shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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Fizzicist: Nov 14, 2009

Alabaster White posted:

Tumblr? That means the first 3 lines happened, and then the author went home to write about FATSHAMING for 10 hours straight.

Tumblr is rather a goldmine for these.

# ? Jul 30, 2013 22:57

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 03:55

DrHerpington: Dec 20, 2012

wilderthanmild posted:

I did this sometimes. "Hey ____. Do you want to ____?" Isn't a weird text really. poo poo still didn't happen though. I wouldn't even believe the most mundane conversation if it was presented in that fake phone picture format.

Yeah. I use real names to let people know I'm not just sending a mass text.

DrHerpington has a new favorite as of 02:56 on Jul 31, 2013

# ? Jul 30, 2013 23:42

walrusman: Aug 4, 2006

That one strikes me as a joke.

And a good one, at that...I laughed the first time I saw it, in 1999.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 03:06

Christopher Robin: Apr 28, 2013

Alabaster White posted:

Tumblr? That means the first 3 lines happened, and then the author went home to write about FATSHAMING for 10 hours straight.

No, only the first one. What person that's already inside a McDonalds would tell anyone "you should spend more money at the gym, and less here". What probably happened was she was in line, someone was behind her who was physically fit, and she created a scenario in her head so that she had an actual reason to feel 'fatshamed' instead of just "I saw a skinny person"

# ? Jul 31, 2013 04:07

THIS_IS_FINE: May 21, 2001; Slippery Tilde

From that Lowtax article of goonquotes posted a page or two ago:

quote:

Now, I work at a daycare with children ages 3 to 11. Some of these children have some of the worst manners I've ever seen

The very first week I was working at this daycare, I was in the School-Age room. This is where the older kids come before and after school. One day, after school, a few of the boys are playing computer when I hear this gem.

"My mom got pulled over by the Po-Po the other day!!"

Unacceptable. Without hesitation I'm across the room, right behind him.

Me: "Excuse me, sir. What did you just say?"

Him: "What?"

Me: "Please repeat your last sentance."

Him: "All I said was 'My mom got pulled over by the po-po'."

Me: "Correct. Now tell me, why is this unacceptable?"

Him: "I don't know. That's what they're called. Po-Po."

Me: "Sir, they are called Police Officers. They make up a Police Force. Their job is to police the area. Starting right now, the word 'Po-Po' will never leave your mouth again. That is the single most disrespectful thing I've heard since I've become a teacher and I will not put up with it. Is this understood?"

Him: "Yeah."

Me: "Yes, Sir"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "Yes, Sir."

Him: "Yes, sir."

I then made a point of it, from then on, to always refer to my students as "Sir" and "Ma'am". The words "Yeah", "Nah", and "Ok" are forbidden in my classroom. The only acceptable responses are "Yes, sir" and "No, sir."

Never heard him say "Po-Po" again either.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 04:35

CJacobs: Apr 17, 2011; Reach for the moon!

I'll just fix the first line real quick:

quote:

Now, I work at a daycare with children ages 3 to 11. I'm a dumb rear end in a top hat who thinks kids know perfect king's English and that if they don't, they should

# ? Jul 31, 2013 04:43

AltoidsAddict: Sep 13, 2007; when they're yours you'll love them

Kampfy Von Wafflehaus posted:

From that Lowtax article of goonquotes posted a page or two ago:

("You will call me sir!")

I think that is literally a scene in To Sir, With Love II. So it's an STDH from a lovely TV movie sequel, and the scene itself is a tired retread of a similar scene in the original movie.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 07:58

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

Rahonavis posted:

Disney

The following quotes in your post definitely 100% happened, having been to Disney and Florida in general. Also, working in customer service.

quote:

The last time we were at Epcot, my Dear Husband (their terminology) bought a pastry in France. My daughter and I went to use the bathrooms in Morocco and DH sat down on a bench by Morocco. A couple sat down next to him and started:

Them: "Wow. That looks like a good pastry."
Dh: "Yes, it is. I got it at the bakery in France."
Them: "Is it really good?"
Dh: "Yes, it is. I got it at the bakery in France."
Them: "I wonder what it tastes like...."
Dh: "It tastes great. It's a Napoleon. I got it at the bakery in France."
Them: "You know... we'd love to have a taste."
Dh: "They sell them at the bakery in France."
Them: "No. We'd like a taste of yours so we'll know if it's worth buying one for ourselves."
Dh: "Are you kidding me?" (He's really hoping they're joking. Being annoying, but joking, but overall -- he felt like they were being serious.)
Them: "No. Give us a taste. Let me have a bite." And the guy reaches out.

At that point, my DH got up and walked into the Morocco area and met us coming out of the bathroom. He still isn't sure if they were joking, but if so, the joke fell flat.

quote:

At our last trip, me and my 2 kids were in line for Fast passes for Space Mountain (which had been down for most of the day) at around 5 pm for a return time of 10:50 pm!! The Standby line was displaying 120 minutes and the lione was out the door..

The Cast Members were shutting down the machines while i was in line, but kept one open.

I finally got to the machine and got two passes and then the third one printed out "this is not a pass". I asked the CM if there was any way to get just one more, cause i only had two. I held the two up to show her, and the woman who was behind me in line declared "I only need two!" and grabbed them out of my hand and disappeared into the crowd.

I was just stunned, and my kids just looked at me with wide open mouths and the CM looked at us, looked at the disappearing woman and back at us. Told us to follow her and took us to the Fast Pass line and handed us each three instant fast passes.

quote:

I have a weird scar that is all bumpy and strange. I was in a line and a kid poked it. I just let it go. Then, he started doing it repeatedly. I asked him to stop and his mom went ballistic all over me. She said he had the right to touch anything freakish on anybody's body! Really? A scar makes you freakish? The boy kept following me around and poking me, so we had to leave. How obnoxious!

quote:

My gf and I were waiting in line for a bus at EPCOT. Now, for those of us that have been a million times know almost every bus stop has a built in snake line for ease of boarding purposes, this one was no different. However, no one was using it, us included.

The bus arrives and, surprise, everyone rushes the door. Some older guy kept putting his shoulder in front of me so he could get in first. I had no problem with that at all, I was not worried about not making the bus.

I spoke softly to my gf: "this is why there is a line". Meaning, when we all rush the door like we did, loading is very inefficient.

The guy thought I was talking about him and only him, halfway up the steps he leans in close and says: "keep it up, I like to fight". Stunned all I could do was smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. I told him I was not talking about just him. He turns around, walks a few more steps, then threatens me again. I finally get passed the loony, when whom I guess was his son, said "keep it up boy, thats my pa" (yes they were very redneck).

obviously I should of just kept my comment to myself, but I have been to Disney many many times, and all I have come across were people super happy and friendly. I have never run into such hostility before.

This one, however, absolutely 100000% happened.

quote:

Our eight-year-old daughter was wearing her beautiful Snow White Costume and to be honest (Dont want to brag about it), she was just beautiful...princess/ We were standing there,no seats available,(its ok) and suddenly this mature old lady give this just snooty look to my daughter (she looked at form head to toe) and said and I quote : "Since when Snow White is Hispanic?" ...I guess she thought that we were not able to understand what she was saying.

I've seen it happen. I hate people.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 12:23

Double Plus Good: Nov 4, 2009

Yeah, I could definitely see some racist old grandma making a bitchy comment under her breath about a hispanic little girl dressed up like Snow White. If they had gone to pains to describe her as a crazy religious zealot or veered off into "she's supposed to have SKIN AS WHITE AS SNOW" dialogue I'd question it, but I've heard comments like that on Halloweens before, so it probably happened. :sigh:

# ? Jul 31, 2013 14:25

Marley Wants More: Oct 22, 2005; woof

Kampfy Von Wafflehaus posted:

Never heard him say "Po-Po" again

She didn't hear him call her a bitch, either.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 17:08

Hustle Hound: Oct 21, 2012; all is known

Kampfy Von Wafflehaus posted:

From that Lowtax article of goonquotes posted a page or two ago:

If "po-po" is the most disrespectful thing he has heard as a teacher, then I don't think he's actually a teacher.

Or I guess maybe he's nearly deaf.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 18:56

DrHerpington: Dec 20, 2012

"My cousin drew this. He is 7 years old and a boy."

# ? Jul 31, 2013 21:02

doctorfrog: Mar 14, 2007; Great.

I'm new at this, but this is from Reddit's ExJW board. Jehovah's Witnesses are known as a mostly harmless, nutty fundamentalist Christian sect who knock on doors and foretell the cataclysmic end of the world. They also have a pretty brutal shunning policy for people who "leave the truth," even if the person leaving the religion is your own child, you're required to cut off all voluntary contact with them. Needless to say, this causes a lot of consternation and heartache amongst ex-JW's. Well, here's how one ex-JW's precocious little child has pieced together a solution:

quote:

Hope this isn't too boring but I just wanted to share with all of you the most awesome rant that came out of my daughter today.

We were driving along in the car and once again "Same Love" comes on the radio and we're both singing our hearts out and all of a sudden she bursts out saying, "Mom! I know what we need to do! We need to play this song for Grandma and Grandpa and then they will understand that we need to LOVE people and not hate them! Do we hate people with different color skin? NO! Do we hate people who look different? NO! What if we slept on the sidewalk? Would we be happy then?? NO!! So Jehovah should care about THAT and not care about hating people!! Grandma and Grandpa just didn't learn about these things yet, so if we show them this song they will know about it and stop hating cause they need to be kind....then maybe they can be like, still Jehovah's Witnesses but not totally, like half Jehovah's Witnesses and half kind people!!!"

/end 5-year-old's rant

Can I just say how much I love my kid? SO loving MUCH

doctorfrog has a new favorite as of 21:34 on Jul 31, 2013

# ? Jul 31, 2013 21:31

CJacobs: Apr 17, 2011; Reach for the moon!

I am sure ~~your~~ someone else's silly joke about nuts got you some kind of weird alternate reality super-detention, tumblr user allmonds

# ? Jul 31, 2013 22:20

horriblePencilist: Oct 18, 2012; It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

DrHerpington posted:

"My cousin drew this. He is 7 years old and a boy."

Maybe it's Animal Crossing fanart.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 22:56

DrHerpington: Dec 20, 2012

STDH posted:

I was on the phone with a close friend when I heard the front door open. Assuming it was one of my roommates, I dismissed it and continued my conversation. I heard something fall (which later turned out to be our Menorah), but still paid it no mind. I was busy and it was nothing. Half an hour later, I was leaving the house with one of my aforementioned roommates, and noticed a game case sitting on the floor.

�Seriously,� I thought. �Can we not make sure the games get put back properly?�

I then glanced to our mantel to see where the game had come from and my heart dropped. Every single piece of our gaming collection was gone. I frantically looked to our TV stand, where I saw that my backwards compatible, original 60gb PS3 was missing, and our Xbox 360 yanked from its home, sitting in the middle of the living room. Wires were everywhere.

�We�ve been robbed,� I said quietly.

We were devastated. We had been violated, our home had been violated, and our video games had all been taken from us. This was wrong, and unfair.
Disparaged, we left on our errands � the show must go on, right? In the couple of minutes it took to leave and get to my Jeep, I could do nothing but mourn our loss. But then it hit me.

I scrambled for my phone, and called one of my old stores. I lucked out � an old friend was current manager-on-duty.

�Have you gotten an old 60 gig PS3 and a whole ton of games in trade today?�

He was quiet a moment� �What were the games?�

I began rambling off a list of titles, to which he responded, �I�m doing it right now. Get here, quick.� I hung up the phone, whipped into reverse, and was off.

After hopping a curb to grab a parking spot, my roomie and I sprinted into the store. We had already called ahead to mall security, and they were waiting for us as we came to a stop, panting in front of the red and white sign. As it turned out, they didn�t have the authority to arrest anyone, and so they were on guard outside so they could follow the culprits if need be. I left my roommate as he was calling the cops, and nonchalantly entered the store.

My friend was nowhere to be seen � I was informed by the other guy working that he�d gone into the back to look for some cords. This was GameStop speak for he was standing in the back room killing time. I went and knocked, and was greeted by a hushed �I�ve been stalling back here for you. It�s the couple at the counter.�

I whispered, �the cops have been called,� and we both made our way back into the store.

My friend proceeded to stall like I�ve never seen anyone stall before. For more than forty-five minutes, he used such tactics as �the computer made an error,� �I can�t seem to find that cord you gave me,� and �oh boy, I think I might have missed one of the games, let me check on that.� It was marvelous.

About halfway through, the man turned to me and asked, �do I know you? You look familiar.�

For a split second, I froze, but then responded, �you know, I have one of those faces. I don�t actually think we�ve met.� He seemed content with that answer, and turned back to his transaction.

By the end of the trade, both and he the girl who accompanied him (who was 24, but looked like she was 35) were almost yelling at my friend that they needed to leave. Apparently, he had a job to get to. So my friend finished the transaction, gave them their money, and they left with my PS3 still in tow (you can�t trade a system without the cords, which they managed to leave behind.) Mall Security followed.

After a few minutes of waiting (and still no actual policeman in sight), Mall Security returned with a black backpack. They told us that after following them to the bus stop, one officer had said �that bag is stolen, I suggest you hand it over.� The woman immediately dropped the bag and they both bolted. Security bravely tried to chase them down, but to no avail. Luckily, you have to give a license in order to trade at a GameStop, so all the information we needed was already on file.

We stuck around for ten minutes more, to see if any police decided to come round, but none did. And after an hour of waiting, we decided just to call from home. We thanked the mall security and my friend, shook some hands, and left.

So I�d say there are a couple morals to this story:
1. Never steal video games from a GameStop employee.
2. Mall Security is often more helpful than the real cops, and almost always nicer.
3. If you�re going to steal a bunch of stuff, don�t immediately try to pawn it at the nearest location.

He was stupid enough to steal, but good enough to get away with it. Unfortunately for him, I�m rather clever, and really like my video games.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 23:09

Quarter Past Ten: Jan 17, 2012; When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

poo poo that didn't happen posted:

My cousin was to be married in September of 2000. She announced her engagement to a man I will call William. What a surprise! He is an ex of mine. We parted on good terms since we realized we had grown to be basically friends, and over the years lost touch.

William designed something, which I will leave unknown because he is a good person and I don't want him embarrassed (and it's nothing technological either), and made millions. He had left town before her "transformation" and met her while he was on a vacation to Italy. Fate. I'll get to the meaning of that later, and how I know these details. She "charmed" him, and he proposed before his visit to Milan was over. It was an extended trip, and she was on it with another boyfriend, who was trying to "win" his way into her panties. She had not had sex with him, but did with William. Within the month she claimed to be pregnant, and he is too much of a man than to run or question his obligations. So he did what he felt best-proposed. They left Italy together soon after that.

(Side note-she brags about how she did not let her other boyfriend know she had left, and how the poor thing was frantic trying to find her.)

We are at June 2000 now, and they decide to marry before the baby is born. They decide on September.

When I first saw William again, before I knew of his fortune, something sparked in me, but he was my cousin's fianc�. And it pained me that he was going to marry someone like her. But she is my cousin, and he is someone I once loved.

She told everyone that she wanted a Titanic wedding, complete with the final dress, the Heaven dress, as her wedding dress, which she expected her talented sister to make for her, and guests in Titanic fashions, held on a ship in the Atlantic. A private ship crossing the Atlantic. She wanted a replay on the movie basically. And all guests were to wear Edwardian clothing ONLY. William was at a loss, but did not want his child to grow up in a home with one parents and the other on visitations only,as he had growing up. She wanted him to finance it, but for her parents to contribute at least $50,000, "like good parents should." I don't know what her parents were thinking at this point. But they mortgaged their house with the intent of filing bankruptcy and living off their son-in-law. Jenn made clear that she expected large gifts.

So plans started underway, and William had little choice but to pay the accommodations and transportation for over 200 people. When he tried telling her he wanted to offer to help she had a fit, saying any money guests had to spend on that is less that they'll spend on a gift. So he relented, to calm her down as he did not want harm to come to his baby. We were all still expected to furnish period-correct garb, no matter the cost.

And she pretty much forced me into being in charge of the correctness.

But wait-the bad stuff hasn't even come yet. Here is the true beginning.

At the beginning of September she picked her bridesmaids, and told her sister to add those dresses to the "order," but the order one Heaven dress and four of the dress called the Dinner dress was too much, and Lilly had to ask her design school friends to help, who did so for their friend. Lilly paid for the materials as her gift to her sister. I was one of maids. Her maid of honor. I had the honor of being terrorized. I planned her bridal shower, as elaborate as my budget could afford. I spent more than I could truly afford because she pulled her old trick-having a fit and causing concern for the baby. I did not want the child to suffer for this, so I complied.

She requested a copy of the guest list, most of which she gave me to begin with. I just added relatives. She went through the list without telling me and sent follow-up cards, disinviting some people, and assigning gifts for the rest to buy. Yes, assigning them!

At the shower, she was angry because it wasn't elaborate enough and the food wasn't exactly what she hoped, even though she gave no input, saying it was my work. She sulked around, insulting people for not wearing period clothes, which I did not plan on. These poor people would be wearing them on the ship! When she opened her gifts, she started throwing things because some of the guests deviated from the "assigned" gift to what they could afford. She stalked out of the hall and broke a window on her way to hailing a cab, leaving many gifts unopened and all the guests in shock. We recovered and gathered the gifts up, the shower ending earlier than planned. Among things unopened were a crib from Little Miss Liberty of Beverly Hills our grandmother bought (those things are more than the typical monthly salary!) and crystal. We took everything to her home, and were lucky the housekeeper was there, or maid as she says and William hired and pays for. She we left the gifts in the front hall. The next day I drove over to see if she was okay. But I did not stop. All the gifts were shattered and broken on the lawn.

About an eighth of the guest list backed out, the rest hanging on for the cruise we were assured. The remaining time before we left she bossed everyone around, costing her several friendships.

Once in England, we were to be there one night before departing for the ship the next day. However she was already there as planned. In that time she found new dresses she wanted everyone to wear. And she expected us to foot the bills. Like we had money to spare after our wardrobes for the trip. I ran out of the hotel room so hurt and cried and tried to get lost so she couldn't find me. At the elevator, I nearly hyperventilated. The doors opened and there stood....William.

I tried brushing away my tears. I couldn't let him see me crying. We'd talked briefly here and there the last couple of months, and I still had feeling for him, which I doubted he returned. But he looked as haggard as I. He asked if I wanted to go to the courtyard and take a breather, and of course I did.

For several minutes we just sat in silence. He spoke first, and began spilling how he did not want to marry her, but his child needed a two parent household. The conversation turned over the next couple of hours to several topics. He said he'd buy the dresses since everyone was already out so much, and since he could afford it it was the least he could do, and asked the store name. But the way he looked at me told me he still felt something for me. I jumped up, stated the name, and ran back to the elevator, up to my room.

At about six that evening, my roommate and I were napping, exhausted from the redeye. But there was a knock that woke me up. It was him. He had gone to the store and asked to buy the dresses on hold for the X party, and he was delivering them. My roomie cried out of relief. She just couldn't afford another dress.

The next morning we boarded the ship and were given cards with our staterooms on them. The bridesmaids, myself included, were actually given rooms made over to look like maids' quarters on Titanic. With as little space as well. The guests, with few exceptions, were placed in "second-class" and "steerage," depending on how much she liked everybody. The wedding was the next night. The current night was the rehearsal.

The rehearsal was actually fun, and went as one should. She wore the Jump dress and I wore a fashion I'd seen on a website of old fashions. Some of the guests were dressed more period than others, but only those in the first-class and "servants" quarters were allowed this night. The rest ate in respective dining rooms. The night drew to a close and I thought the good would come, if tonight were an indicator. How very wrong I was.

The next morning dawned bright and early. I was not the only one with the idea to walk to deck to watch the sunrise. Jennifer slept until just a couple of hours before the ceremony, which was fine with all of us. We played old games and talked, and in general acted like we were in 1912. Until Jennifer woke up.

We knew she had when she stormed out of her stateroom and onto the deck, looking for her sister. She began screaming at her, as she had decided only a week or so before that she wanted her dress to be Swarovski crystal, not the glass beads her sister bought. She screeched on about her sister ruining her wedding day and that she is out of the party, and invited the first woman she was to replace her. Lilly ran off in tears, the rest of us again in shock. How I wished William could see this and avoid the biggest mistake of his life. She snapped at me to get inside and help her dress. I followed, swearing that after this was over I was disowning her (which I did).

She began on how the ship wasn't big enough, and her shoes too plain, etc. Nothing satisfied her. Her greed had reached such a peak that nothing would do. I did her hair, hoping to have time to do my own, and set her Swarovski tiara on her head (she loves Swarovski). Not good enough. She swept her hands through it, knocking the tiara to the floor. I tried again, still not good enough. She yelled at me to get out and get her mother. I only hope her mother was spared the yelling.

The next time I saw her I was dressed and outside the doors while waiting for her to get there so the ceremony could start. She arrived, and I will admit she looked gorgeous, and at ease finally. He mom whispered into my ear the words Sleeping pill in her drink. YES! Maybe she'd be calm now! Jenn was drowsy and the wedding was a replay of the rehearsal, lovely.

But the reception......

The medication wore off and she began swearing like never before, at her new husband, us, the band. She had such a sinister look on her face as I'd never seen. I went to the deck to take some air, where there were several others, her husband as well. I stood by him and he told me the cost of this affair (I nearly fainted) and how he wishes he had never met her, because he could tell he'd be miserable. But his concern was, as always, his baby. We who were out there remained for some time, and regretted going back.

In the meager half hour she was drunk off her rocker, standing by the cake, with a bottle of whisky almost gone. William and I, as well as several others, ran to get. She was about to fall on the cake. William was in disbelief, and asked her why she would hurt the baby. Here's the worst of it. She responded, hiccupping:

"There never was a baby. I just wanted a rich hot guy to marry me."

I don't know which went through me first or harder-that he will probably divorce her and I could pursue him, or how hurt he must be. Then she turned on me, calling me a whore, that she saw us from her room in the courtyard talking and how I couldn't have him. The band stopped playing, the guests stood in the usual shock. Nothing should have surprised us by now. But something did. She threw her arm through the cake and started to fall. No one caught her, but she did bellow. Then William....laughed. Laughed!

And exclaimed his intent to get this marriage annulled, how relieved he was, and let is all come out about how he only married her for the baby. She tried biting back about getting money from him, but not so fast. They aren't from a community property state. But this story has a good end.

William swept me up in a circle and planted one on my forehead. When Jennifer came to being sober the next morning, she felt like the biggest rear end, so embarrassed she stayed in her room the rest of the trip, refusing to see anyone but her mom.

The annulment was filed within days, and granted quickly. Jennifer went to stay with her grandma some states away, leaving William to pursue me, or me him. We were married ourselves in April. In a normalish wedding with a Titanic undertheme (who says she's the only one who loves Titanic?) in which guests could dress as they'd like. But did their old clothing ever come in handy! She was sent an invitation. But her grandma (this is the one we do not share through our moms, who are sisters) sent a short letter with a small gift saying Jennifer has shamed herself into the ground, is truly expecting now without knowing the father, and that she declined.

So see? What goes around, comes around!

It even ends with, "We got married!" This entire story sounds like a plot to some horrible romantic comedy.

# ? Jul 31, 2013 23:48

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

DrHerpington posted:

He was stupid enough to steal, but good enough to get away with it. Unfortunately for him, I�m rather clever, and really like my video games.

I like how they immediately went to Game Stop. Not a pawn shop, not ebay, not Craigslist, but Game Stop.

Good thing they got caught (sort of), otherwise they might have been able to pay $9.99 or less for a new game! _{_{when trading in 10 eligible games.}}

# ? Jul 31, 2013 23:53

tentawesome: May 14, 2010; Please don't troll me online

hyperhazard posted:

I like how they immediately went to Game Stop. Not a pawn shop, not ebay, not Craigslist, but Game Stop.

Good thing they got caught (sort of), otherwise they might have been able to pay $9.99 or less for a new game! _{_{when trading in 10 eligible games.}}

As a former Gamestop employee, I can assure you people dump stolen stuff at Gamestop all of the time. The rest of the story is bullshit but when I worked our trade policies weren't that restrictive and it'd be a lot faster than waiting in line at a pawn shop, which they'd be more likely to get caught at anyways

# ? Aug 1, 2013 02:16

fronz: Apr 7, 2009; Lipstick Apathy

totally true story none of it is bs

# ? Aug 1, 2013 04:06

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

From a parent who totally exists to a 13 year old son who also totally exists.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 06:05

Ailumao: Nov 4, 2004

fronz posted:

totally true story none of it is bs

Have you ever played an online game? This sort of poo poo has happened like 100 times just today.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 08:57

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

canyoneer posted:

From a parent who totally exists to a 13 year old son who also totally exists.

A my little pony decor would probably work great.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:23

Judge Tesla: Oct 29, 2011

fronz posted:

totally true story none of it is bs

No, this one is most definitely true, I've seen it happen quite a lot and it is something that will forever keep on happening.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 09:58

Comptroll The Forums: Apr 25, 2007; DON'T HURT MY FEE FEES!

fronz posted:

totally true story none of it is bs

If anything, maybe it's not embellished enough?? Needs at least three more racial slurs before I'll believe it.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 13:53

Flaggy: Jul 6, 2007; Grandpa Cthulu needs his napping chair; Grimey Drawer

Quarter Past Ten posted:

It even ends with, "We got married!" This entire story sounds like a plot to some horrible romantic comedy.

That whole story is completely fabricated, its like the person, and this is most likely the case, wrote out exactly what they would do if given the chance.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 14:03

Marley Wants More: Oct 22, 2005; woof

canyoneer posted:

From a parent who totally exists to a 13 year old son who also totally exists.

ravenkult posted:

A my little pony decor would probably work great.

And this is how bronies are made.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 14:04

horriblePencilist: Oct 18, 2012; It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

uhm

Edit: Take a look at the tags.

horriblePencilist has a new favorite as of 19:54 on Aug 1, 2013

# ? Aug 1, 2013 19:47

scorpiobean: Dec 22, 2004; I'll have one sugar coma drink, please.

horriblePencilist posted:

uhm

Hahahaha I love this so much.

stdh.txt: why can't other people see what invisible body parts of others' they are ramming into!

# ? Aug 1, 2013 19:53

Doctor Doodler: Feb 14, 2012

horriblePencilist posted:

uhm

Edit: Take a look at the tags.

They're 'SUPER SECRET CODE TAGS :ssh:

' that otherkin and other tumblr snowflakes use to communicate.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 19:58

moerketid: Jul 3, 2012

horriblePencilist posted:

uhm

Edit: Take a look at the tags.

Can it be stdh if it's imaginary anyway? :psyduck:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:00

horriblePencilist: Oct 18, 2012; It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

moerketid posted:

Can it be stdh if it's imaginary anyway?

Her headcanon wings got oppressed for real. :colbert:

Oh, and here's more content.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:03

NoUU: Mar 8, 2013

Also from Tumblr

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:13

Silly Hippie: Sep 18, 2007

NoUU posted:

Also from Tumblr

"I still can't see a sailboat without getting incensed all over again."

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:29

Jamwad Hilder: Apr 18, 2007; surfin usa

I don't think this person knows anything about how buying a sail works (you have to measure the boat first).

Or basic human interactions.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:32

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
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I'm glad she stopped the manager before she was assailted.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:34

Acute Grill: Dec 9, 2011; Chomp

So where are all these retail jobs where you can treat your customers like subhumans and not get fired?

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:43

Doctor Doodler: Feb 14, 2012

Thanks, Dr. Dre! Your pair of standard headphones with your name on them are a real lifesaver!

horriblePencilist posted:

Her headcanon wings got oppressed for real.

Oh, and here's more content.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:43

Bold Robot: Jan 6, 2009; Be brave.

NoUU posted:

Also from Tumblr

I don't even know what the message is supposed to be here. Despite the "all women are beautiful" nonsense, the overall tone is pretty anti-fat. The scenario is also more contrived than usual. D+.

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 9, 2024 03:55

Comptroll The Forums: Apr 25, 2007; DON'T HURT MY FEE FEES!

NoUU posted:

Also from Tumblr

Wait, so they gave her the name of the sail store so she could find it? Did she really have to drive all the way out to The Sail Emporium: Sails And Nothing But Sails before she realized they don't sell bras? Girl that gullible had it coming :colbert:

# ? Aug 1, 2013 20:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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