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Monathin posted:That was truly the definition of Brooklyn, you are a loving dumbass, and this is coming from somebody who put his trust in Larry Doby.
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May 5, 2013 22:35
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. Right there.
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  The Coburns have always had the offense necessary to take the Losers down, but the pitching has been a problem. In fact, with Maddux already burned because of the Wildcard game, their best, and only truly reliable, starter might not even get a chance to start a game in this series if the Coburns can somehow manage to win one of the first three games of this series, in which the Losers will be starting, in order, Satchel Paige, Don Drysdale, and Tom Seaver. This series is winnable, especially since a potential Game 4 matchup of Maddux against Koosman would heavily favor the Coburns, but it's not going to be easy.  The Losers have always been a bit unlucky when it comes to the playoffs. They run into the Bangers at their apex, the Tornados when they were actually decent, and the one time they reached the Finals, they ran into the Bobbleheads when they were unstoppable. That said, they should win this series. Even with their injuries, they have enough pitching and hitting to overcome the less-balanced Coburns team. Don May posted:
Box Score   Don May posted:
Box Score   Don May posted:
Box Score  
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May 5, 2013 23:37
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I still hate the Losers. I also have the Super-League anthem stuck in my head and a brief foray into wikipedia shows how apt the song really is.
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May 5, 2013 23:45
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Heh. That writeup was dark and awesome. Right at home in an episode of Metalocalypse.
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May 5, 2013 23:46
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oldskool posted:I still hate the Losers.  I love my old punching bag oldskool.Also  Playoff Pick Em Scores Thanks to nailing this DLDS result, Zodiac breaks mentholmoose's hold on first place. pre:Owner Score Zodiac5000 27 mentholmoose 19 mks5000 19 kw0134 15 Robert_Deadford 13 Monicro 11 CaptainYesterday 10 Chilly McFreeze 10 oldskool 10 Beet 9 GVOLTT 9 Revenant Threshold 9 FairGame 8 TheFlyingLlama 6 alpha_destroy 4 factorialite 4 tatankatonk 4
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May 6, 2013 00:09
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Expansion Cup 9: Skip to the End. So, this update is going to work a little bit differently. Instead of Games of the Month and the like, I'm going to do some decent analysis of all your teams. The pros, the cons, and what to look for in the draft. I will stress this to newbie owners. Almost all of you are going to need to look for pitching. While bats are impressive, most of you accidentally took the hard route because most teams relegated in the first 2-3 rounds (which the Dispersal Draft draws from) are relegated not because they have bad hitters, but bad pitching. And a lot of people are hesitant to trade pitchers to you for this reason, unless you give them a preposterously good deal. Above all else? Do not trade Draft picks unless it is an extraordinarily good deal. We're talking at least one Super League tested superstar involved in the deal at least. As an example, I traded my Dispersal Draft pick and my Superdraft Pick for Willie McCovey and Juan Marichal, neither of which lived up to their expectations. In response, the person I traded them to, cbx, got Ted Williams and... Hank Aaron, I believe? I can't really recall. Point is, the deal effectively was two pretty good guys for two legendary players. If you are planning to trade your draft picks for any reason, ask one of the veterans, or Smasher, if you're getting a good deal. They will be relatively honest with you, *Senerio will always tell you not to trade, and Cthulhu can generally be trusted to give you decent advice on a trade unless he's making you an offer. Don't trade with Cthulhu! Without further ado... Final Divisional Standings   Team Statistics and Analysis        Analysis The Good: Two and a Half Otts worked like a charm, and they're all lefty bats who are sure to get you a ton of runs in the Super League proper. The Bad: The rest of your rotation doesn't look so hot. Dan Uggla, Cody Ross, and Ronny Paulino are definitely going to need to be replaced. And your pitching is kind of a nightmare, but is not nearly as bad as some other people's. The Ugly: There is no way you're going to find a decent replacement for Cody with your dispersal draft pick. You'll probably be able to get Uggla and maybe Paulino... if you don't spend your best picks on Pitching. What You're Looking For: SP, 2B, C, LF Final Score: Larkin-Jordan Divisional Champions        Analysis The Good: You were able to withstand a preposterous amount of pitching injuries that probably won't happen again in the SL proper. Your offense is pretty decent. The Bad: Your pitching, despite being tenacious, isn't entirely great. Okay, but it's not going to be winning you games single-handedly. Terry Kennedy is going to need to be replaced in some manner, as he is a gaping hole defensively, and doesn't have nearly a good enough bat to make up for that. Sixto isn't much better in this regard. Chili isn't good but he'll suffice for now. The Ugly: You are probably not looking at this level of success in the Super-League, and the sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be. This team consistently surprised me with how well they did, and while you may be more than the sum of your parts, a lot of your parts aren't entirely awe-inspiring. What You're Looking For: C, SP, LF Final Score: Larkin-Hopp Division: 3rd Place        A formality, as Bruizer went and got himself ejected through the Bombers vs Oranges challenge. See you soon, Bruizer!        Analysis The Good: Despite being in last place, you hit the most dingers out of everyone in Larkin-Hopp, so you're not at a want for those at all. The Say Hey Kid is going to carry you pretty far in the league, and Chipper Jones and Greg Vaughn are pretty decent as well. The Bad: Dan Uggla, for all his bat heft here, is still a defensive black hole, so if you're thinking about putting him in as a position player, don't. Castillo is not much better. Your pitching is consistently below average, with poor Burnett there still getting the worst of it. The Ugly: 1B is probably Chipper Jones' third best position, and Michael Bourn is simply not hitting enough for a corner outfielder. Your lineup is alo kind of a mess, with your best hitters a bit scattered around. I'd look at shifting your lineups a bit before the Super-League. What You're Looking For: SP, 2B, C Final Score: Larkin-Hopp Division: 6th Place        Analysis The Good: You had absolutely no main hitters who didn't have a less that .300 OBA, got getting on base, your guys are drat good, and you've got enough dingers to support that. Your pitching is decent enough to get by, and you have a lot of guys who are pretty versatile in a lot of positions. The Bad: For how good you did, you don't have any killer app guys, which could be something to look towards in the draft, either on the hitting or pitching front. The Ugly: For his low BA, Morgan deserves to be right up there with Mauer. I ran Morgan and Mauer as an on-base combo in the Catastrophes, and they worked excellently. What I'm saying is reevaluate where your guys are the best at, both in your lineup and at their position, and make edits accordingly. What You're Looking For: Big name bats/sluggers, mid-ranged SP. Final Score: Larkin-Hopp Divisional Champions        Analysis The Good: Good top half of your lineup. Good amount of home runs. Good ability to get on base. Also a pretty decent infield from what I can infer. The Bad: Pitching, pitching, pitching! Your pitching is among probably the worst in the league, which is why you're getting the first pick, and it's absolutely going to get you relegated if you keep it as-is. The Ugly: Carlos Lee is a defensive black hole, but his bat is hefty enough to make it appealing to keep him there. Look through your lineup and see if there might be some reordering in order between your guys with OBA but low HR and your guys with loads of HR but lower OBA. What You're Looking For: SP, RP Final Score: Larkin-Jordan: 6th Place        Analysis The Good: Your pitching actually evened out to be not completely terrible, and Prince Albert isn't horrendously broken! The Bad: You have literally no defense, and you need someone else to carry your offense. The Ugly: Eck is still not getting a break, and Molina does not have the defensive stats to back up his poor bat. Phil Bradley doesn't hit nearly enough for a corner outfielder. You need more offense and you need it pretty badly. What You're Looking For: LF, any good bat you can grab Final Score: Downing-Rainwater, 3rd Place.        Analysis The Good: Decent dinger count, decent defense for a Super-League team, decent pitching. The Bad: Everyone who isn't hitting dingers isn't getting on base enough to help your team, and even Mike Schmidt with his 25 HRs probably needs to go, considering how much he's whiffing. Ron Gant absolutely does. You still need better pitching even if it's alright. The Ugly: 3B is shallow as hell in the draft, and while you have a high pick, you will probably get called an idiot if you don't draft Babe Ruth or Barry Bonds, considering your need for a hefty bad in the corner. What You're Looking For: LF, 3B, SP Final Score: Downing-Yoshida: 4th Place       Analysis The Good: Lots of on-base power with some good defensive power. The Bad: Absolutely zero home-run power outside of Andre Thornton. You seriously need some dinger potential in the ranks, somehow, someway. The Ugly: Mordecai Brown is still woefully untested, and it looks like he'll stay that way until you have to use him in the SL. What You're Looking For:: ANY good sluggers. Final Score: Larkin-Hopp, 5th Place         Analysis The Good: A pretty good offense that strikes a good balance of OBA and dinger-hitting. The Bad: No defensive ability, and sub-par pitching ability. The Ugly: Bob Feller is good for maybe 80 Innings in the Super-League proper, and while you do need your fair share of pitching, you could honestly stand to have an upgrade anywhere, so use your best judgement. What You're Looking For: SP, RP, Anything Ele Final Score: Larkin-Jordan: 4th Place        Analysis The Good: Pretty consistently high on-base average, good pitching, good defense.The Bad: You could also probably stand to find one more slugger, and Dave Concepion doesn't do too hot in the SL. The Ugly: Your bullpen is going to cost you a ton of games, even with Eck as your closer, which is why you'll likely be consistently under your pythag until the end of the season. What You're Looking For: SS, RP Final Score: Downing-Yoshida: 3rd Place        Analysis The Good: Three good on-base guys, and two good dinger machines. The Bad: Your pitching could stand to be a little better, though you probably have one of the best closers. Seminick is going to need to be replaced if he doesn't shape up either defensively or offensively. The Ugly: Ryne Sandberg vastly underperformed, hopefully he should do better in the SL. What You're Looking For: C, SP Final Score: Larkin-Hopp: 2nd Place        Invalidated, due to the consequences of the Bombers v Oranges matchup. Good luck to the Florida Oranges in Super League X!        Analysis The Good: Pretty excellent pitching, and good OBA. The Bad: Defensively mediocre. The Ugly: Between the upping of pitching between EC and SL and your intentions to switch to a pitchers park, there's no way your offense is going to ever match these numbers. I'd say try and beef that up as much as you can. I'm still not sure whether you should actually move out of the Baker Bowl or not. It might be worth trying it for a month to see how badly it backfires before switching to a pitcher's park. What You're Looking For: Sluggers Final Score: Larkin-Jordan: 2nd Place        If nothing else, an interesting thought experiment to see how someone who is Super-League savvy can take a bad team and make them fairly good.        Analysis The Good: Dingers. Lots and lots of dingers. The Bad: Boots Day, Clyde McCullough, pitching past #2. The lack of an owner. The Ugly: If uublog doesn't post in the thread soon, I'm going to eject the Squirrel Flyers from the draft. What You're Looking For: C, CF, SP Final Score: Larkin-Jordan: 3rd Place.        Analysis The Good: A good combination of on-base abilities and slugging potential. The Bad: You can probably use maybe one upgrade to the middle of your rotation. The Ugly: Realistically, you're probably not looking at many upgrades in the Dispersal Draft. Shore up what you can, take a look to see if there's any major things you overlooked while setting up the team, and enjoy the playoff writeups. Also, pray that Ott and Snider don't underperform again. What You're Looking For: Upgrades whereever possible. Final Score: Downing-Yoshida Divisional Champions.        Analysis The Good: A couple pieces of your offense, and maybe one or two pitchers. The Bad: Your offense. It just does not generate enough runs to survive in the Super-League, and your pitching, while not the worst, is still going to need some work. You're also looking at sub defenders in most of your lineup. The Ugly: There is no way you are going to be able to fill all your holes over the course of the Dispersal Draft, so figure out which ones you think matter the most and save the rest for the Super-Draft. What You're Looking For: SS, C, SP Final Score: Downing-Rainwater: 5th Place.        Analyis The Good: High OBA, Dingers out of 5/8ths of your guys, a pitching rotation with at least two sub-3 guys, and a not-quite atrocious bullpen. The Bad: A couple of your pitchers didn't do so hot in the end. May want to shuffle them around. The Ugly: Two of the three places you could look for a decent upgrade, SP1-2 and 3B, are some of the weakest pools in the draft. In all honesty, you're probably going to draft the best upgrade you can in the first round and then shore up your backups everywhere else. What You're Looking For: LF, SP1-2, 3B Final Score: Downing-Rainwater Divisional Champions        Analysis The Good: Lots of on-base guys, decent amount of dingers. The fact that your backup guys maintained a .500 going into the last few months. The Bad: NOT ENOUGH DINGERS! Also you can definitely use an upgrade at 1B. Also, your pitching is going to let you down a lot, but all your worst guys are mid-rotation, which is decently deep in the draft. The Ugly: Your final lineup is a little scattered, I'd work on revising it for SL proper. What You're Looking For: 1B, SP3-5 Final Score: Larkin-Hopp: 4th Place        Analysis The Good: Decent tanking effort! The Bad: A pretty measly offense, but you were tanking for about 4/5ths of the EC, so. Also your pitching is still kind of bad. The Ugly: Poor Johnny Hopp, he only sees play when there's no other good options. What You're Looking For: 2B, probably. Final Score: Downing-Rainwater: Fourth Place.        Analysis The Good: Despite everything, your offense put up an inspiring amount of dingers! The Bad: Your pitching is going to need some serious re-working. Like. Complete overhaul. The Ugly: You need a 3B, and there are only two really good ones in the draft. But if you don't draft Bonds or Ruth, you'll probably be called out on it. What You're Looking For: 3B, Bonds/Ruth/etc. Final Score: Downing-Yoshida: 5th Place
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May 6, 2013 04:24
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 In lieu of making drastic changes to the lineup, I think a safe move is to make Earl Moore the number four pitcher, putting Red Donahue as mopup. Moore's just a superior pitcher this iteration. Also 
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May 6, 2013 05:11
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Yay, I won my division, and I'm in the playo---no, not Mike Sweeney! Err, umm...he was my backup catcher, as well as preferred designated hitter. Now I guess that Juan Chide character has to be called up just in case, even though he shouldn't have been on my team in the first place. And I guess since he's healthy now, call up Dan Plesac, put him in middle relief, and send down Ken Johnson. Everything else - stand pat, aside from my batting lineup: 1. Paul Molitor (3B) 2. Joe Mauer (C) 3. Carlos Beltran (CF) 4. Justin Morneau (1B) 5. Luis Gonzalez (LF) 6. Robin Yount (SS) 7. Jermaine Dye (RF) 8. Joe Morgan (2B) 9. Luis Castillo (DH) Not sure if I should create a second lineup since Paul Molitor will miss the first couple of games, but I guess it's not a huge deal. Whatever the case, Michael Cuddyer should be starting in his place for just those 2 games, if BBM doesn't automatically do that for whatever reason. EDIT: If there is a championship round after this...well, I don't see my lineup changing anyway, aside from putting Luis Castillo on the bench for non-DH games. GVOLTT fucked around with this message at 06:55 on May 6, 2013 |
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May 6, 2013 05:27
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So when/how do I draft?
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May 6, 2013 05:29
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FairGame posted:So when/how do I draft? After the playoffs and Gauntlet are over, the draft sheet will be posted in the thread, and when it's your turn on the sheet, you just post whatever player you want in the thread. e: I don't think it'll be for at least another week.
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May 6, 2013 05:39
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Okay regardless of what happens this season, the Cultists are going to need an impact corner outfield bat, and/or some relief pitching. I would like to buy an early 2nd / late first pick, or a late 2nd / early 3rd pick, or those things directly. Please contact me in IRC for offers.
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May 6, 2013 05:42
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 Playoffs lineup: w/DH #1 Hanley Ramirez SS #2 Mel Ott RF #3 Stan Musial LF #4 Mel Ott CF #5 Ken Boyer 3B #6 Dan Uggla 2B #7 Bill Terry 1B #8 Andres Galarraga DH #9 Gus Mancuso C w/o DH #1 Hanley Ramirez SS #2 Mel Ott RF #3 Stan Musial LF #4 Mel Ott CF #5 Ken Boyer 3B #6 Dan Uggla 2B #7 Andres Galarraga 1B #8 Gus Mancuso C #9 Pitcher
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May 6, 2013 06:11
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107-57. Not really sure why the game thinks I played 164 games but whatever. I guess we'll make a few tweaks for the playoffs: SP1 Kid Nichols SP2 Vic Willis SP3 Paul Derringer SP4 Frank Tanana Mopup Warren Spahn I'll save you the trouble of having to modify four sets of lineups and just not bother to make any changes. My offensive engine seems to work sufficiently well.
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May 6, 2013 06:57
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 ToiletofSadness Viscount Slim CthulhuDreams Senerio mrnoun The time draws near. In just one week's time, give or take a day, one of your teams will become the new Super-League Champion. But is that enough? For some of you, this glory may be enough to satisfy you, perhaps that and the promise of more such championships to come in future seasons. But for others, you see this as proof that it is time to leave the Super-League behind, and ascend to still greater challenges. Which is right and which is wrong is impossible to say, and I will make no attempt to tell you what you should think in such a circumstance. What I can do, however, is offer you a chance at Super-League immortality. Winning a Super-League title is quite the accomplishment, but it is not a unique accomplishment. It has been done eight times before this season, and it will be done once a season for so long as this league keeps going. There is something, though, that no team has ever been able to do, a challenge so incredible that no team has yet survived it. I refer, of course, to the Macho Men challenge. The rules are simple. If your team should win the Super-League championship, you are entitled, as a matter of right, to challenge the Macho Men to a best-of-nine series. If your team wins, it will be remembered as the greatest Super-League team that ever was. If it should falter, it must surely die, for the Macho Men leave no survivors. I ask you owners still in the playoffs one simple question: Are you ready to stare into the face of Macho Madness?
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May 6, 2013 07:27
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it's going to be the Luna Landers, why are we even pretending otherwise
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May 6, 2013 07:31
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CraigK posted:it's going to be the Luna Landers, why are we even pretending otherwise I Believe In the Mercuries
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May 6, 2013 07:36
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I believe you know my answer already, Herr Kommissar.
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May 6, 2013 08:47
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Smasher Dynamo posted:
No. The Queens Mercuries have already been relegated by the Macho Men, and are not ready for more.
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May 6, 2013 08:50
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Smasher Dynamo posted:ie, for the Macho Men leave no survivors. I'm kinda torn - I feel like I'm the second best team in the Smasher league, let alone the super league. I guess I'm the 1926 athletics, except instead of Jim Poole and Chick Galloway I have Ancient Stan Musial and Phil Coke. I'm probably a pitcher and one other piece from being a good challenge for the macho men. On the other hand, I feel like you should play anyway, 'cause choking up the league is rude. I guess I need more time to think about it, but I'm leaning no.
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May 6, 2013 09:24
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I'm willing to entertain offers on any part of my roster and unused feeders now except Aaron, Bench, and Morgan. If you're looking for good players that aren't so deep in the draft, I have lots of any-OFs and SL-quality players avaliable at every position besides 2B. I also have a lot of lefty bats, and EC-tested lefty bats, at that (a lot of whom have already played in some age in the SL already, to good result). I'm looking for left-handed pitching, both starting and relief, and big bats.
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May 6, 2013 13:25
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Smasher Dynamo posted:I ask you owners still in the playoffs one simple question: Are you ready to stare into the face of Macho Madness? One other question about my upcoming "Gold Rush" DLCS against the Imperialists: are they any in-game off days before the start of that series or are we both going with our #4 starters for the first game?
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May 6, 2013 19:22
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ToiletofSadness posted:Does Charleston's and Ryan's injuries carry over into a hypothetical match up against the Macho Men or would I get them back? I think there are off days, because you both swept your opponents.
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May 6, 2013 19:29
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So I guess I have the #2 pick in the draft coming up. Meaning I'm either going to have a Ser Barrold or Babe loving Ruth. That's pretty awesome. However, 1 guy--however incredible--does not fix my poo poo roster. I need mutliple starting pitchers and a 3b. Desperately. If you want to make an offer, by all means, please do.
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May 6, 2013 21:21
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  We must defeat the Football Manager thread!      You know, I was already ready to write your obit. It was going to be me criticizing Babylon 5 for a good long time, but, well, you didn't die. Let's see if we can't fix that next round, okay?    Grinnblade died in a Belorussian prison.    Panda magic can never die! NEVER!    We had joy, we had fun, but the Twinfield always sucked, and that's why your team is dead. Pick 'em: Until the End of Time! Pick ONE! and then pick ANOTHER ONE! Barons Canton Catastrophes Oneida Mighty Spooners Sad Pandas
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May 6, 2013 21:30
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Pick 'em: Until the End of Time! Pick ONE! and then pick ANOTHER ONE! Barons Canton Catastrophes Oneida Mighty Spooners Sad Pandas
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May 6, 2013 22:05
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Pick 'em: Until the End of Time! Pick ONE! and then pick ANOTHER ONE! Barons Canton Catastrophes Oneida Mighty Spooners Sad Pandas
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May 6, 2013 22:07
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As someone who's never seen Babylon Five but always heard good things about it, how would it hold up these days? Compare favorably to BSG? Related to the games: jesus christ my hitting  Has anyone ever made a stadium that hosed with things as much as mine has?
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May 6, 2013 22:23
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 Owner: CVE Location: Nuremburg, Bavaria Home Grounds: Money, Inc. Arena Teams Used: 1916 Yankees 1903 Tigers 1975 White Sox 1976 Cubs 1903 Cubs A list of communications between CVE and Ted DiBiase, known as the "Million Dollar Man" in the World Wrestling Federation of the 1980's and 1990's, as well as assorted communications in the organization. February 25th From: TDB To: CVE Hey, I hear you're bringing back the Million Dollar Man gimmick, but instead of using it in the WWE, you're applying it towards a baseball team? Y'know, I -actually- made a Million Dollars. Several million, in fact. I think you should contact me about a... partnership. From: CVE To: TDB Ja, ich bin mit dem "Million Dollar Man" Gimmick. Ich wäre sehr daran interessiert, zur Gründung einer Partnerschaft mit dem Original. Was würde ich tun, um Ihre Hilfe zu gewinnen? From: TDB To: CVE Damnit, I don't understand die Deutschen! You've gotta find a translator before we do anything. I'll pay you 100,000 if you can find a translator who has a nice rack... February 27th From: CVE To: TDB Yes, Herr DiBiase. I have, with your very generous promise of 100.000 DM, established a quite, erm... wollüstigen female who will help us communicate. From: TDB To: CVE Hahahaha, you thought I meant 100,000 of your DoucheMarks? I meant 100,000 cents! That's only 100 Dollars, you dumbass! Still. I don't know what that w word you put down was, so you better send pictures to verify her employment. From: CVE To: TDB Ach, my apologies, Herr DiBiase. Here is your proof.  So, can we begin our partnership?From: TDB To: CVE Sure, buddy. That's one fine lookin' translator. Alright, so, here's the deal. You can make this baseball team, and use my image and my gimmick, as long as you can make the playoffs. Everyone knows that a team only really starts making money when they hit the playoffs. If you make the playoffs, I'll give you the rights to my image and let you keep the royalties for as long as your team exists, and all you have to do is pay me the profits from that playoff period. If they don't make the playoffs... you owe me 50 million dollars, US. Do we have a deal? From: CVE To: TDB Ja, we have a deal. My translator says thank you for the compliment and maybe she could meet you for a drink and a "sexy time" when next we meet. I do not know what this "sexy time" is. I shall begin the assembly of the "Million Dollar Men" immediately. I have arranged for the Chicago Cubs and Detroit Tigers of 1903, the St. Louis Browns of 1906, the New York Yankees of 1916, the Chicago White Sox of 1975 and the Chicago Cubs of 1976 to hold tryouts here in Nuremburg, wherein I will choose a team from the standouts and hold the rest in cold storage in Berlin. I have faith that with these men who are not accustomed to high pay, I will establish a ruthless baseball club who will trample the competition and create a high profit margin, benefitting us both. From: TDB To: CVE Sounds like a plan. March 2nd From: CVE To: TDB So, mein Herr, I have established the starting roster of your namesake and will be forwarding the documents to you shortly. I am greatly antcipating your arrival in Nuremburg for Opening Day, as is my translator. She says that she will "wear something special" for our session together. Attached: MDM-SLIX-Roster.docx From: TDB To: SL IX MDM Roster Listen up you jobbers. I'm prepared to make you guys richer than your wildest dreams, if you'll only do as I say when I say it. Keep an eye out for my communications, alright? May 26th From: CVE To: TDB So far, we have not had the greatest amount of success, but we did win the TV Championship! Could I trouble you for a small monetary reward? From: TDB To: CVE Sure. I'll give you 500,000 US Dollars if you can bounce this ball 20 times. From: CVE To: TDB How would I do this? I am in Nuremburg and you are in Miami, Florida? From: TDB To: CVE Well, I guess you don't get the money then. Hahahahaha! Oh yeah, show this message to your translator: "I bought you some lingerie. When I stop by Nuremburg for the Super-League Draft, you're going to model it for me. Also, make sure your boss is out knocking down the Berlin Wall or tripping children or whatever it is he does for fun." June 1st From: CVE To: TDB Herr DiBiase, we have successfully completed the draft portion of the Super-League season. We drafted a strange looking fellow by the name of Hanley Ramirez, as well as a gentleman known as Goose. I do believe that these acquisitions will propel us to success in the Super-League from here on. From: TDB To: MDM-SLIX-Roster Alright, it's time to start some forced "vacations". June 10th From: TDB To: sutterbruce4240@juno.com I'll pay you 125,000 dollars to take a 12 day vacation. Enjoy yourself. June 30th From: TDB To: Urban Shocker STOP I will pay you 75,000 dollars to go visit your grave site for 12 days STOP Watch out for any toasters STOP July 21st From: TDB To: cullopinghorsie73@aol.com On your porch is a "gift". Please open the "gift". Yours, Teddy D. From: CVE To: TDB I do not understand, Herr DiBiase. Our baseball club is suffering from a rash of injuries, tiredness, and obesity. They claim that they are enjoying something called "poutine" and that it's causing them to be fatigued and gain weight, yet they can not resist the pull of the Canadian delicacy. At this rate, I feel that I must begin contacting my creditors to gather the money that I will owe you. Is there anything you can do to help? From: TDB To: CVE I thought you had this all under control? You told me this was gonna be a good team. You said that they'd be a ruthless baseball club that would trample the competition and provide a high profit margin. I'm losing faith in you, CVE. Get it together, son. Otherwise, I'm sending Virgil to "collect". Also, I'm taking your translator once the season's done. She's too cute to be slumming with you. September 30th From: CVE To: TDB I am sorry, Herr DiBiase. The team has failed, and I have failed. They finished 67-95. I am a broken man, but I am a man of my word. I am wiring you 50 million US Dollars as we speak, and I apologize for this season. Auf wiedersehn. From: TDB To: MDM SLIX Roster Hahahahaha! Excellent work, gentlemen! Now, you can come to my beachside resort here in Miami to collect your money. But first, you'll each have to complete a simple task I have for you...
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May 6, 2013 22:26
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Pick 'em: Until the End of Time! Pick ONE! and then pick ANOTHER ONE! Barons Canton Catastrophes Oneida Mighty Spooners Sad Pandas Let's go Pandas and Spooners!
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May 6, 2013 22:30
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 Pick 'em: Until the End of Time! Oneida Mighty Spooners Sad Pandas
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May 6, 2013 22:35
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FairGame posted:I need mutliple starting pitchers and a 3b. Desperately. If you want to make an offer, by all means, please do.
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May 6, 2013 22:40
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FairGame posted:So I guess I have the #2 pick in the draft coming up. I've got multiple starting pitchers available. Christy Mathewson could be had for the right price. Contact me in IRC or through PMs.
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May 6, 2013 22:48
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FairGame posted:So I guess I have the #2 pick in the draft coming up. Don't trade Dispersal Draft Picks. Also don't trade but that's much less general (read: loving universal) advice!
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May 6, 2013 23:51
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Man I sound like such a kiss-rear end in that obit (which to be honest I would probably be in such a situation). Nice work cbx or how I would say in german: Vielen Dank für diesen erinnerungsträchtigen Nachruf cbx. I however have seen the mistake on my part that I tried to run a baseball team to far from it's source so I may have to move to America with my next team (or find an equally ridiculous place like the Mountain Base of the Pandas). I heard Calgary is nice this time of the year and a lot friendlier than the States. Now I have to set up a meeting with the Excellence of Execution for a potential new team. The other option obviously would be heading for Ravnui and meet with Lukav Minaev to discuss the idea of fielding a team composed of Imaginary Number version of baseball players (then again the Skyhawks already had that gimmick). Other than that I could also try to come up with an actual unique and new gimmick that may even be fun to write for but this would require work on my part. decisions, decisions....
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May 7, 2013 00:17
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Man, my German is rough. I had to look up the last segment of that thank you, CVE. I think I'd be better at remembering German if I had someone around all the time to talk to.
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May 7, 2013 00:32
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cbx posted:Man, my German is rough. I had to look up the last segment of that thank you, CVE. I think I'd be better at remembering German if I had someone around all the time to talk to. That's basically true for all languages in my opinion. Granted my english is mainly kept alive through forum discussions, talking with exchange students and movies so I would say my formal english is probably a mess (not to mention my grammar). I also forgot almost every little thing I knew about french since I had no one to speak it with so I can at most form basic sentences now. Also there is the thing with the german language that our grammar doesn't make sense. I'm thankful it's my first langugage but when I had to explain certain things to an exchange student I just had to shrug my shoulder and say that it's all experience speaking not actual knowledge why something is used that way with der, die, das being the biggest offenders (the english "the" is so much nicer). Afterall It's Der Panzer despite it being a thing (and logic dictating it should be Das Panzer), same with Die Schule (it's a thing so it should be Das Schule) or Das Kind (which is obviously not a thing...) And that's already far more words than I wanted to lose about german and languages in general...
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May 7, 2013 01:30
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 Detective Don Slaught was loving tired. It was going to be a long season... Owner: Archie Goodwin Location: San Francisco, CA Home Grounds: Bourbon Field Teams Used 1954 New York Giants 1978 California Angels 1995 Cincinnati Reds 1989 Philadelphia Phillies Past Records Expansion Cup VI 93-69, 2nd Place, Skyhawks Division Super-League VII 78-84, 3rd Place, Dies Irae Division, Gauntletted Gauntlet VI Round 8: 16-24, 3rd Place, Relegated Defeated Wausau Woodchucks 3-2 in "Life vs. Death Challenge", Resurrected Super-League VIII 98-64, Senor Goodtimes Division Champions Lost to Finger Lakes Phoenixes 2-3 in SLDS Super-League IX 68-94, 6th Place, Senor Goodtimes Division, Gauntletted Gauntlet VIII Round 1: 21-19, 2nd Place, Survived Round 2: 18-22, 3rd Place, Relegated Championship History 1x Larkin-Downing Champions 1x Heavyweight Champions 3x Television Champions 1x Hardcore Champions 1x Senor Goodtimes Division Champions Living and Dying At the Top of the World The Last Det. Don Slaught Story Chapter 1 - Blood on Bourbon Street It was cold and rainy that night. It's always cold and rainy this time of year in San Francisco. Some days, a trench coat just doesn't seem enough in the face of all of this rain. I had spent the night at Mullaney's, a hole in the wall down Bourbon Street. It's a rathole of a bar, but the whiskey's cheap and no one asks questions. Which is good, because I sure as hell don't have any answers. I was shaky, I'll admit that. Just two hours before I'd been standing in The Thornton Lee's living room looking at the 30% of Lee that had been left intact. Twenty years in the detective game, and even I was sick to my stomach. Something hadn't just wanted Lee dead, it had wanted him obliterated. The walls were covered with blood and gore, pieces of my old friend from the Gumshoes dripping down the walls. This wasn't just mindless brutality. No, to do this much damage to a person, it had to be something else. I didn't know what at the time, and I was grateful. The whiskey hadn't helped. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still see Lee in pieces. And for what? Lee was never the greatest pitcher in the world, hell, he spent most of his time on the Gumshoes riding the bench. Who would want him dead. It didn't make any damned sense. I finished my fifth whiskey and decided to head back to my office. I was going to get the mook who did this to Lee, but I wasn't going to do it tonight. I needed to rest, and I needed to think. I couldn't ignore the possibility that someone was trying to ice all of the Gumshoes, and I had a pretty good idea who it was. But I was in no condition to deal with that, not tonight. Unlocking the door to the room I rented, calling it an office give it more credit than it deserved, I noticed a smell, a bad one. It was the smell of blood and guts, a smell just like I had smelled in Lee's living room earlier that day. It was the smell of murder. Turning on the light, I saw my office covered in blood. I was sweating now, Lee was bad enough, but at least that was in his own house. This was a hell of a lot closer to home. The head was completely gone, or, looking at the ceiling, had somehow been blown apart. The torso was still mostly intact, although there looked to be a nasty looking wound on the front, near the heart. I'm not a profiler, I'm not the guy from Red Dragon, I don't pretend to understand why people murder each other, and I don't care how they do it, or if they're trying to send some message or what. A dead body is a dead body, and it doesn't make a drat bit of difference whether the person who did it had a bad childhood, or didn't get enough love from his parents or what. It's not like it's going to bring the dead back to life. Still, I had to know who this corpse was, and I had to do it fast. The cops would probably should up eventually, I'd think, I mean, this level of mayhem, odds are somewhat heard it. Touching the body to move it around, poor form when you're investigating a crime scene, I know, I noticed it was still luke-warm. Whatever had happened, it hadn't happened too long ago. Turning the hunk of what had been a man around so that I could get a better look at its back, to see if there were any wounds, a card fell out of the pocket and drifted into the pool of blood that had settled on the floor. I was suddenly very glad that I never got this place carpeted. You'd never be able to get the stains out. It occurred to me that I was never going to get that security deposit back now. It's funny what you think about in times like this. Two men had just been brutally murdered, and I was worried about a $200 check. Some heroic detective I was. I picked up the card and my blood ran cold. There wasn't any face, so I couldn't no for sure, but in my heart, I now knew who this body, well, more like a carcass now, I knew who it was. Brian Downing was dead, and if I didn't get to the bottom of this case, and soon, I'd be joining him. Chapter 2 - Bruised in Brooklyn I hate Brooklyn. I think most people do. I go to Brooklyn and I see a place that used to be so quintessentially American, home to dozens of working class neighborhoods. People just trying to get by in the jungle that was New York City. It wasn't a glamorous place, and it certainly wasn't "hip". It was a place where people went about their day-to-day business, doing serious work and going home to their families. Of course, no one ever really dreamed of that sort of blue-collar lifestyle. No one really wanted to work those kind of jobs for that kind of pay, but they did it nonetheless. That was just the way life was. It's different now, though. The rich have decided that the poor and middle classes no longer deserve to live in Brooklyn, and with their billionaire mayor backing them up, they've slowly muscled out the working class schmoes who made this place what it was. Of course, they didn't use real muscle. The rich don't need real muscle anymore, they just need the muscle that comes from bonds, stocks, and other things far more exotic. The mob drew its power from Sicily. The new breed of organized criminals, white collar to their core, get their help from the Cayman Islands and Switzerland. But I wasn't here to settle things with the hipsters. No, I'd get even with them eventually for their appropriation of the badges and symbols of lower-class America for their own amusement, but that would have to wait. I had other plans. I cracked my knuckles thinking of what I was going to do. Brooklyn Bruiser wasn't a hard man to track. A guy like him, well, he tended to stand out. Which was good, because I didn't much feel like hunting for him. I ambushed him outside of his job, or maybe just some office where he hung out all day. Can't say I really know, and dragged him into an alley. "Bruiser," I said, "You've got to be about the dumbest man in creation!" Bruiser was scared, "Detective Slaught? What are you-" "Oh, surprised to see me?" I didn't care much for Bruiser's denial, and punched him in the gut to let him know. Must've gotten him right on the solar plexus, because he collapsed in a heap and struggled to get his wind back. "I-I-I don't understand..." I wasn't buying what he was selling, "You listen to me, and you listen good. Thornton Lee is dead. Brian Downing is dead. And that's just the ones I know about. Someone is 86ing the Gumshoes, and I think it's you. After all, you're still bitter about what we did to the Gumshoes, aren't you?" Bruiser trembled, "It's not like that, I'm clean now, no challenges in months, I've been going to therapy, I've been in group, I'm not the same guy. I even have a girlfriend!" I punched him in the face, just so he could understand this wasn't playtime. "Oh, you're clean now, are you? A little birdie told me that just last week you were down in Florida City gambling your team away to the Oranges. A junkie like you is never going to be clean, but you don't have the balls to blame yourself, so you've got to take it out on people stronger than you, people who don't make the same mistakes, and that's why you've been killing the Gumshoes! Admit it!" "It's not like that, Don, it's not!" I punched him again. When was he going to learn that I wasn't the mood for any of his lies? "I'm a reasonable man, Bruiser, but even I got my limits. We both know that if I just turned you in, you'd be back out on the streets in a week. So I ain't going to turn you in, I'm just going to do to you what you've done to all of my friends!" Bruiser started tearing up, I guess he believed that I just might kill him this time. Honestly, I thought I might too. "I'm begging you, Don, I'm trying to get right, but Smasher, he keeps offering me these challenges, and I just can't help myself-" Another punch. My hand was starting to hurt, but I was in no mood for any of this, "You're going to tell me what I want to hear, of so help me I will-" I heard what sounded like a tinny version of the Kaiser Chiefs. It was awful as the Kaiser Chiefs are normally, actually. Bruiser looked down to his pants, "That's my phone." He said, looking surprised. "Well, answer it." Bruiser reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone, "Hello? I...I don't understand. How did you know that he was here?" Bruiser took the phone from his ear, and handed it to me, "He says he wants to talk to you." I took the phone, at least I was making progress, "Who is this?" I growled. I had no patience left for this penny-ante bullshit. "Detective Slaught. How good it is to hear your voice. You know, I've always been a big fan of you and your adventures." The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Who is this?" "Me? I'm just a man who wants to be your friend. I want to be everyone's friend." "Who the hell is this?" Why couldn't things ever be easy? The voice on the phone chuckled, "You'll know soon enough, detective. I know that you have many questions. So did Barry Larkin." I knew where this was going, and I didn't like it. "He had a good death, at least. I guess that he was almost resigned to it. After all, if Thornton Lee and Brian Downing went down so easily, what chance did he have?" "I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch!" How the hell had this happened? Any of this? The voice laughed again, "Up in the mountains of China, there is an old Tibetan monastery. The monks are all gone, but Pander, you remember him, of course, has taken it as his home. Meet me there, detective, and you'll get your chance." The phone beeped to signal the end of the call. It used to click, but I guess that wouldn't make sense in today's digital age. Bruiser ran off, not even stopping to pick up his phone. It didn't matter. I knew that, one way or another, things were almost over. Chapter 3 - Where Heaven Swallows the Earth I never understood why China wanted to conquer Tibet at all. There's nothing up here worth taking. Hell, there's not ever enough air to breathe. I felt sick to my stomach as I hiked up the dirt trail to Pander's new "estate". The monks, back when they had lived here, had chosen the place because of its remoteness, the thought being that they could get away from it all up here. I've never been an ascetic myself, but after all of the blood and violence of the last few days, I was starting to see the appeal of a place where I could just rest and be alone. Maybe, after this was all over, I could take a vacation. God knows I'd earned it. Pander hadn't done much remodeling since he took over, as his refuge was still appointed more as an ashram than a baseball stadium. Of course, it's probably not too easy to get a contractor up here. I approached the door, and knocked on it. A few minutes passed, and I noticed how could it was. Who the hell would want to live up here, anyway? Eventually, after what felt like hours, Pander opened the door and invited me in. "Don, it's good to see you! Come in, come in, Archie is already waiting for you in the foyer." I listened carefully, but Pander didn't sound like the voice on the phone. And if it wasn't him, then who was it? He said Archie Goodwin, the owner of the Gumshoes was there. But Archie....it couldn't have been him, could it? "Pander, how did Archie seem to you?" I asked as we walked down the hall. Pander stopped for a second to think, "Not terribly happy about the Gauntlet, but otherwise he seemed fine." Pander turned to look out a nearby window. The view was spectacular, as the nearby peaks pierced the cloud tops, as a green valley lay thousands of feet below. "It is humbling, isn't it?" Pander turned to me with a smile on his face, "You know, before I came here, I was stressed, anxious, the Super-League was no longer fun for me, it was just, well, work. But now that I've come up here, I feel renewed because when you look out there, and all the world beneath you. It helps you keep perspective." We finished our walk in silence, I never had much of anything to say to Pander, even less now that he had become some sort of zen warrior. Entering the parlor, my nausea got worse. I could almost feel that something bad was about to happen. And it did, as, once again, I saw carnage played out before me. Archie Goodwin and I were never friends, exactly, but we had been through too much together for me not to have developed some attachment. And now he lay in pieces all over Pander's Persian rugs. This time, though, I wasn't going to let the perp get away, as I saw an open door at the back of the room, and footprints leading out into the snow. There'd be time to pick up the pieces later, but right now, I needed answers. Running outside, a blast of chill air greeted me. I don't think I had ever felt as cold as I had in that moment. But I'd come this far, I wasn't going to turn back now. My right hand to the holster that I kept on my hip. It was a bitch and a half to get the gun past customs, but I had a feeling that I just might need it. Eventually, that killer just ran out of room, running right to the edge of a crevasse. I finally had him. "Okay, friend, looks like it's over now." I was ready for this to end, but when I saw his face, I felt my stomach drop out. How could this be? "Hello, detective, glad you could join me." Monathin said, cheery as ever. "How?" "Let me explain. You see, we both know that my Catastrophes weren't doing that well and that, if I just left nature to take its course, they would almost certainly be relegated. But I deserved better, I mean, I had given this thread so much...didn't I deserve to have my team live." Monathin adjusted his tie. "Of course, it was going to be a bit tricky to make that work. After all, teams like mine don't usually survive the Gauntlet, and Smasher certainly wasn't going to do me any favors at this point. So I had to make sure there was no chance I could fail. First, I took over the Expansion Cup. After all, that's where the team that was going to take the Catastrophes' place was going to come from. But what if there weren't enough teams that survived? What if, for whatever reason, too many new owners dropped out? Well, then Smasher would have no choice but to let my team live. So I made sure that I delayed my updates, over and over, so that the new owners would leave and never come back. It'll take a while to see just how successful I was at that, but the early returns look good." Monathin grinned as he continued, "Of course, that wasn't enough. I had to make sure that no team that could beat mine emerged from the early round of the Gauntlet, and of all the teams beneath mine in the standings, yours was the only one I was afraid of, detective. You should be honored really. And, hey, at least you died for a good cause." That was enough, enough talking, enough of all of this. I trained my gun and fired. But nothing came out. I checked by revolver, but couldn't even get the cylinder out. It was frozen solid. "Up here, the thin air makes life difficult, but it isn't the most dangerous thing." Monathin said, reaching into his pocket, "It's the cold and the wind. They make even the most simple things, from grilling a stake to shooting a man dead so much more difficult. Of course, if you're smart, you can always make advance preparations to compensate." Monathin pulled his piece. I heard a shot, and I felt even colder. Looking down, I saw the blood start to pour out of me. It was a lovely way to die.
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May 7, 2013 01:40
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CVE posted:That's basically true for all languages in my opinion. Granted my english is mainly kept alive through forum discussions, talking with exchange students and movies so I would say my formal english is probably a mess (not to mention my grammar). I also forgot almost every little thing I knew about french since I had no one to speak it with so I can at most form basic sentences now. Gendered articles are actually a problem with several languages, but English is way more difficult in its grammar structure, its homonyms, and all the bizarre words we've come up with. I can pick up German from people talking to me, but I would just have issues with learning the different genders of things. But if I were a foreign person, and someone started slinging English at me, well, I think I'd be in trouble.
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May 7, 2013 01:45
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Oh my god. That obit is amazing.
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May 7, 2013 01:49
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The was loving brilliant, holy poo poo. Perfect noir narration, perfect setup. Perfect twist (I WAS THE MONSTER ALL ALONG  ).If I get immortalized as the evil mastermind who killed Detective Don Slaught, well. drat. With an obit like that, can't say I'd say no.
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May 7, 2013 01:55
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