RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Every time someone says the other person "scampered" out of the score I imagine someone bear crawling out of a grocery store.

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Every time someone says the other person "scampered" out of the score I imagine someone bear crawling out of a grocery store.

Tales from the Trenches posted:

A little over four years ago, I was working in QA at a large publisher testing a music title of note. We were working 7 AM to 7 PM Monday through Friday, and 7 AM to 4 PM on Saturday for about four months straight.

About a month into this overtime crunch, we got a build that implemented microphone input for the vocal sections (up till this point we had to use debug commands to automatically score 100%). I’m singing obnoxiously loud on a crowded floor where two testers share each cubicle when a lead comes up behind me and tells me through half-hidden chuckles to “shut the gently caress up.”ť

Still singing, I pause the game to turn around, only to realize that the game is looping about one second of what I was singing into the mic when I paused it. Nodding to my lead, I turn around, unpause the game, giggle, make a fart noise in the mic, and then immediately pause the game. Much to my excitement, the pause screen is looping the fart noise, creating an infinite fart.

The smile I had was one of pride as I watched the ensuing wave of laughter billow through the packed floor, leaving productivity utterly demolished, as if my fart noise was at first wind blowing through an open field, only to become a fart tornado of destruction.

quote:

This troper is apparently [adorkable], because when he called a friend ''just'' to talk about dinosaurs (and jetpacks and his plan to obtain both) she smiled brightly and informed me that I was 'immensely adorable'.

quote:

This troper caused an incident resembling Arc Words at his school. On a three day school trip, he tried to mess with the heads of the other people in the romm by pretending to talk in his sleep. What sounded like nonsense was actually references to the infamous 'Fur And Loathing' episode of {{CSI}}, altered to remove all actual references to the FurryFandom except for a mention of 'the costumes'. This turned the phrase 'The fox knows the truth' referring to a furry fan named Dark Fox into Arc Words for a while, usually accompanied by 'CSI!' said in a creepy voice.

quote:

I have masturbated once, successfully (somehow. I can't recall how). But the story begins after the act is finished. The very thought of the act suddenly repulses me, and I start getting odd thoughts about having compromised with...a couple of standards. I clawed at my face hard enough to leave lines, lay awake in my bed for hours in the night, tossing and turning and generally feeling utterly disgusted with what I have done, got a nightmare, and still felt disturbed the following day. And that's why I never tried anymore. No, I don't get why my friends call me Rorschach.

quote:

This troper's karate instructor had a crowning moment of awesome 34 years ago. When he was a senior in college someone broke into his apartment to get drug money. The guy had a 12 gauge shotgun and bottle with some liquid in it. To make a long story short my instructor disarmed the dude, the bottle broke during this in which contained acid as a result lost his left eye when the acid got on his face and still beat the living poo poo out of the dude. My instructor punched the dude so hard in the face that he busted the guys skull even after the acid got on his face, but the dude had so many drugs and such in his system he didn't feel anything or very little. My instructor only regret in this deal is that he didn't kill the dude when it happened.

quote:

This one is going to be hard to believe, but it is true. During the spring break for my Senior year of High School, I was having lunch at a local Chinese restaurant when in walk a couple men. I recognized one of the men from photos on a flash drive that I had found the previous Autumn and correctly assumed the other man to be his lover. I have nothing against the GBLTQ community, and am actually a big supporter of equal rights for them (why the hell should there even be an argument about that?!?), but I knew I was in danger as certain documents on that flash drive had led me to believe that the lover was in the Sicilian Mafia who are mostly violently anti-Gay. Turns out I was right, and he somehow knew that I had evidence both of his affiliation, but also his affair, so since he felt his life was at risk, he was there to end that danger by ending me. Knowing that I was probably dead anyway, I bluffed and pretended to be hanging up my cell phone as he sat down in my booth and pulled his gun on me. I have a friend who has an uncle who's pretty high ranking in the Mafia, so I just lied my rear end off and pretended to be under protection and that the only way to save himself from being revealed as gay was to leave me alive. By some miracle it worked and he left. I talked to my friend later and now I actually am under protection, but those who believe me when I tell them of this story consider it to be one of the single most awesome things they know of someone doing in real life. I mean, how many people can really honestly say that they bluffed their way out of being whacked by the frickin' MAFIA?! Not very f** king many!

quote:

This Troper has one he's freakishly proud of. (FP) One day, out with friends showing off my new Captain Hammer t-shirt and gloves, we ran into two guys mugging another. I paused, looked down at the shirt, muttered "Well, this is ironic and proceeded to hand the pair of them their asses. Midway through the fight, I started quoting/improvising bits of Hammer dialogue.

quote:

Fairly mild by the standards of AwesomenessByAnalysis, but @/RobinZimm didn't learn to ride a bicycle until his late teens, when the father of a friend from his Scout troop offered to give him lessons so he could go on an upcoming bike trip. On the first day he had ever tried to ride, after a few basic explanations and a few attempts at balancing the bike while coasting, Robin decided to skip ahead, visualized in his head the movements of his feet needed to pedal forward ... and he was off and riding.

quote:

This Troper came out completely by accident. Consider this scene --
Sara: * glomp* Hi Hair. [No, the Troper doesn't know why she calls her 'Hair' either; and most of their interactions are like this.] Be my girlfriend?
Troper: ...Uh.
Sara: * goes away*
Troper: * frustrated* Just because I like girls doesn't mean I like ''her''!
Boy: You like girls?

quote:

The time this troper left the closet before his parents was easily one of his own Crowning Moments of Funny:

Troper: Momma, I'm bi.
Momma: As in "Bisexual"?
Troper: Yup.
Momma: Your heart commands you, and you have the right to follow it. But YOU DON'T ENTER ANYONE TO YOUR BEDROOM, YOU PERVERT!!!
Troper: Not even women?
Momma: Neither women nor men. The rules are for everyone!
Troper: At least you're egalitarian on that...

And with his father, Hilarity Ensued. EPICALLY:

Poppa: *looking at his son's bits* That means you have everything for both???
Tropper: drat it, Poppa! I'm bisexual, not hermaphrodite!!!!
Poppa: Then how do you manage to...
Trooper: *facepalm*

And as if it wasn't enough, some years after that he updated his Facebook profile, putting he was on a relationship (He still is) with a Gentle Giant, marvelously Cloudcuckoolander, Adorkable man, and set it as "Only show it to friends". The thing is that this troper has in his Facebook friendlist highschool classmates, med school friends, long-life friends, and family... As this troper said: "I didn't go outta the closet. I fumbled and fell face-first outta it! Brilliant! XD"

Djeser posted:

Getting tired of NAR? Let's abyss-stare with some good old troper tales.

quote:

quote:

I have masturbated once, successfully (somehow. I can't recall how). But the story begins after the act is finished. The very thought of the act suddenly repulses me, and I start getting odd thoughts about having compromised with...a couple of standards. I clawed at my face hard enough to leave lines, lay awake in my bed for hours in the night, tossing and turning and generally feeling utterly disgusted with what I have done, got a nightmare, and still felt disturbed the following day. And that's why I never tried anymore. No, I don't get why my friends call me Rorschach.

dijon du jour posted:

pausefart

Djeser posted:

Concentrated awkwardness

Djeser posted:

Getting tired of NAR? Let's abyss-stare with some good old troper tales.

And you know what?

That was just the highlights I saw while skimming the first 400 pages.

there are three thousand pages

quote:

I can think of two or three reasons why at the very least the archives should go away:
1. It discourages new members. You've all seen the creepy stuff in the troper tales archives, and it tends to make outsiders think we're all like that. Thus, a lot of potential members get scared away.
2. It's redundant. It looks to me like most of the contributors to Troper Tales just want their voices heard. We already have this forum for that.
3. It's misused more frequently than we have time to clean up after. I won't name names, but even with the instalation of our new Troper Tales system, people are still abusing Troper Tales via Square Peg Round Trope. That's one of things that made the old troper tales so infamous, and I fear it will repeat itself too quickly for anyone to want to clean up after.
edited 13th Aug '11 2:31:58 PM by Haldo

Fathis Munk posted:

Even the tvtropes guys agree :

ravenkult posted:

This made me irrationally angry and I wanted to share.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201305/confessions-sociopath


Yeah you totally showed her by answering a question some guys asked in an elevator. I bet she had nightmares about that for years.

Also, who wears flip flops to a law firm?

Hot Sauce Batman posted:

From r/atheism. A 15 year old kid rejects religion so his parents send him to a camp. This is the story of how he escaped.

quote:

I hate those prisons. I truly hate them. I'm really sorry you had to go through what I went... I guess I'll share my story, and hopefuly I'll make some people realize that these camps are... more than evil.
As a kid I really denied any form of authority. I often harrased teachers, and the idea of a great man in the sky ruling over me was not only ridicoulous to me, but also hazardous... I came out to my (extremist) parents at the age of 14. They cried, threatened me, did everything they could to turn me back into a robot...
About 1 month after I came out, 3 men came into my house at night, and told me to stay quiet and walk with them. I tought it was a kidnapping, as most people who experience this...
I walked into the van, and they explained themselelves. I was shocked and filled with hate, but I knew I shouldn't do anything, the van was small and I couldn't defend myself.
My first day at that prison was horrible... everything I did was supervised, and also controlled. The only time I got some "privacy" was at night, 10 o'clock. After 1 week I just couldn't take the authority, and I was put in isolation. Two months. Two. ****ing. Months.
After the first month I began hearing voices in my head, and after another week, the voices formed into a big, strong voice... I only had one conversation with it.
Voice : "Escape."
Me : "How?"
Voice : "Strong. Then Kill."
After the last sentence I never heard it again. But it was enough. I knew my goal. At the time I had about 100 lbs... I was skinny, I didn't have force... I was helpless.
Every time I got out of isolation, I said "**** God.". All I did in isolation was exercise. I was so full of hate I didn't care about time... In there there was no natural light, just a little crack... I had no clock, so I would just look at the crack while exercising.. Everytime light started to get through the crack, meaning it was day, it was a great achievment. I felt.. great. Small things where all I had, so it was incredible... I exercised in there for 8 months... breaks of 20 minutes, exercises for 1 and a half. And repeat. Repeat. Repeat...
After 8 months, I finnaly got out... everyone was so surprised I didn't shout "**** God.".
For about 4 days I was heavily looked at by all the guards... that was the day I began the brainwashing. They thought the isolation broke me down. It only made me stronger.
Everytime I entered the brainwashing room I would see a broken window. The room was on the first floor, so I could get out without too much damage. But I was... nowhere. Nowhere meaning a forest. I could run, of course, but how long would the forest last? I didn't know. Forest was freedom. Freedom is good. So I got to get in the forest.
One day, instead of the 5 athletic guys that went with me to the room, there were only 2 janitors. I was so surprised... yet calm. I knew that was my day.
As I was approaching the window, I felt some adrenaline going up my spine...
I quickly headlocked one guy while kicking the other with one foot, and managed to pull a neck break on the headlocked guy.. I got ready, then jumped off the window. I fell, rolled, and managed to don't get hurt bad... I was running, running, running... I could hear some sounds, but I was so thrilled I didn't pay attention.. after about 4km running I finnaly stopped. I could feel freedom. It was... beautiful.
I heard a "****! Watch how you're driving, man!". My instinct moved me, and I approaced a yellow car...
"Please.. just.. let me come."
The guy looked at me surprised, then told me to get in. After about half an hour, when I recovered, he asked me my story, but I was still afraid. What if he would get me to the cops? What if he was one of them? I didn't know. I just said "No time to explain. Where are you going?". He said Florida.
I arrived in Florida at the age of 15. I'm 19 now, and I never spoke with my parents again, and will never do it. I truly hate them.
But the experience made me realize how important free will is. .. aaaaand I grew ****ing awesome muscles.
Thanks for reading so far ! I means a lot to me that I can share my story... it hurts even now, after 4 years.
TL;DR : It took me 1 year to escape but, it takes you only 5 minutes to read.
EDIT : Thanks for all your support guys! It's been 4 years since I escaped, so I had plenty of time to rebuild my life, and to find a job. I work right now as a Pentester, Programmer and a skater, which is more than I could have achieved while I was with my parents
Anyone here gonna share his story? I figured out we could make a little book out of them, and if we would really sue those prisons, every story counts!

Unexpected Road posted:

I found this on tumblr. Note: this crazy thinks he's the child of Lillith (yes that one) and can snap his fingers and hurt people with MAGIC. His entire tumblr is a goddamn trainwreck.

quote:

So I Went To An Exorcism Once

Yep, not even joking. I heard about it through the cosmic grape vein and invited myself to it. (read broke into the church it was happening at dressed as a priest)

They already had the woman bound to the chair by her wrists, elbows, chest, ankles, thighs, head, and neck, not to mention the three point harness on her chest. The chair looked to be made of pure iron, bolted to the cement floor. She was hooded and I could hear her crying.

“Please stop.” Fear in her voice. “I’ll do anything.” Her words are muffled by both the hood and the six priests muttering scripture.

“Be quite demon!” Holy water, nothing happens. “In the name of the lord i command thee!” Holy water, nothing happens again. “Leave this woman!” Water, nada. “Begone Satan!” Once again, zip.

“I’m not a demon!” Screamed very loud.

“She is right.” Me.

“What?” Head Priest turns to me.

“She isn’t a demon, there aren’t any demons. What you have here is a spirit who has taken up residence in a body that would have been unused. The child died in birth but came back because this beautiful being breathed life back into it.” Stares, priests stop muttering. “What you are doing now is trying to rip a soul from it’s body, it’s rightful body. My dear, childish fools, you yourselves are the demons.”

The woman has stopped crying. “Lullaby?” Hope full.

“Got your s.o.s. No fear kiddo, they wont hurt you no more.” What happened next can be summed up by something written ages ago:

—Darkness falls when a dragon rears it’s head.

True story, they never did another exorcism. Course that could have something to do with being…well….use your imagination.

Of course, people believe every word of it.

Fathis Munk posted:

Even the tvtropes guys agree :

sweeperbravo posted:

Sometimes I kind of feel bad for the relatively normal people who consider themselves Tropers. Then the normal people hear everyone else saying such horrible things about Tropes, and they get defensive. They're in a denial boat floating on an ocean of poo poo, semen, and countless tears. Every now and then one of them looks over the ship's edge, like this fellow you've quoted here: "Wait, you guys, look. I think I see what the other people are talking about. Maybe we should try at least pointing the ship out of this nasty part of the ocean? Oh gosh, I don't mean it like that, guys, I mean, we don't have to like, sail over there or anything, but if we maybe make it look like-"

His ban will be swift and eminent. I salute you, poop witness

quote:

I was on a trip to Rome with 3 friends and went out to a bar. Got attacked by like 15 italians (dunno if they were native or some kind of eastern European guys) that were some sort of gangsters. I think they went for us mostly because two of the guys with me really stand out in a crowd and some of the members had something to prove. They were clearly on some drugs and very violent.
The biggest problem was that the first guy that went for us got tangled up with the biggest of us and got slammed into the ground hard, but not hard enough to be knocked out. By this time everyone of the hundred or so onlookers just beat it.
Me and another guy did successfully zone out almost ten of them and we went running. For myself it wasn't that bad, got some punches but nothing serious. Then two of the guys attacking us broke a bottle each and came at us with bottle necks. This was when it got bad. I ran beside the craziest and tried to calm him down which in retrospect wasn't the smartest move. I got away fine but one of my friends got stabbed in the forehead and the shoulder and the other got stabbed in the arm.
So much blood. The ambulance, the carabinieri and police showed up 15 minutes later and they managed to stop the blood flow and got the one stabbed in the forehead to the hospital eventually. Then it hit me, if the guy stabbing him in the head had hit him like 3cm lower he would be blind, and if he got hit in the neck...
Scary loving night.

quote:

Parachute malfunction at Airborne school.
Attacked by gang members.
Shot at while hunting.
Ambushing somebody who was kicking my door in.
Turning a corner with at least 15 years in the trunk into a dead end street swarming with detectives.
Being told a guy with gang ties was trying to get a "hit" put out on me from a different state for loving his girlfriend. ( completely different gang than the first one. )
Accidentally running someone off the road to avoid a huge accident.
Thinking I impregnated a psychotic woman.
18 wheeler taking out the car directly infront of me.
Piss test while in the military.

Hitmage posted:

Man, someone should repost that Troper thing where the kid brags about how many pencils he broke (ecxept for the two that his friend helped him with because they were too hard).

quote:

"Arguably, this Troper is probably the youngest of which who suffers from this Trope. This is practically the invisible label that's under the invisible Berserk Button of this 13-year old kid. He broke 33 pencils in his life, and had a good friend break two of those pencils because they were too hard. He even yelled at someone because that guy was the third person who asked if he could be punched for the third time, with a teacher only a mile ahead!"

Grape Juice Vampire posted:

sweeperbravo posted:

Sometimes I kind of feel bad for the relatively normal people who consider themselves Tropers. Then the normal people hear everyone else saying such horrible things about Tropes, and they get defensive. They're in a denial boat floating on an ocean of poo poo, semen, and countless tears. Every now and then one of them looks over the ship's edge, like this fellow you've quoted here: "Wait, you guys, look. I think I see what the other people are talking about. Maybe we should try at least pointing the ship out of this nasty part of the ocean? Oh gosh, I don't mean it like that, guys, I mean, we don't have to like, sail over there or anything, but if we maybe make it look like-"

His ban will be swift and eminent. I salute you, poop witness

moerketid posted:

I would also say this is true of Redditors. God I loving hate that website.

WeAreTheRomans posted:

It's actually possible to tweak Reddit settings so that the majority of the horrible poo poo never gets on to your page though.

moerketid posted:

I would also say this is true of Redditors. God I loving hate that website.

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

You could probably say that for most websites. Have you seen the "PYF Awkward, Ugly, Handicapped People and Children" thread?

angelfisher posted:

The more transparent the bullshit is, the more notes it gets.

moerketid posted:

Maybe it's because I'm a woman but it's the constant assault of lovely misogyny from Reddit that wears me down the most. I don't get to all corners of SA but I've not found it anywhere I have been (though I remember looking at SA back in the day when it did, years before I joined). My boyfriend on the other hand just looks at the Reddit front page/most popular/whatever and it just seems like every 4th thing he opens (everything on the page) is some lovely image macro with that kind of slant. And yeah, you have the huge long threads of STDH and quite often those devolve into THOSE DARN WIMMENS and BITCHES. Our PCs sit next to one another so I get to see it out the corner of my eye every day, sadly.

My boyfriend is also a fan of Not Always Right, but he now reads that on his phone because I laughed at him for showing me the "crazy true stories".

Hogarth Hughes posted:

I'm so grateful my parents raised me without religion and taught me the values of freethinking, skepticism, science, and rational thought. When I was 10 I figured, at the urging of my friend, that I would go see what the hell church was about, since his dad was the pastor or minister or whatever. When after about 3 weeks I realized church was super dumb and their book was just chock-full of holes and I told my friend I wasn't going to come back, he decided he was no longer my friend. What a dickhead. I've been baffled all my life at how people can swallow all that baloney in the face of the gigantic mountains of scientific evidence we have to show us that events in the Bible did not literally, actually happen.

angelfisher posted:

Tumblr is a veritable goldmine of shit_that_didnt_happen.txt when it comes to certain text posts.

Tatum Girlparts posted:

Wait so does that mean a 4th grader is dating a kindergartner?

HEGEL SMOKE A J posted:

There's a new thread in GBS which promises to be ripe for the picking:

HEGEL SMOKE A J posted:

There's a new thread in GBS which promises to be ripe for the picking:
"...how people can swallow all that baloney in the face of the gigantic mountains of scientific evidence we have to show us that events in the Bible did not literally, actually happen."