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Popehoist
Feb 5, 2008

There you go rubens, all your fault! You went on the wrong side of the car!

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El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Messi for Dolce and Gabbana



lmao

Eau de MacGowan
May 12, 2009

BRASIL HEXA
2026 tá logo aí
is he wearing Dolce and Gabbana kids?

sircozzie
Jul 8, 2011

Release the Meerkat
I won't believe that's real until I see another

Vegetable
Oct 22, 2010

Every penalty Balotelli has taken (with some bad music)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9UzIGTpBMU

Misdirection on almost every kick :psyduck:

TraderStav
May 19, 2006

It feels like I was standing my entire life and I just sat down

Vegetable posted:

Every penalty Balotelli has taken (with some bad music)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9UzIGTpBMU

Misdirection on almost every kick :psyduck:

http://hasbalotellimissedapenalty.com/

The Finn
Aug 27, 2004

إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Vegetable posted:

Every penalty Balotelli has taken (with some bad music)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9UzIGTpBMU

Misdirection on almost every kick :psyduck:

So many of the keepers simply freeze in the centre of the goal and then just feebly fall over, it's lovely

Psybro
May 12, 2002

TyChan posted:

Maybe Rhianna?

Cristiano's adams apple eyes Rihanna and wonders boldly just how rough she likes it.

Thirteenth Step
Mar 3, 2004

T. Finninho posted:

So many of the keepers simply freeze in the centre of the goal and then just feebly fall over, it's lovely

That little step really fucks with keepers's heads. Hart had his number (obviously) but unfortunately (for England) it was perfectly placed.

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

only his club mate guesses the right direction

real_scud
Sep 5, 2002

One of these days these elbows are gonna walk all over you

mynameisjohn posted:

only his club mate guesses the right direction
I thought someone else guessed the right direction since he's been in Italy but couldn't get a hand on the ball.

Really it seems like if keepers just watched video on him they'd see he loves his stutter-step and to not immediately jump to a side and they could maybe stop one of his.

black.lion
Apr 1, 2004




For if he like a madman lived,
At least he like a wise one died.

Hart seemed pretty excited when he stopped one in training, makes me think that's the only one he's ever stopped as it warranted a video on the official website.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W3CZ3IHYBo

Then again, they'll put anything on that website. Champions of PR.

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

Signori > everyone on penalties just because he did it without run-up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YOrYqTuAes&t=23s

Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire

real_scud posted:

I thought someone else guessed the right direction since he's been in Italy but couldn't get a hand on the ball.

Really it seems like if keepers just watched video on him they'd see he loves his stutter-step and to not immediately jump to a side and they could maybe stop one of his.

I had to look this up, Cagliari's Michael Agazzi and Palermo's Stefano Sorrentino both guessed right but couldn't get to it.

Vegetable
Oct 22, 2010

black.lion posted:

Hart seemed pretty excited when he stopped one in training, makes me think that's the only one he's ever stopped as it warranted a video on the official website.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W3CZ3IHYBo

Then again, they'll put anything on that website. Champions of PR.
And he proceeds to thump the next two past Hart. Guy's a pro at this poo poo.

Soup and a Sandwich
Apr 8, 2008

skeng

Kurtofan
Feb 16, 2011

hon hon hon

El Hefe posted:

Messi for Dolce and Gabbana



lmao

Short but stocky.

Royality
Jun 27, 2006
I never realised that Balotelli was an expert penalty taker. Who is the best of all time? Didn't Le Tiss score 49 in 50?

African AIDS cum
Feb 29, 2012


Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

Vegetable posted:

Every penalty Balotelli has taken (with some bad music)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9UzIGTpBMU

Misdirection on almost every kick :psyduck:

He is so alpha

TheRat
Aug 30, 2006

Royality posted:

I never realised that Balotelli was an expert penalty taker. Who is the best of all time? Didn't Le Tiss score 49 in 50?

Cantona scored 18 in 19 or something like that for Man United and sent the keeper the wrong way on all of them. The one he missed just didnt hit the goal.

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009

TheRat posted:

Cantona scored 18 in 19 or something like that for Man United and sent the keeper the wrong way on all of them. The one he missed just didnt hit the goal.

He fluffed a penalty on a pre-season friendly in Ireland against former Leeds academy superstar Eddie van Boxtel, who is now in prison for trying to smuggle millions of pounds worth of weed into Ireland

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

Romario is no doubt the best penalty kicker there has been so far. Never missed one in a competitive match.

(Hm or he might have missed one against Fluminense)

Hegay fucked around with this message at 00:00 on May 31, 2013

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009

Hegav posted:

Romario is no doubt the best penalty kicker there has been so far. Never missed one in a competitive match.

Source: Romario

edogawa rando
Mar 20, 2007

Isn't his claim of 1000 goals also questionable as well?

Spangly A
May 14, 2009

God help you if ever you're caught on these shores

A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall

Vagabundo posted:

Isn't his claim of 1000 goals also questionable as well?

Yeah his research team, much like Pele's, included goals scored in youth matches, reserve games, friendlies, park kickabouts, ones he dreamt about, and times he totally coulda scored bro

It's about 300-something.

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

the sex ghost posted:

He fluffed a penalty on a pre-season friendly in Ireland against former Leeds academy superstar Eddie van Boxtel, who is now in prison for trying to smuggle millions of pounds worth of weed into Ireland
this is a pro post

Blue Star Error
Jun 11, 2001

For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)
Rickie Lambert has scored 31/31 penalties for Southampton, not sure about his record before them

Chas McGill
Oct 29, 2010

loves Fat Philippe
Jan Mølby was a beastly penalty taker for Liverpool.

wikipedia posted:

While at Liverpool, he scored a total of 62 goals, 42 of which were from penalties. During Mølby's time with Liverpool, he only failed to score three times from the penalty spot (penalties against Sheffield Wednesday & QPR in 1985–86 and Chelsea in 1989–90 were saved). His record as a penalty-taker in the top flight is thought to be second only to Matthew Le Tissier. He still holds the club record of the most penalties scored by a Liverpool player.

Popehoist
Feb 5, 2008

There you go rubens, all your fault! You went on the wrong side of the car!
The mash have done their best football article yet

quote:

DOZENS of footballers have been spotted loitering around Real Madrid’s ground touting for business.

Spanish police have started naming and shaming the street-footballers to their clubs, and will now focus on agents with a large stable of ‘working boys’.

Sergeant Jorge Olazabal said: “We turn up in the morning and there’s discarded contracts all over the pavement, which parents then have to explain to their children.

“It’s disgusting – I speak to these players late at night and ask them if they have no shame but they just flutter their eyelids and ask if Florentino Pérez has mentioned them.”

Cleaners are working seven days a week to clear phone boxes of postcards offering ‘Quick winger action’ and ‘Watch Me Bang Them In’, with London and Liverpool phone numbers.

Although soliciting a transfer is against FIFA laws, many players still flout themselves in local radio interviews by saying they are ‘wide open to discussion and ready for some unhurried, deep, informal talks’.

Campaigners have suggested legalizing the trade, allowing footballers to set up business in regulated Transfer Parlours in districts away from schools or residential areas.

It has been suggested this would reduce the practice of trafficking teenagers from South America on the promise of life in a luxurious Barcelona only to find themselves working away in grimy Carlisle FC.

Olazabal said: “Maybe that is the answer, but ask yourself – would you want any son of yours parading around in a pair of tiny shorts for some dirty old billionaire chairman?”

Frankston
Jul 27, 2010


Edit: actually this is probably NSFW

http://i42.tinypic.com/511qas.jpg

atomic gog
Apr 11, 2005


Winner June 2013 POTM
Those shorts don't leave much to the imagination.

The Finn
Aug 27, 2004

إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

Frankston posted:

Edit: actually this is probably NSFW

http://i42.tinypic.com/511qas.jpg

Full Kit Wanker

sassassin
Apr 3, 2010

by Azathoth
full kit wanker

is the joke

edit: booooooo

hyper from Pixie Sticks
Sep 28, 2004

atomic gog posted:

Those shorts don't leave much to the imagination.
The rest of the picture also clearly displays a bellend.

Vegetable
Oct 22, 2010

Frankston posted:

Edit: actually this is probably NSFW

http://i42.tinypic.com/511qas.jpg
Some goddamn bizarre poo poo in "Images You'll Also Enjoy"

3peat
May 6, 2010

West Bromwich Albion romanian player Gabriel Tamas REALLY wanted to enter some random apartment block in Bucharest this morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3LnF_mpK54

He then fell asleep on a doormat and after police took him in they had to wait like 8 hours until they got any coherent words out of him

Soup and a Sandwich
Apr 8, 2008

skeng

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/video/2013/may/30/romanian-goalkeeper-bites-opponent-video

Here is a romanian goalkeeper biting the gently caress out of an opponent and getting punched in the face a bunch of times.

Fists Up
Apr 9, 2007

blue footed boobie posted:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/video/2013/may/30/romanian-goalkeeper-bites-opponent-video

Here is a romanian goalkeeper biting the gently caress out of an opponent and getting punched in the face a bunch of times.

I like that the one thing I understood the commentator saying in that video was "Luis Suarez"

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ayb
Sep 12, 2003
Kills Drifters for erections
BBC documentary about Swansea City. These fans are the loving realest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoLT_0LH51I

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