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The chocolate shop I work at has a chocolate piece with gold foil on it, but it's an incredibly tiny garnish on an already small piece of chocolate. I can totally believe that claim, but he's definitely exaggerating the amount of gold that is being used. Also  at the gold leaf fountain. Don't jewelry factories collect the gold dust from the floors, carpets, clothing, etc. and reuse it?
Pineapple Salad has a new favorite as of 02:25 on May 30, 2013 |
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May 30, 2013 02:22
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Reddit is the best place for these stories. My favorite are the ones about false rape accusations. They're usually like "My buddy was falsely accused of rape by this one bitch and it ruined his life! His wife left him and he got fired from his job and now he's living in some cardboard box all because some stupid bitch was ashamed of having drunk sex with him so she called rape!" Aside from the fact that aftermath is obviously shitthatneverhappened.txt, false rape accusations are actually much rarer than Reddit believes, so the woman is question is more often than not actually telling the truth and the person who is telling the story friend is probably an actual rapist.
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May 30, 2013 03:44
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kizudarake posted:Gizmodo comments on the Burj Khalifa providing gold-plated ipads to guests as part of the hospitality service. The only believable part is that he worked in a jewelry factory. I also love this smug writer basically claiming gold is useless. Gold is widely used in several types of manufacturing because it is highly conductive and resistant to corrosion. It's a very useful metal on top of being pretty.
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May 30, 2013 04:18
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Some friend of a friend on Facebook posted:I saw a woman lighting up a cigarette as we began to drive past, so I looked at my mother and she knew what she had to do. That verbal abuse and splash of dirty water has CHANGED MY LIFE
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May 31, 2013 07:12
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shock.wav posted:That verbal abuse and splash of dirty water has CHANGED MY LIFE  I disagree with your life choices so it is my GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO HARASS YOU!
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May 31, 2013 08:30
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Das Boo posted:
His mother thought it was cool.
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May 31, 2013 12:28
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Its also a crime to splash pedestrians by driving through puddles. (at least in the UK).
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May 31, 2013 14:07
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The saddest Reddit thread, or how a bunch of nerds "accidentally saw some hot naked women"
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May 31, 2013 15:00
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:The saddest Reddit thread, or how a bunch of nerds "accidentally saw some hot naked women" It really doesn't get any more "didn't happen" than this: quote:When I was in high school I smashed my head on a ceiling overhang. My head started spraying blood everywhere, at which point the girl with the biggest, most perfect breasts in school rushed over and pulled off her little white tank top to put pressure on the wound with. I don't know if she realized or not, but her bra was pretty much completely see through. I'd like to think that maybe she saved me from bleeding to death that day by completely redirecting blood flow from the open wound on my head.
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May 31, 2013 15:14
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quote:Went to the Smithsonian with my daughter's 2nd grade class. There was an African dance performance. One of the dancer's tops came off partway through. The reason it was the best nudity? Watching the other parents and kids look uncomfortable. Buncha idiots, so uncomfortable with nakedness  quote:I always feel bad when a girls boobs fall out instead of rejoicing. Poor girl must be embarrassed. "I have empathy for other people, I must be gay." quote:The same thing happened in front of me and my dad when I was a little kid. quote:So I currently work at a store that has a flowrider( an artificial surfing wave where water is sent up a tarp at 35+MPH) anyways these women always come in with the tightest bikinis trying to look good for their boyfriends . I constantly see bikinis being ripped off. I've seen more tits and Vag at this job then in my social life . Yeah because no girl would go into such a thing for fun. quote:Lesbian sex. The first comment is "How fast can you giggle" and actually made me chuckle a little. quote:I was in Florida with my wife, 1 of her friends (we'll call her Megan), & my wife's family. We were at the beach & my wife's friend is blessed with quite massive boobs. My wife's grandpa leaned over to me & said "I wouldn't mind if Megan had a wardrobe malfunction". 10 seconds later a wave hit her & her top fell completely off, it felt like grandpa did it with his mind or something. At this point grandpa leans back over & says "gently caress yeah, looks like I won't be standing up for a while". My grandpa in-law is the poo poo! 2 lines down : quote:One night after leaving the bar, some buddies and I went to a Waffle House on the beach in Biloxi, MS. They had several sorority girl types eating together, all in smaller cocktail dresses. I paid my bill and went outside to sit in the car to make a phone call, and I noticed one of the hotter chicks walking outside in a dress that barely covered her bottom.. and I thought to myself "Man, what I wouldn't do for a great big gust of wind, we are on the beach..".. well not 2 seconds later the wind whipped up and blew her dress up to her chest and I got to see the cutest little leopard print thong I've ever seen. I felt like Bruce Almighty. Next story and the gust will come before the guy wishes for it.  (How the hell finds leopard print cute by the way ?!)Also plenty of I saw my brother's girlfriend/wife naked.
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May 31, 2013 15:53
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quote:Before my boyfriend and I were dating, I'd only met him once and I thought he was cute. I'm pretty positive this was written by a guy wishing it would happen to him. These all ready like those awful sex comedies of the early 1990s. It's like I am watching USA Up All Night with the volume really low all over again.
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May 31, 2013 16:06
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quote:A mate of mine was out on the town and started chatting to this super cute girl. Things were going well and she said "I actually have a girlfriend. She's over there" and pointed to a butch looking but still quite tidy lady. He was crestfallen but she said "Oh, I'm actually bi. Once a month, she lets me bring home a random guy and we all have fun together. Do you want to come home with us?" His reply caused much angst in my circle of friends. "No thanks, I only like having sex with one girl at a time." She said "Okay, bye" and walked away. He knew straight away what he'd said and tried following her but she found another target. One of my mates punched him in the mouth when he heard this story.
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May 31, 2013 16:13
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:The saddest Reddit thread, or how a bunch of nerds "accidentally saw some hot naked women" Seems plausible, I saw this in Every Anime Ever.
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May 31, 2013 16:14
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Fathis Munk posted:(How the hell finds leopard print cute by the way ?!) Whenever VS has a sale, it's the unpopular patterns like leopard (and neon leopard with lace) that ends up being cheap. That's how a good number of my friends end up with the junk, especially if they order online and want to qualify for free shipping. It's not cute, it's hard to coordinate with outfits, and it's beater stuff at best. However, the reddit poster probably hasn't really seen anyone in underwear in real life, ever, and is going off what he's seen in porn or from camgirls. Camgirls wear rainbow socks and tights and garters and fetish wear, so it goes to reason that all people he finds sexually appealing cater to his desire the same way. Chances of a shitlord praying for wind and getting to see a woman's underpants? 0.
SRS said it best somewhere. Reddit users are so gross that even in their made up fantasies and STDH.t, they don't want consent from other people. It's all about the creepy looks and ehebohebhoepapphiles.
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May 31, 2013 16:38
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Irony Be My Shield posted:
"He ran out of the store making GBS threads his pants. One of my mates punched him in the mouth when he heard this story." "I married that lifeguard on the spot. One of my mates punched him in the mouth when he heard this story." "And that man was Albert Einstein. One of my mates punched him in the mouth when he heard this story." Etc and so on. In case there is no "him" to refer to in the story, it should become: "One of my mates punched himself in the mouth when he heard this story. Alternatively, it would be allowed to change it to "One of my mates punched me in the mouth when he heard this story." Which would be even more apt for most STDH, I think.
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May 31, 2013 17:00
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From that reddit thread. quote:I was working at the friendly, neighborhood Dollar General, and was ringing up the items of a rather attractive late twenties white gentleman. He went to grab something out of his pocket and raises up his shirt to get into said pocket and I was greeted with a large, erect penis, sticking out of the top of his pants. Made my boring evening a little better. Just eww.
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May 31, 2013 17:03
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Low-hanging fruit (top-rated comment), but...quote:Delivering DHL in the summer, it was hot as balls when I got out of my van next to a truck that had a girl in the passenger seat, back to the window, fanning her shirt without a bra on. I didn't mean to admire the view as long as I did, but sure enough she caught me and we simply exchanged knowing smiles. When I came back out from my delivery, her driver friend was back in the truck and they both flashed me. It was the greatest day of my working life. How it actually happened: she got out of the car, walked up to him, and slugged him in the face.
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May 31, 2013 18:42
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loving reddit.quote:I'm not sure if you're trolling or just have no idea who I am, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I am the god of memes and companies often pay me for advice on memes. But I won't help conservative groups and their magic sky god.
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May 31, 2013 18:58
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NoUU posted:loving reddit. Saddest king of the saddest hill. Why would you brag about devoting seven fricking years of your life to meme? Seriously, half of the poo poo that's posted in this thread comes back to that question - Why would you brag about that?
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May 31, 2013 19:01
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Sir, I am a meme connoisseur!
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May 31, 2013 19:08
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NoUU posted:loving reddit. What would be sadder, if this were true or if he were making it up?
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May 31, 2013 19:12
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WeaponGradeSadness posted:What would be sadder, if this were true or if he were making it up? While it would be eminently pathetic if it was true, making it up means that he thinks that such a situation would be an improvement on his current existence. Which is much more pathetic, overall. Floor is open for a counter-argument, however.
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May 31, 2013 19:26
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Fuego Fish posted:While it would be eminently pathetic if it was true, making it up means that he thinks that such a situation would be an improvement on his current existence. Which is much more pathetic, overall. While it is more pathetic in relation to him that his dream is to become the foremost authority on funny internet pictures I'd find it more pathetic overall if big companies were legitimately contacting this guy specifically to ask about the origins of The Sandwich Chef or whatever.
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May 31, 2013 19:32
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"Hello Mr Meme Expert, after checking your extensive resume with several verified sources, we have decided to enlist your expertise in this matter. If we are going to spend millions on pictures of shibas and rage faces and bachelor frogs, rest assured we are going to do it right
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May 31, 2013 19:37
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Do you think he opened the call saying, "Hello, I am a Westboro Baptist Church member,"?
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May 31, 2013 19:48
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There's no way an ad agency contacted him and paid an unnecessary person to inform them about memes when Google exists. Oh and there's his biggest hole, by the way. Almost no major company makes its own commercials, as anyone who has worked at an agency can tell you. There's also no way an ad agency would call someone and give them specifics about what client they'd be working for and information about the ad would be.
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May 31, 2013 19:53
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Yes, I am sure you committed bank fraud after he mentioned picketing dead soldiers' funerals for no reason.NoUU posted:loving reddit. If I were an actor, this would be my audition monologue.
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May 31, 2013 19:53
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NoUU posted:I am the god of memes and companies often pay me for advice on memes. Jerry Manderbilt posted:Pathetic Reddit posts I can't help hearing most of these in the "creepy nerd" voice CrazyGoggs used to do for the Troper Tales videos. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to find out some of them are by the same people who used to post Troper Tales.
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May 31, 2013 19:57
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General Panic posted:I can't help hearing most of these in the "creepy nerd" voice CrazyGoggs used to do for the Troper Tales videos. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to find out some of them are by the same people who used to post Troper Tales. It's a crying shame Goggs took down the archives he got of Troper Tales, but at least the best one is saved for posterity: 
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May 31, 2013 20:18
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Are we supposed to know who the gently caress Joseph Stubb is?
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May 31, 2013 21:02
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Joseph Stubbs is the guy who got the knife knocked out of his hand duh.
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May 31, 2013 21:10
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DrHerpington posted:Whenever VS has a sale, it's the unpopular patterns like leopard (and neon leopard with lace) that ends up being cheap. That's how a good number of my friends end up with the junk, especially if they order online and want to qualify for free shipping. It's not cute, it's hard to coordinate with outfits, and it's beater stuff at best. I agree it's all total BS, but if it was a school in the South then the dresses and such do make sense. My sister was in a sorority at University of South Carolina, and both men and women got way overdressed for everything (e.g., summer suits and sundresses for tailgaiting).
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May 31, 2013 21:11
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EDIT: Note to self, check the page has refreshed before posting.
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May 31, 2013 21:12
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He's that guy at school people always call by both their first and last name.
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May 31, 2013 21:14
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Reddit posted:When I was around 11 I was on holiday in Spain and had competitions with my brother to see who could hold their breath underwater for the longest. I would go down to the pool and practice by myself and one time I was underwater, I heard someone dive into the pool and it was a topless woman. and I was wearing goggles. needless to say I was down there a while I don't get why everyone thinks it's so cool they spied on girls naked.
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May 31, 2013 22:22
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Turtlicious posted:I don't get why everyone thinks it's so cool they spied on girls naked. "I'll never see a woman naked or touch a woman, and I think most internet nerds won't either, so I'll make them all jealous with this totally awesome story!"
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May 31, 2013 22:28
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Turtlicious posted:I don't get why everyone thinks it's so cool they spied on girls naked. It is a huge deal when you're 12 and living in a sexually repressed society. Most Redditors are either literally or figuratively twelve.
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May 31, 2013 22:29
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booshi posted:I agree it's all total BS, but if it was a school in the South then the dresses and such do make sense. My sister was in a sorority at University of South Carolina, and both men and women got way overdressed for everything (e.g., summer suits and sundresses for tailgaiting). Yeah, I live on the East Coast and am from California, so that's what my sorority info was on. I didn't know what southern sororities were like. Oops!
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May 31, 2013 22:33
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I love how vague that last line is. "Knocked a knife out of Joseph Stubbs' hand" probably just means he tripped and knocked a butter knife out of his mom's boyfriend's hand.
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May 31, 2013 23:48
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DrHerpington posted:Yeah, I live on the East Coast and am from California, so that's what my sorority info was on. I didn't know what southern sororities were like. Oops! Well that was only certain occasions. Some parties were still people dressing casually, and same with going to bars. Then again, I have limited exposure, as I'm from the East Coast (Philly) myself, and the only other place I have lived (which is now) is Boston. Which gets windy as hell yet I don't see anyone's dresses flying all the way up. Honestly who sees a woman and wishes to see their underwear, besides kids in elementary school?
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May 31, 2013 23:59
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