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Rambling Robot posted:
I.e., the humor sections of every Reader's Digest ever.
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Jun 29, 2013 21:15
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Fathis Munk posted:Has that actually ever happened to anyone in the thread ? I hold doors open for whoever if they're close behind me and never did anyone complain... The choicest parts are the "I'm embarrassed for my gender" (I'm a girl but I'm totally awesome dudes, look at meeeeeee) and the 2 edits that just plunge further into STDH.txt territory "I know someone who has that problem" "Everyone agreed with me and I got free stuff" Sometimes I get upset when people hold the door open because I'm walking slow and it'd be douchebaggy to make them wait while I saunter over. Stop making me guilt myself into walking faster. <  >
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Jun 29, 2013 21:16
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Djeser posted:Sometimes I get upset when people hold the door open because I'm walking slow and it'd be douchebaggy to make them wait while I saunter over. Stop making me guilt myself into walking faster. < I love that little shuffle.
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Jun 29, 2013 21:20
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Djeser posted:Sometimes I get upset when people hold the door open because I'm walking slow and it'd be douchebaggy to make them wait while I saunter over. Stop making me guilt myself into walking faster. < I've agonised over this 'when do I hold the door open for the person behind me?' issue to the point where I created a rule - if the door can fully close before the person gets to it, I don't have to hold it open. Exceptions made for those carrying things or pushing prams. Content! Take A Break is a magazine in the UK read exclusively by the old and bored. It's a smorgasboard of poo poo that didn't happen, Take a Weird Break tends to blog the best.  
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Jun 29, 2013 21:38
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winegums posted:I've agonised over this 'when do I hold the door open for the person behind me?' issue to the point where I created a rule - if the door can fully close before the person gets to it, I don't have to hold it open. Exceptions made for those carrying things or pushing prams. I remember I was at my parents' place once and found Take A Break (or similar) belonging to my mother. I actually LJ'd the story titles from it for posterity, they were so awful/amazing. I just looked back and found them. My breast exploded IN THE SUPERMARKET LAST SUPPER Murdered after her OMLETTE My soldier lover was a sick pedo My VAGINA fell apart! SPIKED ON A BOOZY NIGHT OUT BY A METAL POLE! I'M 50st...and my man pays to FEED me My lips are made from my VAGINA Case not mine. They were actually written like that. Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to read any of these amazing stories.
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Jun 29, 2013 22:15
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moerketid posted:Case not mine. They were actually written like that. Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to read any of these amazing stories. The emphasis is what makes the titles true beauties.
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Jun 29, 2013 22:25
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sweeperbravo posted:The emphasis is what makes the titles true beauties. Her OMLETTE man, her friggin OMLETTE  I wonder if those are all made up by the same guy sitting somewhere wondering "What else didn't happen"
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Jun 29, 2013 22:46
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quote:While I see the line you're trying to draw I don't agree with it. My uncle worked for a computer business that was about 50/50 white/black. One of the black employees bought out the owner and then fired all the white employees, including my uncle. He's bitter about it to this day and I'm constantly having to endure his prejudices reinforced by that experience. Racism exists on many levels and trying to parse it into the concept of people being bigoted, power systems being racist is absurd and assuming that black people have no power in the system is just as racist about anything else. From another thread on these fine forums.
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Jun 29, 2013 22:53
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winegums posted:I've agonised over this 'when do I hold the door open for the person behind me?' issue to the point where I created a rule - if the door can fully close before the person gets to it, I don't have to hold it open. Exceptions made for those carrying things or pushing prams. I used to spend coffee breaks scoffing at Take A Break magazine back when I used to work for my dad, as it was pretty much all he had in his waiting room. Five years later, one of my friends ended up in the magazine with an actual true life story. Really shook up my faith in reality. Now I don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe a bee sting really did make her lips and vagina explode with sick soldier paedo ghosts?
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Jun 30, 2013 00:40
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Breaking STDH...TMZ posted:
 (psst, there are no belts in mauy thai)
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Jun 30, 2013 01:48
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In regards to die-hard New Kids fans, I actually kind of had an encounter with a cell of them a few years ago. A friend and I had gone to see a show, and while waiting outside the venue beforehand we couldn't help but notice a lot of people walking by in NKOTB shirts. We just put it down to terrible ironic thrift shop purchases, despite that none of the people wearing the shirts looked particularly hipster-ish. We shrugged it off and enjoyed our concert (Jenny Lewis' voice sounds pretty amazing in a beautiful old synagogue). Turns out that the New Kids had played a much larger venue nearby at the same time. The Metro station was teeming with their fans, and many of them were rather large and loud. You have not lived until you've seen a 350 lb. body squeezed into a child sized Jordan McKnight t-shirt, let me tell you. There was a group of them on the train we got on, and they actually attempted to get the whole car to sing along to "Hangin' Tough". It didn't succeed. No violence, of course. They did get that terrible song stuck in my head for a few days, though.
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Jun 30, 2013 02:57
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moerketid posted:
These three together make an interesting little story of vaginal defeat and subsequent labial redemption.
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Jun 30, 2013 03:18
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bringmyfishback posted:These three together make an interesting little story of vaginal defeat and subsequent labial redemption. You know, it reads like a Mad Libs with the uppercase words like that. Which makes sense, since the libbed word is usually a genital. I think I figured out where they get these headlines.
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Jun 30, 2013 04:26
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I believe that adult men in Boston would be NKotB fans. I do not believe that said fans would have the slightest idea who Aaron Carter was, let alone know him by sight. Even Nick Carter clearly doesn't believe this story.
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Jun 30, 2013 04:40
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Posted in a child free groupquote:This might get pretty offensive to any lurkers who are breeders. Heads-up. Coming home from a 14-hour shift at work one evening, I stopped in at a Cold Stone with my carpooling co-worker to get some relief from the heat. There was no one else in the store, or so I thought. Roughly two seconds after stepping up to the counter, two women and a small child came out of the bathroom and sat down at their table. While I'm trying to order my ice cream, the little female cuntmonkey starts screaming at her mother and it is so loud that the server and I have to literally yell at each other to be heard. After five minutes of trying to order my creamy treat and failing, I got angry. The server was obviously not enjoying the situation, either, but couldn't legally ask the spawnbreeder to control her child or leave. I leaned my head back toward the ceiling and over the top of the siren-pitched screaming, yelled, "UGH! CAN I KILL IT!?" Needless to say, the woman was not pleased. She and her friend promptly stood up, hushed the vag-dropping, and escorted it out of the store. Amid the merciful silence, my co-worker and I ordered, and received free ice cream as well as a profuse "thank you" from the server. Apparently the kid had been in there for 20 minutes before I got there, and hadn't shut up since walking through the door. Now, I realize that what I said might have been ill-advised, but when I was a kid, if I did that in ANY public place, I would have been promptly beaten into submission (or at least very quiet sobs) by ANY ADULT within striking distance. And im only 30. And what if I had been an actual serial killer? I don't think those people would have made it back to their car. If I was a serial killer I would have murdered those female spawnbreeders. NoUU has a new favorite as of 06:08 on Jun 30, 2013 |
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Jun 30, 2013 05:24
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NoUU posted:Posted in a child free group  What the gently caress.
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Jun 30, 2013 05:26
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There is something seriously disturbed about a person who would refer to a baby/child as a "cuntmonkey". I mean there's nothing wrong with not wanting children, nor even with not particularly liking their company, but how do these people go from that to visceral murderous hatred? Like did their families get killed by a toddler or something. Also yessss I totally remember the good old days of 1983, when any random adult would beat a stranger's child in public. Happened all the time!
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Jun 30, 2013 05:39
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Because gently caress the continuation of the human race, right? Cause kids are annoying and poo poo. I mean, I'm already here, what's the point in going on?
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Jun 30, 2013 05:41
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My favorite part was when he basically said "I'm not legally allowed to politely ask people to control their children, so instead I threatened to murder it, which is perfectly fine." Where does that guy live where this is actually true?
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Jun 30, 2013 05:52
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A Memorable Name posted:My favorite part was when he basically said "I'm not legally allowed to politely ask people to control their children, so instead I threatened to murder it, which is perfectly fine." Where does that guy live where this is actually true? In his mind he was making a joke, well I mean that's the thought he had when he was writing this. Obviously if he actually had said that in public, he'd probably be thinking like actual serial killer thoughts or something.
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Jun 30, 2013 05:59
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Telemaze posted:There is something seriously disturbed about a person who would refer to a baby/child as a "cuntmonkey". I mean there's nothing wrong with not wanting children, nor even with not particularly liking their company, but how do these people go from that to visceral murderous hatred? Like did their families get killed by a toddler or something. Because all he probably ACTUALLY did was roll his eyes and raise his voice a bit and all the ragemurder embellishing is to make a point that he's so different from everyone else because every other sheep on the planet WUVS KIDS!!! Also, ^i think he was saying the employee isn't "legally" allowed to say anything, but what he means is that the company itself has a customer service policy
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Jun 30, 2013 06:00
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Retter posted:Because all he probably ACTUALLY did was roll his eyes and raise his voice a bit and all the ragemurder embellishing is to make a point that he's so different from everyone else because every other sheep on the planet WUVS KIDS!!! I like kids. I don't want any of my own, but I think they're cute and can be fun. I'm now inspired to out and out WUV KIDS!!! just to spite people like that rear end in a top hat. 
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Jun 30, 2013 06:26
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What a great advertisement for corporal punishment that person makes. Because you know that poo poo, at least, happened. Parents probably sprained something trying to beat the smug out.
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Jun 30, 2013 06:44
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Telemaze posted:There is something seriously disturbed about a person who would refer to a baby/child as a "cuntmonkey". I mean there's nothing wrong with not wanting children, nor even with not particularly liking their company, but how do these people go from that to visceral murderous hatred? Like did their families get killed by a toddler or something. I don't have "visceral murderous hatred" but for some reason I hate babies. Like, cannot stand to be around them, they annoy me just to look at, the idea of one touching me freaks me the gently caress out. I would never hurt one or yell obscenities at a parent like of of these maladjusted fucks, but I don't think I'm seriously disturbed because of my baby-hatred. It's just not a choice I made - it's been the case since I was a toddler myself. And no, I've never had any brothers or sisters.
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Jun 30, 2013 07:26
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NoUU posted:If I was a serial killer I would have murdered those female spawnbreeders. This reads like it was written by loving Invader Zim. What the gently caress, regardless of what the story is about, why does someone who types like this actually exist?
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Jun 30, 2013 07:35
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moerketid posted:I don't have "visceral murderous hatred" but for some reason I hate babies. Like, cannot stand to be around them, they annoy me just to look at, the idea of one touching me freaks me the gently caress out. I would never hurt one or yell obscenities at a parent like of of these maladjusted fucks, but I don't think I'm seriously disturbed because of my baby-hatred. It's just not a choice I made - it's been the case since I was a toddler myself. And no, I've never had any brothers or sisters. Maybe not disturbed, but you're definitely pretty weird if you can't even stand to look at a baby, tbh. Kind of like someone is weird if they hate little bunny rabbits or fluffy panda bears. Anyway you said yourself you don't have the visceral hatred I was asking about, and that's the kind of dislike that puzzles me. They seem to be angry that young humans even exist. (But you're still a big ol' weirdo.)
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Jun 30, 2013 08:28
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Telemaze posted:They seem to be angry that young humans even exist. They likely suffer from interminable tumblritis and advanced internet trollism.
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Jun 30, 2013 08:41
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NoUU posted:Posted in a child free group Let me guess: He's both a PUA & MRA. Those dumb females, ruining their vaginas by using them for their intended purpose!
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Jun 30, 2013 08:46
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NoUU posted:Posted in a child free group Wait, there are actually groups of those people ?! Now I have to admit that from time to time I do develop a deep hatred towards the infant screaming at the top of his lungs during the whole train trip (Those things have stamina dammit) or kids being generally obnoxious, but that's against that one kid that's bothering me, I don't go "Ban all kids  ".I find cuntmonkey to be relatively tame compared to vag-dropping. Telemaze posted:Maybe not disturbed, but you're definitely pretty weird if you can't even stand to look at a baby, tbh. Eh, people can get "phobias" and poo poo to pretty much anything. I can't for the life of me see people getting a shot or something with syringes. Even on pictures. I've got no problem at all with blood or violence in films, but a guy getting stung by a syringe ? I really can't look at it. There is just no way and I always jerk my eyes off the screen or hide behind my hand. (So just imagine the drama last time I had to get my blood taken  )And then we have the STDH-phobia Anatidaephobia, the fictional fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. I was so sad when I learned that this was not actually real.
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Jun 30, 2013 10:10
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Fathis Munk posted:And then we have the STDH-phobia Anatidaephobia, the fictional fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. I was so sad when I learned that this was not actually real. I'm so tempted to see if, through careful planting and micromanagement of ducks and my more neurotic friends, I can make it a reality.
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Jun 30, 2013 10:36
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Fathis Munk posted:And then we have the STDH-phobia Anatidaephobia, the fictional fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. I was so sad when I learned that this was not actually real. I'd actually be really happy if I constantly thought a duck was watching me. But then, I love ducks 
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Jun 30, 2013 10:59
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From this ancient thread about bad customer service, the OP started with this story.quote:Yesterday morning I think I experinced the worst failure of human customer service I think I ever have in my entire life. It was around 9:30 AM and my friend and I were out and about hitting up garage sales when we decided to get some breakfast at our local Dennys. No big deal right?
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Jun 30, 2013 11:06
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I didn't even know people still gave enough of a drat about Twilight to keep making STDH about it.
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Jun 30, 2013 11:50
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Why would you buy stock if you didn't want to sell it?
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Jun 30, 2013 12:02
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sharktamer posted:Why would you buy stock if you didn't want to sell it? Same rationale behind employing people who don't notice kids climbing on poo poo to raise ceiling tiles and hide said stock.
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Jun 30, 2013 12:15
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I can just picture the scene, both teens running, skidding to a halt in front of her, turning to each other, high-fiving, turning back to her and telling her what they had done for pretty much no reason. Such natural behaviour ! That girl just goes ahead and buys all 7 Harry Potter books at once even though she had never heard of it (Which in itself seems very, very likely.) ? Also, why do "they" point to the books even though she has only led "her" to the twilight books ? It's almost as if... it never happened ?
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Jun 30, 2013 12:30
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razorrozar posted:From this ancient thread about bad customer service, the OP started with this story. How the hell can you be bad with a fork? Also, who would assume Denny's of all places would have chopsticks?
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Jun 30, 2013 12:34
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I can't read that thread but please tell me the rest of it is just that guy getting mocked.
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Jun 30, 2013 13:07
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Dr_Amazing posted:I can't read that thread but please tell me the rest of it is just that guy getting mocked. Pretty much yes quote:this one time i asked a burger king cashier if she could get me some white latex gloves from the back because i dont like the feel of poppy seeds against my skin. she looked at me like i was crazy. crazy guys. i mean, poo poo i am buying the whopper, I AM THE CUSTOMER I AM RIGHT! I eyed her everytime i got up to get more ketchup. then i didnt put my tray away. showed that bitch. quote:You don't carry your chopsticks around with you??? You're just asking for a situation like this. quote:I think the real crazy in this situation is the person that expected Dennys to have chopsticks. quote:Wow you went into a Denny's and asked for chopsticks. You seem like a tool.
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Jun 30, 2013 13:24
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moerketid posted:My lips are made from my VAGINA What in the living hell does this even MEAN? A skin graft that went awry? No, I take it back... this reminds of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1ptezV-7eM FlossMan has a new favorite as of 13:59 on Jun 30, 2013 |
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Jun 30, 2013 13:56
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