Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Papercut
Aug 24, 2005

PapFinn posted:

In theory, I'd like to have my wife stay home with the baby. It would be awfully tight budget-wise and would require a better look at our finances. It wouldn't have been an option before she was pregnant, as she loved going in to work, but since being pregnant she's not as smitten with it. I don't think either of us know what she'll want to do when the time comes. She may go back to how she was or be even less inclined to continue.

Don't forget about benefits when thinking about this. My wife went back to work not so much for the salary, but because her healthcare plan is a million times better than mine and literally hundreds of dollars per month less expensive.

Also, she might find that by a certain point she wants to go back to work. Being home with a baby all day by yourself is EXHAUSTING, way moreso than working most jobs.

quote:

We are going to check out some day care centers around us this week or next. No one puts tuition rates on their site, so I don't know what to expect beyond ranges from $3000 to $12000 annually.

That is cheap as hell, jesus christ. Our daycare is really cheap for the area and is $1500 per month.

quote:

Also, her job is not on a set schedule, so some weekdays she is home all day and others she works for 12 hours. I don't know if day care centers accommodate that and that would change the price or if it's just a monthly cost for as many days hours as you have your kid there.

I can only go from my experience, but our daycare has longer hours than most and it's 7:30am to 5:30pm. There is no place where you could get a 12-hour day. And no place where you would only be able to pay to have the baby there part-time, unless you could find another family that wanted to put their baby in for the other portion of your part-time.

Our friend uses an at-home daycare that is a lot more flexible, but the lady who runs it is caring for 6 babies by herself (our daycare limits it to 3 babies per caretaker). I just can't imagine someone taking care of that many babies and giving them all adequate attention/interaction.

Again just speaking for my area, but in terms of getting a spot in a daycare, you'll be well-served by taking tours/doing research/asking questions now, but there's no reason to actually start applying unless you're willing to start paying for a spot. They won't hold a spot for you when they could give it to someone else, no matter how much they like you.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001

WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

PapFinn posted:

My wife and I are expecting our first child in January. I'm not sure if we're getting to this late or not, but we are trying to nail down what we are going to do for childcare once her maternity leave is over. I've been reading some of the stuff from links in the OP, but I figured I would solicit any paractical examples from the parents in this thread.

In theory, I'd like to have my wife stay home with the baby. It would be awfully tight budget-wise and would require a better look at our finances. It wouldn't have been an option before she was pregnant, as she loved going in to work, but since being pregnant she's not as smitten with it. I don't think either of us know what she'll want to do when the time comes. She may go back to how she was or be even less inclined to continue.

We are going to check out some day care centers around us this week or next. No one puts tuition rates on their site, so I don't know what to expect beyond ranges from $3000 to $12000 annually.

Also, her job is not on a set schedule, so some weekdays she is home all day and others she works for 12 hours. I don't know if day care centers accommodate that and that would change the price or if it's just a monthly cost for as many days hours as you have your kid there.

I don't think in (our) home care is a financial possibility. Private daycare (in someone else's home) is supposedly cheapest, but I'm nervous about that after reading various horror stories of the terrible American day care situation.

This is getting long, but any advice, or tips, or lesson's learned or good links would be greatly appreciated.

Several things to consider, if money is tight enough, your state may have some sort of daycare-assistance program.
This is for Illinois: http://www.chasiccrr.org/index.phtml

Another thing to look at is check and see if your local university has a child care program. Both at MSU, and SIU, we got way better kid-care (with a big thick binder of metrics from the studies they are doing on the kiddos (academic/learning, not mutagens) for less than we would pay for KinderKare, or whatever the big low-end national outfit is. They also have a lower rate and preferred admission for enrolled students, so it isn't impossible that you would be money and life-experience ahead enrolling to take a night class to get the student rate.

Not as cheap as dropping them off in somebodies fenced back yard, but worth looking at...and worth getting application in early, because there is generally a years-long wait to get in. Again, being a student will help that.

Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 04:13 on Oct 8, 2013

bilabial trill
Dec 25, 2008

not just a B
If she loved going to work when not pregnant, why would you "have her stay at home"? Stay at home yourself is not an option?

frenchnewwave
Jun 7, 2012

Would you like a Cuppa?

rectal cushion posted:

If she loved going to work when not pregnant, why would you "have her stay at home"? Stay at home yourself is not an option?

I think he's saying that once she became pregnant she started changing her feelings about work, and now might want to stay home. He worded it a little weird but I'm reading it as well intentioned.

I will say that when I was pregnant and during my first three months, I would have gladly left my job if our finances could anywhere near afford it. My maternal instincts kicked in big time and the thought of being away kept me up at night. But after I went back to work I realized that I really do love my job and cannot be a stay at home. I miss my daughter during the day but that means my nights and weekends are dedicated to her.

However, rectal brings up a good point. Can you be a stay at home dad? My husband does this and it's the best for us.

tse1618
May 27, 2008

Cuddle time!

Papercut posted:

That is cheap as hell, jesus christ. Our daycare is really cheap for the area and is $1500 per month.


I can only go from my experience, but our daycare has longer hours than most and it's 7:30am to 5:30pm. There is no place where you could get a 12-hour day. And no place where you would only be able to pay to have the baby there part-time, unless you could find another family that wanted to put their baby in for the other portion of your part-time.

This stuff is so regional though, you really have to call around daycares in your area. When I was looking recently at the half dozen in town every single daycare was willing to accept infants part time. One had hours 5am to 11pm 7 days a week, another has 24 hour care if needed. None of them would have been over $750 a month for full time.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I went back to work after 8 weeks because we needed the money and I do enjoy working. I just got laid off last Friday and now I have to be home alone all week with my 10 month old and I'm sort of freaking out what to do. I feel horrible saying that. Its been a long time since its been just me all day. I have to take care of him 3 evenings a week all by myself, but now its going to be 3 days a week until 10pm and half a day on Monday all by myself while trying to figure out what I'm going to do about a job.

PapFinn
Jul 15, 2003

I am Ron Pearlman's illigitimate love child.
Thanks for the advice everyone. I may have worded it poorly in my post, but I'm not trying to force any situation on my wife. I want her to do whatever she wants to do, I'm just not sure she knows what that is. I'm guessing she will want to continue to work once the baby comes, but who knows. If we're forced into anything, it would be that she has to continue working at least part time even if she wanted to stay at home. If she does want to stay home, we can probably work on cutting unnecessary stuff out of our budget.

I currently have a higher paying job and a better family healthcare option, so that is why I am not currently considering staying at home myself. I would have no problem with that if it were an option.

We made some calls this morning to visit 3 daycares around us. It looks like the average is around $200/wk so around $10000/yr.

I think maybe we will reach out to friends to see if there are any good recommendations for in-home care if that is more likely to be flexible as far as pay by day. I worked out a schedule for us and we would need 27 hours over 4 days one week and 24 hours over 4 days the next week on an alternating schedule.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

At least around here anything over 20 hours a week or 5 hours a day is considered full time.

FordCQC
Dec 23, 2007

THAT'S MAMA OYRX TO YOU GUARDIAN
It was stumbled onto while looking through SpaceBattles for stuff to post in the Weird Fanart thread.
*Pat voice* Perfect
Also most day cares typically only give an option of 3 days/week or 5 days/week and are pretty inflexible about it because that's how their staffing is set up. Although infant programs may vary a bit more than day school/daycare for toddlers.

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I don't know where else to post this so I'm gonna ask here. I've posted here or in the Facebook group about "gunky eye" that my almost 8 month old daughter gets. Her right eye tends to get a gunky build up that will harden on the inside corner of her eyeball. Its to the point where she has an aversion of us putting a rag or tissue near her eye to wipe it away. Sometimes it gets so hard I have to actually scrape it away:( It's pretty nasty and we try to massage the area to alleviate this build up. I try not to ever wipe with a dry rag but its getting red. However, now this is happening:





Its getting red on the eye lid where we never rub. You can see underneath that its a bit irritated too, and that is because any gunk that doesn't go to the inside eye area gets crusted around the outside underneath. But we never rub on the actual eye lid itself, yet look at how red that is. Right where the eyelid folds when her eye is open.

What is this? What can we put on it or do to make it less irritated. That has got to be a bit painful for her poor eye and I feel so bad because I don't know what to do:(

Papercut
Aug 24, 2005
What does the doctor say? Eye gunk is usually a sign of pink eye or a plugged tear duct, but I've never seen either of those look like that. For pink eye you need to use antibiotic eye drops. I don't know what they do for babies, but when my wife gets a plugged duct she massages it and does hot washcloth compresses.

Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001

WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

Jastiger posted:






Its getting red on the eye lid where we never rub. You can see underneath that its a bit irritated too, and that is because any gunk that doesn't go to the inside eye area gets crusted around the outside underneath. But we never rub on the actual eye lid itself, yet look at how red that is. Right where the eyelid folds when her eye is open.

What is this? What can we put on it or do to make it less irritated. That has got to be a bit painful for her poor eye and I feel so bad because I don't know what to do:(

I'd probably make an appointment for that. If it is bacterial, then you need an antibiotic, if it is fungal, you need a fungicide, if it is just mechanical, then you might need some eyelid lube, but you don't want to guess wrong on that, so take it to a doctor.

I'd call for a walk-in tomorrow. It isn't something for the ER, is something you want to/can get on top of sooner rather than later, so call the shop in the morning and see if they can fit you in. They almost certainly can.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

Jastiger posted:



What is this? What can we put on it or do to make it less irritated. That has got to be a bit painful for her poor eye and I feel so bad because I don't know what to do:(

If you're breastfeeding, some breast milk dropped in there (or squirted) can be a good stop gap until you can have her seen.

iwik
Oct 12, 2007
So! My boy is One! That is crazy and ludicrous because I swear I brought him home only the other day.

He started proper walking in the week leading up to his birthday, so zoomed around all day. I ended up having his birthday at the cafe that I work at and leased a spare room in the complex so the kids were all contained. A group of us with babies around the same age normally meet there as a play day/mothers group/general gossip session, so I just held the party on that day so it wasn't out of anyone's schedule.


His new skill in action.


Loving cupcakes.



It's been two weeks since the big day and it seems like a switch got turned on in his little head because all of a sudden he's understanding more complex things and mimicking what you do, it's the weirdest thing. I'm loving it though, he's a real little person and so independent! Wants to do everything himself.


Now that he's technically a toddler, at what point are you supposed to stop using bottles? Do you just move from a bottle to a sippy cup for milk through the day? He has one of those straw cups full of water during his meals and it sits on the coffee table so he can help himself all day when he gets thirsty. He generally has a bottle of formula when he goes down for naps & at bedtime - so he'll have 3-4 bottles a day roughly. Should I be starting to cut the number of bottles down slightly?

flashy_mcflash
Feb 7, 2011

I just got a giddy feeling from calling a potential, city-run daycare that I applied to a looong time ago (before S was born - we don't need the spot until March) and the lady laughed and said we're at the literal top of the waiting list.

I mean, I'm at the top of a list to get into a daycare that's $94/day but it's good to know we have a spot that's walking distance from home regardless. We're looking at alternatives so this one is kind of a last resort.

In other news, what has two thumbs and hates broccoli? this chick:

Papercut
Aug 24, 2005
My little dude goes crazy for brocolli:



Just the flowers though, he throws the stems to the dog who has an equal love for broccoli but only cares for the stems.



It's a symbiotic relationship.

Hdip
Aug 21, 2002
I see your broccoli and raise you cauliflower.

http://youtu.be/SXHfzGynUGI

AlistairCookie
Apr 1, 2010

I am a Dinosaur

iwik posted:

Now that he's technically a toddler, at what point are you supposed to stop using bottles? Do you just move from a bottle to a sippy cup for milk through the day? He has one of those straw cups full of water during his meals and it sits on the coffee table so he can help himself all day when he gets thirsty. He generally has a bottle of formula when he goes down for naps & at bedtime - so he'll have 3-4 bottles a day roughly. Should I be starting to cut the number of bottles down slightly?

Cutie!

He doesn't *need* bottles anymore, but you can just ease him off gradually. IMHO, it isn't something that has to be a big critical deal. Some people seem to go nutty when their kid turns one--no more bottles, no more pacis, GROW UP KID! Bah! ;) Not necessary. Both my kids got their last bottle around 17-18 months. Tim was harder because he was very reluctant to drink milk unless it was in a bottle. Strawberry milk was how we got over that. Just dial it back to only sleepy times, then try dropping the nap bottles; bedtime bottle will be the last to go. The key will be to start getting him to accept milk in a sippy or straw cup. That's at least half the battle.

You can start giving him [whole] cow's milk now, if you want.

iwik
Oct 12, 2007
He has little sips of my milk if I have a glass, so I know he likes it. He's just started to 'tell' us he wants to have what we're eating/drinking by pointing and smacking his lips (I think if he's hungry/thirsty as well, he'll walk up to you making lip smacky kissy noises). I've been working on him saying "Ta" and it's just starting to kick in.

Should I be replacing his formula with a glass of regular milk? Or should he still be having that in the meantime? He won't sit still and drink a bottle normally, the only way to get him to finish one is to put him in his bed and he'll drain it then go to sleep when it's finished - that's why he only has bottles at naps & bedtime. Otherwise he will just take little sips of it and drag it round the house with him and take like an hour to drink half.

I might have to get a special milk sippy cup for him, his daycare warned me off using the straw cups for milk because they see so many parents use it for both and the cups (especially at the top where the straw meets cup) can get really gross.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

iwik posted:

I might have to get a special milk sippy cup for him, his daycare warned me off using the straw cups for milk because they see so many parents use it for both and the cups (especially at the top where the straw meets cup) can get really gross.

You can get little straw cleaners on Amazon that work great to keep things from getting gross. We don't have any sippy cups (just straw cups) and we've never had any issues. Supposedly, straws are better for oral development.

AlistairCookie
Apr 1, 2010

I am a Dinosaur
Iwik

He doesn't really need formula any more, but some people like the toddler formulas (like Enfagrow or whatever). Whatever you think best suits his needs. Tim got some Enfagrow for a bit after age one because we had just gotten a grip on his reflux and I felt he needed the extra bit of complete nutrition for a while. Liam, OTOH, was 28.5lbs at his one year checkup and The Fat One went straight to 2% milk.

If you think he likes milk well enough, try giving warm milk in a bottle instead of formula. Or mix it half and half. Or try it cold. Whatever! There's no "right way" or anything. ;)

We use tons of straw cups and sippys, and I've never had an issue getting them clean. All the straw parts and valves all come out of the lid and apart and they go straight into the basket in the dishwasher. Now, I could see if you forgot about a cup for a while and the milk curdled up in the straw, you'd have to get up in there with something to clean them.

I like straws in general a little bit more because they never have to stop using them. Adults use straws too after all!

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Any good website with tips on transitioning off formula? Jasper will be 11 months soon. I can't wait for him to get off formula. Its costing us an arm and a leg and I recently got laid off. He had his 9 month appointment when he was 10 months (couldn't get a good timed appointment with his ped before then) and his doctor gave us the go ahead to give him any food other than honey. He can drink 50 - 60oz of formula a day (His highest amount one day was 65oz) which is really expensive. He's tall and skinny (25th percentile for weight for his height) and his diapers are normal so the doctor doesn't think he has an absorption problem or anything like that and he just has a fast metabolism . I think the fact he spends all day running around the house doesn't help either.

He's going through a phase right now where he refuses to eat anything he can't stick in his mouth himself. Now that I'm home 100% of the time with him I can focus on getting him to eat more food I guess.

iwik
Oct 12, 2007
Soren has about 600-800ml/up to 28oz a day of formula (which is one that can go through to 24 months), once he started eating more through the day it was easier to drop formula feeds. I've just started dropping his first bottle of the morning, when he gets up now he gets a bowl of cereal and then a little while later a piece of toast. He'll have a nap in the morning with a bottle, then morning tea, then lunch, bottle & nap, then afternoon tea, dinner, bottle & bed. He goes to daycare 2 days a week so I just use something similar to their feed/nap routine when he's at home.

He always has his straw water cup available to help himself to, so will have nearly 16oz of water some days - especially now that it's coming into summer and the days are getting warmer.


How do you get kids to eat fruit? He will eat it if it's IN a thing (eg. fruit & custard) but give him pieces of fruit and he just throws it to the dogs. Won't even take a bite, but will happily feed it to me. I've tried all sorts and it's no go.

skipdogg
Nov 29, 2004
Resident SRT-4 Expert

PapFinn posted:

We made some calls this morning to visit 3 daycares around us. It looks like the average is around $200/wk so around $10000/yr.

I think maybe we will reach out to friends to see if there are any good recommendations for in-home care if that is more likely to be flexible as far as pay by day. I worked out a schedule for us and we would need 27 hours over 4 days one week and 24 hours over 4 days the next week on an alternating schedule.

I don't know how it is in your area, but here in Texas there are rules regarding the ratio of caregivers to infants. I think it's 1 caregiver to 4 infants, or 2 to 10. The daycare my kids go to only has 10 baby 'slots' and you pay for the slot since they have to pay for the staff. It doesn't matter if your child is there 60 hours a week or 20, it's the same price since they incur the same cost. I pay full price even when we're on vacation for the entire week because I'm using the slot. Once children are older you can look into part time care, but I would imagine most places will be the same while the child is an infant. 200/wk is about the standard for a for profit daycare facility in a normal cost of living area in my experience.

Alterian posted:

Any good website with tips on transitioning off formula? Jasper will be 11 months soon. I can't wait for him to get off formula. Its costing us an arm and a leg and I recently got laid off. He had his 9 month appointment when he was 10 months (couldn't get a good timed appointment with his ped before then) and his doctor gave us the go ahead to give him any food other than honey. He can drink 50 - 60oz of formula a day (His highest amount one day was 65oz) which is really expensive. He's tall and skinny (25th percentile for weight for his height) and his diapers are normal so the doctor doesn't think he has an absorption problem or anything like that and he just has a fast metabolism . I think the fact he spends all day running around the house doesn't help either.

He's going through a phase right now where he refuses to eat anything he can't stick in his mouth himself. Now that I'm home 100% of the time with him I can focus on getting him to eat more food I guess.

If you have a warehouse club near you (Costco, Sam's Club, etc) check out their formula, you can save quite a bit of money and it's the same stuff as the name brand formula. Increased food intake will also help with the formula usage. 65 oz seems like a ton of formula. My kids didn't take to milk right away, it took quite a while to be honest.

Ariza
Feb 8, 2006
Can anyone recommend a flat table/desk that is a good size for a toddler? There's an Ikea about 2 hours away, but it's in Canada so it's kind of a pain to get furniture. Looking around on the internet, and they all seem to be $150-300, which is way too much for something that will only be used for a few years and probably ruined in the process. She's got an angled desk for drawing already, but I'd like something that can support a small computer monitor, keyboard, and mouse in the years to come.

Fionnoula
May 27, 2010

Ow, quit.

Ariza posted:

Can anyone recommend a flat table/desk that is a good size for a toddler? There's an Ikea about 2 hours away, but it's in Canada so it's kind of a pain to get furniture. Looking around on the internet, and they all seem to be $150-300, which is way too much for something that will only be used for a few years and probably ruined in the process. She's got an angled desk for drawing already, but I'd like something that can support a small computer monitor, keyboard, and mouse in the years to come.

I'd probably just order the LÄTT set from Ikea online and have it shipped to me. It's $20 for a table and two chairs, even with shipping it's going to come out to maybe $35 total, right?

Fionnoula fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Oct 15, 2013

Ariza
Feb 8, 2006

Fionnoula posted:

I'd probably just order the LÄTT set from Ikea online and have it shipped to me. It's $20 for a table and two chairs, even with shipping it's going to come out to maybe $35 total, right?

That is the one I was looking at but I wasn't sure if it was big enough for a monitor and keyboard. They have it on Amazon for about $40 with free shipping. Has anyone used one?

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
3,5 months old baby refuses any and all pacifiers and bottles, and pretty much always has. Any advice other than "keep shoving different kinds in her face until she cottons on"? I'm getting kind of tired of being babys only source of food and naptime comfort.

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful

Sockmuppet posted:

3,5 months old baby refuses any and all pacifiers and bottles, and pretty much always has. Any advice other than "keep shoving different kinds in her face until she cottons on"? I'm getting kind of tired of being babys only source of food and naptime comfort.

How about one of the Playtex straw cups, or drinking out of a regular cup?

Hdip
Aug 21, 2002
Lactation consultant told my friend. Dad can wear one of moms shirts. Mom can wear the bottle around in her bra/rub the bottle on her breasts, under arms. In an attempt to make the bottle smell more like mom and be more comforting.

As far as pacifiers go. E didn't like them til he was about 4 months and now he still likes them at 11.5 months. It wasn't really anything we did different. He just started liking them.

lady flash
Dec 26, 2007
keeper of the speed force
You might already be doing this but make sure you are out of the room or even house when someone tries to give a bottle.

Fionnoula
May 27, 2010

Ow, quit.

Ariza posted:

That is the one I was looking at but I wasn't sure if it was big enough for a monitor and keyboard. They have it on Amazon for about $40 with free shipping. Has anyone used one?

I don't have one myself, but I do have a 6 year old and an Ikea within 2 miles of my house. Are you just interested in size/dimensions? I can head over and pose him at it so you can see scale. (Also, if you DO decide to buy one, I'd buy directly from the Ikea website and save yourself $13 - Amazon's charging $43, but I checked Ikea.com and it looks like with shipping it would be about $30 to my zipcode).

Oxford Comma
Jun 26, 2011
Oxford Comma: Hey guys I want a cool big dog to show off! I want it to be ~special~ like Thor but more couch potato-like because I got babbies in the house!
Everybody: GET A LAB.
Oxford Comma: OK! (gets a a pit/catahoula mix)
How do you guys explain death to your kids?

My son is five years old, and aware that our elderly dog is probably going to have to be put down soon. He is saddened by this, and gets teary when the subject comes up. He asked me what happens after we die, and wondered if he would see the dog when he dies.

I had no idea what to tell him, and just kinda punted by saying that I didn't know because I'd never died. I'm very much atheist but I don't think that telling my son that when you die, that's that is the best way to go. I really have no idea how to handle this? Thoughts?

TacoNight
Feb 18, 2011

Stop, hey, what's that sound?

Oxford Comma posted:

How do you guys explain death to your kids?

I'm not there yet, but so far what I've come up with is that you'll live on in the memories of those that love you.

When I was a kid and believed in heaven, I remember crying over the concept of living eternally (around age 10 or 11). Infinity is scary. My mom said that she cried about it when she was a kid, but all you can do is not think about it. It's not bad advice (if hard to follow).



A different question: my 20 month-old seems much less outgoing and social than most of the other kids in her various play groups. Of course, sharing is hard, but she doesn't like other kids to be nearby. While on the playground equipment, she was standing on one platform connected to another by a tunnel. As another kid she knows got on the platform, it was "Away Ella!" and she melted down crying when Ella had the audacity to crawl through the tunnel to the same platform.

She likes going to the outings. When at home, she'll often say that she wants to see the others or she will talk about them happily. But in person, she just clams up and gives people the stink eye if they come near. Is this normal behavior? Will she grow out of it and is there anything we should be doing to help?

Oxford Comma
Jun 26, 2011
Oxford Comma: Hey guys I want a cool big dog to show off! I want it to be ~special~ like Thor but more couch potato-like because I got babbies in the house!
Everybody: GET A LAB.
Oxford Comma: OK! (gets a a pit/catahoula mix)

TacoNight posted:

I'm not there yet, but so far what I've come up with is that you'll live on in the memories of those that love you.

When I was a kid and believed in heaven, I remember crying over the concept of living eternally (around age 10 or 11). Infinity is scary. My mom said that she cried about it when she was a kid, but all you can do is not think about it. It's not bad advice (if hard to follow).

The first sentence is kinda helpful. I'll probably wind up blurting out some made-up poo poo on the spot, involving reincarnation or whatever.

Axiem
Oct 19, 2005

I want to leave my mind blank, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I do

Oxford Comma posted:

I'll probably wind up blurting out some made-up poo poo on the spot, involving reincarnation or whatever.

I asked a friend of mine recently what he believed in from an afterlife perspective, and he said something like this:

quote:

Reincarnation is a fact. When I die, the things that make up my body turn into dirt. They then become part of the trees, then part of the acorns, and when the squirrel eats the acorn, part of me becomes part of the squirrel. And when the squirrel dies, the things that make it up become dirt, and so on. We are all made up of that which came before, and that which comes after will be made up of us.

He said it a lot more poetically, mind. I dunno if it will help you any, but :shrug: I thought it was kind of thought-provoking.

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength

Oxford Comma posted:

How do you guys explain death to your kids?

This is relevant to us because one of our two cats died last month and an elderly relative passed away just now (funeral next week; it wasn't someone we've seen very often, but at age five, #1 son has an excellent memory and will often talk about people he's only met once or twice, or singular incidents as far back as 2010). It's been complicated a little by the fact that the kids at daycare seem to have developed a culture where they throw around "dead" as a general-purpose insult with no real understanding of what it means.

With the cat, we made sure to present what had happened as matter-of-fact as possible -- he got to spend some time looking at her, touching her fur and so on (it was a pretty clean death, nothing more than old age). He did not seem in any way disturbed by the situation; the very first observation he made, all on his own, was "Now she can't say meow anymore" and this was later followed by a long list of other things she could no longer do, but that the other cat could. Afterwards there's been some playacting where he pretends to be dead or wants us to pretend to be dead, and so on.

We've had a few rounds of questions along the lines of whether the cat will be alive again later (but he seems to have been satisfied, for now, that this is not the case) and about who else is going to die at some point (everyone, of course, but a long way off for most). The theoretical concept of an afterlife hasn't showed up yet and we're in no particular hurry to tackle that. Planning to take the kid to that funeral next week as it's a fairly important social function; open casket funerals are not a thing here in Norway, so there won't be a visible dead person and therefore the whole situation will be a bit more abstract than with the cat. It's a church service and I'm a little bit curious to see if all the religious talk will still go completely over his head or if there will be more advanced questions to handle in the aftermath (we're raising our kids without religion but still taking them to important family things that happen in a church setting -- it's been over a year since the last time, though).

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

Ben Davis posted:

How about one of the Playtex straw cups, or drinking out of a regular cup?

Ooo, can tiny babies do that? I've contemplated trying to feed her milk with a spoon at some point if she still refuses bottles.

And I'm out of the room, but I've yet to try leaving the house, I suppose that's next.
The one time she took a bottle was when she woke up unexpectedly after I'd had a glass of wine. Husband went to the corner shop and bought premixed formula, and I gave her the bottle, and she sucked the whole thing down happily and went right back to sleep. We've got tickets to a stand up show two weeks from now (first baby-free outing!), so if she still refuses milk from bottles by then, we'll try formula again, hopefully she'll feel better about drinking from a not-boob when it contains not-milk. I just wish she'd take milk, I've got plenty.

Also the "what happens when we die?"-discussion will be interesting when it comes up, I'm agnostic and my husband is Catholic.

Bollock Monkey
Jan 21, 2007

The Almighty

Oxford Comma posted:

How do you guys explain death to your kids?

My son is five years old, and aware that our elderly dog is probably going to have to be put down soon. He is saddened by this, and gets teary when the subject comes up. He asked me what happens after we die, and wondered if he would see the dog when he dies.

I had no idea what to tell him, and just kinda punted by saying that I didn't know because I'd never died. I'm very much atheist but I don't think that telling my son that when you die, that's that is the best way to go. I really have no idea how to handle this? Thoughts?

I'm not a parent, but I work around death a lot (at a funeral director's and suchlike) and see a lot of kids struggle with it.

Would it be entirely unreasonable to you to take your son with you if and when you have to have the dog put down? Because death is so abstract, I see a lot of value in being upfront about it. I was with one of my dogs when he was put down (though I was a bit older than your son), and seeing the process wasn't traumatic - I think if anything it helped me to understand what was going on, and the chance to say goodbye to a family member is really important, in my opinion.

I think that what Groke has said has a lot of value. I would spend time discussing what it means to be dead rather than necessarily what happens afterwards, especially if you are not religious, and talk about how when someone we love dies we can feel really sad for a while and that's okay - the important thing is to remember the [insert silly/cute things] that Doggy did. It's a cliché to say the whole 'think of the good times' spiel, but I think that it is a valuable point of discussion.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Chicken McNobody
Aug 7, 2009

Oxford Comma posted:

How do you guys explain death to your kids?

My son is five years old, and aware that our elderly dog is probably going to have to be put down soon. He is saddened by this, and gets teary when the subject comes up. He asked me what happens after we die, and wondered if he would see the dog when he dies.

I had no idea what to tell him, and just kinda punted by saying that I didn't know because I'd never died. I'm very much atheist but I don't think that telling my son that when you die, that's that is the best way to go. I really have no idea how to handle this? Thoughts?

You could go with the popular Sagan quote, the idea that we are made of starstuff and are thus connected to everything else that is made of starstuff. I think it's a beautiful concept. My boy's not 2 yet but I bought this book because I liked the illustrations and the message; it might help you help your son by explaining that the dog will go back to the "stardust" from which he is made and become part of everything.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply