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Hdip
Aug 21, 2002
So my dog stole the awesome nasal aspirator (snot sucker) that the hospital gave us. It has a couple bite holes in it now and doesn't work as good as it used to. Can anyone point me to another one that works as well? The two I've bought to replace it are kind of useless so I'm still using the one my dog got.

What about those long tubes where you suck the snot out of babies nose? https://www.google.com/shopping/pro...ed=0CIQBEPMCMAI

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Woman
Oct 31, 2010

Obscurity posted:

Anyone have any good information for being a step-parent? (step-father)

I recently moved in with my girlfriend who has a 7 year old daughter. She just finalized the divorce with her husband (was a matter of money, etc..should have done a while ago) and we're thinking of marriage soon. I've already experienced my own set of challenges with being a step-parent..so any sources of information that help would be great.

So far the hardest part is figuring out when / how to be an actual parent, and when to just let the mother be the parent. We don't see eye to eye on certain things, but her being the biological parent I just try my best to let her handle things. I'd like to be a positive parental figure for the girl, but at the same time I don't want to overstep. This isn't easy! :ohdear:

My husband has a six year old daughter from a previous marriage, I became her stepmom when she was 3. Figuring out your role is confusing, demanding and irritating at times, but you'll have an easier time if you discuss it with her mother. Not knowing when to step in and when to back off was a source of arguments between me and my husband because we don't agree on certain parenting things. I've learned that you are allowed to parent, but when what you want to do is different than what the mom or dad wants to do in parenting the child, just bite your tongue and back off. If it's something you think is important to discuss, then bring it up later. This doesn't mean you have no voice and shouldn't have a say in anything, but that you're in a unique position. You can create your own parenting dynamic with her daughter where she will get to know who you are as a new parenting figure, and then there will be a different dynamic when you are all together. I don't know if that makes sense.

Zaekkor
May 12, 2010

Oh, let's break it down!

Woman posted:

My husband has a six year old daughter from a previous marriage, I became her stepmom when she was 3. Figuring out your role is confusing, demanding and irritating at times, but you'll have an easier time if you discuss it with her mother. Not knowing when to step in and when to back off was a source of arguments between me and my husband because we don't agree on certain parenting things. I've learned that you are allowed to parent, but when what you want to do is different than what the mom or dad wants to do in parenting the child, just bite your tongue and back off. If it's something you think is important to discuss, then bring it up later. This doesn't mean you have no voice and shouldn't have a say in anything, but that you're in a unique position. You can create your own parenting dynamic with her daughter where she will get to know who you are as a new parenting figure, and then there will be a different dynamic when you are all together. I don't know if that makes sense.

Yeah it does make sense. I pretty much do as you've said..bite my tongue and back off when her mom thinks something is ok for the daughter to do. "Confusing, demanding, and irritating at times" is pretty accurate..but it's worth it!

Thanks for your help those who replied. :)

Amelia Song
Jan 28, 2012

Hdip posted:

So my dog stole the awesome nasal aspirator (snot sucker) that the hospital gave us. It has a couple bite holes in it now and doesn't work as good as it used to. Can anyone point me to another one that works as well? The two I've bought to replace it are kind of useless so I'm still using the one my dog got.

What about those long tubes where you suck the snot out of babies nose? https://www.google.com/shopping/pro...ed=0CIQBEPMCMAI

We use this one. It works pretty well, even if the babies hate it.

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful
We have the Nosefrida, which is really similar. You have to pin him down to use it, but it works way better than the bulb and also doesn't go in the nose, which is nice. I've only replaced the filter once in 14 months. I'd recommend something like it because I saw a horror picture of how mold grows in the bulb syringes because they're so hard to dry out.

flashy_mcflash
Feb 7, 2011

Hdip posted:

So my dog stole the awesome nasal aspirator (snot sucker) that the hospital gave us. It has a couple bite holes in it now and doesn't work as good as it used to. Can anyone point me to another one that works as well? The two I've bought to replace it are kind of useless so I'm still using the one my dog got.

What about those long tubes where you suck the snot out of babies nose? https://www.google.com/shopping/pro...ed=0CIQBEPMCMAI

I don't know if this is available to you but we've been using the Hydrasense brand. they seem pretty good and my s/o bought a cheaper thing of saline because they charge a ridiculous amount for the official Hyrdasense refills.

http://well.ca/products/hydrasense-infant-nasal-aspirator_15245.html

Our baby hates it at first but gets this awesome tripped-out comaface right after we do it. Maybe we're sucking out pieces of her brain I dunno

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
Any advice on a 2-year old who hits when he gets frustrated? It mainly happens when he's playing with other kids and they have or try to play with a toy he covets. He'll do it to friends, strangers, anyone who gets between him and his precious.

I remind him of the rules before he plays with anyone, I keep an eagle eye on him but don't hover too close so he learns to play nice with others without me having to be over his shoulder, and I grab him and remove him from the situation right away, even if that means going home. He's just starting to put together sentences and stuff, so he's fuzzy on the concept of saying "I'm sorry" when he hurts someone. But we're working on it.

His grandmother (my mom) and I both have hot tempers and it appears he has inherited this wonderful trait as well. He's an awesome kid otherwise, but that rage takes over and he strikes out and I can't seem to do anything about it. And he has a new baby sister in the house (she's almost 4-months old) but he's been doing this since before she was born.

bamzilla
Jan 13, 2005

All butt since 2012.


VorpalBunny posted:

Any advice on a 2-year old who hits when he gets frustrated? It mainly happens when he's playing with other kids and they have or try to play with a toy he covets. He'll do it to friends, strangers, anyone who gets between him and his precious.

I remind him of the rules before he plays with anyone, I keep an eagle eye on him but don't hover too close so he learns to play nice with others without me having to be over his shoulder, and I grab him and remove him from the situation right away, even if that means going home. He's just starting to put together sentences and stuff, so he's fuzzy on the concept of saying "I'm sorry" when he hurts someone. But we're working on it.

His grandmother (my mom) and I both have hot tempers and it appears he has inherited this wonderful trait as well. He's an awesome kid otherwise, but that rage takes over and he strikes out and I can't seem to do anything about it. And he has a new baby sister in the house (she's almost 4-months old) but he's been doing this since before she was born.

redirect as much as possible. Tell him it's not ok to hit people/animals/etc but he can hit that pillow/couch instead.

ghost story
Sep 10, 2005
Boo.
Teething & vomiting.

Is it really that normal of a thing?

She has just cut tooth #5. Last Monday night - prior to cutting it - she vomited and had diarrhea. Tonight she has vomited again.

She already has an appointment on Thursday for her 9 month check up. Is the ped going to be able to help or just confirm that teething sucks?

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
My daughter ALWAYS gets diarrhea when she's cutting a tooth initially. She drools so much (even at 27 months old) and I think the increased saliva is what does it. I'm not sure about the vomiting though, I would definitely ask her ped.

Amelia Song
Jan 28, 2012

Some people get an upset stomach if they swallow too much saliva, so she could be vomiting from that. I would also talk to her pediatrician, though.

iwik
Oct 12, 2007
My little man got a bit vomity when he was getting his current teeth. Since they've come through he's been a happy chappy with no excess dribbling, no spit up and it's lovely to know that I can keep a shirt on him without it being sopping wet after an hour.

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful
Keep in mind tha if she's learning any new skills like rolling, sitting, crawling, etc, she'll probably be spitting up more than usual.

crazyvanman
Dec 31, 2010
My daughter, Katalina, is now 8 months old and pretty much all her life she's absolutely hated going in the car. She's sometimes alright for about 2 minutes, but then she really screams her head off and just doesn't stop. When she's tired it's fine - she'll just get to sleep pretty quickly and then probably won't wake up for at least an hour. But when she's not tired, she just screams and screams. We'e had a horrible couple of journeys where we've had to stop several times, but we fairly quickly learnt that we just have to plan when we go out so that in coincides with her wanting to sleep. It's not a huge problem but does sort of limit us sometimes, and it would be nice if she could enjoy the car like I'm told most other babies do!

Is there anything we can do about it? Toys/keys/phones can help for a short amount of time, but sometimes if she's going to cry she's just going to cry no matter what. Sometimes singing, loud music or loud fans also work for a minute or two but then she'll scream over it.

dreamcatcherkwe
Apr 14, 2005
Dreamcatcher

crazyvanman posted:

My daughter, Katalina, is now 8 months old and pretty much all her life she's absolutely hated going in the car. She's sometimes alright for about 2 minutes, but then she really screams her head off and just doesn't stop. When she's tired it's fine - she'll just get to sleep pretty quickly and then probably won't wake up for at least an hour. But when she's not tired, she just screams and screams. We'e had a horrible couple of journeys where we've had to stop several times, but we fairly quickly learnt that we just have to plan when we go out so that in coincides with her wanting to sleep. It's not a huge problem but does sort of limit us sometimes, and it would be nice if she could enjoy the car like I'm told most other babies do!

Is there anything we can do about it? Toys/keys/phones can help for a short amount of time, but sometimes if she's going to cry she's just going to cry no matter what. Sometimes singing, loud music or loud fans also work for a minute or two but then she'll scream over it.

Is she still in a bucket seat? Sometimes they like convertibles better. They're more upright.

My youngest kid hated the carseat until she was over a year. :( It sucked so you have my sympathies.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Mine hated the car seat until we realized he was overheating since he's pretty much encapsulated on all sides. We'd pull him out and he'd be a sweaty, crying mess. Dressing him lighter and opening the window and blasting the ac (even when it was 40 deg. outside) calmed him down and made him happy.

crazyvanman
Dec 31, 2010
Thanks for the suggestions, the seat has a newborn insert that is apparently suitable until 9 months, but maybe we will take that out now, put the seat more upright and try putting her in just a vest (she does seem to come out very sweaty after she's screamed her head off, but we weren't sure which came first).

At least now we know we're not the only ones! Apparently I loved the car, and most people actually seem to drive their children to get them to sleep.

Gounads
Mar 13, 2013

Where am I?
How did I get here?
I've heard some kids are really sensitive to the pressure difference when the doors close. Try opening a window before you close the last door to see if that's it. You can close it after the door closes.

Edit - Actually, if she's sometimes ok for a couple minutes, that's probably not it. But worth a try?

Chickalicious
Apr 13, 2005

We are the ones we've been waiting for.
We have a fan rigged up to the headrest that plugs into a lighter outlet doodad to keep air flowing over the kid since he's still rear-facing and doesn't get direct airflow from the a/c.

Krypt-OOO-Nite!!
Oct 25, 2010

Obscurity posted:

Anyone have any good information for being a step-parent? (step-father)

I recently moved in with my girlfriend who has a 7 year old daughter. She just finalized the divorce with her husband (was a matter of money, etc..should have done a while ago) and we're thinking of marriage soon. I've already experienced my own set of challenges with being a step-parent..so any sources of information that help would be great.

So far the hardest part is figuring out when / how to be an actual parent, and when to just let the mother be the parent. We don't see eye to eye on certain things, but her being the biological parent I just try my best to let her handle things. I'd like to be a positive parental figure for the girl, but at the same time I don't want to overstep. This isn't easy! :ohdear:

Having done it with my ex for 5 years the best advice I can give you is don't worry about having act as if your her dad.
I made the mistake of at first being totally hands off and then acting like a parent until I worked out that the perfect balance was to be somewhere in the middle somewhat like an uncle for example.
Leave serious discipline, decisions etc to your partner but don't be afraid to tell her off etc and discuss parenting decisions with your partner.
Don't worry as time goes on you'll end up with the same "authority" and responsibility just don't overthink it or try to rush it.
Also don't worry if the kid acts like abit of an arsehole sometimes towards you or when your partner's not around thats perfectly normal and doesn't mean she hates you or anything.

Basiclly just let the mum lead and you follow and it'll all click into place after some time.

ghost story
Sep 10, 2005
Boo.

ghost story posted:

Teething & vomiting.

Is it really that normal of a thing?

She has just cut tooth #5. Last Monday night - prior to cutting it - she vomited and had diarrhea. Tonight she has vomited again.

She already has an appointment on Thursday for her 9 month check up. Is the ped going to be able to help or just confirm that teething sucks?

And update to this:

Ped wasn't concerned. He just chalked it up to her holding in a burp and it coming out once she was asleep. That isn't a too far fetched idea since she hates burping and I rarely can get one out of her. He said since there wasn't any change in behavior, no fever - there really wasn't anything that could be done. :shrug:

Firstborn
Oct 14, 2012

i'm the heckin best
yeah
yeah
yeah
frig all the rest
I have kind of issue with my girlfriend's 2 yo. He won't go to bed.

He spends generally half the week at his grandmother's, and when he is over there, she apparently sleeps in the bed with him. When he is home and put to bed, he cries incessantly like his heart is being broken, and then there's a 2 hour process or so of him getting out of bed and coming to his bedroom door crying and asking for nonsensical things.

I know a big part of this is simply being the age, but any advice?

Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001

WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

Firstborn posted:

I have kind of issue with my girlfriend's 2 yo. He won't go to bed.

He spends generally half the week at his grandmother's, and when he is over there, she apparently sleeps in the bed with him. When he is home and put to bed, he cries incessantly like his heart is being broken, and then there's a 2 hour process or so of him getting out of bed and coming to his bedroom door crying and asking for nonsensical things.

I know a big part of this is simply being the age, but any advice?

You can't _make_ a kid sleep, it is one of the few things in their life that they can control, so a lot of them will. Fighting or shouting about it is stimulating, and makes it very hard for either of you to get to sleep. So you need to establish habits for bedtime.

Make a comprehensive bedtime ritual. If he is going straight from dinner/excitingness/television to bed, then he isn't going to wind down well.

I'd try a series of increasingly more relaxing things. Bath time, then reading together, then pee and glass of water so he won't pop up in 10 minutes asking after those, then lights out and a cuddle, then sing a song, then good night and close the door. When he gets up, don't yell, don't argue, don't engage, don't do anything exciting. Just silently put him back in his bed.

Make it a nice time, for both of you. You can't rush it, or your kid will catch on that you are cheating. Even a preverbal kid knows when you are trying to cheat to shave minutes off a routine, so block out your schedule and do it the whole way, the same way, every time.

It may still be a 2 hour process, but you could make it a less lovely 2 hour process.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

I'm a first time parent of a six week old, and looking for some advice from those of you who have dealt with a similar situation. The problem? Jealous Grandparents.

We have three sets of grandparents

1. My mother
2. My wives mother and father
3. My father and step-mother

The problem is my mother. She is insanely jealous, especially of my step-mother. Over the first few weeks, we've asked people to take care of our child a few times, mostly for just an hour or two at a time to deal with some issues. My mom has only been asked once, and she makes it a point to bring up how "hurt" she is that we will not allow her to watch our child. The problem is that my mom works and my step-mother doesn't, and each time my step-mother has taken care of our child, it's been during the day. When my wives mother and father have watched the child (they live about an hour away), it's been a couple times on Saturday nights, when they volunteered to watch our child to allow us to attend a local art show and a dinner with some friends.

On top of that, my mother is the only one of this group who smokes, so my child is not allowed to be in her house, because it absolutely reeks.

These things add together to make my mom the most frustrating person to be around. Each time I see her, it balloons into an argument about us not wanting her to see our child. This isn't true, and she probably sees her at least as much as anyone else.

There have been very valid reasons for us to have asked other people to watch her the other times, but she refuses to see this, and at this point, I'm honestly so tired of dealing with her that I considering asking her to just stay away for a while. I am not a good father on the days that I deal with my mom, because she gets me so worked up with the constant arguing. As I said to her the last time, I already have one child and don't have the time to deal with another.

To be completely honest, she is the least responsible of the groups that I've mentioned. My step-mother is young and in good health, and my father is in relatively good health. My wives mother is a nurse and she always keeps our child with my wives husband. My mom on the other is a diabetic who has had periods of really high or low spikes, she is a smoker, and she is notoriously unreliable (when we've asked her to do minor things in the past, like check in our dogs when we're out of town for a day, it's hit or miss whether she will actually do it or not). With all of that said, we make an effort to have her see our baby as much as possible, and the one time she kept her was a manufactured event (she is unaware of this) by my wife and I, just to give her an opportunity to keep her at a time where she was able.

I am completely at my wits end on this one. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 13:41 on Apr 22, 2013

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful
It's a crappy situation. I'd honestly keep on not letting her watch and work on de-escalating blow-ups as they occur. Maybe try not to mention when other people are watching the baby too, and make her feel like she's getting extra attention? You could take a few nice pictures of her holding the baby too and print them out or FB them.

I know it sounds like how you deal with a jealous child, but it's pretty much the same thing. My mom is also not allowed to watch the baby, and each time she offers, we say thank you so much and leave it at that, or sometimes mention how we don't go out alone so often because we like spending time with the baby. I try never to mention how my MIL watches him, because it'll just make my mom spiral in her actions.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Ben Davis posted:

It's a crappy situation. I'd honestly keep on not letting her watch and work on de-escalating blow-ups as they occur. Maybe try not to mention when other people are watching the baby too, and make her feel like she's getting extra attention? You could take a few nice pictures of her holding the baby too and print them out or FB them.

I know it sounds like how you deal with a jealous child, but it's pretty much the same thing. My mom is also not allowed to watch the baby, and each time she offers, we say thank you so much and leave it at that, or sometimes mention how we don't go out alone so often because we like spending time with the baby. I try never to mention how my MIL watches him, because it'll just make my mom spiral in her actions.

This was our plan, but unfortunately my mom talks regularly to my step mom, and is extremely nosy.

If my wife and I are out of the house and someone else is keeping our child, it never fails that we will get a phone call during that time. She will also find a way to turn the conversation into who is keeping the child.

To make matters worse, my step-mom is going to keep our child for three months, while we are on the waiting list to get into a daycare. I can't imagine the jealousy we will deal with at that point...

Dear Prudence
Sep 3, 2012

Acrolos posted:

I'm a first time parent of a six week old, and looking for some advice from those of you who have dealt with a similar situation. The problem? Jealous Grandparents.

We have three sets of grandparents

1. My mother
2. My wives mother and father
3. My father and step-mother

The problem is my mother. She is insanely jealous, especially of my step-mother. Over the first few weeks, we've asked people to take care of our child a few times, mostly for just an hour or two at a time to deal with some issues. My mom has only been asked once, and she makes it a point to bring up how "hurt" she is that we will not allow her to watch our child. The problem is that my mom works and my step-mother doesn't, and each time my step-mother has taken care of our child, it's been during the day. When my wives mother and father have watched the child (they live about an hour away), it's been a couple times on Saturday nights, when they volunteered to watch our child to allow us to attend a local art show and a dinner with some friends.

On top of that, my mother is the only one of this group who smokes, so my child is not allowed to be in her house, because it absolutely reeks.

These things add together to make my mom the most frustrating person to be around. Each time I see her, it balloons into an argument about us not wanting her to see our child. This isn't true, and she probably sees her at least as much as anyone else.

There have been very valid reasons for us to have asked other people to watch her the other times, but she refuses to see this, and at this point, I'm honestly so tired of dealing with her that I considering asking her to just stay away for a while. I am not a good father on the days that I deal with my mom, because she gets me so worked up with the constant arguing. As I said to her the last time, I already have one child and don't have the time to deal with another.

To be completely honest, she is the least responsible of the groups that I've mentioned. My step-mother is young and in good health, and my father is in relatively good health. My wives mother is a nurse and she always keeps our child with my wives husband. My mom on the other is a diabetic who has had periods of really high or low spikes, she is a smoker, and she is notoriously unreliable (when we've asked her to do minor things in the past, like check in our dogs when we're out of town for a day, it's hit or miss whether she will actually do it or not). With all of that said, we make an effort to have her see our baby as much as possible, and the one time she kept her was a manufactured event (she is unaware of this) by my wife and I, just to give her an opportunity to keep her at a time where she was able.

I am completely at my wits end on this one. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Your mother is a drama queen. You have perfectly valid reasons for not letting her take care of the kid in her home. If you can, invite her over to watch the child at your house while you and wife get some sleep or go shopping or out to dinner or whatever. But not at her house. And tell her exactly why. Tell her her house reeks because of her smoking so the kid can't go over there, but definitely invite her to watch the child for limited amounts of time at your own house.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Definitely agree there. I've been dealing with her drama queen antics and guilt trips my entire life... but in the past I've been able to mostly tune it out. I guess with the child, I'm tired of the head games and refuse to allow her to do it to me anymore.

The one time I let her watch my child, it was in our home. My wife and in talked about it today, and we are going to start asking her to keep our baby the times that we would normally ask my step mom. Truthfully, she will be working and we know she can't stay with her, but hopefully it will help her see that availability is a big piece of this.

Amykinz
May 6, 2007
That, honestly, might be a very big part of it. She knows drat well she can't quit work to watch your kid 24/7, but she just wants to be "offered first" so she knows you're thinking of her.

lorddazron
Mar 31, 2011

Acrolos posted:

Definitely agree there. I've been dealing with her drama queen antics and guilt trips my entire life... but in the past I've been able to mostly tune it out. I guess with the child, I'm tired of the head games and refuse to allow her to do it to me anymore.

The one time I let her watch my child, it was in our home. My wife and in talked about it today, and we are going to start asking her to keep our baby the times that we would normally ask my step mom. Truthfully, she will be working and we know she can't stay with her, but hopefully it will help her see that availability is a big piece of this.

I was in a very similar situation with my parents when our daughter was born. Bit of background first. I'm an ex smoker, and sorta quit about three years ago. I'd never smoke around my fiance, and always smoked outside. When she was about three months pregnant, I quit altogether, and have never looked back. My family on the other hand are very heavy smokers, and were quite stubborn about it. We had to have a chat about smoking around the child before she was born and personally I dont think they liked it. My fiance's parents on the other hand had literally zero problems, and they both smoked as well. My mother was exactly the same as yours, only wanted to butt in more.

It all blew up in a huge argument (legal threats and everything) and resulted in me not talking to my family for about 4 months, which hurt me immensely (and still does). At the end of the day it's no longer about me or my feelings, but about doing whats best for my little girl. I wouldnt hesitate to do it again. Fortunately I haven't had to, because I think my family realise that I don't gently caress around when it comes to my little girl. She is my world, and I will always do whats best for her. What i'm saying is don't worry, because they will come round in the end, but you need to tell her the reasons why she can't have her, and be honest about it.

oddIXIbbo
Feb 25, 2009

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
That situation sounds like another stress in an already stressful period. I've been there and I hope you can come out the other side stronger and happier.

In one perspective, your family is offering to help and every grandparent loves to spent time with their grandchild. I'm making a huge assumption here but maybe her feelings may be intensified by a more general desire to be loved unconditionally and play an important role in someone's life. Perhaps it's not simply drama and care should be taken to heal relationships rather than punish an already depressed person. In my situation, that was the real issue.


On the other hand, if a person is unreliable, unhealthy and full of unresolved emotional issues, they are not the best candidate for handling a 6-7 week old. Is this your first child? I ask because I was surprised at the position of strength we have. As a first-time parent, we now have absolute control over our choices for care of our child. For some new parents, this is the first time we can really tell _our_ parents "No. You aren't going to do [thing]." We set the rules and boundaries. If smoke in the house is an issue, we can decide "No visits to smokey house." Be firm. It's our responsibility to make these decisions. We may not always make the right ones, but they're ours to make.

You can't use your child as a bargaining chip in parental drama but Grandma 'ranks' below Mom and Dad when it comes to who sets the rules. Deal with any family issues with love and happiness as first principals but safety of your child is the foremost and your biggest responsibility. I hope your outcome is like mine where everyone ended up in a much better place after understanding each other's perspective.

oddIXIbbo fucked around with this message at 11:31 on Apr 23, 2013

frenchnewwave
Jun 7, 2012

Would you like a Cuppa?

lorddazron posted:

At the end of the day it's no longer about me or my feelings, but about doing whats best for my little girl.

This. And even more so, it's not about your mom's feelings. It's not as though you never let her see your child. She's being immature and making it worse for herself. I'd gently explain that to her too.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Thanks for the responses. I think I've already failed on the chance to "gently" break things down, because I ripped her apart the other day. It happened after, once again, she muttered under her breath about how we don't want our child to see her. This was after her third time seeing her in the same week... so I blew up. I told her that I already have one child to take care of, and I can't worry about another one.

Over the course of the argument, I didn't break down most of the reasons that there are issues with her keeping my child. The one I left out was the responsibility thing, because even in my state of anger, I didn't want to hurt her too bad.

I do appreciate that we have so many people willing to help with our child, but honestly, we have started taking her places with us and the opportunities to keep her are going to be fairly minimal. We would like to go out maybe once a month, but I doubt it will be much more than that.

We are going to also have to break it to all of the family that the constant visits (most are visiting 2-3 time a week) is going to have to stop when my wife and I go back to work after 12 weeks. With limited time seeing the baby, we're not going to want to spend all day on Saturday and Sunday with our families holding the baby and passing her around.

The weird thing is that having our child has turned a rather cold relationship (with my dad) into a much better one, while the relationship with my mom (typically pretty good) has completely broken down.

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 15:53 on Apr 23, 2013

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

oddIXIbbo posted:

Is this your first child? I ask because I was surprised at the position of strength we have. As a first-time parent, we now have absolute control over our choices for care of our child. For some new parents, this is the first time we can really tell _our_ parents "No. You aren't going to do [thing]." We set the rules and boundaries. If smoke in the house is an issue, we can decide "No visits to smokey house." Be firm. It's our responsibility to make these decisions. We may not always make the right ones, but they're ours to make.

I think I'm starting to learn this. In the past, I've been fairly passive with my family, but having our baby has really made me stand up to them a little bit. I think it may be a bit jarring for them, since I've typically never been that combative in the past.

My mom and grandmother were told from the moment my wife became pregnant that visits to their homes were not going to be allowed because of the smoke. I also make my mother change into a poo poo that isn't filled with smoke when she comes to my house. This was the cause of a previous fight, because every time, without fail, she would explain to me how she doesn't smell like smoke because of _________ (insert reason here). Inevitably, I would have to smell her, and then tell her that yes, in fact, she smells terrible. Part of the issue with that was because I didn't ask my grandmother, who also smokes, to do that. The reasoning was that she is very frail and can't even dress herself without the help of my grandfather. I do ask her to put a blanket on her when she holds my child though.

Through this all, it seems that everyone in my family is on my side about most of the issues with the exception of my mother and grandmother. That probably is a lot of the reason why they are the two people I really am sick and tired of seeing and talking to.

oddIXIbbo
Feb 25, 2009

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

Acrolos posted:

<snip>

My mom and grandmother were told from the moment my wife became pregnant that visits to their homes were not going to be allowed because of the smoke. I also make my mother change into a poo poo that isn't filled with smoke when she comes to my house. This was the cause of a previous fight, because every time, without fail, she would explain to me how she doesn't smell like smoke because of _________ (insert reason here). Inevitably, I would have to smell her, and then tell her that yes, in fact, she smells terrible. Part of the issue with that was because I didn't ask my grandmother, who also smokes, to do that. The reasoning was that she is very frail and can't even dress herself without the help of my grandfather. I do ask her to put a blanket on her when she holds my child though.

I'm going to go ahead and assume you meant 'shirt'... :) It is very easy to take this strength too far and venture into bargaining chip territory. 'Honest and firm' is different than 'change or else'. Family change is difficult and it sounds like there was a divorce in the past. It is very difficult to handle a new family dynamic while still emotionally dealing with a divorce/loss/family split. In my case, I really had to see things from the other person's perspective to move ahead.

Any reasonable person will understand a decision made in the interest of infant safety and family love as opposed to a decision made based on punishing a bad habit. After several tearful afternoons, we all began to understand each other and the smoker in my situation actually successfully quit after a 20 year habit. It wasn't until I started to see the situation as one of loving kindness toward a depressed parent instead of a harsh 'if-then' decision that things moved in the right direction.

Visiting a grandchild is a wonderful moment and should be a time of love and happiness. Set reasonable limits for health and safety and once understood, let grandma be grandma. Sit back and watch the joy on both faces while you can. Cherish as many of these moments as you can. They never come back.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I have a month until we're going to start getting Jasper to sleep in his crib instead of the co-sleeper next to our bed. :cry:

We put him in his crib occasionally now if we need to set him somewhere for a few minutes and he's taken a couple of naps in it. The big issue is he's really good at getting a leg/arm stuck through the slats. I've been reading conflicting things about bumpers. Some say they're ok, some say they aren't ok, some say the breathable ones are ok, but not to use them when they can sit on their own. He's already half sitting on his own now and I imagine he'll be a lot better at it in a month from now. I'm already planning to lower the crib when he's in it for good, but I'm not sure what to do about the bumper.

Gounads
Mar 13, 2013

Where am I?
How did I get here?

Alterian posted:

I have a month until we're going to start getting Jasper to sleep in his crib instead of the co-sleeper next to our bed. :cry:

We put him in his crib occasionally now if we need to set him somewhere for a few minutes and he's taken a couple of naps in it. The big issue is he's really good at getting a leg/arm stuck through the slats. I've been reading conflicting things about bumpers. Some say they're ok, some say they aren't ok, some say the breathable ones are ok, but not to use them when they can sit on their own. He's already half sitting on his own now and I imagine he'll be a lot better at it in a month from now. I'm already planning to lower the crib when he's in it for good, but I'm not sure what to do about the bumper.

Our pediatrician told us to avoid bumpers for the first year.

This past weekend I went to install one since he's been waking up with his legs sticking out in the middle of the night. I put him in the crib while I started tying the strings. Before I got half way around, he figured out how to step onto the bumper to get closer to jumping out.

bamzilla
Jan 13, 2005

All butt since 2012.


Alterian posted:

I have a month until we're going to start getting Jasper to sleep in his crib instead of the co-sleeper next to our bed. :cry:

We put him in his crib occasionally now if we need to set him somewhere for a few minutes and he's taken a couple of naps in it. The big issue is he's really good at getting a leg/arm stuck through the slats. I've been reading conflicting things about bumpers. Some say they're ok, some say they aren't ok, some say the breathable ones are ok, but not to use them when they can sit on their own. He's already half sitting on his own now and I imagine he'll be a lot better at it in a month from now. I'm already planning to lower the crib when he's in it for good, but I'm not sure what to do about the bumper.

We use the Breathable Baby mesh bumpers and have since Ben was about 7 months old. They're nice because they can't be climbed on, they're mesh so they can't suffocate by shoving their face in them, they can't get their arms/legs wedged between the rails (BOTH of my kids did this and screamed bloody murder because they couldn't figure out how to get their appendage back in), and when they spit a pacifier out, it doesn't land on the floor and bounce god knows where.

In other news, Ben's 9 months old today, his first tooth broke through a few days ago and he started crawling and pulling himself up. It's been a busy couple of days for milestones here.

frenchnewwave
Jun 7, 2012

Would you like a Cuppa?
I'm a little confused by my 5 month old. When she was about 3.5 months old, she would roll from front to back during tummy time. A few weeks later she tried rolling from back to front but wouldn't quite make it. Then she stopped rolling altogether and hasn't for about a month. Was the initial rolling just a fluke? I thought by now she'd be rolling all over the place.

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Brennanite
Feb 14, 2009
When do you start really disciplining your kids, like in the sense of timeouts. My son is 20 months old and I'm not always sure how to respond when he pushes boundaries. For example, this morning he was told not to touch the TV (like every morning), so he grabbed his snack and threw it at the TV.

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