Chili: Vehemently wrong about something stupid.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > Chili: Vehemently wrong about something stupid.

adorai: Nov 2, 2002; 10/27/04 Never forget; Grimey Drawer

Chef De Cuisinart posted:

why would you blend guac, just fold it with a spoon/fork. Hummus is a no-go in any blender, because of the thickness, and tomato sauce should have been fine.

I occasionally am unable to find a decent avocado at the store and have to buy one that is not quite ripe. I use a food processor to make guacamole in those cases, otherwise I use a sturdy whisk.

# ? Apr 30, 2013 00:42

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# ? May 15, 2024 20:07

Crazyeyes: Nov 5, 2009; If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.

Chef De Cuisinart posted:

why would you blend guac, just fold it with a spoon/fork. Hummus is a no-go in any blender, because of the thickness, and tomato sauce should have been fine.

While I agree with what you say, the person i was making it for wanted it like... super smooth. I was trying to oblige and wanted to test the stick blender. It did not perform well in this test, but i guess is expected too much of it. I will give it more chances in the future.

# ? Apr 30, 2013 03:07

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

adorai posted:

I occasionally am unable to find a decent avocado at the store and have to buy one that is not quite ripe. I use a food processor to make guacamole in those cases, otherwise I use a sturdy whisk.

When I buy avocados that aren't completely ripe I just leave them out for a couple days until they're just starting to soften, then I toss them in the fridge. I've found that they'll stay ripe (soft flesh, bright green, no spotting) in the fridge for up to a week - much better than them going from slightly soft to brown and rotten within a couple days when left out.

# ? Apr 30, 2013 14:39

Bob Morales: Aug 18, 2006; ~~Just wear the fucking mask, Bob~~

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

Crazyeyes posted:

While I agree with what you say, the person i was making it for wanted it like... super smooth. I was trying to oblige and wanted to test the stick blender. It did not perform well in this test, but i guess is expected too much of it. I will give it more chances in the future.

Potato masher or food processor.

# ? Apr 30, 2013 15:15

Crazyeyes: Nov 5, 2009; If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.

Bob Morales posted:

Potato masher or food processor.

Potato masher all the way and what I usually use. This person wanted it like that awful commercial guac and found my gloriously chunky stuff to be distasteful ("I keep getting big chunks of avacado!" :ughh:

)

# ? Apr 30, 2013 16:07

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Crazyeyes posted:

Potato masher all the way and what I usually use. This person wanted it like that awful commercial guac and found my gloriously chunky stuff to be distasteful ("I keep getting big chunks of avacado!" )

yeah but....

I mean, you wouldn't blend unripe avacado would you?

you have to treat the immersion blender like you would a blender. if there's not enough viscosity in what you're blending that it wouldn't churn in an upright blender, there's no reason to expect your immersion blender to do any better of a job. if you added like 1/2 a cup of water to your avacado, I'm sure it would have worked.

# ? May 1, 2013 06:59

Crazyeyes: Nov 5, 2009; If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.

mindphlux posted:

yeah but....

I mean, you wouldn't blend unripe avacado would you?

you have to treat the immersion blender like you would a blender. if there's not enough viscosity in what you're blending that it wouldn't churn in an upright blender, there's no reason to expect your immersion blender to do any better of a job. if you added like 1/2 a cup of water to your avacado, I'm sure it would have worked.

Agreed. I went into it thinking it was more like a food processor. That was my error it seems.

# ? May 1, 2013 12:17

signalnoise: Mar 7, 2008; i was told my old av was distracting

Yeah, the problem is that your stick blender doesn't have enough power. My suggestion is to build your own out of a vitamix. That way you can stick blend all the avocado you want

aoh aoh aoh

# ? May 1, 2013 19:48

I see that there.: Aug 6, 2011; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Gas powered string trimmer fitted with blender-head and guard.

# ? May 1, 2013 21:02

regularizer: Mar 5, 2012

I'm soaking some dried black beans tonight to use in a chili I'm making in a pressure cooker tomorrow. Should I cook the beans before making the chili and then add them in and cook the chili as a whole, or should I add the beans soaked but uncooked? It's also my first time making chili in a pressure cooker; is 30 minutes about right?

# ? May 2, 2013 02:06

Bob Morales: Aug 18, 2006; ~~Just wear the fucking mask, Bob~~

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

regularizer posted:

I'm soaking some dried black beans tonight to use in a chili I'm making in a pressure cooker tomorrow. Should I cook the beans before making the chili and then add them in and cook the chili as a whole, or should I add the beans soaked but uncooked? It's also my first time making chili in a pressure cooker; is 30 minutes about right?

You don't need to pre-cook the beans if you soak them.

30 minutes might not be quite long enough, you'll have to check to see how done the beans are. Usually the longer you let chili sit, the better it's going to taste. It's not really a 30-minute meal.

# ? May 2, 2013 13:42

Keyser_Soze: May 5, 2009; Pillbug

I use the black bean recipe from "America's Test Kitchen" and it works really well.

boil beans/water/moderate amount of salt for 5 minutes
let sit for a few hours
drain off water/rinse/drain/remove as much brine as you can
then boil for another hour and the beans will cook but stay firm and not disintegrate.

Works great for CHILI if you want to "stretch" your spicy base a bit or yeah as mentioned below puree it so nobody notices there are beans in there and it will act as a thickener.

I usually split my chili batches and keep half as just meat and chili and half as a 3-bean/tomatoey stretched version and then freeze batches of both in little tupperware containers. They each have their time and place.

Keyser_Soze fucked around with this message at 00:52 on May 3, 2013

# ? May 3, 2013 00:07

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

Just simmer your beans in salted water for 2 hours. I don't even see why you would bother cooking them any other way. Then fry onions and whatever hot pepper you like in lard until they're charred, add to your black beans, and pur�e. Just add some of that to your chili to thicken instead of whole beans IMO.

# ? May 3, 2013 00:15

bongwizzard: May 19, 2005; Then one day I meet a man,
He came to me and said,
"Hard work good and hard work fine,
but first take care of head"; Grimey Drawer

Chef De Cuisinart posted:

Just simmer your beans in salted water with some kind of smoked pig part for 2 hours. I don't even see why you would bother cooking them any other way. Then fry onions and whatever hot pepper you like in lard until they're charred, add to your black beans, and pur�e. Just add some of that to your chili to thicken instead of whole beans IMO.

Just incase you want to eat some of them by themselves.

# ? May 3, 2013 03:25

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

bunnielab posted:

Just incase you want to eat some of them by themselves.

In this case, make sure it's something with a bone. Ham hock, leftover ribs, etc.

# ? May 3, 2013 05:52

THE MACHO MAN: Nov 15, 2007; ...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls

Doom Rooster posted:

Resurrecting this from my NICSA entry.

Chipotle and Chocolate Chili

Ingredients:

5 lbs trimmed and cubed Chuck
1 lb Spicy Breakfast Sausage (Owens is the best. Jimmy Dean sucks)
2 Medium Onions, minced
5 Cloves of Garlic, minced
1 bottle Double Chocolate Stout
3 oz Bourbon
32 oz Beef Broth
3.5 oz Chipotle In Adobo
9 Tbsp Chili Powder (Details below)
1 Tbsp Black Pepper
Salt to Taste

First off, you are going to want to brown your meat a little bit. I do this in two pans simultaneously, because otherwise it would take forever. IMPORTANT: You do not want to actually cook the meat through here at all. If you cook the meat to done now, it will be dry and tough in the final product. I find that thoroughly browning one side is the best that I can do without cooking the meat beyond medium rarish. Rocket hot pan with a little bit beef fat rendered out from the Chuck trimmings.

This is what you should be aiming for.

Once you reach this, put this batch of beef into a holding bowl, and start the next batch. Once all of the beef is done, brown the sausage. Really BROWN it. Don't just cook it through. You want some nice roasty brown color on there. Like this:

Put the sausage into the holding bowl with the beef. Drain about half of the fat off first.

After all this is done, deglaze the skillet with the bourbon!

In the pot, the moisture from the onions(which you should add now) will be more than enough to get all the fond off of the bottom. If you are using one pan, go ahead and deglaze that pan with the bourbon, then add the onion to it.

Sweat the onions on medium heat until they are completely translucent, then add the garlic and cook for another 2-3 minutes. You don't want to caramelize the onions, just cook them through(the color you see in the picture is from the beef bits left in the pan, not from caramelized onion).

While your onions are sweating, you want to toast your chili powder. Chili powder is incredibly important (you would think that this would be obvious). My particular blend this go 'round is equal parts Durango, Ancho, San Antonio Red, and Dried Chipotle. If you happen to have a great place that has a great variety of dried chilies, then awesome, grinding your own is really good, and dirt cheap. If you do not, or you are lazy, there really is no shame in buying chili powder mixes from elsewhere, just buy small quantities that you know that you will go through quickly, so it will be reasonably fresh.

Even if your chilies have been toasted prior to blending, you are going to want to take your finished powder and toss it into a small pan over medium heat. You want to stir this regularly until the smell of chili punches you in the face, but before the burning smell. Friends always ask me how they will know that they have reached this point, and I always just respond with "trust me, you will know". Your kitchen will go from "Hmmm, I think that I can smell chili powder" to "Holy poo poo that smells amazing" within a few seconds.

After you are done toasting it, set it aside until your onions and garlic are done are done. Once they are, add all of your chili powder and stir it into a paste, then add all of your meat and the juice in the bowl back to the pot and stir it all up. It is likely that enough liquid came out of the beef while it was holding that a decent sauce has been created in the pot.

Because I didn't remember to put them into the main ingredients picture, here are the chipotles that I use, and how finely minced you want them.

You want to turn these bad boys into a paste.

Add all of these to the pot as well, including the excess adobo from the can. You can leave the adobo out to cut down a little on the spice. If you want to cut down on the spice further still, leave out half of the Chiptole. If you really want to cut down on the spice, don't eat chili, or grow pair of testicles and eat it anyway.

It should now look like this!

Then go ahead and stir in your stout!

At this point, you will want to stir in your broth. Now comes the slightly tricky part. You want the heat to be at just the right spot. You are looking for a very, very bare simmer. If you can get it, you want one, tiny line of bubbles breaking the surface of your chili. Be very careful on this, as if you ever get the mix to a full boil, or close to it, your meat is going to get stringy and tough.

Seriously, start your stove on the lowest setting, and come back in 30 minutes. If no bubbles at all are breaking the surface, turn it up a tiny bit and come back in 10 minutes. Repeat this until you get the right temperature.

You want to cook the chili uncovered, so that moisture evaporates, and your chili thickens/intensifies in flavor. You should stir this once every 30 minutes or so once you have found the perfect stove setting. Continue this until it is done, which is when it is very thick, and the meat is tender and falling apart when lightly pressured.

1 hour in.

4 hours in.

6 hours in.

6 1/2 hours in, and ready to eat.

Put that in your mouth.

The spice of this blend, and the additional chipotle is a very soft heat, that takes a while to build up. It is a very pleasant warming sensation that starts creeping from the tip of your tongue all the way to the back of your throat over the duration of the bowl. I think that the flavor of the chili is spot on at this point, so I wouldn't really add anything else, however if you want more heat, do what I do. Add this stuff: http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Cap-2-oz/dp/B0007MXR92

It is flavorless, but 500,000 scoville units. I loving love this stuff for any application where I want more heat without affecting the overall flavor profile of the dish.

Finally got around to trying this. Pretty solid recipe. I added a little cinnamon stick and some unsweetened choc chunks since i wasnt usually an overly flavorful stout.

This was also the first time I used that Chipolte in adobo. Holy gently caress. That is really really tasty

THE MACHO MAN fucked around with this message at 16:11 on May 10, 2013

# ? May 9, 2013 20:46

OBAMNA PHONE: Aug 7, 2002

I need to make a fresh batch of chili powder--I have dried Arboles, chipoltes and new Mexicos. Anything else I should pick up? What ratio should I use? Thanks!

# ? May 13, 2013 05:11

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

I make mine with anchos, guajillos, and arbol. Anchos are probably my favorite dried chile.

# ? May 13, 2013 22:03

Moto42: Jul 14, 2006

Martello posted:

Is. Is that raw bacon and dried strawberries?

# ? May 14, 2013 03:22

Martello: Apr 29, 2012; by XyloJW

Moto42 posted:

Is. Is that raw bacon and dried strawberries?

Nah, it's prosciutto di Parma and sliced Mission figs. Though bacon and dried strawberries will go on my next pizza. :chef:

# ? May 14, 2013 03:44

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Party Plane Jones posted:

A week but chili is something you can stick in the freezer and reheat without much difficulty or taste loss too.

On this note: how exactly does one deal with, say, a quart-sized-Ziploc-bag brick of frozen chili? Fridge? Countertop? Microwave? Skillet? Toss it in a pot of boiling water then reduce it back down?

# ? May 14, 2013 07:32

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

Thaw beforehand? Alternatively, reheat is some simmering water. Can also dump into a saut� pan with some water on low heat.

# ? May 14, 2013 12:27

OBAMNA PHONE: Aug 7, 2002

Soak in cold water bath until the chili loosens and then remove it from the bag.

# ? May 15, 2013 13:28

Crazyeyes: Nov 5, 2009; If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'.

sfwarlock posted:

On this note: how exactly does one deal with, say, a quart-sized-Ziploc-bag brick of frozen chili? Fridge? Countertop? Microwave? Skillet? Toss it in a pot of boiling water then reduce it back down?

Store in Tupperware. Thaw before-hand.

# ? May 15, 2013 16:07

cornface: Dec 28, 2006; by Lowtax

The trick is to fill the bags up, press all the air out, and freeze them laying flat. They defrost a lot faster. You can usually just run water on it for a couple of minutes and then bend the bags to break it up enough to throw in a pot or the microwave.

# ? May 15, 2013 19:39

Bollock Monkey: Jan 21, 2007; The Almighty

I've seen a few UK-based people in this thread bemoaning the lack of chilli varieties you can get over here. I just found this website and it seems to have a good, well-priced selection.

# ? May 21, 2013 19:19

adorai: Nov 2, 2002; 10/27/04 Never forget; Grimey Drawer

sfwarlock posted:

On this note: how exactly does one deal with, say, a quart-sized-Ziploc-bag brick of frozen chili? Fridge? Countertop? Microwave? Skillet? Toss it in a pot of boiling water then reduce it back down?

i am late to the party, but you really only need to run it under the tap for about 10 seconds to loosen it from the bag. smack the frozen brick against the counter one time to break it in half then just microwave in a bowl.

# ? May 22, 2013 05:15

fuckpot: May 20, 2007; Lurking beneath the water
The future Immortal awaits

Team Anasta

Bollock Monkey posted:

I've seen a few UK-based people in this thread bemoaning the lack of chilli varieties you can get over here. I just found this website and it seems to have a good, well-priced selection.

I would kill for a place like this to exist in Australia.

# ? May 23, 2013 06:19

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

fuckpot posted:

I would kill for a place like this to exist in Australia.

You mean like this?

http://www.fireworksfoods.com.au/

(Please refrain from actually killing someone now)

# ? May 23, 2013 08:05

fuckpot: May 20, 2007; Lurking beneath the water
The future Immortal awaits

Team Anasta

The Lord Bude posted:

You mean like this?

http://www.fireworksfoods.com.au/

(Please refrain from actually killing someone now)

So what's your address so I can... thank you for this.

# ? May 23, 2013 08:47

Down With People: Oct 31, 2012; The child delights in violence.

The Lord Bude posted:

You mean like this?

http://www.fireworksfoods.com.au/

(Please refrain from actually killing someone now)

Oh yessss, I just bought some chipotle in adobo. This poo poo's gonna be delicious, thanks for the link!

# ? May 23, 2013 10:47

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

fuckpot posted:

So what's your address so I can... thank you for this.

The thanks of a grateful internet are thanks enough. (Just to be clear, I've never actually used this place myself. Brisbane has a brick and mortar spanish/mexican providore I discovered recently that I go to.)

The Lord Bude fucked around with this message at 12:21 on May 23, 2013

# ? May 23, 2013 12:18

fuckpot: May 20, 2007; Lurking beneath the water
The future Immortal awaits

Team Anasta

I am a Gold Coaster and wouldn't be too bothered making the trip to stock up. What's the name of the place?

# ? May 23, 2013 13:03

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

fuckpot posted:

I am a Gold Coaster and wouldn't be too bothered making the trip to stock up. What's the name of the place?

http://www.pennisicuisine.com.au/

Aside from things like fresh chorizo, the online store I posted probably has a much better selection. I got beans, a couple of types of chilli, chorizo and chipotle in adobo from pennisi. I'm not sure it's worth the trip.

# ? May 23, 2013 14:20

MinionOfCthulhu: Oct 28, 2005; I got this title for free due to my proximity to an idiot who wanted to save $5 on an avatar by having someone else spend $9.95 instead.

I bought some dried chipolte peppers for my chili tonight. Do I dice these up or just throw them in whole and fish them out when the chili is done simmering?

This is my first shot at making chili without a spice packet. I was sort of challenged to a chili cookoff between friends, so I'm testing out a few recipes from this thread over the next month. Oh woe is me, I must eat a lot of chili in the coming weeks!

# ? May 27, 2013 17:33

czechshaun: Dec 13, 2004; en trance

adorai posted:

I occasionally am unable to find a decent avocado at the store and have to buy one that is not quite ripe. I use a food processor to make guacamole in those cases, otherwise I use a sturdy whisk.

I believe you can put the avocados in a paper bag and close it up to make them ripen quicker.

# ? May 27, 2013 23:28

Down With People: Oct 31, 2012; The child delights in violence.

So my chipotles arrived today. Anticipating this, I'd procured the ingredients for Iron Leg's chili, with some minor adjustments.

Chipotle in adobo is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. That smoky, spicy taste is so good. I wanted to just stand there and wolf down the whole can. Threw four of those bad boys into the chili and it tasted amazing.

# ? May 28, 2013 03:39

withak: Jan 15, 2003; Fun Shoe

czechshaun posted:

I believe you can put the avocados in a paper bag and close it up to make them ripen quicker.

Put a ripe banana in there with it for faster results.

# ? May 28, 2013 05:19

paraquat: Nov 25, 2006; Burp

There's not a lot of varieties of chillies I can get over here. Probably only "normal" red chilies (cayenne peppers), bird chillies/rawit and madame jeanette (never used the last two, as I've been told they're way hotter than cayenne peppers....is that right?)

Today I found a bag of dried "sichuan chillies" in the store.
(these are chilli pods, not peppercorns)

I've never had any dried chillies before, and I'm not really sure how to use them.
I want to make a big batch of glorious chili tomorrow, and I'd like to use these.

What to I do to prepare them the right way?
the whole dish will be simmering for an hour or two.
Can I just chop them up and throw them in there, or do I need to reconstitue them separately beforehand?

(And what about the type of chillies..is it a no-no, or what?)

# ? May 28, 2013 20:15

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# ? May 15, 2024 20:07

YEAH DOG: Sep 24, 2009; you wanna join my
primitive noise band?

Post a pic? If they're just dried chiles, you can reconstituted them in the chile, or do it before hand and chop it up. Add the chile soaking liquid, too, if you do that.

# ? May 29, 2013 03:24

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