsylvania while they were in That's pretty cool actually. I wish more people could be afforded those opportunities.
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Apr 1, 2013 00:05
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I knew an E7 that was getting a (civil) engineering degree from I *think* University of Colorado-Boulder. He had been getting it for the last five years and at the time I knew him, was a first semester junior. I asked him what'll happen if/when branch decides he's going to PCS and he just told me hopefully that never happens. I never did see if he got it or not.
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Apr 1, 2013 01:13
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Booblord Zagats posted:I know some officers who got their Masters from Georgetown and University of Pennsylvania while they were in My stepbrother got a doctorate from Oxford. Think he had to sign up for an extra 2 years to get it, though.
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Apr 1, 2013 02:38
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Today a MSgt was trying to demonstrate to me that a radio in their truck was intermittent, but it was working fine when he was trying to show me the problem. During this he started the truck inside it's tiny little garage with the door closed. Trying to be diplomatic I questioned how well the garage is ventilated, and he told me he was only going to let it run for a minute. I was really close to storming out when he did turn it off. I don't know how long it would take to fill that garage up with carbon monoxide but I don't particularly feel like experimenting either.
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Apr 1, 2013 20:56
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Casimir Radon posted:Today a MSgt was trying to demonstrate to me that a radio in their truck was intermittent, but it was working fine when he was trying to show me the problem. During this he started the truck inside it's tiny little garage with the door closed. Trying to be diplomatic I questioned how well the garage is ventilated, and he told me he was only going to let it run for a minute. I was really close to storming out when he did turn it off. I don't know how long it would take to fill that garage up with carbon monoxide but I don't particularly feel like experimenting either. Why didn't you start jacking it? You missed out on a real treat, all the fun of autoerotic asphyxiation with none of the hassle of hanging yourself from a doorknob.
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Apr 1, 2013 21:06
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Why didn't you start jacking it? You missed out on a real treat, all the fun of autoerotic asphyxiation with none of the hassle of hanging yourself from a doorknob. And if anyone asked you what the gently caress was wrong with you/tried to give you paperwork/whatever you could just claim disorientation/confusion/whatever from the CO.
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Apr 2, 2013 01:12
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Casimir Radon posted:Today a MSgt was trying to demonstrate to me that a radio in their truck was intermittent, but it was working fine when he was trying to show me the problem. During this he started the truck inside it's tiny little garage with the door closed. Trying to be diplomatic I questioned how well the garage is ventilated, and he told me he was only going to let it run for a minute. I was really close to storming out when he did turn it off. I don't know how long it would take to fill that garage up with carbon monoxide but I don't particularly feel like experimenting either. With a modern car, it would probably take a while to fill the garage with CO. Then again, it's probably a carburated leaded fuel engine with no emissions control equipment, so you're probably lucky to be alive. Enjoy your lung cancer, I guess. 
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Apr 2, 2013 02:01
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